How do you deal with step children who are disrespectful and don't listen?
14 Answers
How do you tell your children that their parents who have been married for 16 years are separating?
Separation of a marriage is a difficult time, especially when it comes to communicating this to your children. How do you tell children of different ages that their parents, who have been married for almost 2 decades, are splitting up?
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26 Answers
11 Votes
I was in this same situation a year and a half ago. I was married for 15 years and after many problems I decided to leave. My two boys were 8 and 10 at the time. Their father and I decided it was best if we told them together. We sat down and I told them that I was going to be moving out. I said that sometimes when people are married their relationship changes and they no longer can live together. We both assured them that this had absolutely nothing to do with them and that we would both still be very involved in their lives. We assured them that this did not change our relationship with them in any way, and even though we may not have the same love for each other, we would always love them no matter what. We assured them of how much we love them and that they were the most important thing to us. We just felt that for everyone to live a happy life, it was best for us to live apart. It's best to leave blame and details out of it. As parents you need to put your childs best interest first, and even if there is anger toward the other parent, you should both strive to bury that anger when around the kids and just focus on the kids. No matter how you choose to tell them, it is very difficult and emotional. Try to be strong for your kids. Let them ask questions and answer them in a manner that doesn't point blame. Cry and hug, and continue the constant reassurance. It's been a year and a half since I moved out. We co-parent and have 50/50 joint custody. There have been some very strained and difficult times during the past year and a half. There have been times when the kids have witnessed the anger and blame and I can see it only causes them pain. Its best never to discuss any matters that can cause tension in front of the kids. If necessary, get a mediator involved. The sooner you two can just focus on co-parenting and putting that as your number one priority the better. My rule has been, I don't talk to my ex-husband unless it directly relates to my kids. He still has much anger and hostility and I deserve to have a happy life, so the only communication is regarding the kids. I won't lie to you, it is not easy. My prayers are with you as you go through this very difficult time.
4 Votes
you should tell them that once you both was in love with each other in that best thing that came out of your love for each was them and it will never change in always answer their question to remember that you can still be friends but just can not live together and more
4 Votes
Being a child of divorce ( my parents were married 19 years) I can tell you my experience. Chances are if there was any damage to be dine it has already happened unwittingly. How you tell them, as long as it's gently and supportively doesn't really matter. I'm the younger child and it didn't really effect me so much. My older brother was more aware of things before they came to a head and he still has lasting resentments. I was 13 and he was 16. The man my mother left my father for was also married and it seemed like his children had the same response. Older child effected more.
The issues really came more when our parents remarried. The dynamics that go into that are insane. Just be aware if your child's reactions and help them through it. It is a process that never ends. I am now 28 years old with a family of my own. I still have issues with my father's wife. As a result I will never go through a divorce. I really feel like unless the person is abusive you're not going to be that much happier with someone else. I listen to my parents and their issues with their spouses and they sound almost exactly the sane as when they were together.
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Christy - commented on Jul 20, 2011
I agree. Divorce isn't the answer unless there is abuse. Remarriage caused more issues and pain for everyone.
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Stephanie - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Sometimes you have no choice though, even if there isn't abuse. I was willing to work on my marriage even though my husband was having an affair but he was not. He walked away. This was not my choice but I will make the best of it and support my kids through it.
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Lori - commented on Jul 20, 2011
I spent 15 years being emotionally abused. I stayed because I felt that divorce wasn't the answer. Finally after being emotionally broken down to nothing with no self esteem I realized that I was teaching my two boys that this is how you treat your wife and this is what marriage is like. My parents are still married, they have been together for over 50 years. I know that my marriage was not what a healthy marriage should be like. I finally pulled myself up by the boot straps and got the will to leave. We tried therapy after I left, he finally agreed once I was gone. Therapy was unsuccessful, too much damage had already been done. Things are not easy by any means, my ex is very hostile and still abusive. I try to ignore it now and just move on with my life, protecting my kids as much as I can and trying to be the best Mom I can be to them.
