Is it OK for someone else to spank your child?

TealRose - commented on Jul 21, 2011

I .. would have 'strangled' my mother if she had laid a single finger on my child! She did quite enough of that on ME thank you very much when I was a child, and I knew that it was wrong to hit a child then! If she couldn't or wouldn't keep her hands to herself [Use your words not your hands!] she would have been banned from ever being with them. I didn't want anyone teaching violence or being violent to my children. I never hit my children - I taught them - they are now great, kind and gentle adults. As are my grandchildren delightful children. How can you teach a child not to hit - whilst hitting it ?? How can you expect to have respect from a child, when you don't respect it and hit it? Respect .. not thumps !!

Aisha - commented on Sep 15, 2011

Although I can empathize with your comment, I will respectfully disagree with some aspects of it. Along with corporal discipline, I add a dialogue with my son. I never spank him and send him to his room without explaining why, and distinguishing that the behavior was the issue and not him. I highly respect my son's feelings and opinions, and while I wish that I could teach him that everyone is kind and gentle and would never hit him, that is not the truth. My son is growing up in a world that despite the best efforts of those who have loving hearts, he will endure hardships that aren't his fault at all. To put it mildly, I would rather teach him now with a soft hand, then for him to learn it from the hard smack of a policeman's baton.

Ron - commented on Sep 16, 2011

Aisha, your last post was clear and absolutely correct. It does boil down to either a soft hand now, or a hard smack from a policeman's baton later!!! Well said!!!

Julie - commented on Oct 18, 2011

You and others FIRST have to understanding as to what a serious enough offense would be... everyone has their boundaries, right?

Julie - commented on Oct 18, 2011

Laura - there is a big difference between hitting and spanking -

Carrie - commented on Oct 25, 2011

Julie, Hitting and spanking are the same action, different word.

Crista - commented on Dec 1, 2011

For those of us that choose to spank our children "Hitting and Spanking" are two different words two different actions .I choose to spank my children but i dont allow any one else to.

Melissa - commented on Dec 12, 2011

i find timeout depends on the child, time out doesnt work with my son, hell just go and do whatever it was he was doing, taking his toys away doesnt work either, i find a little tap on the hand, or sent to bed works, hes 7 now i still try to suse time out but it doesnt work at all, hes been getting disciplined since he was 2, however my daughter, shes 2 now, turned 2 nov 24th, and timeout/the 1...2....3 method works with her, 1...2....3 method SOMEtimes works with my son but not always, i find it depends on the child, hurting a child is not acceptable, but a little tap on the hand shouldnt be wrong. i find thats whats wrong with this generation, kids KNOW they are not aloud to be touched, or slapped, so they rub it in their parents faces, kids these days are running the roads, doing drugs, causing trouble, in my community theres nothing to do other than drink, drugs, or movies, or pool, or hang out in your house playing video games, not even bowling around here anymore, shoppings another idea, when i was growing up a hard slap on the hand to make it red, or a smack on the bum (only got the bum once), and corner along with it worked wonders, i turned out fine, i only needed that ONE slap on the bum and i never was bad again, i was a quiet kid, also, never cursed as a child ...that soap in my mouth ONCE was enough for me, now you cant do anything to discipline your child, and they wont listen to ya, c.a gets involved bc the child tells their teacher that they got a slap on the hand, etc, i think its rediculous, if you are not hurting your child it should be acceptable, i understand some people have no control and end up beating their child, however, thats when c.a should be in volved, not from a slap on the hand >_>

Sara - commented on Apr 19, 2012

Time out is very effective for some children in some circumstances. My boys needed spanking, time out was nothing and they would stand and daydream for however long you made them stay. Then they did the exact same thing they were in time out for. As teenagers grounding them was more effective than time out had been when they were younger but at that point they knew that I would spank them if they needed it, therefore I didn't need to anymore. I know people who use timeout only, some have very good kids and others need to spank theirs becuase timeout don't work for them-but they don't realize it. It is really all in the personality of the child I think.

Ron - commented on Oct 5, 2011

Linda: your comments are correct and to the point! That's what sensible dialogue is all about!!!

Linda - commented on Oct 10, 2011

Thank you Ron!

Carissa - commented on Sep 24, 2012

You realize proverbs was one of the books Christian scholars were going to leave out of the Bible right? It was also standard in the day to beat women, stone prostitutes, crucify thieves, and own slaves. Perhaps we should also condone those outdated practices... I really have a problem with this spare the rod spoil the child nonsense. The one person I know who is really into this saying is not good to their children. They have been using a belt since their kids were only 2. But hey, a few thousand years ago an adulterer and a murderer wrote these words of wisdom so lets live by them. Hey may have been the wisest man in the world, but remember even mans wisdom is foolishness to God!!!

