How do you stay connected to your grown children?

Once your children aren't living at home anymore, it can be hard to feel as close to them as when you saw them everyday. How do you keep a close relationship with grown children, especially when they live far away?

18  Answers

1 0

If you happen to have sons I think it is far more difficult than staying connected to a daughter. Boys (Men) just don't think like women so therefore they don't stay as connected. My youngest son who is 30 yrs old rarely calls, he wasn't very good about calling but now that he has a 4 month old son he never seems to call. I miss having that relationship that we once did when he was at home. Unlike girls they think your trying to get into their business if you ask questions or try to carry on conversation about their lives and what may be going on in them. I guess my answer to the question would be bug the Hell out of them!! No not really!! If the wife doesn't want you to come visit then you can't or if she doesn't like sharing you with his family it can be trying! So what do you do??? Don't really know!!

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2 0

This is so true about boys! Mine are 26 and 29 and both still single. One is within an hours drive, the other is about 1100 miles away. We don't have any beefs with each other and keep up mostly by FB and texting but I wish there was more. Came here looking for solutions that don't make me sound like a nagging mom!

5 0

Parents of grown children (and older teens who are well on their way) need to love with an "open hand." This shows your adult kids that you respect that they've got a life of their own. And isn't that what you always wanted for them? Isn't that why you spent all those years teaching them about responsibility and accountability and being a person of good character? Of course it was! Now they are taking all those lesson you provided and they are honoring you with the choices they make out in the world. When they reach out to you, via phone, email, text... always respond with genuine enthusiasm that you are happy to hear from them and eager to listen and share. Lay a guilt trip on them for not connecting "more often" and they will not appreciate it. Makes sense, right?

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2 18

Communication!! 'Keep in touch' show interest in their daily lives, what are they doing, how are they, are they happy? Visit when possible, Tell them you love them!! Be a listening ear if & when they have problems! Reassure them you are always their if they need you!! Keep the lines of communication open!!

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2 9

We are blessed with 7 children, and now that they are all 21 or older-that they all live relatively near to us. We must have done something right because they wan to stay near by and get together with family often. I had told my husband when are ounger ones were teens- that when they are older the time they spend with you is a gift. We call or text at least every other day and try to get together with each once a month to do something. My husband who works at a university invites the kids to come have lunch with him. During he summer we rent a cabin and invite anyone who wants to come. We as
Los use Facebook o post thing we are attending nd invite em to join us. We also have a beautiful garden and invite family and friends to a garden party every month over the summer.

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5 0

Deborah, it's very cool that you're grown kids all live 'relatively near' to you and your husband. I'm sure that provides all of you with wonderful family times. But when you say that your kids live nearby because you "must have done something right." it presumes that any parent whose grown child does not live nearby is at fault... and must done something "wrong." I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that's the way it could be interpreted. There are many loving parents who have done plenty that is "right" by their grown children. And they have very healthy relationships with their kids to prove it... and yet, their children do not live nearby for any number of reasons. But the closeness that comes from a healthy parent-child relationship is still there.

2 11

My Son is in Canada, we talk almost every week in Skype n G talk, .Sometime if we dont get each others, we mail... for a Mother very difficult to stay far from Kids ,when they go for study abroad. As a Parents we should take care of kids as much as possible .

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3 14

I try to have get together s as much as possible. I also tell them often as I can
I am here for them and love them.

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I feel so disconnected from my boys, ages 21 and 16. Our daughter died three years ago; she would be 18 this Christmas. We are all still in shock from her suicide. How do I pull my family back together and help us all laugh and have fun again?

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2 0

I just wanted to post a reply to you - it looks like your comment might have gone unanswered. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are dealing with in your family. I'm sure you get all kinds of advice from all kinds of people. I hope mine is not off-base. What I thought of when I read your comment, aside from how sad your situation is, was the statement that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I thought of this because it seems to me that the chances are pretty high that a young or relatively young person who commits suicide probably didn't have that understanding for whatever reason, so the very real depression that led to her suicide ended up becoming permanent for you and your other children. What I was thinking was that if you could grant her the probability that if she could have somehow seen her problems in that other light, she probably wouldn't have left you that way. Yeah, as I'm typing this, I think this is why one is supposed to stop at "I'm sorry for your loss" because I can see a bunch of ways that what I said could be misunderstood. Honestly, I really am not in any way trying to judge her or you or to imagine that I know anything about your situation. I just thought, from your comment, it sounded like you were feeling trapped by the permanence and, for want of a better word, betrayal of this thing and I suspect that she probably loved you a lot more than it would seem - the prison of depression she must have felt to take it as far as suicide somehow prevented her from realizing how it would impact the family and friends she was leaving behind and since depression comes in waves, I'm pretty sure that she eventually would see another way. Of course that doesn't change anything for you and I apologize if I'm not expressing this well, but my purpose in writing was to suggest a way to, I guess, forgive her so that you can focus, as you said you hoped for, on finding joy in life again. It goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway, that you will always miss a child who dies. I can see by the date on your post that almost a year has passed, at least, so I imagine that there have been at least a few times where a day brought you some ways to feel joy again. I hope you find many of those and that you are able to let yourself embrace them as a way to honor and reconnect with this person you clearly love very much.

