How do you maintain your cool when a child whines all day?
How do you stay calm on a day when your child continually whines? What are some tips you would share with other moms?
My oldest will throw a fit and say shes going to her room. My youngest however all she does is whine. Even when she talks it comes out like a whine. I realized that just ignoring it helps. I tell her that mommy doesnt understand her and when she is done whining i will listen to her. That normally does it. Sometimes however...she will get throw herself on the floor and scream louder and i will get up, step over her (without a word about how shes acting) and walking out of the room i will tell her "Mommy will b in the other room whenever ur ready to act like a good girl" That always does the trick :)
I make fun of my kids until we all get a good laugh! I start by being thier cheerleader. "Is that the best you can do? Come on! Your my kid, I know you can do better than that!" Then I prove how good we are at whining by one-upping them. I yell and theatrically throw my body around "Aww Mom! But, I cant! I dont! I wont!" All the while cracking up myself. I show them how ridiculous they look and eventually they get the idea! With my older one I ask in a mock horrified voice: "Are you complaining!? About all how horrible your life is, with all your cool toys and super nicest mommy in the whole world! I wouldnt believe it if I didnt see it myself!" I clutch my heart like I am going to have a heart attack and ask for sympathy. Sometimes giving them a sense of power helps them to snap out of it. I use humor to combat all sorts of bad attitudes in my house!
I tell them (5 under 9) I don't listen to whine I drink it!!
I say "Use your words, Not your whine".
That's my son's cue to take a minute, collect his thoughts, and express his needs in a way that I can respond to. He knows if it's to difficult to talk about we can just hug it out. Sometimes he just needs to be held.
my child will do this. it is _SO_ aggravating! i swear it makes my blood pressure sky rocket. if telling her to use her normal voice & ignoring the whine doesn't work, if hugging doesn't work, if changing the situation/environment (like taking her outside) doesn't work, if she's just "in a mood" i will just pick her up, take her to her bed, give her a hug & kiss and go take a time out myself to relax. the whining stresses me out so bad, it's hard to stay calm if i don't take a break.
I tell my son that I am done talking to him until he can use his big boy voice, and I walk away from him and ignore him. I also tell him he needs to use his words to tell me what is wrong and talk to me - even if it is just to say "I am tired" "I don't feel good" or something else.
and to be honest, I find it humorous when my son cannot get ahold of himself - he is 5, I have explained calmly what I need and it just escalates...and i many times just laugh. not good, I know, but I can't help it at times...
In the end:
Take a deep breath.
tell your child you need a time out.
My son is 3 and has delays across the board so he isn't always able to communicate to me what he is feeling and like everyone else we have those whiny days. It usually ends up being that he just needs some down time and still feels like I need to structure that for him or isn't feeling well and needs some extra attention. I usually tell him that I know he needs something from me, but talking to Mom that way isn't going to get you anywhere-I tell him he needs to use nice words to ask for what he needs- if it escalates, I sit him down somewhere near me with a drink of water (which he will inevitably need from the crying that will ensue) and go about my business (doing the dishes, laundry, etc.) and wait for him to settle down and listen (this is when I take a minute to remember that this isn't "the norm" and give thanks for it.) I ask him to say sorry and then give him my undivided attention and ask again suggesting quiet time with a book or maybe a little rest to help him recognize what helps him get over those yucky feelings that are making him whine in the first place. Sometimes I recognize that it is tension or something else in ME that is creating an atmosphere that triggers that behavior- so I say sorry and tell him that is a great time for both of us to take some quiet snuggly time so we can feel better.
i tell my daughter that i can't understand her when she whines and to match her voice to mine.
I give myself a time out!
With my daughter (8), we tell her "say it again" which is her cue to say what she wants in an appropriate way. we started this when she was little, but then we also gave her examples of what/how to say what she wanted in the right way. If your child is still young, they may need to be taught "how" to talk appropriately. We use this now not only when she whines, but when she uses a tone we don't like. I agree with the comments on ignoring also. Sometimes if it doesn't stop after a couple reminders, I simple tell her I won't talk to her until she talks appropriately. This works most of the time (but might not for really young kids). I think the biggest thing is to stay calm yourself. Your child is looking for a reaction, and if they don't get one, whining isn't much fun anymore!