Sara - commented on Apr 19, 2012

because if you are the adult responsible for a child, you have to be able to discipline that child. If he or she does something that is extreme enough to need a spanking rather than a nose in the corner then it needs to be administered right then, not 8 hours later when his parents get home and he don't remember kicking you in the gonads and turning the diningroom table over because he is 4. Don't leave your children with anyone you do not trust to administer appropriate punishment for bad behavior.

Julie - commented on Oct 18, 2011

Carolyn - there is a BIG difference in hitting or spanking .. Hitting is retaliation while spanking should be a deterrent to bad behavior or punishment or rebelling or being naughty - but not for every little thing -

Chantelle - commented on Feb 11, 2012

i agree with julie i spank my children as a last resort but i have never hit my children you have a good point though i would never allow anyone to do any of the things you said in your comment to my children either nor would i spank anyone else's child either

Julie - commented on Oct 18, 2011

Be a wise mommie Jenny - learn the difference in hitting or grabbing and spanking -

Andrea - commented on Jan 19, 2012

I'm pretty sure she knows the difference between them. She's just stating that she would not allow anyone to TOUCH her daughter in any harmful way.

Sara - commented on Apr 19, 2012

No Andrea, actually she said not one will ever touch her daugher and disapline her besides her parents. I hope she NEVER leaves that child with anyone, or sends her to school, or anywhere that she will not be to see to her behavior. Parents, you have to be real, your children are not always with you and the adults in charge where they are have to be able to administer appropriate punishment if they misbehave. Not necessarily spanking, most schools and daycares do not spank anyway so that is not really in play here, but is they are never disceplined for bad behavior they will be when they go to jail.

Erin - commented on Jul 16, 2011

Please explain why. I'd love to get your full opinion rather than just a two word answer. Thanks so much!

Erin - commented on Jul 16, 2011

Why do you think that? It would be great to get your full perspective on this rather than just a two word answer.

Kristi - commented on Oct 8, 2011

Why hit your child in anger? You can seriously hurt them because you have no control over yourself. It is better to separate yourself for a moment to calm down. I do believe in spanking-but I control how hard and that is impossible if I have lost control of myself. After spanking I never tell them those lies you mention. We have a discussion on what happened and why. My son (age 2.5) knows the next time he climbs on to the bathroom sink to get in the medicine cabinet he is getting spanked. There is no surprise for him about this, he knows it will happen.

Sharlynn - commented on Jan 15, 2012

you NEVER lie to your child? Really? then i guess u dont tell them there is a tooth fairy...or a santa claus? I hate it when ppl say that...cuz its just another LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrea - commented on Jan 19, 2012

I have never told my child there is a tooth fairy or a santa claus..they are lies..why would you lie to innocent children?

Kimberly - commented on Sep 2, 2011

What? Learnt! Apparently you never "learned" either. On the other hand, maybe she deserved to have DCS called on her since she agreed to keep your bad a** kid again after you threatened her the first time.

Stephanie - commented on Oct 10, 2011

You are only judging by what you have read, you do not know the whole story, and as for you saying my child is a "bad a** kid" you do not know me or my son to say anything of kind like that.

Chantelle - commented on Feb 11, 2012

@kimberly huggins you are judging pull yourself inline don't bully others and don't target a child because you don't like what his mother has said @ stephanie i am sure your son is a good kid and you had your reasons to do what you did i am sure you are a great mother who just made a mistake we all make them and it's okay don't let others harsh judgments upset you

Barbara - commented on Dec 6, 2012

I have ALWAYS supported my daughter's teachers if there was a child behavioral issue at school. This isn't an across-the-board issue however. If the teacher steps out of line in admonishing a child (happened two or three times in our small church-based school), I will not support that teacher's behavior and will address it with the teacher privately. Should that fail, school administration was my next step in curing the problem. I did have to do this twice due to lack of cooperation from the teacher who maintained it was perfectly fine to humiliate a little girl (not my daughter) in her fourth grade classroom. Behavior is a learned skill that both parents and teachers teach by modeling good behavior to the kids. Negative or inappropriate behavior should NEVER go unchallenged, whether by child or adult.

