How do you handle your child's' aggressive behavior?
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I have a six year old boy that is exhausting strong willed and stubborn. When he was just a toddler he would choose to stay in the corner for more than half an hour, rather than say sorry. HE CHOSE TO STAY IN THE CORNER!!! there was no way he was gonna give in! that much stubborness from just a toddler!! I fear his teenage years lol!
My best advise is to stick to your guns, and stand your ground. If you say he/she can't do "whatever" today, don't let the aggresive behavior win. I think the best strategy is to not give in. I know how not just physically but emotionally draining it is to try and out last an argument. nobody likes to argue. it's awful and causes so much stress. Still The kids need to know who makes the desicions in the house.
My biological mother didn't raise me. But she has another daughter, just 14. She never disciplined her, never taught her a tantrum isn't the answer. All she had to do was start throwin a fit, or yelling or whining and she got away with it. Now she's a teenager and she's more immature than my six year old!!
Whatever the negative behavior is, it's wrong, and not how you get what you want.
I had a friend who sent her children to pick up big rocks out of the yard so she could mow. you have to find things for them to do. they need to spend working hard at something. change the direction they are going in, than let them see what they can do constructive. when snow comes shovel the snow, when they are done feed them hot coco and cookies. there is not enough for kids to do
Read the book 123 Magic Book. Very good information.
good question its hard to answer every child is different every child will reacted different to what u do. With my middle son i tried everything and i still don't know what the answer is............its rough but i just try and hang in there.
Read "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. Far more helpful in understanding child behaviour and what to do about it than 123 Magic, a book I've read and really didn't find all that helpful when faced with a child who would go psychotic at the mere thought of a 'time out'.
I have two Foster Children who are both very willful and stubborn. They are both have 'Reactive Attachment Disorder' and have very violent outbursts at times. We call them 'meltdowns'. I have been reading up on Rad and the advise I received was to use a backward parenting tool. It was also backed up by the childrens psycologist. It entails not getting into a tug of war with the child. Thats what they want. They want you to give them attention no matter if its 'bad attention' or not. I choose to give them no attention. Dropping the rope in the tug of war so to speak. I make sure they are not going to hurt themselves, tell them firmly there behaviour (what ever it is) is not acceptable and they will not get what they want carrying on and then walk away. If they have no-one to engage with there is no point in the carry on and you'll find they will settle down and start to think about their behaviour. I go back to them once settled and you'll find they are more willing to talk and negotiate with you. Most importantly once is all said and done make sure you tell them you love them. I tell my kids all the time. I love them no matter what! I do not however like their behaviour. It works for me. Good luck I hope this is helpful.
I find fish oil tablets help . . . if my son is getting feral I ask him if he's been taking them, and he usually replies "not lately".
When my son starts too get crazy, I send him to his room and don't let him out until he calms down. There are only a few toys in his room and no TV or video games. He hates being confined to his room.
HELP!!! I have a son who is almost 10. His behavior started when he was in diapers, and has not gotton better over the years, its only gotton worse. Way worse.. Were at our wits end with him, He has seen many different specialists, and behavior teams through out his whole life, He is on 2 different meds at this time after basically being a ginny pig with any meds possible.. he is at the strongest dose for his age and size, on the one med which has helped a little. It only seams to help when he is in a good mood, if not. he turns into a monster. so to speak...
He has done so many things, that has taken a gigantic toll on me and my family.
Through out his life he has done the following ( on a daily basis ):
sneaking out of the house all hrs of the night or day, throws everything that is not nailed down, tables, dressers, matresses , toys, shoes, eggs around the house through the night, he has even threw scissors at his brother, and even a knife at me ( missed me though ) we had to throw all our kitchen knives in the garbage, cause we kept finding his mattress cut up and knives stashed in his room, he breaks everything, puts holes in the walls, rips screens in windows,
when he got out of the house he got into trouble, lots of trouble. and now when he goes out to play, he goes out the door and runs right out the boundaries, when he comes back, he has been kicked out of some local stores for stealing, kids are after him, we found pocket knives on him that we have never seen before, and he goes to call on friends, if they arent there he has actually gone into their house to put back a game he had aparently borrowed. its to the point that aside from school he hasnt been ablew to go outside at all, i know thats not good either, but even if i were to go with him he wouldnt stay with my, and going to the park, he throws rocks and runs all over hitting people.
We have done everything from reward systems, to trying to spend more time with him, doctors, ect.. we havent had any luck, he is getting harder to manage, i dont want to give up, it just feels like we are sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop.. almost 9 years of this, and no one has been able to do anything to stop it, we've tried everything, it feels like were out of options. hes heading down the wrong path and we cant stop it...thought maybe someone out there might have some new ideas or something...
I have a 9mos old son, He is such a happy child but lately specially when he is annoyed or mad he hits or grabs peoples faces. He does is alot when kids are in his space but he is in Daycare and I need to come up with a way to stop this and teach him Different any suggestions???