I am a mother of 3 and a daycare provider for 2. My oldest is now 14 and boy was he a whiner and fit thrower!!! I found, with my son(who was around 4 at the time), that ignoring him during these fits and whines did nothing but make it worse. By getting down to his level, eye to eye, and asking him to stop whining and tell me what the problem was, worked well. I would talk it through with him. Now.....if it was a down on the floor, screaming and kicking fit, i would take a long breath, let it out slowly and go to him, pick him up and tell him what he was doing was going to get him a spanking because it is rude and uncalled for. I would tell him he was acting like a baby. His reply was " i am NOT a baby"!! Me; "then stop acting like one and use your words to tell me what is wrong".
I never really had any issues like this with my daughters, thankfully:)
One of the boys i watch, who is almost 7, has a hard time controlling his temper. I have a very hard time tolerating kids who are VERY rude and demanding to there parents. This little boy TELLS his parents what he wants in a very demanding voice. I noticed how she just ignores him and doesn't reprimand him, so he thinks it's alright to act like that. When he is at my house and he starts to do that to me, all i say is "I am your daycare provider and you WILL NOT treat me that way. If there is something you want, ask me nicely.....you get more with honey then you do with vinegar, and you get nothing with hot sauce but a LONG time in time out with only your thoughts of how you got there". His mother has come to me asking me how i get him to listen w/o him being rude or yelling, and i tell her what i have told you. I know this is long, but i wanted to thorough:) Hope this helps! Self control, breathing, talking...not yelling and consistency.
I usually ask my son if he would like some cheese with his whine. It stops him in his tracks and he realizes he is getting on Moma's nerves and that he needs to use his words. I am however, waiting for the day he says "Yes, Please." when I ask.
I'm spoiled. My four year old is sweet, polite and all sorts of qualities that make me proud...75% of the time. We don't have the yucky behavior mixed in with the good, it all comes at once. This is exhausting! Sometimes I wonder if my sweet boy will be back after a nasty phase. We're just coming out of one now and after 4 days of whining, fits, complete disregard for rules and complete rudeness (thank goodness this wasn't one of his violent stages), I lost it yesterday. I broke down crying. He forgot the behaviors and wanted to make me feel better. That lasted 15 minutes and all the yuck came back. I was done after that. Everytime he was whiny or rude, I sent him to his room and told him to close his door because I refuse to listen or see that behavior. It is amazing how short his fits were after that. While he was having fits in his room. I took some breaths, read a magazine, crocheted. As hands on as I am with my son, sometimes I forget that the solution might be quiet time apart. I don't always have to actively fix the problem. "You can't be nice and treat Mommy with respect, you don't get time with Mommy." Thank you for this post! I'm going to try some of these techniques out to see if we can't come out of this rough patch a little faster!
I use many of the techniques here: 1.) Ignore her - this seems to work the best. It makes her so angry and she gets even more mad, but the more I ignore her and tell her that I can't hear her, the quicker she is to apologize and talk to me without whining. 2.) telling her I can't understand her - this also gets her mad, but again, the more I tell her I can't understand her, the more she whines, but just like that, she's back to apologizing and talking right. 3.) laughing - not necessarily at her, but I tend to laugh for just about anything. If she gets a boo-boo, I laugh. If she hits her head on the doorknob, I laugh. It's more of a reverse psychology thing. If I laugh, it's funny. It lightens the mood. She knows that laughing is happy. The more I laugh, the sooner she realizes that she's being a baby.
If all else fails, walk away. Take a moment. Breathe in and out. Let them cry it out and eventually, you're back in control. Easier said than done, but teaching them how you work early on, they'll be much easier to handle as they get older.
LOL! If I could describe my day, it would be with one word: whining! I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and some days I feel like they wake up whining and go to bed whining. Most of the time I try and ignore it, but some times I just get so frustrated and start whining too. I would say that the best thing to cool whining is to change the atmosphere. If we are in the playroom, then I suggest going outside or sitting down to have a snack. That usually seems to help (at least for a little while). I have found that my kids usually whine the most, when they are bored or hungry or tired, or just in a bad mood...
A spanking never hurt anyone.
