Is it okay to fight in front of your children?

Some couples make sure to never fight in front of their children, while others think it is healthy for kids to see their parents fight occasionally. What is your opinion on whether parents should fight in front of their children?

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29  Answers

42 2

I think it's fine as long as it's logical, calm and friendly. It teaches kids how to resolve problems. If it's aggresive, abusive and disgrading then it's the worst thing that parents can do to their children, the damage will be done and stays there forever.

13
30 8

Well Kayleen and Jennifer, to some extent I agree children should learn that their parents can have disagreements, but unfortunitely to my knowledge most arguments are never dealt with calm and most times harsh words are said and very seldom when two people get into it do they stop to think of what they say. I personally do-not agree in fighting in front of your children. They hear these discussions with their little brains and of course can't fully comprehend what is being said by the adults that are saying it. It will change a child for who they will/can be. Insercurity comes into play here with children that hear too much of these discussions and arguments.

7
41 4

It depends to what extent. My husband and I have never had a yelling match or physical arguement but if we would it would not be in front of our children. However, we have disagreed and went back and forth in front of our son. He is about to be 3 and understands feelings. We make sure to keep tempers low and if we feel an agreement can't be met to just end the convo when our son is around. My husband and I always hug afterwards and apologize so we try to lead by a good example.

6
51 0

I think it's a good thing, as long as its a non physical, non violent, non abusive arguement as it will show them people have different opinions and how to solve a disagreement healthy and how to use your words and how to compermise

6
0 10

No, they should not fight in front of the kids. The kids already get to feel the tension of the parents just being in the same room when the parents aren't getting along. Which by itself is bad enough. I know when I feel tension from others it makes me a nervous wreck!

5
167 1

I think children know when their parents fight even if they don't see/hear it so I think its better to let them see you handle it as long as its done in a calm manner.

5
0 0

My parents never did, and now as an adult, I honestly dont know how to resolve a conflict. they are both very mature people and I think if they had fought in front of me, it would not have been a traumatic event for my sister and I but rather a learning experience of how to fight with someone you love and then how to repair.

4
0 0

My parents also did not fight or disagree in front of me. They also did not discuss any thing in front of me. I did not know how to deal with disagreement except to stuff my feelings bacause if that. I think a disagreement needs to be resolved out in the open and then acknowleged with a hug and sometimes agree to disagree. Children need good examples to learn by.

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3 10

I have a really close best friend, her husband was cheating, they were always arguing about the cheating and his total lack of respect for her, her 3 month old baby ended up with an ulcer from all the tension that the baby felt, so no arguements and heated discussions are not healthy, parents should be adult enough to discuss things quietly and calmly. Children may know parents disagree, but shouting and yelling and name calling and swearing should not be a part of it. Children should never feel their security is in jeopardy. If a split is in the works, let the children know calmly, let them know you both love them and that your differences have nothing to do with them, they did nothing wrong. Never down your partner in front of them, love your children more than any disagreements. Never try to turn them against the other parent or have them choose sides. Put them first.

3
9 37

While an occaisional tiff over a real issue in which you have to compromise to resolve conflict is healthy because children need to learn how to solve their differences. But it's not good for them to see their parents constantly at each other's throats. if you're having knock-down-drag-out fights that escalate to near-violence and are so loud the police are coming to your house, you need to be in family counceling PRONTO!

3
0 0

NO "fighting." Civil disagreements-yes but no fighting.

2
0 12

I would not like to use the word fight, but for parents to have a disagreement in the presence of their children can be a learning experience for children, but only if parents have the capacity to handle disagreements in a mature and non confrontational way. Disagreements, however, on childcare or discipline should never be where children can hear it. Most people underestimate the amount of information and body language can be picked up by even very small children. Children learn their handling of conflict and disagreements at home.

2
16 0

It is never okay, nor "healthy" to fight (physical fight) in front of children. The children will, at some point, think that it's okay to fight also ( because Mom and Dad fight). It can also mentally affect the child. Parents who fight in front of their children should be ashamed of themselves. They aren't good role models. Later on in life, when the child starts to act/copy [ his parents'] actions, they won't ever take the blame: the result of their not so healthy parenting.

As far as an argument. That's fine. As long as the parents are calm, not screaming and yelling, and capable of compromising.

1
0 15

Fighting, angry arguments, and hostility are never ok to display in front of your children. I experienced that as a child and til this day it feels like it was yesterday. I might not remember what those hostile arguments were about, but I certainly remember how it made me feel and it leaves scars. Minor Disagreements handled lovingly can be discussed in front of your children, as it can be a postitive example for older children on how to handle disagreements. But just as we "hide" inappropriate issues from our children until specific ages, we should also shade our children from those angry, heated arguments.

1
1 0

I think that having a healthy disagreement from time to time is okay. What is not okay is daily screaming tirades, any type of physical fighting, or name calling. Having disagreements is part of life, and not everyone is always going to agree. Having a rational conversation, even if a bit heated, is fine. You can't shelter kids from everything, and they need to see that mommy and daddy are fine, even though we don't always see eye to eye. It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to sulk. Now...my husband and I rarely, truly fight. When we do get upset enough that we feel our voices raising...we move it to another room, behind closed doors - usually two. Usually within 15-20 minutes we are back out and it's blown over. So...summary - diagreements, fine...true fighting, no.

