Should I treat my 13 year old as an adult?
At what age should parents start treating their children like adults?
No you shouldn't treat your 13 year old as an adult. For one thing 13 is way too young. Mentally and emotionally. A 13 year old is at that inbetween- everything sux- everything is wrong- why me stage. The entrance to becoming a teenager. Even though in most instances you can speak to a 13 year old with more in depth sentencing and phrasing there is so much that they can't put together yet.At 13 they are too old to be treated like 'little' kids and yet too 'young to be treated like a 'grown up' It's the horrid stage of lots of waits. Wait till your 16 to drive, wait till 18 to graduate, wait till your 21.... it's all about waiting. And even though it sounds harsh- 13 year olds NEED the wait. To grow into their own. TO really become who 'they' are. Not who they wish they could be or be like at this age. Treating them as if they are grown will only open up a door you had wished had been kept closed a little longer. Defiance can occur- and it will at its own pace all ready- Curiously though, why would anyone want their 13 year old child to become an adult? It's not a matter of keeping them children forever, but allowing them to remain children for as long as they are. Growing up and being an adult isn't the fun we all thought it would be. And there is plenty of time to figure it out. In the meantime- at 13 they still need the restrictions and security and stability.... to be able to tread the waters of growing up slowly at their own pace and be able to pull back into their own if it all becomes too much. I'm not a doc, just a mom- of 5 sons 24, 19, 17, 14, and 10.... So I've seen the 13 time 4 times now...and I've noticed that though they like the idea of being treated like an adult...they really don't want it. They like being talked to, not at and listened to, not just heard... empathy is usually more requested than lectures or lessons... and fun is always in demand. That's my two cents....
As a teacher of teenagers and a mom of a 13 year old myself, simply put - Why "treat" someone like something they're not?
You why would you treat a 13 yr old as an adult?
They are just starting puberty and are just seeing the world through different eyes.
Even though they want to be independant like an adult. They really don't have a clue at 13 what the real world is about. They NEED our direction and actually depend on us to give it.( even though they buck from it.) This is a good age to add more responsibility and a little more freedom to make mistakes now.
No. They can be treated as an adult at age 18 and/or when they've moved out of the house. My house, my rules. Don't like my rules? Buh-bye.
Since you are legally responsible for almost ANYTHING your under 18 year old does, they are considered a child for the most part. This means YOU, THE PARENT(not friend, not buddy) needs to treat them like both the emotional and legal age that they are. A mature 13-14 year old may have a bit more freedom than an immature one, but legally, they still cannot do certain things, and it is YOUR responsibility to make sure they learn about choice and consequences in a safe way.
I have raised 3 sons myself and helped raise my 7 siblings - and 13-18 is difficult - I think the problem with kids today are their parents who let them take over - for some reason children seem to think they are in charge - wrong! They can't be - they don;t know enough yet or have enough life experience - of course there are always exceptions to every rule - I was a very responsible child and was "in charge" from a young age - but only out of necessity - not by right.
Children who think they are grown and are given free rein often end of in trouble - there has to boundries, consequences, discipline, consistency and rewards. Let your child know that you respect some of their requests but only the ones that are reasonable.
I agree with all those who say a 13-year-old is not an adult. Teenagers are like overgrown toddlers with a mouth. I have a couple myself. One is very mature for her age, the other not. That said, they are both still kids and not adults. I have expectations for behavior and they do have responsibilities, but there are some things they cannot handle yet. They don't have the life experience or the processing capabilities. Teenagers pre-frontal lobes are not formed. They, physiologically, cannot understand cause and effect to any great extent.
No because he/she is not an adult, until they are able to take on adult responsibilities & act like an adult until then they are still teens.
No way ,thats why kids are always in trouble ,they think they are grown and can do as they like.
18 if they act there age and 21 if they don,t, and sometimes not even then.
I have a 46 year old and a 40 year old and 5 grandkids , so I can say been there done that and still doing it with the gradnkids.
Life is fast enough ,slow down and let the kids be kids.
As my doctor explained to our 13 year old son, "You are not an adult. Until you turn 18 and assume responsibility for your actions and can legally sign a consent, you will do exactly as your parents tell you to do." This was because my son was refusing to take his medication for ADD and the results of this was that he failed term 2. My advice is "NO! Do not treat your child like an adult. As someone previously stated they are just starting puberty, only just LEARNING to be adults. No one can tell me that a 13 year old is responsible enough to handle alcohol (please, I know adults that are not responsible when it comes to that). Their teen years should be a learnign curve and they should enjoy being young. By treating them as adults you are taking away their freedom to be children still. I believe our kids have enough stress to grow up with, no need to add extra by treating them as adults.