178 0

My adult children and I "chat" several times a week, mostly by electronic means. Facebook is a big help with my daughter about 300 miles away and my son in Europe. The other thing which makes this work is that they are my ADULT children. And wonderful adults they are too! : )

I have parents who still treat me as if they were my "Mommy and Daddy," even though I am sixty years old. When my children graduated from high school I made a deliberate decision to treat them as adults. It has made all the difference.

I told them never to be afraid to ask for advice. When they get advice to do the following: 1) thank the person for offering the advice, 2) consider it and think about it, 3) then, make up their own mind about what to do about the advice. They are the ones responsible for their actions.

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0 12

call them alot or just wait till they want sometime.a wise old man once told me .two parents can raise 10 kids but 10 kids cant raise two parents,the kids today are lazy and unwiling to help out there own parents they are always borrowing money not all of them but they dont come around unless they need something from you,a babysitter, or something or a place to stay,when there lover kicks them out i dont have a close relationship with my kids i guess cause i dont see them only when they need our help,i dont know where i when wrong with them or my mother spoiled them so much they think we owe them something.ill be happy when they want to see me with out wanting something.cause i am happy not to get invoved cause i dont get ahead that way,my dogs give me more love them the kids do.

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2 0

I had a Mom who tried to continue parenting on into our adulthood, which was always hard on my brothers and myself. So when my children grew up, I worked really hard on biting my tongue and listening to them instead. I congratulate them on their successes and interests, I listen respectfully to their opinions on religion, politics, etc. and I choose to find interests we have in common. In our case, both of my children love to read and watch movies, so I have read some of their favorite books, go to movies with them, occasionally pick up a TV show that really interests them and talk to them about it, etc. Sometimes my son goes on walks with me and the dog. When I visit my daughter in Portland, I go to the dog park with her and her two chijuajuas and we call them the granddogs. Last year, my husband and I went to a weekend convention with our son, because it was something that he felt passionately about. Of course, we do family holidays and have fun with gifts, etc.

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3 0

IT DOES MAKE IT HARD I KNOW , been there still in the same block you just have to keep working at it , you always want to keep connected to your kids whether they are grown ups or olders adults that way if they need help with something , you will always be there .

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35 1

In my experience, if that connection is there in childhood, it will be there in adulthood. I spend the teen years gradually releasing the apron strings so they can fly as adults. We spent those years turning our relationship from parent/child to mentor/teen to adviser/adult. I never was and never will be my children's best friend. But they know that I'll always be there with a hug, when they want advice or just to vent without judgement or even gently worded criticism if they are in the wrong.

26 0

We have 4 living in the UK (we are in New Zealand) and 1 away at Uni.

We keep in contact via phone and skype.

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7 20

Fortunately, my kids live in the same metro area as I do, although my husband's kids live much farter away. Texting, emiling, phone calls and especially, Facebook time all help keep us up to date and sharing photos with one another. We make dates to meet for meals or other outings and my sons often call me while on their way home from work.

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0 12

I call or text him and visit him when I can. I also send him funny cards for special occasions or for no reason at all.

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0 12

I call or text my son daily and tell him I love him everytime I talk to him. We get together as his work schedule and mine allow. I am planning to make a trip to see him this summer for a week and can hardly wait. He knows he can call me if he needs anything. I will always be there for him. He is also coming down to see me, his uncle and grandparents this summer too. I have not been able to see him as much as I would like to though.

1 6

I'm lucky to have all my kids live within 20 minutes of me. 2 of the 3 I usually see once a week. The other is a little harder to track down as he works nights and sleeps days. Facebook has been a quick easy way to keep in touch.

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3 1

I have texting...it works very well. They can text me whenever they want and I can do the same. That way if they are busy they can get back to me at a later time.

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19 8

My daughter lives in Phoenix,AZ and I live in Snellville, GA. We talk on the phone often and if she doesn't call me, I make sure to call her. That seems to work for us well. When she first moved almost a year ago I was devastated and didn't think I would ever get used to her being so far away but I realized that I had given her the tools to make it on her own and surprisingly she thrived there. Had I never given her the wings to fly she would be scared to leave the nest. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open and let them know you are there for them and that they can always come home.

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35 1

When mine moved out, they didn't go very far. We all live in the same city. I babysit regularly for 2 of them and the third works with me. My sisters and i didn't move far when we moved out either. We have 4 generations living in the same 5 mile area.

Chris

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