How do you stay connected to your grown children?

Once your children aren't living at home anymore, it can be hard to feel as close to them as when you saw them everyday. How do you keep a close relationship with grown children, especially when they live far away?

23  Answers

0 12

call them alot or just wait till they want sometime.a wise old man once told me .two parents can raise 10 kids but 10 kids cant raise two parents,the kids today are lazy and unwiling to help out there own parents they are always borrowing money not all of them but they dont come around unless they need something from you,a babysitter, or something or a place to stay,when there lover kicks them out i dont have a close relationship with my kids i guess cause i dont see them only when they need our help,i dont know where i when wrong with them or my mother spoiled them so much they think we owe them something.ill be happy when they want to see me with out wanting something.cause i am happy not to get invoved cause i dont get ahead that way,my dogs give me more love them the kids do.

2
4 0

you are whining - no wonder they do not call you.

2 18

Communication!! 'Keep in touch' show interest in their daily lives, what are they doing, how are they, are they happy? Visit when possible, Tell them you love them!! Be a listening ear if & when they have problems! Reassure them you are always their if they need you!! Keep the lines of communication open!!

2
7 0

When my son calls me it's to tell me about what he's bought, building, going, etc. When he's done with that he's got to go.

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7 4

My two daughters live 3 thousand miles away.I do not fly because of illnesses. So we text and call.
That's all you can do unless you can afford to travel to see them.

1
4 0

is it possible they could visit you once a year?

1 0

If you happen to have sons I think it is far more difficult than staying connected to a daughter. Boys (Men) just don't think like women so therefore they don't stay as connected. My youngest son who is 30 yrs old rarely calls, he wasn't very good about calling but now that he has a 4 month old son he never seems to call. I miss having that relationship that we once did when he was at home. Unlike girls they think your trying to get into their business if you ask questions or try to carry on conversation about their lives and what may be going on in them. I guess my answer to the question would be bug the Hell out of them!! No not really!! If the wife doesn't want you to come visit then you can't or if she doesn't like sharing you with his family it can be trying! So what do you do??? Don't really know!!

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2 0

This is so true about boys! Mine are 26 and 29 and both still single. One is within an hours drive, the other is about 1100 miles away. We don't have any beefs with each other and keep up mostly by FB and texting but I wish there was more. Came here looking for solutions that don't make me sound like a nagging mom!

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5 0

Parents of grown children (and older teens who are well on their way) need to love with an "open hand." This shows your adult kids that you respect that they've got a life of their own. And isn't that what you always wanted for them? Isn't that why you spent all those years teaching them about responsibility and accountability and being a person of good character? Of course it was! Now they are taking all those lesson you provided and they are honoring you with the choices they make out in the world. When they reach out to you, via phone, email, text... always respond with genuine enthusiasm that you are happy to hear from them and eager to listen and share. Lay a guilt trip on them for not connecting "more often" and they will not appreciate it. Makes sense, right?

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9 0

my classmate's ex-wife makes $89 an hour on the computer. She has been laid off for 7 months but last month her payment was $19836 just working on the computer for a few hours. more……WWW.Rush64.ℂℴm

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2 0

I had a Mom who tried to continue parenting on into our adulthood, which was always hard on my brothers and myself. So when my children grew up, I worked really hard on biting my tongue and listening to them instead. I congratulate them on their successes and interests, I listen respectfully to their opinions on religion, politics, etc. and I choose to find interests we have in common. In our case, both of my children love to read and watch movies, so I have read some of their favorite books, go to movies with them, occasionally pick up a TV show that really interests them and talk to them about it, etc. Sometimes my son goes on walks with me and the dog. When I visit my daughter in Portland, I go to the dog park with her and her two chijuajuas and we call them the granddogs. Last year, my husband and I went to a weekend convention with our son, because it was something that he felt passionately about. Of course, we do family holidays and have fun with gifts, etc.

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2 9

We are blessed with 7 children, and now that they are all 21 or older-that they all live relatively near to us. We must have done something right because they wan to stay near by and get together with family often. I had told my husband when are ounger ones were teens- that when they are older the time they spend with you is a gift. We call or text at least every other day and try to get together with each once a month to do something. My husband who works at a university invites the kids to come have lunch with him. During he summer we rent a cabin and invite anyone who wants to come. We as
Los use Facebook o post thing we are attending nd invite em to join us. We also have a beautiful garden and invite family and friends to a garden party every month over the summer.

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5 0

Deborah, it's very cool that you're grown kids all live 'relatively near' to you and your husband. I'm sure that provides all of you with wonderful family times. But when you say that your kids live nearby because you "must have done something right." it presumes that any parent whose grown child does not live nearby is at fault... and must done something "wrong." I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that's the way it could be interpreted. There are many loving parents who have done plenty that is "right" by their grown children. And they have very healthy relationships with their kids to prove it... and yet, their children do not live nearby for any number of reasons. But the closeness that comes from a healthy parent-child relationship is still there.

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0 12

I call or text him and visit him when I can. I also send him funny cards for special occasions or for no reason at all.

