How do you make your 5 year old not talk back?

As kids get older, they start asserting their independence more and more. How do you keep your 5 year old from talking back to you?

33  Answers

3 21

A five-year-old is not an adult, and mine shall not be treated as such. He will be reminded that there is a civil way to talk to his elders, and should he choose to deviate from the accepted method of addressing his elders, he can remove himself from others until he can comply. Simply put, if he talks back, he goes away.

16
1 21

I think in theory that sounds great. I grew up like that and we respected our elders and that is what I teach my children, but some kids these days are so very disrespectful and my kids are in situations where they are around that behavior. Which in turn means they mimic it. Yes, children are not adults, but they are still people, with real feelings. They need ways to express themselves and I don't believe in they should be seen, not heard. That way of thinking is ridiculous and actually, quite disrespectful. They deserve respect as well. They are not going to give it, if they don't receive it. It's a learned behavior. It is our job as parents to have a balance of letting them have feelings and doing it in a respectful way. They are allowed to be upset, just as we have moments of that. Nobody is perfect, including children. I think teaching them how to handle their feelings and help them understand why they are acting a certain way is the best way. It's not perfect, but when they can understand why they do it and have a healthy outlet, it will be more easily handled the next around. Sometimes they are just mimicking and sometimes they are doing it for a reason. Find out the reason...don't just send them away.

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7 24

We teach respect. We try our best to model the behavior we want, but are just as human as everyone else. Sometimes we use "playing" to reflect what a better answer should be. We have established a signal to make sure they really mean what they are saying...I put my finger up...this lets them know that perhaps they should rethink what they just said.

I started with..."Is that really what you want to say?" as I put my finger up...I give them a chance to correct themselves before punishment. I let the consequence fit the crime, and each parent know what will affect their child more.

Most important, I try my best not to talk back to them. It amazes me how many parent talk back to their kids and then wonder why the child talks back....I am far from perfect, but sometimes we all need to step back and take a look at what we are doing....

At 5, they are testing the waters to see how much they can get away with...plus, they are not a "little kid" anymore--and this can be a hard time for them....many are just starting school, or parents are adding chores and other responsibilities onto them...we expect more from them...

(Side note- pay attention to who the child is hanging out with...many times they learn it from them)

14
3 17

Well being that I am in the military I demand respect from my children from my 4 yr old to the 7 year old. if they talk back the first step is to remind them that it's not ok to talk to adults that way. You just do what you are told and you won't get into trouble. If that doesn't work I do the BMT workout on them. I dont do anything too harsh but flutter kicks work well. My kids listen really well because I've always instilled respect but from time to time they have their moments. You just have to remember they are still learning. Sometimes they have to push the limits or they wont know what they can and can't get away with.

10
3 0

What the heck is the BMT workout?

24 0

http://reedfamilyjourney.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-is-gentle-discipline-anyways.html

love this quote as it really outlines the difference: "When you discipline a child you correct their "undesirable" behavior and teach them acceptable behaviors instead. When you punish a child you inflict physical pain on them and/or instill fear into them in attempt to control them and change their behavior."

8
37 21

Children don't just start with disrepectful behaviour overnight. Either something significant has happened or it has built up over time. I see parents allowing toddlers to say anything and then one day decide they are old enough to start 'behaving' and then start punishing. I have taught my children to behave with respect from the beginning. They are allowed to question and give their views, but it must be done respectfully. Negative behaviour gets a warning and then punishment if it doesn't stop. My children know I follow through on the punishment, so they won't keep pushing to see how far they can get.

I think a parent's tone of voice and body language can also be a trigger. Are you calm and talking to your child in a adult tone? Or are you arguing, shouting, waving fingers and arms around and behaving in a disrespectful manner yourself? You child takes his que from you. If you respond to your child in a calm, respectful manner the odds are better that your child will respond in the same way.

I don't believe in idle or crazy threats. Punishment should be applied to teach a child consequence, not to harm, embarass or belittle the child. There is no time for joking when discipling your child.

If you want your child to treat you with respect, you need to set the example.

