How to handle a cheating partner
Few things in life are as painful or confusing as finding out your spouse or partner has been cheating on you. Whether it spells the end or is worth working through your problems together, what are ways you've found for coping with a loved one's infidelity?
Well it's certainly not as easy as some of the others make it sound. :-) Once upon a time, I always thought cheating is AUTOMATICALLY a leavable offense. Now I don't. I think each individual situation is different. No one else can determine that for you, but you. One of the things that I reflect on when evaluating this questions is the vows that were taken. You know, that for better or worse part....not for better or worse unless you cheat on me and then all bets are off. (That's a hard pill for me to swallow by the way).... If you're a religious person, you have to think about that. For me, the forgiveness comes into play. I want to be forgiven for my wrongdoings, whether to my husband, child, mother or neighbor. Even though my wrongdoings are not as serious as infidelity (at least in my mind), I still do things in my marriage that I may need to be forgiven for, and should he just pick up and leave b/c of it?
So, how do you cope, and what do you do? Get help! Help from an outside person who has no bias (no family etc). Help such as counseling, spiritual advisor etc. Now, at the end of the day IF the spouse is not willing to work on it and be recommitted, then that's that, you don't stick around to be blatantly taken advantage of. But if the spouse is and you're willing then try. If at the end of the day you try and just can't, then at least you can say you gave it your best shot, and didn't just run when things got tough.....
It is THE most painful, shocking, stupefying thing you can ever face. Once it happens things are never the same: you constantly wonder what is wrong with me that this happenened; you constanstly in your mind second guess him and where he is and who he is with even though you try not to; you don't want him to go anywhere alone (especially on business trips); you are constantly fearful of gaining weight, of not looking your best for him, not performing properly for him, letting him down, or having an argument let alone a fight.....for fear that it happens again and then what little of your heart that is not broken would surely implode. You think of suicide, you wonder how many other people know about it and what they are saying about you behind your back. If it is with someone that you know he will eventually come in contact with or is close to you drive yourself mad thinking of what is next. You ask all the horrible questions like why? Is she better than me? Does he think so little of me? I am that bad that he has to go looking for it? What is lacking in our marriage? Do I still love him? Can I stay with him? Can I afford to leave him? How will I live? How can I keep it secret if I leave him? What will people say about me? about him? what will my family think?
All of these and more will plague you for the longest while until you decide WHAT it is you want to do about it. You think well I should go out and do the same to him? Forget it, because it will never hurt him as much as it hurts you right now, he is an offender of the commitment you made to each other and therefore does not hold those values and vows in high regard. You will just end up hating yourself for stooping as low as he did and then you have that mistake that you have to live with on top of what he did to you and how it makes you feel. Think of who you'll be hurting, especially if their are kids involved....remember the old saying ....two wrongs doesn't make it right. It never will you'll just have joined the ranks of the cheaters and worse the retaliators in life, those that get even..... and no one wants to be friends with those kind of people.
What you need to do is BREATHE and take one day at a time. Find a way to vent your anger ON YOUR OWN....do not involve the children as they will pick sides and never forget and then you are just perpetuating your pain and hardship onto them and they will carry this throughout their whole life and God forbid become cruel and vendictive people and will eventually hate you for it.
On your own go somewhere where you can scream, cry, stomp your feet, let your heart that is bleeding let the pain out. You have to find a way to release that black energy, damming energy before it dambs you to an early grave. Then Breathe again and again and then you talk. You explain what his actions have cost your relationship. You let him know that the pain may never fully go away because you are now functionning with less of a heart because part of it died. You talk and you listen and you breathe, it will take a long time, days, weeks, months.....it will come up again everytime you are watching a movie and a similar situation is enacted then stop watching it and tell him the damb has a leak......water is seeping back in and you don't want to drown......if he throws you a lifepreserver and tries to save you, if he does what he can to breathe life back into you, into your life, your heart, your mind, your soul.....then he is probably worth keeping and you rebuild. Be open and honest about the things that have now become triggers for you.....people that look like her, people that have the same name, whatever the circumstances...these are now triggers that you and he will have to watch for and avoid together. Don't seek them out but know enough to avoid them if the situation arises, and it will just remember if you build a good dam together and watch for leaks and fix them right away with talk and listening and special attention you stand a chance at not drowning in your own tears and those of who you will infect with the words that can never be taken back....He cheated on me. Accept your situation and deal with it, and no you are not tattooed, their is no sign on your back telling others what happenend and it is best, You are strong enough to deal with this. Their are many worse things in life that can happen. Yes this is horrendous and feels like the world is ending but don't let it. Their are brighter days ahead. Know that I have been there and that if nothing else I am rooting for you and trying to show the porper example by not destroying others, the inocents along the way and so can you. Do something special....JUST FOR YOU and do it again and again even if only in your mind, be kind to yourself, no one can take that love away from you.