Finding an activity that channels the behavior is helpful. My daughter is a VERY strong willed girl...she is also physically strong. These traits can be quite beneficial, especially in todays society but having both of these elements in a pre-teen girl on the verge of puperty can cause a firestorm of the utmost proportions...LOL!!! My husband and I knew early on that she was going to be a handfull and yes, we've made some mistakes alsong the way, but for the most part I think we've done pretty good with her and one of the best decisions we made was to enroll her in Tae Kwon Do. She has been studying for almost 2 years now and is about to promote to her high red belt. For Christmas we bought her a heavy bag to practice on and let me tell you, if you want something to let some aggression out on this is IT! TKD has given her self confidence as well a self-control, which sadly is lacking in many of today's kids. She still has her moments, heck every kids does, but if you have some type of outlet for it (any physical activity will do) then things can go much smoother. Good luck to you & God bless :)
I have a three year old daughter who is much like what most of you are discussing. She is very willful and stubborn. We jokingly refer to her as our little adult because she soesn't understand that she isn't the boss of everyone. But, all joking aside it is very trying and exhausting sometimesdealing with someone so small will so much will and strength. I have a mild birth defect called Cerebral Palsy wich inhibits my equilibrium sometimes. She's already learning how to use my off balance to her advantage. Her dad and I keep working on new ways to work with her and somedays are better than others. She is very much a mirror child, if i tell her something, the next time she wants me to do something she will use the same words and tone back at me. I am slowly learning that paitience is my going to be my biggest weapon.
We spent 15 minutes in the groecery store chasing her because I let her out of the cart and she ran circles around the store before we could catch her. By the time we did my husband and I wre so exhausted we didn't really want to shop. She was laughing because she thought it was a game. We've tried explaining the dangers of doing things like this but she doesn't fully understand. It is definetally an uphill battle. I just keep reminding myself that she's still God's gift and I have to do my best. We have found that ging her positive reinforcement by telling her bad choices has concequences and good choices have rewards seems to be making some headway.
My son had emotional disorders that would cause him to be aggressive. Each situation is different however what worked for us was "safety holds" (taught by a professional), physical activity... he and I would swim laps until he could calm down enough to discuss the situation. He was allowed to be angry but not to hurt someone else if he needed time to calm down he had a safe area in his bedroom, he could sit quietly listen to music, read, draw whatever it took. I also am a firm believer in aromatherapy in conjunction with coping skills. Lavender, vanilla and chamomile work in my opinion.
Using a plug in warmer in his room helped to keep that a sanctuary for him.
He is now 21... and still uses the warmers and other coping skills he has learned.
An aggressive child is reacting to some kind of stimulus. Maybe even a positive stimulus (like positive attention for a good project at school or something). If they're acting out, they need help, simple as that. That's not to say you should just put up with the behavior. But, reacting by yelling or using physical punishment probably won't get you anywhere. If it's possible, let them get it out of their system (safely) and when they calm down is when you can try to talk to them about what's going on. Young kids get angry or overwhelmed and they go to a place in their brain where you really can't get through to them. Once they come back is when you can communicate and get to the root of the issue.
I read through all these comments. I have to say, it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I am a single mother, my daughter is 9. Her father passed away when she was a baby, so its always been just her and I. As of right now, she is diagnosed ADHD, with a mood disorder NOS (not otherwise specified). I am a Parent Educator (certified through age 5), and have a Masters Degree in mental health counseling. My background makes it even harder for me to deal. I know what I have to do, which should theoretically be effective parenting. I have been a affectionate parent. When she was little, we had a routine, I read to her every night. My weekends have always been set aside for quality time with her. While I was in school, my parents watched her. It has been the 3 of us consistently for her whole life. However, I do believe that her not having a father plays a big part in our problems. I can say that I do NOT give in to tantrums, but as she gets older (and bigger- she ways over 100 lbs already), it gets harder and harder to follow through. She is getting braver and more physical when she has her fits. When I give her time outs or set limits I can almost guarantee that something in the house is going to get broken. Last night, we spent sometime at the Crisis Center. I had to tackle her to the ground twice in order to restrain her from hitting, kicking, and throwing things at me. The counselors there confirmed what I already knew- she doesn't know why she gets so angry. She really just looses control of her actions when she is mad. See does see a counselor and is on Medication (against my better judgement. Meds were my last resort, but after 5+ years of dealing with these behaviors, I decided to give them a shot). I am going to continue to look for ways to help my daughter become a successful adult. Until then, I am thankful for sites like this for moral support to help me along the way.
hi there my name is kerry i am mum to a 9yr old boy who is verbally,physically and emotionally abusive he did have a tough start in life but this past yr he has been acting out both at home and school he has a b.s.t and being refered to a clinical pshycologist.Has anyone else been refered to one of these of so could u please tell me what they do please as dreading getting the appointment for assessment.Many thanks
I find that my child has a difficult time with controlling her anger. Fish oil is something I was recommended to do by a naturopathic that I took her too. She also recommended no red dye in foods.