8
1 2

i agree, children follow what they see around them, if we as parents quarrel, argue, scream and snub all the time, kids will pick up the same, so a calm and respectful atmosphere at home goes a long way in instilling good manners in our children. havent we learnt the same from our adults. punishment should be the last resort. but again, severe threats can instill fears in kids so e need to very careful while punishing them.

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24 0

I told my 3 1/2 year old not to talk back to me and her response was "stop talking to me and I won't have to talk back!" From the mouths of babes!

6
0 0

I have a four year old and that is the responce that I get. She has manners I have taught her those from Day 1! However if it is just her and I she tries her best to push my limit as far as she can I don't understand. Her father can tell her to do something and she will jump up say yes sir and off she goes. What is it with mothers, do we just come across easier?

30 26

My daughter recently turned 5, and we found that respect must be taught. If you explain to your child why they must be respectful of all people, and not even just adults, it makes them understand easier. I am also of the when my child misbahves, she recieves her punishment instantly. No, when we get home or taking my child to the bathroom. If I simply correct her behaviour and move on, she learns. If I ignore her, she just continues on. My daughter knows that talking back only increases her punishment. Letting your child get away with talking back is like letting them getting away with cookies for breakfast, if they learn it's okay now, they will expect to be allowed to do it forever. Don't let your child do something now, you don't want them doing in 10 years.

3
0 26

I totally agree with you.

25 2

At this age a child will test on you what he or she is able/allowed to say. Boundaries are being tested. That's all. It's you who sets the boundaries. I used to have the agreement with my son, I would warn once about a bad word, he'd get punished for the second time. Talking back, same thing. They will always hear things from other kids. It doesn;t automatically mean that the other child has bad parents

3
51 17

remind them that once they start school, it's not all about mommy and daddy anymore and it is in their best social interest to learn and practice respect.

2
13 26

I remind mine that I am the parent and talking back is not tolerated and if she wants to talk to me like that then she can go to her room. Some times I've told her that it's not nice and if it doesn't stop than she is going to get soap in her mouth. She stops, and has never tasted soap.... not yet but the teen years are still to come. ;o)

2
0 8

Soap in the mouth? Really?? What year are you in...threats are ineffective at best. Read a parenting book or two...we don't live in the 50s anymore when threats were the only thing used instead of constructive conversation. A five year old can comprehend reason. If all you have left is soap, you have obviously exhausted all other reasonable methods. Good luck to you...you'll need it with these methods.

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505 54

Lucky for me, my boys did not talk back at age 5. However, my 10 year old is on a roll right now with back talking. We remind him of the following, "To Listen more than speak", that "Your delivery can determines your destiny" and "Action, reaction" Meaning, with every action you make, a reaction will occur."
The most important part is the child understanding that you are teaching them how to respect others opinions, while simultaneously teaching them the ability to voice there own. It's tricky, but I make sure he has an opportunity to "speak his mind" or "voice an opinion", But it has to be AFTER the adult, and with their permission. Last I explain that it is simply a "rite of passage" every child must endure before becoming an adult.

1
0 13

I agree my daughter will be turning 12 in a few days, but since she turned 11 she has been on a roll with back talking. To me I feel that it has come with the "new found friends" she always seems to be worse when they are around or coming back from staying with them. Most of the time we sit and i explain to her until I am blue in the face what just happened, why it was disrespectful and what could have happened then i ask her what her to do the same. Or i have her start off by telling me the reason she did it and how it makes her feel when she talks to me like that, then I always tell her no matter what its the rules of the house and she has to follow them respect them and me.

0 3

All children are different. All parents were taught and raised differently. Each of us does the best that we can. Different strokes for different folks as they say. I think all of the comments whether I agree with them or not are correct because all of the people on this conversation are trying to teach their children to be respectful and that is important particularly in this day and age. None of you would've commented if you weren't good parents that care for their children. Remember that before you critisize the way others parent.