1
0 12

I call or text my son daily and tell him I love him everytime I talk to him. We get together as his work schedule and mine allow. I am planning to make a trip to see him this summer for a week and can hardly wait. He knows he can call me if he needs anything. I will always be there for him. He is also coming down to see me, his uncle and grandparents this summer too. I have not been able to see him as much as I would like to though.

2 11

My Son is in Canada, we talk almost every week in Skype n G talk, .Sometime if we dont get each others, we mail... for a Mother very difficult to stay far from Kids ,when they go for study abroad. As a Parents we should take care of kids as much as possible .

1
3 14

I try to have get together s as much as possible. I also tell them often as I can
I am here for them and love them.

1
0 0

I'm feeling the same pain as so many on here. When my son met his wife and before they were married he started spending more time with her family. We (the family) have been kept away for the most part. I got lost on the way to the wedding reception and missed them cutting the cake and they didn't wait, they claim they thought I was there. We didn't even hardly get to see his daughter after she was born in the hospital and some family members were not invited to come but multiple pictures posted of her family there several times. His own nieces and sister didn't even get to see her until she was 6 moths old for like 20 min during a birthday party and their young so they were too distracted but then the baby swooped away anyways. If they claim they are going to come to our annual Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner they swoop off to go to her family for the rest of the day when we got like 2 hours with them. He doesn't really call to see how I am. Seems to only call when he needs something and I'm getting to watch her every friday right now because they need me to. I was a single mom most of his life and we struggled but I was a good mom and I didn't date. I worked and went to school to make our lives better and gave my kids what I could with no support. I get it that her family is more traditional(married). I grew up with a single mom because my dad died when I was young. My X was abusive so I chose to be single to protect my 3 children. I also have a daughter with 3 kids who I hardly see and she only calls for me to watch girls or for money, etc. I sacrificed myself in so many ways and tried to give them everything I could. I advised them to finish school and go to college first because they'll do better in life but they didn't listen. I've suggested family dinners and events. I'm not sure what to do to get my kids back. Oh and one family event I suggested last year for us to do is now their family event going to the pumpkin farm. I don't know what to do???

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0 0

Need some advise; my son is 23 and just got married. He lives in the same city as his new wife's family and about 3 1/2 hrs from his dad and I. They both have great careers and are financially set. He calls us 3 times a week but hasn't made an effort to set up a visit. With the holidays coming up they changed their work schedules to go to another city to have Christmas with his wife's extended family. Now they are not going to spend anytime with his family for Christmas when they are both off Christmas day. He told me that he has his family now. My birthday also happens to be on Christmas day. Am I being selfish?

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7 0

NO! I feel your pain; I uprooted my elderly mother from her church of 29 years and friends to move closer to my son and we hardly ever saw him and my DIL. My mother passed away 3 1/2 years ago, I live 4 miles from them and still never see them or my grandson that came along almost 5 years ago. I can't even take care of my grandson very often because my DIL has "trust issues". It's funny they don't seem to be a problem when she REALLY wants to go somewhere usually on the spur of the moment. She prefers daycare or her mother (22 miles away) to take care of him. I'm feeling very cheated as a grandma!

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1

I tried to keep communications going with my grown children by calling, texting, visiting, and personally financing family trips. Somehow all of my efforts are not appreciated and I go long periods of time without hearing from them except if they need something or want me to do something for them. Most of the time I do pitch in and do what they ask. Nevertheless, after getting what they want from me they do not call. It hurts. I love them very much and have raised them by myself because their father left them at an early age. They never went without, shelter, food, clothing, education, and spiritual guidance. I am nearly retiring age and it hurts that they are so selfish and uncaring. I have stopped doing things that I want to do to help them out on many occasions. Should I stop helping them? Should I stop initiating contact only to be rejected. Recently one of my children had problems with one of my grand. I was called about the incident and then I was immediately blamed for my childs decision which I thought was harsh and would yield a negative outcome for the grandchild. I remain silent until I was contacted by the grand child and was explained why the negative behavior occurred. My child never explained anything only gave me an automatum to except what was going to happen to the grandchild. I told my child you are wrong and you need to rethink your decision. I have not spoken to my child in three months. All of my children turn on me and expect me to go along with what they do and say. If they are in the wrong I say so. If they are in the right. I say so. I will not allow them to control me in no way. If I have to I will cut off my contact with them as well as my financial help until they recognize that I am there for them and it is not me but it is their controlling behavior that is keeping us disconnected. I have prayed and asked God for guidance in this area. I am prepared to surround myself with others and keep me forward until my children see I love them.

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7 0

Unfortunately I go through the same exact thing you're going through. My son and DIL doesn't ask for money, but the only time I get to take care of my grandson is when they are in a hurry and can't get someone else. They use him like a weapon; to control me in a sense. I have wondered about doing the same thing you are doing, but I was asked do I want to be right or have a relationship with my grandson? Of course I want a relationship with my grandson. I was told to look at the situation as look at what I'm willing to do (jump any hurdles they put in front of me) to have a relationship with my grandson. I'm afraid if I don't build the strongest relationship I can while he's young, we won't be close when he's older. I also love my son, but I hate the way they take advantage of me in order to see my grandson.