If your child is very young (mine was around 2), and the whining is just starting, next time it happens, take note of whether they did actually try speak to you first, only to be ignored, because you were in the middle of something. (I read this advise in a toddler book, and I was shocked to discover I was actually doing this without realising!) After that I made an effort to respond to my daughter sooner if she was trying to ask me something while I was busy, and there was a lot less whining!.
When she is upset and whining, I try stop what I'm doing, go down to her level, face to face, so she knows she has my full attention, and listen to what they have to say - in their proper voice. If she starts talking in the whiney voice, I just say "Uh, uh, in your proper voice" and she tries again. Sometimes a hug is needed too.
Oh my the whine time. Well I have to admit I do get frustrated when she whines. But I also have to remember, her age, what is frustrating her, and how i can resolve the issue. I'm sure we all have heard to give a treat, but I don't want to overdo sweets. So depending on the time of day, I try to offer to hold her which usually does not work but I feel it instills the fact that I am always there if she needs. If no success there I try to offer to read a book, preferably one she enjoys. She loves the leap frog books, thanks to her uncle. Always try to distract your child by offering to draw or color. Those are just a few ideas I have to offer. Good luck and please refrain from yelling as much as possible because they want to know what to do.
I have my kids count to ten with me, and in between each number, they have to take a deep breath (which often ends up being a bit of hyperventilation. Then I ask them to choose a new emotion at the end, and we go through playacting a few of them (happy, silly, excited). If that doesn't work, we will take them to their room and let them fuss for as long as they need, and then we go back up and try it again.
I know one thing for SURE: CALGON is DEFINATELY not going to come to your aid. :)
I know another thing for SURE: DON'T EVER GIVE UP. :)
That incessant crying and whining.....it's almost worse than fingernails on a chalkboard, huh? Yeah I hear ya. I have to try alot of things....It's never just ONE thing that works. I use distraction. I use discipline. I look to the ceiling and count to 5 real quick, and I mean quickly...because while you are counting.....the whining gets louder. Ever noticed that.....they know..... (laughing)
When my daughter whines, I usually get down on her level, so she can see me (and that I mean business)-and I offer an alternative to her whining. I have her choose. At 4 years of age, they love to make decisions. I say, "Hey look, it's me and you time right now. Let's do something FUN together. " I get my daughter talking...and that's what you want right? RIGHT. Because guess what....if she's talking.....then she isn't whining.......!!! HOWEVER. I also let her know that there are limitations to our playtime. Meaning, that if she starts whining or crying, then the FUN STOPS. oh no, let me tell ya, they don't want it to stop. I explain what will happen if she continues that kind of behaviour. Then I DO WHAT I SAY. :)
I also FIRMLY believe that a child should be SPOKEN to first. I mean, your child is whining for a reason, right? RIGHT. If you ignore your child's whining and crying FIRST, then you are WRONG. Your child may be hurting somewhere, and for whatever reason, can't tell you, so your child resorts to whining and crying as communication. Kind of a far-out example....but you never know, if you don't ask. And isn't that what we teach them? Ok well right back atcha (at us). How are we to know WHY they are crying and whining if we don't ask them? GIVE THEM A VOICE. A chance to EXPLAIN. don't shut them up first. Please. Not EVER a good lesson.
I tell my 3 year old twin boys, "I don't speak whinese (like Chinese). Ask me what you want nicely or go play."
Hi, this is a great question. Yesterday, my 3 year old was full of cold and full of "no" to everything I said. Then it was on the floor for a good old fashioned "paddy" as we call them here in the UK. He woke up in that mood, even some paracetamol would not sweeten his mood, mind you, poor soul had a nasty cough and dripping nose, sounded a bit hoarse too. Still, from 11.30am, he whined and tantrum-ed intermittently until 5.30pm, where he finally fell asleep. I talked to him, asked him what was wrong, he just kept saying "I not happy" or "I hurt" (which I took to be aches and pains due to his cold).
The tantrum really got to me so, (don't laugh) I put myself in time out. Yes, I got into the conservatory with my cuppa, shut the door, flipped the latch and watched him to make sure he didn't hurt himself, whilst I took deep calming breaths. When I'd finished, I said "let's read this book about the dragon" and finally, when I'd finished, he fell asleep.
Sometimes, we mums need time out more than them!