1
9 12

I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old. My daughter (5) was learning "bad words" from places that she would go and stay, including family. The puishment I use is white vinigar, about a teaspoon or less on her tounge when she says words that aren't appropriate. I also use it when she whines at me constantly knowing that she still won't get what she wants. My son (2) isn't really talking yet but he does try and point-talk back to me, All I have to do is get the bottle if vinigar out and he stops. (He had two drops once for biting me). This seems to work well. I also sit and ask her why she is talking like that and that if it continues that she will lose her movie for the day, and then I take away other things if it continues. (Coloring, and baby dolls, etc.) Hope that helps.

I have found that making sure others don't use "bad words" (cussing) around helps the most, So I try to remind people that their are children around and I don't want my kids learning that those words are okay. :)

1
147 31

I send my children away when I'm done talking to them and I also am very clear on what I consider disrespect anything after I'm done talking other then I'm sorry, I understand, and yes mama/ma'am is disrespect and they will lose privileges. revoked and for each act of disrespect.

1
1 20

The biggest suggestion i could give someone for a problem like this would to be pick up the book The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webster-Stratton. I have read many parenting books and have gone to several parenting class just to get input and to see what options would best fit my family and this book is by far the most inspiring and most helpfull tool I have found as a parent. It not only helps you understand what things the child is doing (like testing your limits) but also gives you several different options on how to try and solve the conflict in the home, but the one thing I constantly have stuck in my mind is to allow your children to learn through mistakes and short Time Outs with the oportunity to try again while praising them for any effort they make. No matter how big or small wether it's done perfectly or not an effort is an effort and they have to start somewhere. Talking back however is an unbreakable rule in our home so there is no forwarning to the children it is an automatic time out (sitting in a chair in the same room facing a wall) (duration to be 3-5 mins) sometimes it takes longer because the last two mins of the time out need to be quiet. (you have to give time for their bodies to regulate and for them to regain control of their actions when put in a time out. If they resist you make walk them to the time out chair if they keep getting up from the time out chair you may have to place them in a time out room if they remove themselves from the time out room you may have to give warning that if they do not sit in the time out room and remain their that you will close the door. There are many steps to a time out that make it effective not just telling them to sit and then completely forgetting about them. The book The Incredible Years explains the effective time out process perfectly and if you don't have a copy and would like me to send you a copy via email please respond and I will scan the pages in and send them to you.

1
0 29

Hi there, I would love to get that book, I'm in the process of finding it...lol but until I do I would love to get a copy if your still willing to send it...my email is Juebye@hotmail.com...I need all the help I can get...I got a 7 & a 3 years old at home and I'm expecting in november..I got my hands full & trying to get all the help i need.....THANKS :O)

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12 0

My six year old is a pretty good kid, but of course he talks back to me. I generally just ignore it and make him continue to do what he's doing, or I simply escalate the discipline when he tries it. Backtalk is totally normal. Even back in the day when people weren't sparing the rod, you'd still have backtalk. It's best just to not get bent out of shape over it, it's not a big deal at all.

0
1

it,s you Dad I vote once was able today???

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216 0

If my five year old talks back, he gets one warning. If he continues, he goes in a time out. I don't usually even have to put him in because he just knows I will.

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0 0

Identify how you feel... What you need,,, and make a request..... Its all about acknowledging your feelings to your child and making them aware of how you feel and what it is your need... no explanation just quick and easy swift in your language!

0
0 0

my 5 year old daughter refuses to listen to me and talks back , im not sure on exctly how to deal with it ??

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0 0

i'm a grandmother who was raised old school just by looking at an expression on my parents, grandparents face knew whether or not i was in trouble and did not question things when i did get in trouble because i knew that the only time i got a spanking was when i did something wrong and that was that. My daughter does not believe in spanking, yet that was how i raised them( with a little tweek i thought i did a better job with disciplining them,) now my husband and i have been in and out of our grandkids life due to their father not living up to his potential of being a dad, so yes i can say that we practically raised them. so now my husband and i have agreed that i will stay with my daughter and help her out with the kids, while my husband stay back and continue working to help pay for some of my daughters cost of living, until she can get back on her feet again...which she is, now this is not the first time this has happend but she has been so determine to make her family work that she would let this loser keep comin back, but this is the final straw for both my husband and i for we now live 5hrs apart, anyways our 5yrs old grand daughter was the happiest girl until all of this moving around their dad in and out of their life, even asked her mom if she could just stay with nana and papa, mother said no! well her attitude now has changed she is no longer the loving bundle of joy we once knew, she is a very rude little girl that i have tried to understand and talk to, she would say things to hurt other peoples feelings, i don't know if she means too or not but she has this attitude like she dont care, her dad is the same way so i just dont know what to do, i found myself losing it this morning i really need help because i feel that my husband and i are the only solid thing in their life right now and we will not be another dissappointment in their life, but at the same time don't want to add to the stress..HELP