0 0

I have 2 girls, one in AZ, and the other about 6 hours away. I'm in NC. I miss them so much! We text every day, and talk very often, but it's not the same as being able to get together whenever you want. I guess I'm jealous because in AZ my oldest has her husbands family, and my youngest is dating a guy from the city she lives in and they hang out with his family every weekend. It sometimes bothers me because I'll never have that kind of "family" time.

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0 0

I .now exactly how you feel. My daughter lives with her in laws and has for 9 years. She is 27 and he is thirty and has always lived at home. Also he doent like me because he knows that I know what kind of controlling person he is even when it comes to his parents and my daughter. I cry so often. I miss her dearly.

9 0

My step son moved out and married and is 24. He doesn't call. I always call first. We make plans to meet at least weekly to biweekly. Rather it be out to eat , boating, or church a gathering. He is always wants to go and never says no. But there is no conversation when we meet no matter how much I small talk to budge him to interact. He is very attentive to his little brothers but nothing to me.

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0 0

It doesn't sound as if he really wants to go. When you say "we make plans" what you mean is "you make plans" which he sullenly goes along with, possibly because you might make a fuss if he said no. Weekly meetings are too much! Between working, and your outings, when does he get to spend leisure time with his wife? She is his new family, you are on the backburner now, and as a rule of thumb she should have around 3/4 of his weekends - without you in sight. You aren't reading the signs, which are pretty obvious. Give him some dignity and allow him to grow up. Don't wait for him to either (a) split up with his young wife because you refuse to let go of him or (b) lose his temper and tell you to get out of his face. If he never calls why not stop calling him and let him make the first move? Stop organising his leisure time like a drill-sergeant. You think you are being 'loving' but it sounds suffocating. Get on with your own life, spend time with your husband, other kids, and friends, and simply be there with a big smile and NO QUESTIONS if and when he wants to get in touch. he's a grown man - treat him as one.

178 0

My adult children and I "chat" several times a week, mostly by electronic means. Facebook is a big help with my daughter about 300 miles away and my son in Europe. The other thing which makes this work is that they are my ADULT children. And wonderful adults they are too! : )

I have parents who still treat me as if they were my "Mommy and Daddy," even though I am sixty years old. When my children graduated from high school I made a deliberate decision to treat them as adults. It has made all the difference.

I told them never to be afraid to ask for advice. When they get advice to do the following: 1) thank the person for offering the advice, 2) consider it and think about it, 3) then, make up their own mind about what to do about the advice. They are the ones responsible for their actions.

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0 0

You sound fantastic. My kids are far away too, but having had parents who followed me around the country, pouted if we didn't visit every weekend, phoned me four times per day, and used to "invite themselves" even on outings and holidays which had been set up for me, my husband and children, I never had a grow up relationship with them, and that saddens me.

3 0

IT DOES MAKE IT HARD I KNOW , been there still in the same block you just have to keep working at it , you always want to keep connected to your kids whether they are grown ups or olders adults that way if they need help with something , you will always be there .

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35 1

In my experience, if that connection is there in childhood, it will be there in adulthood. I spend the teen years gradually releasing the apron strings so they can fly as adults. We spent those years turning our relationship from parent/child to mentor/teen to adviser/adult. I never was and never will be my children's best friend. But they know that I'll always be there with a hug, when they want advice or just to vent without judgement or even gently worded criticism if they are in the wrong.

26 0

We have 4 living in the UK (we are in New Zealand) and 1 away at Uni.

We keep in contact via phone and skype.

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7 20

Fortunately, my kids live in the same metro area as I do, although my husband's kids live much farter away. Texting, emiling, phone calls and especially, Facebook time all help keep us up to date and sharing photos with one another. We make dates to meet for meals or other outings and my sons often call me while on their way home from work.

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1 6

I'm lucky to have all my kids live within 20 minutes of me. 2 of the 3 I usually see once a week. The other is a little harder to track down as he works nights and sleeps days. Facebook has been a quick easy way to keep in touch.

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3 1

I have texting...it works very well. They can text me whenever they want and I can do the same. That way if they are busy they can get back to me at a later time.

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19 8

My daughter lives in Phoenix,AZ and I live in Snellville, GA. We talk on the phone often and if she doesn't call me, I make sure to call her. That seems to work for us well. When she first moved almost a year ago I was devastated and didn't think I would ever get used to her being so far away but I realized that I had given her the tools to make it on her own and surprisingly she thrived there. Had I never given her the wings to fly she would be scared to leave the nest. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open and let them know you are there for them and that they can always come home.

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35 1

When mine moved out, they didn't go very far. We all live in the same city. I babysit regularly for 2 of them and the third works with me. My sisters and i didn't move far when we moved out either. We have 4 generations living in the same 5 mile area.

Chris

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