How Much Sibling Fighting is Normal?

We all want our kids to always get along with one another, it is inevitable that siblings will fight now and then. What kind of sibling fighting is too extreme and when should you be worried?

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13  Answers

7 25

I have three children 8, 12 and 13. The oldest, a boy, loves word play and makes jokes out of everything. The 12 year old, a girl, has Asperger's syndrome and doesn't understand a lot of humor. They are gasoline and fire. I've tried all sorts of things, but now that they are older, I reason much more. I think God gives us siblings to teach us how to get along with one another, to practice the golden rule.

One word picture I use is "stop slapping the hand". You know that game where someone pulls there hand out and then someone lays theirs on top, and then someone else and on and on it goes? We literally acted this out and learned that all it takes is someone choosing to not put down their hand to stop the game. So "stop slapping the hand" is our code for just don't say anything else. It works pretty well.

1 11

Being a mother of 2 and having both a tween and teen,(though sibling rivalry can happen at any age)it is natural for some disagreements to occur now & then.However,if it is literally 24/7 and more PHYSICAL fighting then merely verbal,then I would be concerned & maybe even consider family counselling b/c there may be something more serious than just (growth spurt)hormonal surges triggering these outbursts;a bully at school perhaps,or a medical condition such as ODD(oppositional defiant disorder) or Asperger Syndrome-which is what my 16 y/o has.If you've always had good communication with your children,and they usually feel comfortable talking to you,perhaps you could try to "draw them out" ,so to speak.Either one on one,or family meeting style.Furthermore,I will say that it's also important that each parent spends one on one time with each child,spending the day doing something fun just the 2 of them.I think this is really important to both parent & child both as a way to stay connected as they get older,as well as for the child to feel valued as an individual person with his/her own personality & it doesn't have to cost anything either;a walk in the park,a scenic drive, or a trip to the local library are fun no-cost ideas both parent & child would enjoy.Even if just once or twice a week,it makes such a difference! Hope that helps...^_^

7 0

I have 7 kids from 3 -21. fighting is normal,but, there are boundaries too it and consequences when it goes to far. My kids are far from perfect and fight,its normal. A standing rule in our house is " don't treat your friends better than you're family". Anything about physical fights is a definite no no here, still happens with the Toddler, pretty typical though, but, never acceptable. Sibling fighting is always a work in progress here.

2 14

Oh goodness!! I have 2, a 17yr boy & 9 daughter & they fight sooo much, it's ridiculous.

The ruin my day when they fight, he bullys her & she's very agesssive & doesn't stay quiet. It's pretty weird for me that my son, being as big as he is & strength, he'd be willing to hit her & make her cry.

I know that she annoys him, & he doesn't have patience for her. Im not sure if he's seeking for attention. I've learned to not let it get to me.

5 19

I have 4 children, ages 13,12,11 and 10. I have taken a different look at the fighting. I don't yell or scream at them anymore. I just tell them go box it out... the rules are no choking, blood or broken bones. They find that weird and they stop fighting and usually start laughing. I don't expect it to work after a certain age, but I still put my kids in corners if they get too out of hand and make them tell me why they were in a corner. I hope this helps, but that is the way I deal with it.

2 0

I do the same thing about fighting it out, except one more rule. No hitting below the belt. My kids are 20, 18, 17 and 12 now, the rules are still needed, and still apply ;)

0 0

I remember when I was young I used to fight with my siblings a lot. I had three sisters who were older than me and one brother who was younger than me. I would fight with all of them and we didn't only used fists but we would use any object that was nearby and easy to throw. It was a MAD HOUSE!!! but now we are all grown and we love each other so much. its perfectly normal for siblings to fight.

12 8

I have a 4 yr old son and a 5 and a half yr old daughter. They fight every day over toys and food. I can'tkeep them under control. But when their father gets home from work he can stop them fighting. The kids don't listen to me. I don't know why but it's really starting to bug the hell out of me. I also have a 8 wk old daughter. So it doesn't help her when im trying to get her to sleep when im stressed over the other 2 kids. Im up most of the night with the little one cause she doesn't sleep at night so im always tired through out the day which doesn't help me or the kids.

23 19

When is it to much? When it gets physical or you personally can not stand to hear it any more. I have my limits, and then they will all hear it. When I get to that point, what they were fighting about is the lease of thier problems. I also tell me kids never to tell their brothers or sister what I have already told them to do. I tell them that when they tell them what I already said, they will not do it. It has then become them bossing them around and not something that mom asked or said. I also will take away what ever it is they are fighting over.

0 14

I have a 19 year old son and a 15 year daughter. They fuss / fight all the time. I have told them they have to learn to get along and be there for each other, because one day me and their dad will not be here and all they will have is each other. That normally works for a day. I have made them hold hands when we went to church and out to eat and they hate it, but they are pretty good for about a week. My son graduates this year so I think since they will not be in the same school they may get along a little better, (hopefully).

6 12

My kids are 4 and 5 - 15 months apart and while my son is younger he is bigger than his sister which makes for interesting fights. While my daughter can verbalize better my son tends to be more physical with his sister. Some time I let them beat each other up as long as it stays safe but other times, I find that I am getting hurt as I pull them apart. I agree that some fighting is normal - I am the middle of 3 girls and we fought a lot - but when blood is drawn or it is constant then I draw the line. We are actually in counseling to help my son with his anger and that seems to be working but I know that not all kids respond well to counseling.

63 13

Fighting is normal. However, parents can help kids build bridges. I tell my kids they don't need to like the same things or even each other. They do need to be there for each other, always. Don't tolerate squabbling all the time. Give them task where they have to work together will help. Support each other dreams and likes. Have dinner as a family every night. Evey step helps.

37 2

I read somewhere that siblings fight/disagree a few times an hour! I think alot depends on personalities/ages also.

1 18

I have 2 daughters, 5 and 7. I encourage them to treat others how they want to be treated etc, but when it comes down to it, I know I wont always be there when the time arises that they may experience these types of confrontations elsewhere. In my opinion, the best way to teach them about fighting is to intervene when absolutely necessary and talk about the incident and outcome with them. I try to make sure they understand no one really wins when they quarrel and to choose their battles.


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