3 Votes
I'm not sure how old your children are but I am currently going through this as well - my children are 10, 6 and 9 months. We spoke to the kids together and explained that Daddy was moving out but that he wouldn't be far away. We told them that sometimes grown ups just don't get along even when they try to. We explained that this situation had nothing to do with them and that we both still loved them very much and always would and then we put together a schedule of when their dad would visit so they knew that he would still be there for them. We also explained to them that they might feel angry or sad or confused or everything all at once and that it was ok and normal to feel this way and that they could and should come to me or their dad when they feel this way, even if it was just to say "I hate you". We assured them that we would be open and honest but that we might not always be able to answer their questions completely. When my oldest asks a question that I can't provide a full answer to - for example "what were you and dad not getting along about?" - I explained to him that it was grown up things and that maybe when he's a little older we can discuss it again. He knows that he's not getting the full story but he doesn't need to know that his dad is having an affair because that would cause more harm than good. I am also constantly asking him if he has any questions. It's important to remember the ages of your children and remind yourself that you want them to be able to be a kid and not worry about the complexities of adult problems. Don't lie but do remember their age when speaking to them. Therapy helps. Good luck.
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Lori - commented on Jul 19, 2011
I commend you for not giving details that would be harmful to your kids. As they get older and can understand the complexities of adult relationships, perhaps that would be a time to discuss it if necessary. I too kept information vague about some harmful things their father had done. Unfortunately he did not feel the same way and finds it necessary to lash out at me in front of the kids. Perhaps he is having a hard time dealing with his own choices and treatment of people. Anyway, you all deserve happiness. My kids are very happy now, they are very loved and know that they are the first priority in both of our lives.
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Sheri - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Also...for those with school age children...let the teachers know. They were glad i told them, and also provided books concerning divorce from the counselors office. My kids were in 1st grade when I divorced. I did my best to keep their schedules the same & provide as much stability as i could. They were involved in sports & dance at the time so we were pretty busy anyway...and since I was the one who was with them at all those practices...that part for them did not change. I wish everyone the best. It definitely was the hardest thing I've ever been through & never thought I would have to deal with, but i found out I'm stronger than I ever knew I could be
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Stephanie - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Sheri - you are right. One of the first things I did was contact the school to let them know. The teachers were very sympathetic and understood that there might be some behavioral changes or outbursts etc... because of it. You need as many people in your support group as possible so reach out and get out as much as possible.
2 Votes
Put yourself in your child's shoes. Literally. Ask yourself....what would YOU want to hear? That's the answer. It's ALWAYS the answer-for ANY problem/issue regarding children or other people. YOU have to think how YOU would feel or want it to go. I'm tellin' ya, that's the answer. Good luck. The words should come from you and only you. Word to the wise: Be honest-so there are NO surprises. If you are honest-and ALWAYS- then there are no unanswered questions, right? RIGHT.
This needs to be a together cohesive thing. Good luck to you-and your children.
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Carlie - commented on Sep 22, 2011
I meant the words should be YOUR feelings and your husband's. You both should talk about it together, decide what you both want to say. I think you BOTH should explain when speaking to your children. Not just Mom. If it's just Mom, then they will think you are the bad guy. Dad needs to speak, as well. And agree. Yall both need to agree on the SAME STATEMENT/ISSUE. Should present a UNITED FRONT. And I would work extremely hard towards ensuring you and your husband show "friendliness" during and after this transition. This is important. They will already be unhappy. No need to make them feel unhappier. This isn't party time as you know. Regardless of what you BOTH say to them TOGETHER at the SAME TIME, they will still be sad. Very important, REGARDLESS OF AGE, that you explain it's not their fault. Because whatever you and your husband decide to tell them, it will make sense.......and not make sense.......you see? they will struggle mentally and emotionally to try to understand, and as a last resort to understanding, they may blame themselves. Very important that doesn't happen. But if so......I recommend lotsa love and patience.....Steel yourselves.....You can do it. I feel for you as well as your children. Good luck.
