How to handle custody issues

Maybe the parenting plan wasn't clear enough, or maybe you're just dealing with a very difficult situation with your child's father, but whatever the case, sometimes there is confusion around shared custody issues. Moms who've been there, what lessons can you share about making sure everyone gets their designated time and that life stays stable for your children?

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9  Answers

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By Sue Dillon

- Posted on Jan 4, 2012

I always had to keep in mind that my children come first and that the divorce/separation issue was between their father and I. So with that being said I always made sure the experience of going from house to house was a pleasant experience. Never "bashing" their father always telling them what fun they would have and to enjoy their time with him. It was not always pleasant being with him and i knew it but i never wanted them to know that I was upset that they had to be away from me. So many divorced parents put the children in the middle of their battle and that should NEVER, EVER happen!

  • Melissa - commented on Dec 10, 2012

    Just wanted to say that I love your response to this, I feel the same way that you do, the children should come first no matter the bad outcome between the parents. To many people really do forget that . I to never say anything harsh towards their father or their stepmother, cause I know that each person has a special part in their lives as well. You rock as a mom :)

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By Sarah Bever

- Posted on Jan 12, 2012

what about the father that wants to see his child, tries to keep in contact, pays child support and then some, but isn't allowed to see his child? what about that childs mother changing the childs last name to its stepfathers, not legally, what about the mother that has been having the child call the now stepfather, Dad, since child was 3 even though they were not married. What happens when its the mother causing all the issues and not the father? Does the father even have a chance? The child is almost 18 now and for the last few years has been very rude and we have actually had to kick the child out of our home. What about when the mother and the child and their entire family attack (verbally) the stepmother for finally putting down her foot and saying enough is enough. Our time should be our time with the child and not controlled by the mother. What happens, will this ever change for fathers? Will the mother always have control because she is the mother even though she is alienating a child from its father and family. Just because the mother didn't get her way, she is throwing a tantrum that has lasted about 3 years now.

  • Melissa - commented on Dec 10, 2012

    Sounds like parental alienation syndrome to me . You can do a search for it through Google or any other browser that you use. Best of luck to you all

  • Kristi - commented on May 17, 2013

    Parental Alienation "Syndrome" is junk science that has been completely debunked by the American Psychiatric Association and all major legal organizations. PAS was the creation of Dr. Richard Gardner, who defended pedophiles.....his "theory" was that children who reported sexual molestation only did so because their mothers had "brainwashed" them into believing it. Many of the pedophiles that Dr. Gardner helped to escape criminal charges, he also assisted with obtaining custody of their own children. Many of those children were subsequently murdered and the pedophile that Dr. Gardner so adamently defended are in prison for those murders.

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By Angela Dobbs

- Posted on Jan 11, 2012

I hired the best attorney I could find, to make sure my ex did not get custody or visitation. He was abusive towards me, and was living in a bad place when my son was a baby. My best recommendation though is to talk with your kids, they can often tell you what they want. When I was a kid my mom had me for the school year, and I was with my father during the summers. This worked out great because we never had to go back and forth every week, which I think would have driven me crazy. The kids should not be hurt in the process. Talk to teachers, counselors, your kids friends parents. It is best to make sure the choices are well informed, and not about the parents.

  • Melvina - commented on Apr 3, 2012

    Hi! I am in the same place u were in I need help! I don't want him 2 get sole cutody of my kids. He kicked me n my daughter out cause he said if I didn't give him sole custody that we had 2 leave. So I didn't sign papers or anything but I don't haVe my kids he didn't let me take them. I tried 2 phone the cops on him n cfs. Can u tell me anything what I need 2 know? Plzzz anything would help me!

  • Mischa - commented on Sep 17, 2012

    Melvina- he is the custodial parent because they live with him regardless of the situation. File for visitation so he is ordered by the court to hand them over at certain times. don't let him do this

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By Chasity Revels

- Posted on Oct 2, 2012

How do u have this done the judge and lawyer investigate cause im going through a nasty custody battle and have retained custody the past six yrs and and in june 2012 Va courts denied his false allg and told him he wasnt getting custody and two months later he files in NC and gets Temp custody with the false allg ,and i had proof that they wasnt true ,but the Judge didnt take the time to read all of my evidence ,and ive been truned down by 5 lawyers telling me this is a nasty ,bad case that i need a high end lawyer

  • Bonnita - commented on Dec 10, 2012

    I moved to Md to get away from an abusive ex husband and to get my son the help he needed with his ADHD and Tourette Syndrome. My ex came to Md. stalking me and high on pain meds. Then he filed contempt charges in NC against me and I was thrown in jail for 48 hrs, then stripped of all my parental rights. While my ex was 12 grand behind in Child Support. My son and I lived in Md for over 16 months and a NC judge refused to hear all the details and even see the police report. She knew from a previous court appearance that I had a custody order in MD taking place and she refused to acknowledge that too.. Now my son is off his meds and failing 8th grade. He wants to come home to me and I cant afford an attorney nor will any take the casse when they find out that it is in ONSLOW county, NC..... HELP

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By louise craig

- Posted on Jan 12, 2012

Hi there well my three year old daughter has not seen her bio for 2 years now and he wants to take me to court for visitation rights now thing is I have fought for him 2 years ago through solicitors to see her and never bothered what rights does he have now?