HOWEVER, if he does not take full responsability for his actions then he is not sorry, or willing to fix the problem. So to him I say don't let the door hit you on the way out and NO you can take nothing with you, you gave it all up once you tried to blame (whatever/whoever) anything instead of yourself.....plus...see you in court I am going for damages, the house, the retirements funds....
Having said that if he is truly remorseful and understands the extent of the damage he caused and is willing to go the triathalon of life in making things right then their is hope....Breathe, Talk, and Listen only then through understanding can you recreate a relationship in which you both feel happy.
It was the hardest/easiest dicision I ever made. 8 yrs ago our daughter was really sick. my husband told me to call him at work if the doctor wanted her back at the hospital. later that afternoon, I got a call to bring her back, called him at work, couldn't get ahold of him, so I called his supervisor. He told me that my husband had called in a sick day ( before telling me to call him at work). I left a note, said we were at the hospital. He arrived at the time he would had he gotten home from work. I asked him where he had been all day, he said work and I said then I'll get your supervisor fired as he told me you called in a sick day at 6am, and you left home at 7am. He went pale then tried to explain that he got to work and a co-worker had an emergency and needed to go to an appointment in another town so he did the nice thing and took her.
I looked at him and said " so you chose a co-worker's health over that of your child's health. Go kiss her goodnight, back and bag and leave. You cheated on me and more importantly you cheated on your child." He was mad --but I kept the house, my daughter and my dignity. He's still with that co-worker, except he lost his job because of this and hasn't worked in 8 yrs. I think I did much better , and for some reason the co-worker doesn't like me.... go figure.
I found out that my husband had been cheating when he left his text messages open and fell asleep. I was devastated and text her to break them up. He was very apologetic when he realised I knew. This was short lived because a week later he couldn't keep it in his pants and got back with her. He saw her over Christmas behind my back and even slept with us both on the same day on occasion. She then text me in the early hours of New Years day to tell me she was still with him. He had promised to leave me for her that night. I split them again. A week later they returned to their usual ways. At the end of January I had had enough and kicked him out as he wanted'thinking time'. I arranged for his mum to take him in. The following evening he went back to her. 10 days later I ended the relationship, changed the locks and filed for divorce. Nearly 12 months on and he is still holding up proceedings for the Absolute. But I am moving on. I've regained my confidence and my children and I are a strong family unit. It is probably the best thing I could have done as I have discovered that he had had at least 2 other affairs whilst we were married. His tart is welcome to that loser big time. NEVER PUT UP WITH A CHEAT! LEOPARDS NEVER CHANGE THEIR SPOTS!!!!
Don’t ever settle for second best. If your partner cheats once, chances are it will happen again. Life is too short to try to fake relationships!
that is easy moms, you open the door en show him the way
Don't kid yourself, this is a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship. It's terribly, terribly painful, but worth working through. Seek marriage counciling. It will get worse before it gets better, but again, it's worth trying to work though. You owe it to yourselves and your kids.
some relationships are worth saving. others are not. be honest with yourself. if you and he are believing Christians, there is always hope. God is a God of the impossible.
Well, our parents always taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate...
I waited 5 years hoping that he would want me, but alas, he didn't. He says he's addicted to sex, but I think it's a crock. Ppl may disagree with me, but I really don't care. I'm the one who had to live through it. He ended up in a high profile job and arrested for solicitation so, of course, we were all over the news. I them moved 1000 miles away to get away from reporters. He ended up starting to date just a few weeks after I told him I was filing.
My partner cheated on me 3 years ago, it took us time but I forgave him. I wont forget what happened but it has made us stronger. We now have a 3 month old son.
No one can tell you how you handle the situation, its something there is no right or wrong answer for.
I've only had one cheating partner and I've always had the attitude I like myself a little too much to play second fiddle to anyone for any reason, so I didn't have a bit of difficulty telling him to hit the road. I've been raising our child with my second husband for the past 10 years and I'm certain what happened was meant to be. I'm actually thankful that he cheated on me else I would have never found my soul mate who does not cheat and I trust completely. The lord works in mysterious ways.
I've always told my husband that I'd cut off his penis if he cheated on me. He believes me.