2 Votes
Went through the same thing myself about 4 years ago. My husband and I were married for nearly 15 years and he decided that he no longer wanted to be married. He was having an affair with another woman. We worked on the marriage for over two years with him telling me that he wanted to remain married but in the end he was lying and cheating behind my back. He basically then told me he no longer wanted marriage or a family. We too sat down with all four of my children and explained to them that daddy was leaving. I stressed to them that it had nothing to do with them and that it was basically their father's choice in that he no longer wanted to be married. It was one of the saddest days of my entire life. It was something I never imagined or ever wanted for my four awesome children. They did not deserve this. I did spend time telling them that the situation was not fixable in that their dad did not want to stay. I related to the younger ones that it was like having a vase that is broken. We tried to glue back all the pieces of the vase but one was missing. Since the one piece was missing the vase could never be fixed. I think the visual helped but I am still not sure they have fully recovered from this terrible event in their lives. I am very pro family and conservative as well as very religious so my point of view is guided deeply by my religious beliefs and what the church teaches. I would have done anything to keep my marriage together and told the children so. I related to them in religious terms that certain times people fall prey to sin and that we needed to pray for their dad and hope that at some point he would turn his life around. After four years since the initial permanent separation he is no longer with the "love of his life" but still remains not wanting marriage. So sad. He is a little boy that never wanted the responsibilities that come along with marriage and family. The children suffer so from this unfortunately. I hope this helps a bit.
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Debbie - commented on Jul 24, 2011
I love your vase analogy. You are right you cant put something back together when a piece is missing. You exhausted all your options.
1 Vote
I hope you have exhausted your marriage therapy option.
PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR KIDS THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. It has EVERYTHING to do with them. They get 2 sets of rules one at each household, 2 different significant other's to deal with, 2 different bedrooms to sleep in, 2 different schedules to deal with and , 2 unhappy parents.
Kids end up paying for YOUR CHOICE to separate/divorce.
You are teaching them relationships are hard and Mom and Dad couldn't do it, so they wont probably be able to either.
If you are getting physically abused- PLEASE leave ASAP. But if you aren't, please seek marriage therapy. (it works!!)
Teach your kids all valuable relationships take work and when you love someone you gladly work at it.
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Lori - commented on Jul 27, 2011
True, it does affect them, but you don't want them to feel that any of it was their fault or they were the cause. Telling them that you are separating is a very sensitive matter, to be dealt with carefully, in a manner that shows you understand how hard this is on them and you are both willing to help and support them through it any way that you can. Of course it is about them, their whole world is changing. It is so important to have that open line of communication so the kids can feel free to express their feelings and if needed seek counseling for them. It is the parents job to make sure the transition for the kids goes smoothly and every effort is made to help them through it in any way you can. I was in an abusive relationship which was causing more damage then good to my children to see this. My two boys were learning the wrong way to treat your spouse, and I was not going to put them through that anymore. We did try counseling, but both parents need to be willing to make changes and try, if they are not both committed 100% to working on it, then it is not going to get better. I am now in another relationship, one that is loving, caring and respectful. My kids now see someone treating their Mom in a way that is so supportive and they see the difference in me. My household is very stress free compared to what they are used to at their fathers. This is sort of a reprieve for them when they come here. We share custody 50/50 and are both very involved in their lives. It is very difficult at times to be around my ex but I put my feelings aside, it is all about the kids and we have a business partnership to raise our children and provide a good life for them. I pray, I teach my kids to pray, my fiancée and I have discovered the Lord together, and we are trying hard to make sure they have a happy life.
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Debbie - commented on Jul 28, 2011
I wish you all well. :)
1 Vote
My perspective is from a child's view. My parents divorced after 18 years of marriage and while we still have a good relationship and I am an adult now, it is still very hard. I would respect their feelings. Your child's anger and pain are normal and to be expected. Don't think that they will get over it quickly or easily. I recommend counseling or some sort of family therapy.
Once the seperation occurs, never talk negatively about your ex in front of them or to them. They don't need to know any details about the marriage and why it soured.
0 Votes
My parents split when I was 2 - I am 23 now - I think just tell them that you both want to explore the world a and learn a bit more and you need to do it by yourselves but you are still friends.
0 Votes
How old are the children? It does not matter how long you are married. If the children are teenagers it is going to be difficult for them. However, if your marriage was a bad one with constant fighting and bickering where the children could hear it, you both need to sit them down and tell them the reason for separating and reaffirm to them that it is not their fault and that you both love them and will try to make it as easy on them and yourselves as possible. If they are very young simple explanations will suffice until they are older.
0 Votes
be honest.
0 Votes
See the movie Fireproof.
0 Votes
Well this has just happened to me after 33 years of marriage my husband has fallen out of love for me and he wanted his own life we have 5 children ages ranging from 27 to 16 it has been very hard on the children as my husband keeps saying it is between your mum & me and they have no business in it. But my children want to know why? but husband cant give them an answer which is quite upsetting. He has felt like this for 10 plus years so it would have been easier if he had said it then but he said he was only staying for the kids.