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By Jill Weylie

- Posted on Jan 12, 2012

some times the mother is saying the guy is the farther and may not be just to try to get money

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By elizabeth norman

- Posted on Jan 11, 2012

my daughter is 3 and dad has been in and out of her life speraticlly since she was 5 months old and expects overnight visits when she screams and crys the whole time i am pulling away want to come to a smoother aggreement than me just dropping her off and leaving her wit this"stranger" i want her to have her dad but its just wrong to think she wont take a toll wit the emotions and its gotta b an easier more gentile way to do it for her...but we cant agree wit one so now the lawyers have to decide :(

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By tiffany buzzerio

- Posted on Jan 11, 2012

What do u do when there are no papers and the dad hasn't seen baby since 1 month old acts like the worlds greatest. His parents call when convientent and show up here and there my daughter is 14 months old and has seen them about 10 times. I want rights signed away I've been w a man who she calls daddy since 2 months old I never encouraged the daddy thing I want a stable life and it is now bc I only let them see w me. Never take her alone. But there's no papers at all dad isn't even on birth certificate. What's best thing for me to do??

  • Beatrice - commented on Jan 12, 2012

    It depends so before I say anything I'm going to say see a lawyer. For me the kids bio-dad was in and out, never provided any care, and then I found out he hit them and threatened to do something worse if they told me. It took them two years after he walked out to tell me...not that he was ever really there. Since we were never married I automatically have custody. He has not paid child support and I am the custodial parent on those papers. He cannot see them without my ok and right now there is no contact. Check with your state police department and see what the rules are for filing an order of protection from him if necessary, then you can set up supervised visitation. My kids have a wonderful Dad in their life and it took them a while to trust any man. They are finally happy and they don't want to see bio-dad. If it comes to it and I have to go to court they are at an age where the judge will take into consideration their wishes. I wish I could get him to sign away his rights because he is a waste of space. And yes I tried to keep a relationship with him and them before he decided it wasn't worth it. I did everything a reasonable person could be expected to do and then some. See a lawyer

  • Tiffany - commented on Jan 12, 2012

    Goh I feel like exactly the same. I'm so tired of trying and messing w them. But I am so so scared to start court stuff. That could be a nightmare!!! I would die if he was awarded visitation and my daughter who doesn't kno him had to go there!! Literally die!!

  • Deborah - commented on Jan 12, 2012

    That is exactly what happened to me. My ex, an alcaholic was awarded custody of our son, because I wanted to move out of state. Judge granted me the right to move, then gave custody of my son to his father, who does not take care of my son, who is adhd. Father stopped his meds and he has been failing at school every since. My son cannot stand him or his wife! The courts in Indiana ripped him away from his mother, brother, and sister. Getting ready to file again, guess we will see if Indiana really believes in, "the best interest of the child". Since there is a different judge.

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By Mitzi Doolen

- Posted on Jan 4, 2012

Make sure that the agreement is followed to what was agreed by the courts, you and the lawyers if not tell your ex husband to refile for my custody. Do Not change it on your own it will effect your child support. Men are ticky, ruthless, and not thinking of the childs best interest most of the time. Be aware that judges are not always fair, just do the right thing by your child when they have grown beyond all of this they will remember who fought for them. It is a difficult time for mothers and children when fathers don't care. Be sure you are keeping track of conversations, write a diary of things that are happening with you and the kids, be a clear and fair to present this information to the courts. Don't be afraid to ask for help, it is a unfair, unsupport fact that women suffer more than men in a divorce situation. So stay faithful in going to church, try to go through a divorce care group near by, talk to as many women that will listen to you. IT is great to have a support group when things get rough.

  • Diane - commented on Jan 10, 2012

    It can go both ways in my case my son's ex made false accusations about him which caused them to take th echild from him. It took a year to go to trial where he was cleared of all charges in the mean time the mothers boyfriend abused my grandson for the year they had him making him lie about his dad or get beat with a belt. This all started when he was 5 he is now 8 and my son has custody and his mom has monitored visits and my grandson is stilling the one suffering because his mother thinks nothing about what she is doing to him. I pray she grows up and sees what she is doing to her son and at some point starts putting him before the abusive guy in her life. The adults need to talk to each other and leave the child out of their anger for each other.

  • Leigh - commented on Nov 5, 2012

    To police, lawyers and Judges, you are just a women. They got domestic violence in their homes because they are system discriminators.

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