How do you stay connected to your grown children?
Once your children aren't living at home anymore, it can be hard to feel as close to them as when you saw them everyday. How do you keep a close relationship with grown children, especially when they live far away?
Parents of grown children (and older teens who are well on their way) need to love with an "open hand." This shows your adult kids that you respect that they've got a life of their own. And isn't that what you always wanted for them? Isn't that why you spent all those years teaching them about responsibility and accountability and being a person of good character? Of course it was! Now they are taking all those lesson you provided and they are honoring you with the choices they make out in the world. When they reach out to you, via phone, email, text... always respond with genuine enthusiasm that you are happy to hear from them and eager to listen and share. Lay a guilt trip on them for not connecting "more often" and they will not appreciate it. Makes sense, right?
We are blessed with 7 children, and now that they are all 21 or older-that they all live relatively near to us. We must have done something right because they wan to stay near by and get together with family often. I had told my husband when are ounger ones were teens- that when they are older the time they spend with you is a gift. We call or text at least every other day and try to get together with each once a month to do something. My husband who works at a university invites the kids to come have lunch with him. During he summer we rent a cabin and invite anyone who wants to come. We as
Los use Facebook o post thing we are attending nd invite em to join us. We also have a beautiful garden and invite family and friends to a garden party every month over the summer.
My Son is in Canada, we talk almost every week in Skype n G talk, .Sometime if we dont get each others, we mail... for a Mother very difficult to stay far from Kids ,when they go for study abroad. As a Parents we should take care of kids as much as possible .
I try to have get together s as much as possible. I also tell them often as I can
I am here for them and love them.
If you happen to have sons I think it is far more difficult than staying connected to a daughter. Boys (Men) just don't think like women so therefore they don't stay as connected. My youngest son who is 30 yrs old rarely calls, he wasn't very good about calling but now that he has a 4 month old son he never seems to call. I miss having that relationship that we once did when he was at home. Unlike girls they think your trying to get into their business if you ask questions or try to carry on conversation about their lives and what may be going on in them. I guess my answer to the question would be bug the Hell out of them!! No not really!! If the wife doesn't want you to come visit then you can't or if she doesn't like sharing you with his family it can be trying! So what do you do??? Don't really know!!
My adult children and I "chat" several times a week, mostly by electronic means. Facebook is a big help with my daughter about 300 miles away and my son in Europe. The other thing which makes this work is that they are my ADULT children. And wonderful adults they are too! : )
I have parents who still treat me as if they were my "Mommy and Daddy," even though I am sixty years old. When my children graduated from high school I made a deliberate decision to treat them as adults. It has made all the difference.
I told them never to be afraid to ask for advice. When they get advice to do the following: 1) thank the person for offering the advice, 2) consider it and think about it, 3) then, make up their own mind about what to do about the advice. They are the ones responsible for their actions.
call them alot or just wait till they want sometime.a wise old man once told me .two parents can raise 10 kids but 10 kids cant raise two parents,the kids today are lazy and unwiling to help out there own parents they are always borrowing money not all of them but they dont come around unless they need something from you,a babysitter, or something or a place to stay,when there lover kicks them out i dont have a close relationship with my kids i guess cause i dont see them only when they need our help,i dont know where i when wrong with them or my mother spoiled them so much they think we owe them something.ill be happy when they want to see me with out wanting something.cause i am happy not to get invoved cause i dont get ahead that way,my dogs give me more love them the kids do.
I had a Mom who tried to continue parenting on into our adulthood, which was always hard on my brothers and myself. So when my children grew up, I worked really hard on biting my tongue and listening to them instead. I congratulate them on their successes and interests, I listen respectfully to their opinions on religion, politics, etc. and I choose to find interests we have in common. In our case, both of my children love to read and watch movies, so I have read some of their favorite books, go to movies with them, occasionally pick up a TV show that really interests them and talk to them about it, etc. Sometimes my son goes on walks with me and the dog. When I visit my daughter in Portland, I go to the dog park with her and her two chijuajuas and we call them the granddogs. Last year, my husband and I went to a weekend convention with our son, because it was something that he felt passionately about. Of course, we do family holidays and have fun with gifts, etc.
Communication!! 'Keep in touch' show interest in their daily lives, what are they doing, how are they, are they happy? Visit when possible, Tell them you love them!! Be a listening ear if & when they have problems! Reassure them you are always their if they need you!! Keep the lines of communication open!!
IT DOES MAKE IT HARD I KNOW , been there still in the same block you just have to keep working at it , you always want to keep connected to your kids whether they are grown ups or olders adults that way if they need help with something , you will always be there .
We have 4 living in the UK (we are in New Zealand) and 1 away at Uni.
We keep in contact via phone and skype.
Fortunately, my kids live in the same metro area as I do, although my husband's kids live much farter away. Texting, emiling, phone calls and especially, Facebook time all help keep us up to date and sharing photos with one another. We make dates to meet for meals or other outings and my sons often call me while on their way home from work.
I call or text him and visit him when I can. I also send him funny cards for special occasions or for no reason at all.
I'm lucky to have all my kids live within 20 minutes of me. 2 of the 3 I usually see once a week. The other is a little harder to track down as he works nights and sleeps days. Facebook has been a quick easy way to keep in touch.
I have texting...it works very well. They can text me whenever they want and I can do the same. That way if they are busy they can get back to me at a later time.
My daughter lives in Phoenix,AZ and I live in Snellville, GA. We talk on the phone often and if she doesn't call me, I make sure to call her. That seems to work for us well. When she first moved almost a year ago I was devastated and didn't think I would ever get used to her being so far away but I realized that I had given her the tools to make it on her own and surprisingly she thrived there. Had I never given her the wings to fly she would be scared to leave the nest. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open and let them know you are there for them and that they can always come home.
When mine moved out, they didn't go very far. We all live in the same city. I babysit regularly for 2 of them and the third works with me. My sisters and i didn't move far when we moved out either. We have 4 generations living in the same 5 mile area.