0 Votes
we had been married for 22 years, my husband had an affair with a 21 year old, my 16 year old daughter was sitting in the living room while my ex husband as now was telling me he was leaving, he walked through the living room on the way out and said to our daughter, sorry im leaving i have been seeing some one. she was devistated and never spoken to him since, that was 4 years ago.
0 Votes
Want a place to blog & vent about your issues? Go to:
http://whatsitallabout.webs.com/index.htm
See ya there!
0 Votes
depends how old the children are. high school... up front, honest with facts.. below high school upfront, honest but without adult talk. at all ages make sure they know you love them more than anything and it is nothing they have done.
0 Votes
Just tell them because no matter how you say it; it's not goina make the situation any easier. They have to face reality sooner or later. If the kids are younger then they aren't goina really understand anyway no matter how you try to color code it.
0 Votes
This is a subject that defies the purpose of a happy family.... In mentioning that, why do people get together just to decide to change their mind about what is important once to them, then just about them.... For the children effected it will be damaging because they would probably think it was their fault that mummy or daddy couldn't stay living at home.... To have children they are a very spectacular treasure.... So to treat them how parents come and go in their lives are unbelieveable.... As long as they have support from Whanau and friends they will be fine alot of support helps but in the back of the childs mind is the missing someone they once knew, loved and respected and to be told they wont be coming home no more that will be devastating.... A break up is not one of my favorite subjects because there is alot of pain and suffering....
0 Votes
tell them that mummy has finally seen sense and is going it alone cos it's better than putting up with the rubbish that most men put us through and then have a big party to celebrate........
0 Votes
Don't. Marriage is a calling to do your best to make sure your spouse gets to heaven, and you aren't going to be able to do that if you are separated. Divorce is also terrible for the kids because it shows that you are not capable of loving even in bad times. So the answer is, work it out with your spouse, and don't tell your kids you are separating.
0 Votes
I was in the same scenario 20 years ago. I was the kid whose parents were separating after being together for 15 years. There is no one single way of saying it to your child. Each child is different. Some mature faster giving the parents a more manageable discussion. Some do not and will choose not to understand and turn a blind eye. Having said that how to tell your child of your separation depends a lot on how you think the child will take it. But, always, always be truthful. Spare the sensitive and delicate details, but just be straightforward and never sugarcoat. And despite what will happen to your marriage, let the child know that when it comes to them, you are still "together", albeit physically and emotionally separated already.
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Angela - commented on Aug 10, 2011
l was there like 8 years ago and let me say its not easy for like if the children demanded to know what happened .so l had to to take time due there age and the only soft words l told them is due there age l will explain it when they get older.And even though it was not my wish what so ever to remain single then l remarried for l needed somebody to be with so that l can forget the past quickly and move on with my life. Now am moving on though they keep on asking when we will go back but the stressing thing is that their father refused to let us tell them what is happening ,and then after some time cause l refused any visit since he had to tell them am the one who is bad and they should not listen to what l say it became a war and l had to silence him by all means for l knew he was to no good. Now they are a bit grown and in high school am traying fighting with my mind what to tell them so that they feel okey and bear it the way the things are for it happens in our life though painful to now is not ready to sit and address them.so others who are in the same scenario please it depends with the parents if they agree on to settle the matter for others make it more difficulty to handle but with Gods help for the end of the tunnel you will get some light just be strong and pray for the solution to come.
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Ilsa - commented on Aug 14, 2011
Have you asked your partner about his love for you. Where their love there is a possibility of working things out for the sake of your children. Then you won't have to explain or bring a stranger into your home.
0 Votes
Your children should be aware that you have been having problems. Some parents hide their conflicts from children and when "the perfect" marriage falls apart they suffer immensely. They even require psychological help. Best way is to make them participants of the issues you are having. I meant the they know what is going on
They are intelligent enough to understand, as long as you show them they are not the reason for the separation because they will feel guilty. Love is the best medicine to help them understand and cope with it.