We make a "W" with the thumbs and forefingers of 2 hands together, and we now don't even need to say "Whinger" at the same time, my son knows what we mean just from the sign, and he immediately changes his tone of voice to communicate his needs in a more positive way.
thanks for all the great suggestions! i raised 3 boys, and when the third one was 17, I got pregnant with my daughter. such a big difference between boys and girls. She is 6 years old now and I have never heard so much whining in my life!!!!!!!!
Whining is as bad as tantrums in my book. My son thinks I can't hear anything through his whine and I pretty much can't. The tone is sooo high that I just hear this squelchie thing coming out of his mouth lord only knows if there are words attached to it. Anyway when he gets like that all I have to say is wow someone needs a nap because he thinks I can hear whatever it is he's trying to say. Go have a lay down and let me know when you're well enough to talk so I can understand you. It works I've not tried anything else because well no point since I can't hear anything beyond a squelchie sound coming from his lips.
I usually tell my kids that their behavior is unacceptable and that when they are ready to speak to me so I can understand them I can help them but until then I can't help them! Then ignore it for a few minutes! If that doesn't work I whine back and they either laugh or tell me they don't know what I'm saying and I say "oh? Well you expect me to understand whine so I thought maybe you did!" thats usually the end of it. For the extra whiney days it doesn't lots of deep breaths then quiet activities ( movies, individual play, nap etc seem to calm them b/c it's usually due to being tired. Hope this helps!
I have a 3-year-old who spends most of her day whining, whether she wants something or something isn't going her way. Of course, when things don't go how she wants them to, she tends to pitch fits, holler, throw things, and get extremely frustrated. Regardless, I tell her I am immune, and no amount of screaming is going to phase me. When she's ready to calm down and speak to me or come to me like the good girl I know is hiding in there somewhere, I will listen.
The same goes for the whining, though I usually tell her I don't understand whining, and when she's ready to talk to me in a normal voice or speak nicely to me, I will be happy to listen. I simply turn a deaf ear.
Since I also have a 1-year-old son who has the best temperament, I have used him as a way to distract myself. My son giggles a lot, and it's great to get on the floor with him and make him laugh, or better yet, give *him* what I know my daughter wants (though she hasn't told me in anything but a whine), then watch my daughter sober up. Works like a charm.
She is my drama queen, and she doesn't like it when her brother gets more of my attention. But until she comes to me quietly and politely, I refuse to even acknowledge her. Stepping over her when she's on the floor pitching a fit is actually quite fun for me, and I often have to school my expression to avoid smiling. One time, there was a phone call, and the person on the other end asked what was happening. "Oh, you hear screaming? I don't hear screaming." That worked too!
Whatever you do, don't give in, no matter how worn out you are. And it WILL wear you out. There will be days when you want to throw in the white towel, but don't let your child win. Consistency and firmness is the key. Stick to it. You'll be so glad you did in the long run.
Well, I can honestly say that this has been a sore subject in my home, at one time. I have a 4 year old son, and his father and I are divorced. When he is with his father, he gets everything he wants, and all he has to do is whine. His father has never been able to stand it, and my son knows it. When he comes to Mommy's house, he tries and tries the same tactics that he uses on his father and learned very quickly that he does not get what he wants that way. When he begins to whine, my fiance or I will look at him and ask him if there is something that he needs to say. If he continues to whine or starts getting demanding (which his father also seems to allow) we correct the behavior by telling him that we cannot understand him, and that he needs to speak up and speak clearly (for whining), or we will ask him "How do you ask for things that you want?" (for when he gets demanding) Both of these work rather well in my home, along with, "Avary, you are at Mommy and Rick's house, now. We remember how we talk to Mommy and Rick, and how we ask for things, right?" To which he always relies, "Yes ma'am." I've never had to punish him or ignore him for whining just by giving him that little reminder, when necessary. He doesn't do it all the time, just every once in a while, when he starts getting tired or isn't feeling well. But I still have no problems correcting the behavior with my simple statements or questions. I hope this helps!
My 7, 3 and 1 yr old can like most kids be very whiney but all i have to say is.... No one likes a moaner!! now lets have some fun and that does it. Firm is the way to go x
All I have to say is this was the perfect post for me today. Stayed home with my 4 year old as his dentist appt was mid morning. 75% of the morning was spent with him whining or crying. Still not sure why. Sometimes they are upset about something and it comes out in other more annoying ways. The deep breathing and trying not to escalate are the best i can do....try...