Torie - commented on Nov 5, 2011

I feel your pain. I have a child that is close to that type of behavior. It's very exhausting. I agree. and sometimes it feels as though you can do everything short of beating them and nothing helps. Trust me, I know how you feel.

Danielle - commented on Nov 24, 2011

Hi Tori, Yes it is very hard. Sometimes you wanna just pull all your heair out and scream sooo loud that it will drown them out for as long as possible. Then there are the times tho when they are listening and being so cute that you look at tehm and think I really do love you to absolute bits but you drive me fn bonkers lol

Sharlynn - commented on Jan 15, 2012

I totally agree with you...my son lives with me, but i cannot use spanking on him because his father threatens to take him if I do...i did let him live with his dad for a few months but his dad and step-mom couldnt handle him so he came back. now they are seeing my point of view a bit more, My daughers were spanked when they were little and they are well behaved young ladies.

Sara - commented on Apr 19, 2012

I agree with you on your use of spanking your child - only when his behavior could have caused real harm. What if you are not there, and won't be there for hours and hours? What if he does something that could have caused serious harm, or worse DOES cause serious harm, after his caregiver told him to do not do that thing? Does his caregiver spank him and let him go on with his day after a few minutes or does she make him sit in a chair all day until you get back from whereever you had to go?

Erin - commented on Jul 16, 2011

Can you explain why?

Ron - commented on Aug 14, 2011

TealRose, Whether 19 states or 22 states have reinstated the corporal punishment law in the schools, it is still the "law of the land in those states. Now why did those states reistate the law that so many people hate? It is because of the Colombine Murders that were committed by somebody's children who did not take the time to exert proper training and discipline toward the children that they bore. Now, it is not the responsibility of any state in the Union to train your child proper behavior at home or in public. It is the responsiblilty of each parent to use every parenting tool available in order to teach their chilren what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Now, I understand you to say that after you were hit once by your parents that you hated them. And you felt that because they hit you, they did not love you. Now, what was the reason that they hit you? Did you try to put your finger in a socket, or place your hand on a hot stove, or did you run out into traffic? And did you get a couple of swats on the rear, or did they hit you with a two by four across you head? I can see from the strong stance that you take against spanking that you must have been a lot to handle by your parents. In other words, "A strong-willed child". And after they hit you and you told them that you "hated" them, did they cater to your wishes and let you run the household from then on? I ask those questions, because if every child had the thoughts that you have, there would be no need for parents, because every home would be run by a democratic vote, where each person in the family would have a vote on all decisions to be made, including a new born baby. Now, LET'S GET REAL!!! The law in all those states that reinstated corporal punishment did so because the school administrators and teachers could not teach because nearly 234,000 of their most "Brilliant and Brightest" did not know how to behave in class, and the teachers were prohibited from teaching those who really wanted to learn. And they knew that there was a reason for it. The lack of proper parenting, and discipline in the home. And if you read what I posted earlier, there were set guidlines to be used in the carrying out of that paddling by the school administrators. So, I would suggest to you, #1, that you get some heavy-duty counseling, so you can begin to heal inside from the hatred that you have for your parents. And #2, open your eyes, ears, and mind real wide, so that you can clearly understand these last few words. Spanking, or in legal terms, "physical force", is a light swat, or two, administered by the hand of a parent, without anger, to get the swift attention of a child to end unacceptable behavior, and I might add is legal and lawful by nearly half the states of the United States. And the cruel, terrible, unjust, and abusive beat-down of a child is done in anger, as well as administered with a wide belt, with buckle, extension cords, tree limbs, kitchen spatulas and spoons, is against the law in all 50 states and is punishable by a long extended tour in prison. I love my parents very much, and I always thank them for teaching me the difference between right and wrong behavior, and it only took a swat or two on my "seat of understanding", a little talking to about what I did, and a great big hug that set me on my way to serve 20 wonderful years in the United States Air Force, 22 years driving other peoples kids as a school bus driver, 8 years as an Alternative Sentencing Instructor for the City of Las Vegas Municipal Court, as well as an Author of a Parenting Book. Thank you Lord, and thank you Mom and Dad for teaching me great parenting skills.

Ixchel - commented on Aug 20, 2011

Thank You, Mr. Ron Mackey for your comment of the problems with children today, parents and their "lasafare" "lets just peacifiy them," PARENTING. You put so elloquently what my husband and I preach to anybody and everybody who will listen. These are the exact reason's we pulled our children out of public school and homeschool. Thank you, so much keep up the good comments!!!!!!