My daughter is 15 and she THINKS she's an adult. I have never treated as like an adult because she still has and had a lot of learning to go through. I think there are a lot of parents that are wanting to be their childs best friend instead of being the parent and that best friend is being talked to and treated like an adult. I don't think they are ready at 13 and if you try to treat your 13 yr old like an adult I'm worried that you may regret it later. However, EVERYONE has different way of raising their children. You do what you feel is best. If you think it's better for you to be treated like an adult then go for it if your comfortable with that. But know that it may backfire.
Seriously? Is your 13 yr old old enough to open a bank account on their own? Are they old enough to drive? Would she be able to take care of an infant? Would they know what to do in event of emergency? Are they old enough to drink? Vote?
Why on earth would you grant freedoms to someone who isn't even out of middle school?
The main problem with kids today is that wishy-washy parents who want to be their "friends" will not stand up to them and teach them the difference between children and adults, and will give in to any demand. This is not raising responsible adults, people, it's creating a batch of monsters!
A child is an adult when they have completed several steps in their lives, only ONE of which is turning 18. To treat a 13 year old like an adult is not only completely stupid (IN MY OPINION), but it is also unfair to the child that should still have 5 years before they have to be an adult.
When your children are paying rent in their own home, they pay their own bills, have their own jobs, and you don't have to hold their hand nor financially support them. That's when a child becomes an adult.
God no!!! As a mother of an 18 and 16 year old.. . .no!!! !3 year olds, more than 7 year olds need parents to be PARENTS!!!
I have six children between 12 and 17 year old. (Half of them are stepchildren). I would never treat them as an adult. Those between 15 and 17 year old can stay op for longer time but all of them I put out to play daily and treat tem as children but I talk to them as a adult. We talk about feelings and way I they should do as a say.
Mother in Iceland
The simpliest I can put it...is....To know when someone is an adult is when you see they take responsiblity for their actions. Admit when they are wrong and make it right. Believe it or not there are 40 yr olds out there that still haven't become a TRUE ADULT. Thats what I explain to my son, when he doesn't want to except responsiblity for his actions. Having a mans body doesn't make you a man, you have to learn to be responsible. In that there is the makings of a Honorable man.
My son will be 13 in a couple of months, he is far from ready to be an adult...has ADHD..honor roll student. He hasn't even started puberty yet. But...he does show a lot of effort in becoming an adult by his actions. We will see if it stays that way when he goes thru and after puberty! My oldest is my daughter....She was and is AWESOME. She never tried to smoke, do drugs, drink, get pregnant or run around like she didn't know there are consquences for her actions. I am thankful for how blessed I have been! I wish you the same!
I have a couple friends who treat/treated their teens as adults with nothing but tragic results! One daughter is 19 with 2 children and that was the BEST case scenario we could have hoped for her!! Another has her 3 children walking all over her and the 17 year old is using the house like a bar/drug house/whorehouse as well as all his friends feel free to do so also 24 HOURS PER DAY!! A third friend has her 18 year old selling drugs from her house at all hours of the night. KIDS NEED AUTHORITY, EXAMPLE AND DISCIPLINE in order to learn how to do this for themselves. Allowing them to have free reighn on their lives leads to very bad decisions because they have poor peer influence and have not yet developed the skills and mentality to police themselves. They act in the heat of the moment because they do not have the ability to control the impulse. They LITERALLY have not physically developed a section of their brain that helps them do this.
13 year-old children, want to act like adults (at least what they think adults act like) however they don't have a real concept of all the work and responsibilities that adults have. There is an episode of the Cosby Show where Clair and Cliff treat Theo like an adult and show him some of the real responsibilities like working for a living, paying bills, feeding yourself. I did this with my son one weekend and he realized he wanted to be treated like an adult with me still, cooking, cleaning, driving him around, and giving him access to my wallet. When he realized, as an adult I have MORE responsibility not less he changed his tune for a few years. He is now 15 and it's time for a refresher lesson. The truth is they get treated like adults when they ARE adults.
I agree that 13 is far to young to be treated like an adult. However, each child is different in maturity level. You should start allowing them to make decisions, and sometimes mistakes, in a controlled environment where mistakes won't be life changing. As they make good decisions, get older, and gain trust, you can loosen the reins. My 18 year old has a lot more freedom than my 14 year old. Even at 18, I probably don't really treat my daughter like an adult. Yes, she is in some ways. No, she is not in others. She still needs my guidance in certain areas because she is inexperienced. She has her own checking account, a car, a job and we pretty much let her go where she wants as long as we know where and with who. However, she recently wanted to drive 7 hours to go see a concert and we told her no. We didn't feel it was safe for her at this point in her life and driving ability.