I turned to God. I am trying to follow his will. It hasn't been easy, but I know that He will see me through it.
do what's best for the children. Often, that is moving on, separately.
let him go, the sooner you realize he's not worthy of you the faster you can let go and open your heart to someone that is.
I would pack his bags for him. He made the choice of what he would do, no one put a gun to his head. These things don't just just happen, if you are tempted,(as every one is at some time or another) you weigh your options and think things out, before making a decision.
At the end of the day, I have my kids to worry about and take care of. I first think of them, and base my decision on that, because at the end of the day I don't know what type of disease or worse, he could bring home to me.
After 14 years of marriage, my husband cheated on me. I found out when the woman he was cheating with called our home number looking for him. He had lied to her, telling her he was not married. I confronted him and he admitted to the affair and answered all the questions I had. After a lot of soul searching on my part, I chose to forgive him, but told him if it ever happened again we were finished. I also told him he could not have any contact with her. This was over 10 years ago
Learning to trust again has been the hardest - you question everything. You also blame yourself for what happend. It was really hard to let the negativity go, but hanging on to the anger and distrust makes it impossible to move forward, which is what you need to do with or without him.
He immediately broke it off with her when I found out, but she continued to pursue him, even after finding out he had lied to her. He saw her driving by our son's school when he was picking him up and also saw her driving by our house. She even showed up to an event that she knew he would be at. She continues to call and text him, sometimes going for a couple years and then all of sudden she will call and leave some weird message. She has even called my phone a couple times and "pretended" to be trying to call him.
I know he regrets what he did and her ongoing attempts to communicate with him is a continual reminder of his mistake. I think in many cases an affair is a symptom of problems in the relationship which can be worked out if both parties want the same thing. But, I also think there are some people who are just cheats and cannot be trusted no matter who they are with. We have certainly had our share of ups and downs, but recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
Well, I've done it both ways. 12yrs. ago I was a mother of our 3yr. old and 9mos. pregnant with our second child when I found out he was cheating. I was devastated to say the least. I was so hungry to know the truth. I asked for complete honesty and that had he come clean. He lied to my face and the next day I flew home to my parents house states away. I had our second child alone, named him and raised him a year by myself. I really tried to make my spouse "get it" and understand the devastation that he caused because of his lying and cheating. I kept thinking, "If only he saw this...then he'd really get it, or if only he felt this, that would really make him never want to do this again!" After a year, he moved to the same state I was in. We ended up getting back together much to my families dismay because they didn't feel that he had truly changed. The first few years were really rough and I hated him, really despised him, but then we got into the groove of life and were doing well. We decided to have another baby together and I felt he had done a good job of earning my trust back. Almost exactly 10yrs. from the first time, I caught him again cheating. At this point I had three children, was in over my head with the financial issues of a big house, big mortgage etc. I remember talking to a friend who told me, "this marriage will end in divorce...do you want it to end at 33yrs. old, 43yrs. old or 93yrs. old? That really hit home and for the first time I accepted that there was nothing I could do to change his character and that it was his problem to own and deal with. I also realized I had spent countless years unknowingly trying to please a man who was always looking for faults with me to make excuses for his bad behavior. I made the choice to leave, gave him our family business, and pursued my art career. Now, almost 2 1/2yrs. later I am stronger, smarter, happier and more fulfilled then I ever have been. It's been a really difficult road, but I know in my heart, that I gave that marriage everything I possibly could and that I'm ok with it ending. I am who I am because of what I've endured. I think the most important factor when dealing with a cheating spouse is if they truly repent then their lives will really be different. They won't blame, or deny anything but instead own what they did, be forever humbled and sorry to the one they should love the most and do whatever it takes, for however long, to make their spouse feel as secure and respected as possible. Also, if you have a good family who loves you....listen to them! Often they see things in the person that we can't because we so badly want to believe that they changed. I learned the hard way, but at least I learned!
Well I have to agree every situation is different...I to had the attitude that if my husband ever cheated I would divorce him and leave him with nothing...until it happened. Granted he was honest about the events leading up to it and I just took it for granted that he would NEVER cheat on me. We were arguing all the time, stressed over bills, and a lady at work would compliment him all the time and then they started talking more and more and then came a friend of his birthday and he didn't come home. I knew then I couldn't live like that so I asked him to move out, which he did and we would talk now and then (cause then we didn't have cell phone) he would come pick up our 3 year old up every other weekend. It was so hard and of course I would go out with friends and do things (no I was not looking for some one else) and some events happened with some one stalking me but I never told him anything (cause I didn't need a hero I needed a husband)..well we had decided to maybe talk more and try to work on things and one day I wasn't home yet and he seen the guy put some flowers and stuff on the porch and left. Boy did I get 50 questions and I answered everything very honest cause I had nothing to hide..after a few months we were able to move back in together You have to be able to forgive...no you will never forget but you have to leave the past in the past and move on. Honesty is the best policy no matter how bad it hurts. I personally can get over some one being honest then them lye to me..We have our ups and downs but every relationship does..