0 Votes
Tough time. No doubt the children are teens. They will have alot of questions some personal. This will be hard for you cuz somehow you will have to find a way not to discount your self or your spouse. Remember the chidren aren't at fault but they get divorced too
They are going to be with their parents on a different playing level... Seperatly. They need some security. Bad mouthing each other will definately force them to take sides That's where the
Insecurity comes in
Be nice to each other if only in front of the kids
PLAY NICE
0 Votes
Me and my husband we're separated 6 years ago. Since I was being bitten by him for 5 years,I decided to have our separate ways. I thank God that my kid is so smart that he understands well what's going on between me and his dad. He told me that it's better for us to live separately than to see that I'm always crying and being bitten by his dad.I'm thankful for my kid's emotional support to me. He is now 10 years old.
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Sue - commented on Jul 21, 2011
I hope your ex has had some therapy for his behaviour - biting people is never acceptable.
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Neth - commented on Jul 21, 2011
i hope so Sue..He has a new wife now and they have 2 kids..i am being bitten whenever he's drunk..but if he is not under the influence of alcohol,he treats us well...thanks for the comment
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Danette - commented on Jul 21, 2011
I, too, was a child of divorce, after 18 yrs., and my parents never sat me and my 2 brothers down to talk to us about it. There had been a couple of years of fighting, arguing, etc...and finally one day, my dad just drove away after an arguement and never came back. My brother sat at the top of the hill and bawled. I am now in my 40's, but can honestly say at the time, being only 13 yrs of age, I have never and never will get over the pain of their separation. They fought alot over my brothers, who, were just normal teenagers, so we always felt like it was our fault. Neither of our parents ever discussed the divorce with us. We never spent holidays, birthdays or any occasions again with our dad, and he just passed away last December. Both my brothers and I have been, and will always hurt for the family we had before their separation. Relatives took sides, so it completely split up the entire family and hurt everyone. I do not believe in divorce, unless one is abusive or commits adultry. I have been happily married for almost 21 yrs now, with one son, 19. Parents don't realize how important it is to try to work things out. Divorce is a selfish act, and the children suffer the most. We live in a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood, and within the past 7 yrs, 5 couples have divorced. Very sad.
0 Votes
I had to do this after 21 years of marriage. Our youngest was 14 at the time.
It's just being honest with them, I started out by saying that I just wasn't very happy and hadn't been for awhile.
He said " I know mum", it broke my heart.
They feel way more than they see believe me.
If parents are not happy in the same house, then its best for all that they live apart.
My children are much happier, everyone adjusts as long as you can talk about whats happening.
Probably the reason I was unhappy, my husband and I didn't talk.
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Kimberly - commented on Jul 20, 2011
I couldn't agree more. Staying in a marriage unhappy negatively affects everyone the children included. There's problems in all relationships what's important is how you handle them and communication is so important. Relationships can't be salvaged by ignoring problems and children sense the tension. I'm a proponent of family counseling as method to help couples and families;however, even this doesn't work for everyone. If you can be happier apart then I believe you should divorce. Abuse comes in many forms and is defined differently by individuals; thus, it should not be the only prerequisite for divorce and noone should have to live unhappily simply for fear they won't be able to have happy healthy children. Children will go through many cycles as they grow and I've watched children whose parents were together happily znd unhappily travel down wrong roads and vice versa. A divorce or remarriage isnt necessarily the culprit for unhappy children.
0 Votes
How you handle talking to your children will vay greatly depending on of course their age appropriate level and If the separation is permanent and will lead to a divorce or if you are simply separating to allow space to sort things out and see where you want to go with the marriage.
If the separation is leading to divorce - I can only tell you to simply let younger children know that a parent will no longer live with them but (hopefully this is the case) they can see them on (give them specifics) the day or days you and your spouse have agreed upon. I think its very important (regardless on if you agree on nothing else) that you and your spouse agree on creating a regimented schedule when it comes to the kids. Something that works for both of you. I would also suggest that you both allow the children to ask you questions about the situation but be careful how you answer so not to put the other parent down (sometimes just allowing the kids to tell you their thoughts and feelings about things works better than actually commenting or making a huge discussion about it). Older children may act out or turn inward and not want to discuss anything but be careful these children can wind up hanging out with the wrong crowd doing things you wouldn't expect but I believe this can all be avoided if you and your spouse work together when it comes to the kids and if you can't do this at lease don't talk negatively about the other parent. I went through a hateful divorce 10 years ago and nothing I did worked when it came to my ex; thus, we both lashed out and often the kids were in the middle. They both suffer from the divorce even today as young adults. The bad thing is that the "system" does nothing to protect kids mainly because it's always a he said, she said situation but bottom line is the parents eventually move on but the kids are still hurting and noone understands why they can't get over it.