At 13, my girls had chores. They were allowed to go to sleepovers if I knew the parents well and knew they were safe there. My oldest was allowed to go to the mall for a couple of hours with friends (I dropped off and picked up) or to the movies. My youngest was not allowed to do this at 13, because she was boy crazy and a lot less mature at that age than my oldest.
I also reserve the right to check up on my kids at any time I please and they both know it. As a mom, I have a real sixth sense about when my kids are lying to me or something isn't quite right. If I feel that way, rest assured that I will show up and check in to be on the safe side.
Also, never, ever listen to your child when they tell you that ALL the other kids' moms let them do such and such. First, I don't care what other moms do. God gave my children to me because He knew I was what was best for them. I don't base my parenting on what anyone else does. Second, some of today's parents are insane and let 7th graders date boys who are driving and go on dates. No way was my 7th grader EVER going to do that. Last year, my youngest was in 8th grade, and one of the other girls was having sleepover with a boyfriend because the mother was allowing it. Needless to say, she doesn't go to that girls house ever.
The result? I feel like I did and do sit on my girls somewhat, but I also have two really good girls who are going to be good members of society and great moms in the future.
A 13 yr old is still a child mentally, emotionally, and even physicially. They don't become a "fully-matured adult" until after age 25 yr, or older. At age 13 yr, the child is just beginning to learn who they are as a person, and far from being able, or stable enough, for making adult decisions. A child of this age is still in need of strong boundaries in their life... not freedoms to live as they please. Albeit, they deserve the utmost of respect, as does everyone! If you want to destroy a child's sense of security, remove all boundaries from their life, and turn them loose. You'll watch them quickly self-destruct.
A 13 yr old will appear to begin to seperate themselves from parents, begin insisting upon more and more freedoms, and avoiding spending much time with the parents. They will even begin to become argumentive, developing matching attitudes, disrespectful, etc., but, as insane as it sounds, it's all normal, and to be expected. The child is simply "growing up", and parents must not take this phase in life as a que to stop parenting. A parent MUST be a parent...not the child's bestfriend. This is the time when parenting must become unique, and interesting, to say the least.
The Bible tells us "to raise a child in the RIGHT way, and they'll never forget how they should live". Love them more, with an open handed grip.
You should treat your child as an adult when they are adults no sooner. Respect, privacy and consideration are another thing. Your child needs time to be a child just like mine they all will grow up soon enough no point in rushing it. Take this advice my mother treated me as an adult at a young age I've been smoking since 12 and got pregnant at 14.
I think the way you should ask this is.... Should a 13 year old assume more responsibilities? 13 is still young, but they do need to feel as though you trust them, and can count on them to help out, but this is not treating them like an adult, this is being a parent, and teaching them to grown into a responsible young adult when they leave your house at 18. You do however always need to keep your waves of communication open with them, and be able to answer any adult questions they ask, or they may ask someone else, and then you lose your role as a parent.
Definately not, they might be a teenager but that doesn't warrant them to be treated like a adult. Being a teenager (adolescent) this is the next chapter in their life from being a child,. with this stage comes changes not only with their bodies/puberty but with relationships and life choices, decisions that effect them now and into adulthood, take each day as it comes as there really is no need to rush life - its confusing enough as a child/teenager without rushing to be an adult with more responsibility.
when they show they can be responsible , my daughter showed that at 16, my husband taught her how to balance a ck.book. she worked to help pay for some of her expenses, and she knew what her career was to be and now she is 40 yrs.old and is a nurse practitioner and the mother of 3. she lives a good christion life,and we are so proud of her. we always let her know she could come to us w/ any problem she had. and treated her w/respect. we never disaplined her in public or in front of her friends, hope this helps, just love them and try to remember how you would like to be treated and treat them as so. belonging to a christian church and keeping them involved w/ church teen groups really helps also
Well....I'm at this stage right now. My son will be turning 14 in November, starting high school on Tuesday and deciding he wants to play rugby!!! ALL children are different. My son has gone through soooo much already. He's an old soul. I have decided that he needs to know certain things but not all things. I believe you can talk to your child as an adult when you believe they are ready. No one else can make that decision except you. You know your child best. Personality, intelligence, and emotional stability are the things you need to base your decision on. NOT to say your child is not amazing but some kids have not been exposed to certain things. If this has not happened then PLEASE make them be children as long as possible. I have 2 children....My son was just so much more emotionally advanced than my daughter, 6, when they were the same age. But he had to be! Take your time....Children need to be children for as long as possible. I am sooo emotional on thins subject....It's hard for me to answer but I felt I needed to share. Thank you....