I have been though this along with many other things with my ex and it was an easy fix. My ex was a deny till ya die kind of guy. I had a guy find me on face book that told me about the "DL" group my ex was in, and of course he was involved in other awful things, so I had a choice. Stay and keep tiring to fix him, and accept I could not control nor fix him therefore really accepting that he would most likely not stop. OR I could leave, have a hard time starting over, but look into having a fresh start with a new healthy person, and give my child the chance at having a peaceful child hood. Bottom line for me is I grew up in that mess and it was SO much worse growing up in all that chaos. As kids we would ask my mom to leave her husband. I hated it and I would never want my child to go though that. Looking back I would change nothing I did. I left, and now I'm remarried to a handsome, loving, devoted man, who is an amazing father to both my kids.
It's simple...leave him
A family that prays together stays together. We need to fear God more than anything else.
Knowing what the right thing to do is and sticking with it. ( I know the world has it backwards sometime thinking what is right is wrong and what is wrong is right). But we need to go to the word.
The word says that we would live with the wife of our youth and being commited to that person.
Love her as yourself. Be kindly affectionate to one another. Go out of your way for each other.
Treat the person the way you would want to be treated.
Self control is a fruit of the spirit. Be self controled. Being faithful to the person you have chosen to
spend the rest of your life with. There is so much more I could say. The best thing you could do
is get some godly council and the word of God. My prayer is that you will both change your ways and let the Lord change your hearts. If you are open to Him, He can do all things beautifully.
After 8 years of marriage and raising a 4 year old daughter together, I learned my husband was a cheater. We separated but he begged me to try to work through it. We went to counseling together, but through all of the sessions it became apparent that he blamed me, her, everyone around him except himself. He didn't feel that I gave him enough love, attention, respect; once he said in front of the counselor that he "could kill her for what she did to him".
That was it, I recognized that this man had no sense of loyalty or personal responsibility and I would not be able to forgive someone who wasn't really asking for forgiveness - he felt his actions were justified. He was an emotionally stunted, selfish, 48-year old child.
I went through all of the painful emotions. Failure, humiliation, anger, disgust, self-loathing...but the worst was the betrayal. How could this person who I had been with for over twelve years, who I had committed to being my life partner, my lover, my best friend, how could he throw it away? How could he hurt our daughter and me like this?
I thought long and hard and finally made the decision to divorce him. I did not do this lightly but when I did, I consciously told myself that if I was going to terminate the bond of our marriage, then I had to let go of the anger. It was very liberating. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life miserable and full of hatred. Most of all, I didn't want my daughter to grow up with an angry mother, surrounded by the tension involved in most divorces that I feel is caused by the inability to forgive. At that point, I completely redefined the terms of our relationship, knowing that we are bound to be in each other's lives as long as the three members of our family are alive. When we divorced, he no longer owed me anything other than the respect and decency you would give to a stranger.
I forgave him and moved on. I learned how to love myself again, and then learned to love someone else and let myself be loved.
He is now with another woman and while I felt slightly hurt by his ability to share the things with someone else that he claimed to be unable to share with me, I reminded myself that even if it were me with him doing these things – traveling, camping, boating, listening to music, attending plays and events – we would not be happy together. We tried. Sometimes there is just too much pain to keep swallowing every day. The best that we can hope for is happiness for our entire family and for healing. Even our daughter, who is now 7, talks about how much happier we all are. While she misses all of us being together, we still share family hugs, dinners and we still truly care about each other...we always will.
If he cheats or hits, he's gone. End of story.
It depends. It depends on how worth the relationship is salvaging...it depends on what misdeeds you yourself have done, it depends on how long you have been married...it all depends. With people living to be 100+ years old, to think of being with one person for 50-80 years is a daunting process. People are not monogamous creatures. We all make mistakes and we all falter. It is how we respond to those mistakes and how we make each other feel that matters most.
