How to handle conflicting feelings when you need some me-time

Everyone needs a little time to themselves, but being a mom is a 24/7 job, and some moms have trouble dealing with guilt feelings over wanting to get away for a little while. What is your best advice for moms who are having trouble shifting their focus for a bit?

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By Leslee Bullock

- Posted on Jan 4, 2012

Today is a PERFECT day for me to answer this question. My birthday was Friday and because of my husbands work schedule we deferred celebrating until yesterday. Initially I was angry because he gave me TWO days at a hotel free of our home and our two wondeful children. I thought if he and I weren't going to spend the day or night out then I didn't want to do it. Boy was I wrong I am having a very good time in fact. I told him since we weren't going to spend the time together that I would take one kid each day and have some alone time with them. Of course I felt all kind of guilt for leaving for 2 days but I need this very badly.

Our children don't go to a babysitter and we don't get time alone often so it's just us and the kids. When I'm off of work I feel like my vacation becomes my husbands vacation and I am 100% responsible for the kids. Having this time away has felt great. They did come to take me out for breakfast but then took me back to be alone.

If you have a spouse that will do this for you don't fight it like I did. Take it and enjoy!!!

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By shelley

- Posted on Jan 4, 2012

Why should there be guilt in getting a bit of alone time? I think it is important to get a way and refresh one's self. Many moms don't want to give up control and allow others to take care of their children, and this includes the child(ren's) father. Really? In society we all have to learn that there are rules for different situations and also with different people. Kids need to learn that we all do things differently and its ok to be with other people and take direction from them. By hovering, we are teaching our children that no one else can help/caretake. We are teaching them to be insecure with others. I lost my husband to cancer when the kids were 11 months and 6 years old. The 6 year old has autism. I chose to expand my circle and allow people to help me and to help them. My kids are well rounded and also have an idea of who are good people and who are not. They have gut feelings that are pretty accurate. For those who are hesitant to let fathers parent: My best friend said to me when I had my first son "let your husband parent or you will end up being a lonely single mom in a marriage". So go out and enjoy the alone time if you are lucky enough to get it. It might be uncomfortable at first, but just do it. You and your kids will be glad when you come back refreshed.

  • Leslee - commented on Jan 4, 2012

    Shelley for me it isn't about control because my husband stays home with our children during the day while I work and I with the kids while he works. The guilt comes from the limited amount of time a working mom gets to spend with their children that I just feel guilty for spending time alone...but like I said earlier I got over it. Thankfully!

  • Cherisse - commented on Jan 4, 2012

    Your best friend's comment really hit home. Thank you Shelley. Sometimes, I have felt much like a "lonely single mom in a marriage" as my husband works long hours, but recently, have micro-managed my time to somehow miraculously fit in time to take a class once a week, and allow a babysitter to watch over the kids for that hour. The ability to let go is very rewarding, and being able to reciprocate the help with other families in the same situation has helped immensely as well. What a relief.

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By Katie Marie

- Posted on Jul 21, 2012

Realize that taking this time contributes to your sanity, and your baby needs a sane mommy! I need to take my own advice sometimes but it really is important. You need to take time and renew yourself to be in the best state of mind for your baby, remember they can feel your emotions whether it be frustration, anxiety, fear, happiness, etc. it really is vital!

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