They are not adults but that doesn't mean they can't do their own homework, laundry, pack their own lunches etc. Teaching them independence is important but treating them like adults will lead to trouble. Studies have shown the reasoning aspect of the adolescents brain is not developed in puberty hence the poor decisions they sometimes make. They need rules and guidelines set down now more then ever. Good luck!
In a word no......
Do w treat 30 year old like the elderly?
At what age should we? At the age where they ARE self sustaining adults?
Does anyone remember being 13? I do. At 13 I remember the things I thought I knew, let me list them.
2. Being popular
4. Not being lame like my responsible parents
5.convincing my parents to let me stay out past midnight (to drink & make out with 17 year old boys)
6. Tolook good in a string bikini
7. School is stupid
8. My parents are dumb, I am smarter than them
Sound like somebody u should entrust with adult responsibilities?
No. You can give a 13 year old increasingly more responsibility for themselves and teach them how to survive in the world without you but 13 year olds are still children and need guidance. Would you allow your 13 year old to make all their own decisions regarding curfew, drinking, smoking, sex, and drugs? I would provide guidelines that I expected to be followed. I might treat a 17 year old who was leaving for college in a year like an adult, so that the shock of being on their own wont be coupled with the new found freedom to "party". I guess I would want to know what you think treating them like an adult would include. Letting them decide whether or not to eat their veggies, yes. Letting them decide on curfew or whether or not to drink alcohol or have sex, no.
when the child show the respect & responsible, that goes with the demands of being an adult, he/she should be mature enough to make great choices & show that he/she can deal with the added responsibility of becoming an adult, if the parent isnt sure then do a trial experiment with the child, go to the store leave child alone, give them the responsiblity of fixing part of supper/dinner for the family, including finishing homework, other chores, etc... it the child can do this then they should get more resposibilties, but if not then go back to the drawing board & just try smaller things to get the child ready for the next experiment.
A 13 year old is not an adult. She's not a little kids either, she's an adult-in-training and she still has a lot to learn. You are still legally responsible for her and her actions. 18 will come soon enough, and even then they still have learning to do, even though legally they are considered an adult. Treat your child intelligently, answer her questions openly and honestly. Provide latitude as she demonstrates responsibility, but remember she is still subject to peer pressure.
100 years ago a 13 year old was an adult. In many a country a 13 year old get marry, have children, and enter a world of adults. Yes they are young, but so was your great grandparents who got married at a young age. My fathers, father was married when his wife was 16 (consider an old maid) and she borne 15 children. If you look around the country 13 year olds are wise or stupid far beyond their age. 13s can get into adult trouble. SEXTING is an example where you child can be toss into jail.
Treat your 13 only as a child when you need be. Then ask yourself that when you were 13 did you want your parents to treat you as a child, when you were stupid enough to make bad mistakes.
You are there to guide your child into being a adult.
that question is so vague! I guess it depends upon what treating them like an adult means to you. I think children should be treated with dignity and respect, given age appropriate chances at independence and opportunities to make choices, but they are not adults at 13.
There is no magic age that you should start treating them differently! It should be a gradual increase of responsibilities
The world around us has "grown up" in so many ways then we can begin to handle compared to years ago when we were small. I enjoyed fishing, berry picking, sock hops, catching jellyfish and the like...as I got older I tried what I could get away with I guess...however, what I do remember most about the things I tried was that I wasn't very informed, drawing my own conclusions as to how I ended up and what I thought about it. I entered the life as an adult at the young age of 16 and though I turned out OK I still wish that I had known a little more. As a result I do share with my children information, not all of coarse, about things that they inquire about and some that they don't. We can never predict the future but most of us can make a calculated guess I'm sure...today's technologies that most kids have or want because their friends have has added new light to the importance of educating your kids and sadly a lot is of "adult" nature....I guess in much simpler terms.... if I teach my children how to cook a 3 coarse meal...one course at a time...they will be fully equipped to handle their dinner guests by the time they are old enough, and not forgetting to take the time for love, hugs and kisses and reassuring them that no matter how old...we are there for them!!!