Try getting the information on your 25th anniversary.I was floored and had no idea that we had a problem.We just now are heading for our 31st anniversary,but it is not the same and know that it never will be.Life goes on!
The thing is, for me at least, that I won't be able to forgive and forget what he did to me. I will always distrust him and will always remember the betrayal when we argue. I will turn his life a living hell if I decide to stay with him, and I will turn my life a living hell on the way. So I think, the best thing for ME to do, is to leave him for good the first time he cheats, and give me the oportunity to be happy. Then again, this is what fits me, according to MY personality. Not everybody is as unforgivefull and vindictive as me.
Neither a man or woman can ever "forget" the hurt that cheating creates. I'm not saying you can't forgive......BUT........the knowledge will always be there in the back of your mind. It's hard to restore Trust !!!
Well a little over 2 months ago I found out my husband was seeing another woman. Yes I knew who she was but we both had only known her for about 2 months prior to this happening. Yes our marrage wasn't perfect and we were in a rutt but I never thought this would happen. We were together since I was 14 he was 15. We were together almost 22 years. We were married 13 years and he was my first. It was so hard to move on and still is since we share 2 kids and I have to see him and talk to him all the time. Still have a lot of things to settle including filing for divorce but the kids and I moved out almost immediately. I too wasn't going to take being 2nd best. He claims he is going through a midlife crisis. I may not look like I did back when we starting dating at 14 obviously but I was his life partner or so I thought. He left me for someone that is from another country and is "a toothpick". He's so obsessed with her he's even trying to learn her language. That just makes me sick!!! Everyone says it will take time and things will get better but how do I ever trust another man again? I can't wait for the day she moves on as she's done before. She's only 30 and she's broken up 2 marrages before she broke up mine and she's already married and divorced herself. She had a fiance over in Jordan and talked to him over the inteternet and is probably still talking to him and working my husband at the same time. Well I will not be there to catch him when he falls hard because of what he did to me. It hurts so much but I must move on for the sake of my 2 kids which are 11 and 4.
I was in a cheating marriage for 6 years before I finally got out of it. My husband actually went as far as to sleep with my best friend and get her pregnant (then hid it from me for months while she moved into my house and I threw her a baby shower) so.. I know better than most about wanting to keep a marriage alive (even through bad times). I put up with a lot more than any women should have to endure. Also, I consider myself a follower of Christ, but enough is enough. The bible says: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:8-9 ESV) So.. even God says that adultery is a means for divorce. If God says that adultery isn't enough to stay for.. then why should you? I understand that you love him, I've been there. But at some point you have to come to the realization that if he cheats.. he can't be trusted. Without trust is no love.
cut off his private parts
Marriages are not perfect. Sometimes partners are not getting everything they need from their marraige. Sometimes thay need to get elsewhere what is lacking in their marraige. We all need to accept that. This is the 21st century. We need to crawl out of the dark ages.
Here it is Girls!!! Don't think if you move on to what you think are greener pastures that after time that one won't do it too!! They all will , especially if some sexy female makes it easy for them.
Now, there are a few out there that are so undesirable that they won't cheat because nobody wants them! Hold on to the one that makes you happy and just maybe you won't catch him. What you don't know won't hurt you! Life is not fair !
There have been a lot of good points made here, and I just wanted to point out a few of them and share my thoughts. This is a long post--sorry!
My fiancé and I had been together three years when one day I logged onto MySpace and another woman was calling him 'baby' on his page--and he had left a comment to her, "Happy birthday, baby," on hers. When I questioned her about it, she promptly changed her default picture to one of them kissing. I really wished he would have just personally ripped my heart out, as I think it would have hurt less.
At that point, we had been apart for nearly two years while he was on an unaccompanied tour of duty in Germany, and he had just returned from a tour in Afghanistan. We did not know it then, but later he would be diagnosed with PTSD--post traumatic stress disorder. He was completely isolated from anyone but the guys in his unit and especially those that lived with him in the barracks. All of whom were young and single.
Over time, this blossomed into a perfect storm of over-the-top drinking. He was depressed and withdrawn from me--and as I struggled at home to try to keep up a happy face and keep him from worrying about how I was coping, I actually pushed him away. The closeness that was so unique to our relationship withered and died.
I cannot tell anyone else what is best in a relationship, but I can tell you why I chose to stay and how we are working around it--because even now, two years later, we still are and will be for the foreseeable future.
My first thought was purely selfish. If I broke off our engagement, he could just go jump right into bed with her again and I would be the only one hurting. Of course, that thought was terribly stupid and I quickly debunked it to myself. At least if I left, no one would blame me and I would have my pride.