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99 0

If it were my son I would make him apologize for being disrespectful. If he rolled his eyes, gave me attitude or refused to do I asked I would spank his butt. Then I would make him apologize for being disrespectful. I always make my son look me in the say the words "Mommy I'm sorry for ______ and I'm sorry for being disrespectful."

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207 5

When reading the question, all I could think is "anybody who thinks they can MAKE a 5 year old do ANYTHING is delusional!" But as far as teaching them it's not appropriate and whatnot: take the chance when other kids are behaving "badly" to point out the behavior. That way it's not always about what YOUR child is doing wrong, but that all kids need to listen and learn. If your child is the one behaving with major attitude or a mouth, you can be very direct and say, "you do NOT get to speak to me that way. If you wish to speak to me, try again" and if the mouth continues, either ignore the behavior until they speak properly or reiterate the mantra (or of course a punishment, all depending on the severity of the behavior). My two year old usually needs me to say the mantra once (then I give her tips on how to speak to me in a better way by telling her to not yell or whatnot). It works great.

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0 15

I calmly say " Obedience is not a option" and put my hand up in the "stop" signal. It works.

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0 9

By 5-years -old discipline should be consistent. Since all kids are different, you'll know what types of punishments work for your child best. If a warning is given, there should be the same number of warnings and the same consequences for similar actions. This sets firm boundaries that are predictable. Also replacing bad habits with good ones work with my 5-year-old. Set up a special gift for a certain number of occasions of the child saying, "excuse me, please, thank you, etc." It takes less than a month and a half to form a new habit.

0
2 2

I am going through this with my step-daughter. She is 6 years old and the oldest out of her siblings. She is recently demanding and talking back to us. My husband tells her its not okay to demand things and its not okay to talk back because thats not manners. She never used to act this bratty until recently and it is starting to rub off on my 3 year old son. Its challenging times.

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631 96

Model genuine good positive communication with them ... they are only mirrors - magnets - and mimics...

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0 16

Ignore them.

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2 0

Absolutely not!

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440 0

I have learned the best thing to do is turn around and ignore it because they feel at 5 they have the last word. Well you can either have an arguing match with your 5 yr old or just ignore it and not give that behavior attention. I have gone through that 3 times. I have 1 step son 11 , 9 yr old daughter and 5 yr old daughter and a 5 month old.

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2 0

Absolutely not. You must teach. You must require them to learn this lesson. You must get this into them before they get older. They should have gotten it before now, but don't wait any longer.

26 35

It's kind of like squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube...than trying to put it all back in. Ince they learn the word, no..game on!

0
20 15

I have 2 seven yr. olds & a three yr. old; from day one I never allowed that. The first time it happened, I just stared at the little smart but took something away that she really wanted then ignored her completely until she went away. They haven't done it since. The younger one tried too, again I just fell silent, took her by the arm, made her do whatever it was then ignored her, her lip trembled for quite some time and she too hasn't done it again. I'm sure this will all go out the window as they approach teenage 'dom' and I am alone - God help me.

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2 0

Bravo! You must be consistent. If it rears its ugly head again, React! Children my not understand the full impact of what is going on, but they understand, that Mom will not tolerate disrespectful behavior.

1 10

We tell our kids that we are parents , not their friends. They better talk to us with respect or else. Once my son got a smack on his lips. Never talked back again.

0
63 0

slap his mouth or dawn dish liquid

-2
63 0

but first a warning

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