Our children depend on us for too much. The rules that governs us all depends on us to treat our children like children. We -the responsible adults are the ones held responsible for our children under the age of 18 yrs of age. Why ask this question? What is the meaning behind it? Do you require your 13 yr old to work a full time job? Pay the majority of the household bills and their name is on the lease, the mortgage, utility bill etc... if not then the answer is a flat out NO. We have to be careful here, children respect parents who act like parents, and that means being responsible and having the mindset to know you are the adult.
I remember being 13. I was accomplished in subjects like 9th grade Algebra and Science, but when it came to knowing how to be an adult -- I wasn't capable. I've taught high schoolers - ages 14-18. They begin to know how to act like adults, at times, but, their emotions are like firecrackers. They feel everything passionately and want to act on their feelings without any reflection. Please don't believe that your teenager is ready to be an adult because they want to be. You can help them make the transition, gradually, if you have built up good communication with them in the past. Even kids in their first year of college are known to make poor decisions: go out and drink beer with their friends, instead of completing the homework they are assigned to help them pass their courses. At that age, theyshould be ready to understand there's consequences for their actions -- and sometimes they have to learn "the hard way."
My daughter wanted a new car for her 16th birthday. Her girlfriend got a new Camaro, and, 6 months later, the boyfriend totalled the car. This is not an unusual story. It is unusual that no one was killed in the wreck. My daughter can now buy her own cars, because she completed college and earned a really good job as a computer analyst. But, maybe she would not have been able to do all that if I hadn't held firm when she was a teenager.
To answer your question, I believe you may start treating your children like adults when they show they can keep a job, help pay for their education, or a roof over their head, or food on their plate. Some kids that age might be 17, others - it may be 20, but definitely not 13.
In my new book, What Do You Expect? She's a Teenager! A Hope and Happiness Guide for Moms with Daughter ages 11-19, I talk about creating a climate of respect and that it all starts at home. As a psychotherapist and Mom of two very grown young adults, who are good citizens and good eggs, and living away from home, Todd 28 and Samara 22, I can't imagine expecting my thirteen year old child to behave "like an adult." Our 13 year olds can behave impulsively, not think things through, can have tantrums, and be extremely impatient. Please don't be fooled by the look of psedo-maturity or that she/he has turned 13. Even the most grown up "old soul" at 13 is still emotionally ill equpted to handle adult responsibilies like fully taking care of him/herself both physically, financially, emotionally and intellectually.
Maybe it's the word adult? Children develop at different paces. I think perhaps giving her a bit more privileges now that she's a teenager needs to be measured by what out kids are into and up to expecially on the internet, facebook and their cell phones. Have all of her passwords and monitor. So I would continue to be her doting fingers on the pulse mom who works at being attuned to her child growing up. For more advice, vignettes from my practice, stories from the heart, and conversation starters take a look at Amazon.com page. My book in available at B&N. Good Luck and Blessings.
Would u treat an adult as a 13 yr old?
No I don't believe a 13 yr old should be treated as an adult. I began treating my own children, as adults, when they either moved out of my house or became 21 and therefore legally responsible for themselves.
I believe teenagers should be given more freedom, but stricter rules along with consequences for their actions, in preparation for adulthood. I tell my baby, who is 16, that the streets will never have love for her like I do. I also lovingly remind her that "home IS the place where she should make her mistakes and recover from them!"
Not at thirteen. They are children that needs so much guidance, discipline and structure in their lives, that will guide and enable them to make informed and good choices when the time comes. I've seen the effects of allowing too much when children are not quite ready for that responsibility. At 25, my son still lacks the basic decision-making skills. Although he's not aggressive, he doesn't respect authority, have very little consideration for others in a work-environment, and always gets fired from his jobs. It's always the bosses' whose wrong. He understands that his attitude needs to change, but I'm not sure whether he's willfull or not able to change. At the age of 15, he attended an adolescent centre for troubled teens, but even there, he behaved smarter than the counsellor.
Ginger says it all, and says it correctly, as do all those who agree with her.
There are those who would suggest that it's alright to treat a 13 year old like an adult if you feel they are mature. They are what I like to call "WRONG." People who suggest it is proper to treat a teen as an adult are simply making excuses for their own bad parenting choices.
There is a reason that children are not considered adults until 18! Even then they make some pretty stupid decisions, but there has to be a point where they need to start learning how to stand on their own two feet without their parent's interference, even while living at home. It should most definitely NOT be when they are 13 though.
Using the immature behavior of some adults is not an excuse for treating supposedly "mature" teens as adults.
And P.S......there are many people who think their child is an exceptionally mature person for their age. Number one, they are still a child regardless of how mature the parent thinks they are. Number two, other people, who are not prejudiced by proud parenthood, can see more clearly that the child is not as mature as the parents think they are.