1
3 0

Me and my fiance usually don't. especially when it's about him, because we don't want him seeing us like that. I am his step mom, and i know that his mother fights with her spouse in front of him all the time, and he comes to our house and has nightmares about his mom fighting and he usually doesn't want to ho home, cause he knows they are going to fight.

1
0 0

I think it's unrealistic to expect that parents will never fight or argue heatedly in front of their children. I grew up an only child of parents who never argued or fought in front of me and honestly, because of that I had an extremely idealistic view of marriage that in no way prepared me for the hard work and compromise involved in a creating or having successful marriage. I failed miserably at it the first time and almost failed a second time as well. It was only after I threw out the idea of what I knew and observed to be my parents' "perfect" marriage that I was able to create a marriage that works for me...and that includes arguing a point when necessary and communicating feelings, bad or good so as to not "stew" over them and create a bigger issue than necessary. I tell my children that sometimes they will hear inappropriate things in the heat of battle but it doesn't mean there's not love there. Sometimes harsh words can be productive in a relationship. You can't like the person you live with 100% of the time and there will be conflict at times. I prefer to show my kids that sometimes conflict is inevitable in a relationship and it's how you deal with it and work through it (or not) that matters.

1
0 0

I have an answer , it goes like this why do we as parents go behind close door to show our love foreach other knowing that our children are not ready to see anything of that nature with no matter what age they are.
We as parents need to take our differences behind close doors just like we hide all the things they don't want to see or hear us as their parentssay and do. Some of our displays of affection is wonderful from them to see, a kiss, a hug, kind words, dealing with sickness,. they also need too see how their parents handle all emotions see and unseen. their parents reaction to the good, bad and the ugly.
We are their safe place to fall when they need us "not a village", they need their family to stop their yelling , screaming . This is what I tell my family its been over 20 years, its ok to get angry its what you do with that angry if you make the choice good or bad you then have to deals with whatever comes your way its all up to you begin well aware OFF the good or bad. What ever you choose you take the poeple that say they love you the most for help no sure if there;s really a safe place. Sad but ture not for all but some for most Carry on floks have a nice day today. I think we need to keep quite so lets start today by working on this, one minute, one hour and one hour at a time.

1
0 9

I think an occasional fight is okay, as long as they see you manage the conflict in a healthy way. Most important for them to see that you are okay with each other and as a couple. Kids learn how to handle their anger by watching their parents.

1
0 0

my parents never fought in front of us.i always thought that if you argued with someone then that ment the relationship was over.it took a long time to learn that wasnt the case. parents need to fight in front of thier kids so they learn it is ok to have arguments sometimes.

1
0 6

I believe that fighting in front of the children is not the best thing however, having a disagreement is perfectly fine. When people say the word fight I think of a heated argument in which both parties are probably not thinking of what they are saying and children will not benefit from it. Having a disagreement on something shows kids how to resolve different opinions and I believe it will help them in the long run.

1
0 0

No,children are to be respected,as adults demand respect from there children.We have to set the example for our children.Children attempt to set there own rules upon off the example they here or see on how there raised as children..

1
1 0

In a perfect world you would not need to. But since our house is average sized and lately my husband and my teens are not what I was hoping for....well I guess that poor 10 yr old kid might have to learn that even a Momma doesn't take any crap. So yeah, it's a good thing.

1
5 12

I think arguments in front of children are fine, this shows kids that marriage isn't perfect. And people are not perfect. BUT if you have someone walk away from the argument mad and slamming the door shut because they know the other person is right and can't handle it, then that is a different story. My husband does that to me all the time. As soon as he realizes that what I say actually makes sense he gets all mad and storms outside. Arguments are never resolved with us, "on the spot" because of it. I think our daughter picked up on that because she storms away from confrontation now too.

1
5 0

All my thanks goes to dr wisdom. My ex and I have been back together for two months now. And it's been even better than ever. We've been talking about our future, about moving in together and also getting married soon. Things between us are so great. I thank you for helping me to bring him back to my life!, and in case you want to also contact him for help email address: drlwisdomspelltemple@gmail.com

0
74 0

is never good to fight in front of children.

0
62 0

I don't think it's very good but it is part of life - sometimes it's hard to avoid.. I always apologize to my child if she does witness and argument and we both give her a big cuddle and have a hug together with her to make her feel secure again - and so she can see that we still love each other and everything is o.k

0
10 0

As long as you dont hurt each other and dont shout i defintely agree that is is okay because they should know what are your arguement so they can openly ask question.. and know what the right solution. They become ignorant if you should let them think and be curious about it

0
7 26

argue occasionally, playfully even-not fight

0
3 34

I think to see all forms of communicative exchange can be useful - but bear in mind the kids are sensitive, formulating their understanding of the nature of human interaction and how to treat people. If the fights are violent and/or the language destructive and hurtful, then way better to go off to the car or out the bottom of the back yard than cause the cold sick feeling in the pit of your kids' stomach. Or just to realise that having that sort of fight is also having a bad effect on you too! I do think that seeing parents have meaningful disagreements, and watching how these are resolved in a civilised way, is one of the best things a kid can learn from. Teaches resilience, the importance of fighting for your beliefs, and how to frame a coherent argument (hopefully). It also builds their vocabulary. Just ask Socrates. And Edward de Bono. And Geoffrey Robertson and Kathy Lette. Would love to be a fly on the wall for their domestic discussions.

0
0 0

When you say fighting, normally its not sounds good already for the kids. Kids age not good to give them the idea of fighting, better learn them about love....soon they will know it too, but not with us, as parents.

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