Love and Logic. Ebay it or ipod the book. Helps give you REAL solutions.
My son is ADHD,but i never heard of ODD,he is sometimes full on, be good 2 know more of it just 2 be on the safe side.
How do you stop a toddler from throwing temper tantrums ONLY when his father is present. My son turns into a demon when his father is around. Now not only when his dad is around does he occasionally BUT it is more so when he is around. I don't know why either. Any suggestions??????
I suggest that anyone with an overtly aggresive child have them evaluated. My son is both ADHD and ODD. If you have never heard of ODD it is Oppisitional Defiant Disorder. This is serious. If not diagnosed and worked on early enough the individual can become sociopathic. My son is not the most empathetic individual but with counselling and a lot of hard work on mine and his schools parts, he has become a decent young man.
I urge anyone with a child that is overly aggressive to PLEASE have them evaluated. It is also a help to you to know that you are not the one causing this and to have some guidance on how to raise a child of this kind.
this is actually something i'm having dificulty with at the moment my son is 3 1/2 and he's started hiting me alot more when he can't get what he wants, i'm also 6mths pregnate so quite often i have to leave the room when he has a melt down to protect both my self and the baby from the violence, i actually really need some advice as to what i could do when this happens and i'm on my own with him. it's gotten to the point where his father n nani(my mum) need to always be near in case it happens. Can anyone help me with this issue
struggling rigth now with my 6 year old..very aggresive, I would love some feed back!!...today he has been prescribed focalin for the ADD...
I am raising a granddaughter who is the light of my life. The problem is my daughter, her mother, who is anything but. I love her dearly but when she chooses to make an appearance and then leave again, usually for days...we pay hell. I know the six year old is angry, hurt and feels abandoned. She lashes out at me and is stubborn as a mule. It's been my thought to tell my daughter to stop coming around until she is ready to be mom. I feel it is unfair to both of us that she behaves in such a way. It is important to me that they have a relationship but this is not good for the little one. Any help?
Hmmm, this very much depends on a number of factors:
Age of the child...is it developmental and just needs guidance and patience (and self restraint as well as consistency)
The gender...if it is a boy, then they are naturally more aggressive, especially when they get theor regular testosterone boosts
Your definition of aggressive - this could be willful stubborness with the odd hurled toy or slap when really frustrated of hurt or out and out physical fisticuffs or manic behavioural episodes.
The latter more likely needs intervention, but all can be helped using your own self confidence and knowledge of your child, as well as referring to friends, peers or books.
I personally have gotten stricter with each boy, but in fewer circumstances so I pick my battles. I have also resigned myself to a career as a shouting fishwife, and a serial user of time out, confiscation and occasioally a hot bottom. I am lucky the aggressive behaviour I deal with is all absolutely normal, if not completely infuriating.
Children should not be punished for being aggressive. If they are being aggressive then something is causing it. You should first correct the root of the problem and once that is fixed then sit down and have a short conversation so that a toddler can understand what is not okay and why. My children are not aggressive regularly. When they are it is just playing rough and never hitting or biting because I taught them empathy. My youngest is 3 and my oldest will be 5 in a week. Occasionally they test boundaries and I have to put them in their place whether it is a short time out (no more than 5 minutes, long ones teach them NOTHING), just a stern lecture, or just a calm and mature verbal correction. Most of the time with mine they just got a little too excited from something going on and needed to be reminded that normal rules apply (this happens with out of state visitors), or they are tired because we are making a late night visit to Walmart. I which case we get in and get out so the kids can get to bed because it is not their fault they are tired and cranky and not thinking straight because we have them up past bedtime. lol, my children are ALWAYS complimented on their outgoing personalities, intelligence, and behavior.
i let my 2 year old boy go to time out... he stays there untill he calms down and apologizes... there is NO leniency. maybe i should clarify.. by no leniency i mean he is not allowed out untill time is up.. he gets told before he gets a time out. and depending on the severity of the behavior he may be told more then once.
It took months to establish what was causing my toddlers aggression. First, I had to find out if she was in pain. Giving her pre bed tylenol showed that she was much less aggressive towards sleep. Then I had to figure out what made her so furiously angry that she would hold her sister and I hostage to her moods. At the same time as testing different toys for a few days to see her interaction, I had a special needs worker help show me how to physically restrain my child during her fits. That was an eye opener! After about two months, I was able to see that her aggression spiked when she believed she was not wanted because of her moods. This was dealt with using doll therapy. She would huck her doll to the floor and I would then treat the doll as if it was a baby and asked her to help me comfort the baby. She told me the reason why she threw the baby in anger and it helped me deal with how she was dealing with her own moods. Now, she can walk away some of the time, yells some of the time and only hits out about once a month. It has been a very long haul of 2 1/2 years for her to understand how to interact with people instead of against them.