Then I thought about our children. While we had no biological children together, he was the only father my then three year old son had ever known, and I desperately loved his daughters. I simply could not imagine never seeing them again, and as they lived in a different state, I never would.
Now, chronologically speaking, at this point my fiancé was in the field and beyond all contact. His phone could receive messages, but he did not have minutes to call out (part of the problem with out of control drinking was never having money to buy things like phone cards). So he was receiving my absolutely irate text messages, but we had not had a chance to talk. Boy, if you could read what he was!!
Anyway, it was two days before I sent him a text--I believe the exact words were, "Oh h*ll no. If you can talk to your German wh$;e, you can talk to me," as she had just messaged me saying he had told her I was nobody and meant nothing to him. I almost did not do it, but at the last moment, I signed into Skype, because I did not think he had minutes to call. Sure enough, a few minutes later, "Baby, are you there?" After a few minutes of snide remarks from me, he video called and I answered.
The first thing that I showed him was my ring on my right hand, instead of the left, and he lost and totally broke down. He said,"I love you. I am so sorry. How can I get you back?"
It would take forever to tell you everything we talked about, so I won't. But here are some of the things that I have learned from the experience.
If an unfaithful partner will not take responsibility for their actions--if they blame anyone BUT themselves--they will not learn from the experience and they will cheat again. Thankfully, he took accountability up front by saying, "This is all my fault." Because, yes, it was all his fault.
If an unfaithful partner is not willing to work with you, if their entire focus is not on fixing things with you, don't bother. When I said no more drinking and no more going out with the guys in the weekend, if he had quibbled, it would have been a no go. It was definitely my way or the highway.
Be prepared to stand up for your conditions. If you set a condition and back down, not only does it tell your partner that it is okay not to change the behaviors that created the situation, it also makes it look like you aren't personally committed to fixing it. Much like with our children, constincy helps create security and stability.
Don't blame yourself, but look at what happened to cause a rift in your relationship. For us, we both withdrew because we did not want to burden each other. That was stupid. What is your partner for if not to share your burdens? That is one thing we have vowed never to do again.
If you choose to stay with your unfaithful partner, you will be judged mercilessly by people who will consider you weak-willed or submissive. I am neither of those things, personally, but have dealt with being looked at as both. Be ready for it.
If you decide to stay, be committed to the long haul. While the pain has eased over time, it is still there for me, and I do not know that it will ever go away completely.
I said this in another thread too, but cheating is either a mistake or it is a lifestyle. It is up to you to determine what the circumstances are in your relationship and whether it is worth saving.
In all honesty.It
My husband was unfaithfull 18 months into our marriage. I was so confused and really wanted to hear "It will never happen again"
Well he said that. and he said it four more times over the next 15 years. Eventually I left him.
two major points I feel sad about,
1. My children will never understand how that affected meover our marriage
2. I wasted 20 years being married to a cheat and lier, when I could have made room for someone who would appreciate me. I thought at the time, that I should try harder to be more, do more, perform more and he wouldn't want to.
Its rare that your SO wont do this over again, if you stay with them. If I had my time over, I would have made an ultimatum that he undergo therapy after the first time.
The situation is not fun at all. I have been on both sides of the coin. And I have learned that if you are not ok with yourself when you are single then chances are you won't be when you are with someone. The key is communication and not being selfish and know that it is give and take. Also knowing what love really is.
believe that maybe u need to leave in order to find out what u want. if it is ur significant other than u need to show him or her the door. Maybe they will realize what they had n maybe they wont. If they come back n u decide to take them back then u start fresh n emphasize that that kind of behavior wont be tolerated.
If you truly can forgive and forget then I commend you - but if you are like me and couldn't trust him again and find yourself checking up on him all the time then the emotional shit will make you exhausted and he will get fed up with it eventually and leave. Bit different when there's children involved though. You have to work out if you are strong enough to be on your own - if you really love him or are just staying for the kids etc.. Sometimes it's better to leave if you can't completely forgive because otherwise it will come up in almost every nasty argument you have and you will always be looking over your shoulder - which is not a way to live. x
In my opinion.. The person who cheats isnt worth the effort of trying to make it work. For if they were so worried on making a relationship work, they would not have done the cheating and if they cared and loved somebody so much, they wouldn't have put them through the pain at all. In my opinion, someone who cheats on you.. and you take them back and forgive them.. well you have that chance they will do it again and it will cloud around your head..wondering if they are doing it again. So, the trust is gone.