When my son whines I ask him what is the matter and we fix it together no matter what it is that he is whining about
Just ignore it. My sons whines and whines if he doesnt get what he wants and i give him my answer once and if he continues to whine i just ignore him. Eventually he stops whining and goes and finds something to do or better yet he falls asleep from all the whining!
when my twins are in a whine mood i seen them to there room and let them whine in there own space and tell them when there able to stop whineing they can come joy the rest of the family . and some times 10 mins it works and there in a better mood and i am not overwhelm as well
When you say whine, do you mean like "nnnnnnnnnnn pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssssssseeeeeeeeeee????????????", or would crying be included in that as well? My son who's 8, almost 9, will cry when he doesn't get his way, and he'll say things like "i wish i could have...I wish we could...", hinting whiney that he wants whatever it is, and he's trying to get me to say yes by whining like that. I usually tell him to knock it off and be quiet. And when he does it again, I tell him if he wants to whine, he can go sit in his room until he's done. So he goes to his room for like 5-10 minutes, come back and is fine. But that's only a temporary fix. I haven't found a way to stop him permanently, you know, as permanent as it can get that is. I've noticed that if I spend quality time with him, he doesn't whine as much, but I don't always have extra time for "special time".
I usually tell him to go watch his tv til I tell him he can come out, go out to the porch have a cigarette while drinking some mint tea. Mint helps relax you, but not as much as lavender. You can try some relaxing tea's when he starts, and try giving him some too. It's herbal, all natural, or at least should be, so it shouldn't hurt him any to have some.
If she can't tell me what's wrong, and I would go through a list, are you hungry, tired, cold, in pan? if the answer is no to all, I send her to her room until she stops. She's safe, check on her in a set period of time, she may be asleep. Children don't always admit to being tired.
Just decide early what you are going to involve the child in as far as activities that day.. getting very busy makes it worse..
And whinning is a tool kids use to train their parents..you can counteract their little efforts by teaching them to communicate differently with you... they get nothing from screaming, whinning, only talking and calm behavior..the younger the harder this is...1 and under is a bit tricky...depends on the kid...
And it helps if you are constantly meeting and keeping up with their needs.. you can't expect them not to whine if you keep them hungry, wet, hot, cold, or bored, or otherwise uncomfortable..
and sometimes they just don't want to do what you want them to..but they have to learn to object and settle in, not whine all day because they don't want to go to the store with you..or what have you..
My daughter knows that she doesn't have to like everything, but I let her get mad and get it out of her system, if screaming starts after a while, then a spanking may follow..
I don't allow out of control screaming and fits because I take very good care of my child and her needs are met..and I don't want to teach her that you can have whatever she wants if she screams loud enough...or whinnes all day...
While watching "Bad Boys 2"...... I got a idea and it works. Ill probably spell it wrong but here goes. "woosaw" yep, sound it out. When my girls ( 3 & 7) start getting that terrible tone we all sit down on the floor and put our legs in the "butterfly" position and say " woosaw............ woosaw......." flapping the legs like a butterfly has a calming effect and saying the word takes immediate effect. My three year old says "butterfly instead of woosaw" and she giggles and by the end of the first min 99% of the time it works. Once calm we talk calmly about the issue at hand and always ask why we were whining to begin with. We have done this at home, grandparents houses, Target, Walmart, you name it and people look for a min but others have actually joined in and thanked me. TRY IT!!!!!!!!!
I have a 4 1/2 year old boy. When he starts whining I either 1- tell him I can't hear whiny little boys, or 2- tell him to "take the whine out of his voice." We had a discussion a while back when I told him about this "really awesome magic trick" he can do to take the whine out of his voice: smile while he's saying it. Works like a charm!
I usually ignore either of them (3 yo + 1.5 yo), I'm a veteran of the terrible two's now, so I tend to ignore them at home, and remove them from public eye when we're out and about, since no one has to deal with them except me, I brought them into the world, right?
Try to find out wht is wrong with your child. Only you know the temperment of your child. If he/she is not a whinner,, then something is wrong. Sometimes kids have bad days too. Give the extra attention they need. I ask my daughter what's wrong and she tells me I just want mommy. She is almost 3 years old. Ear infections, teeth, mild viruses all cause children to whine.