I hope this helps some.
Good luck.
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Lori - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Great advice. My ex and I went through a separation and then divorce. It's been a year and a half and things have gone from ugly, ok, civil, and now ugly again. Your advice about not putting the kids in the middle is such great advice. I have tried to please him, let him have his way about most everything, but he is not happy. He talks bad about me and my boyfriend all the time in front of the kids. He has been through two relationships and I have had to be around both of these women because they had kids involved in my kids activities and school. I have been very civil about it. However, if my boyfriend even rides along to pick up the kids from an activity, my ex lashes out and harasses us in front of the kids. The poor kids are stuck in the middle. I try hard to protect my kids and my boyfriend and I have made the decision to never talk about my ex in front of the kids. They don't need to know my or his opinion of him. He is their father, I want them to have a good relationship with him, no matter how awful he is to me. Any advice on dealing with a difficult ex? I am now on anxiety medication and seeking counseling for the 15 years of emotional abuse. I would love to learn some coping skills in dealing with the times that we do have to be around each other or have communication with each other. I don't want to be spineless and always give in, I want to stand my ground, and be fair to everyone.
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Kimberly - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Hi Lori. Isn't it sad that some men just can't get off their testosterin high and just be civil if not for anyone else for their children. My ex would push my buttons and no matter how hard I tried, I would wind up lashing out generally to protect my kids but then it ended up still hurting them - they would say well you said this or that and even though it was generally in retaliation against my ex either doing something stupid in front of the kids or just telling them about something inappopriate, my actions always made an impact on the kids. My kids were 8 and 11 when I went through my divorce and the bad thing was that I truly believed it would get better within 3 years but it never did - and the kids suffered. Finally, once my oldest started driving it made it a bit better but my ex still would do crazy stuff to the kids. He was always trying to get back at me through the kids. That's where I wish the courts would/could do something. My ex's biggest issue was that he had to pay child support and he says the issue was that he had to pay me child support. My ex wanted to create an issue for me and my new husband so he thought if he could do that by getting our children to hate my new husband. It worked with my son, but the sad part is that my son now doesn't trust ANYONE and has had a hard time coping with anything - instead he turns to the wrong kinds of therapy (he's 23 now and it's been a difficult journey). My advice with a volatile ex is to ignore them because truly there's nothing you can do. When you have to be in the same vicinity sit a way from them and if they come near you and try to start harassing you or your boyfriend call the law. You can always write a letter (it's documentation) asking him to please refrain from volatile reactions especially when your children are present because they are the only ones being hurt. Hopefully, that will work for you (it never did anything for me - however it did provide me with a long documentation of everything so if I needed it for attorney purposes I had it). Generally, these individuals just want their way and often that is to get back at you - so it won't matter what you try to do they won't be compromising. Keep doing what you're doing with your kids - it sounds very positive. I would get angry when my ex would tell my kids lies (usually about me) and I would defend myself because I didn't want my kids to assume anything but I wish I had just calmly stated that what their father was telling them was not true and then moved on. Good Luck.
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Lori - commented on Jul 20, 2011
Thanks Kimberly, you are someone who truly understands my situation very well. My kids were 8 and 10 when we split up. He tells them everything and tries to get them to hate my boyfriend. It got worse when my boyfriend and I got engaged. I started to see that my trying to defend myself was just making matters worse. I won't discuss the 15 years of emotional abuse with my kids and some of the horrid things my ex said and did to me, but he feels it necessary to air my dirty laundry with the kids. He can't get over the fact that I left, not because he still wants me, but because it really bruised his ego. He claims it was my boyfriend that broke us up, and I used to argue with him telling him no, it was your abuse and the lack of willingness to go to family counseling that broke us up. He will never accept that or admit it so I have just moved on. Every so often I have a heart to heart with my kids. We talk about how sometimes adults will say things that are not really true to try and hurt other people. He tries to get my kids to hate my boyfriend, but so far I have not reacted negatively against him, just talk to my kids. They say they see my boyfriend is a nice guy and they see he loves them. I am hoping it stays that way, but as we enter the teen years who knows.... for now, I just take it one day at a time and I keep a journal of all communications. I appreciate you sharing your story with me.
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