Should you still work if you are raising two kids and your boyfriend or husband works?

Deciding whether to be a working or stay at home mom is a tough decision for many women. If your partner has a stable income, how would you decide if you should stay at home full time or head out into the work force?

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21  Answers

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A happy Mom means happy kids so if finances aren't an issue, do what YOU want to do. I tried working full-time when my son was a baby, and that resulted in me seeing him for 90 minutes a day and on weekends only. When I had my daughter I went back part-time nights and weekends, but I found myself constantly stressed and ignoring the kids on my days off as I was always trying to play catch-up with errands and house work. A health crisis forced me to quit my job and now I'm home full-time and I have to tell you I'm sooooo much happier. When I was working the kids were constantly worried and asking me who would take care of them while I was at work (and Daddy was working too), but they've admitted that they feel much better now that I'm at home all the time. I now have the luxury of time to put them in a few activities, they can have playdates, and they get more time for cuddles and stories at bedtime instead of me telling them to hurry up because I have things to do. Just my experience.

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858 17

I'm a single mom so i dont have a choice but to work and even if i had a choice i'd still work. I hated being a stay at home mom. The kids are much happier going to daycare as they get to play with their friends and love their teachers. If i were with someone and could afford to live on one income i still wouldnt. I've been working since i was 14 and was never one to just sit around the house. Everyone has different opinions on it but thats mine and i dont enjoy staying home one bit

3
13 68

My situation, like so many, is unique. My dream was to be a copywriter and work in advertising. I finally made it and have been successful in it for 8+ years now. I also have a two-year-old son. We want more. This last year I was diagnosed with CIDP, a dehabilitating auto immune disease that causes paralysis/weakness in your legs, feet and hands. I've been able to continue working with rides from family and lots of other help, but the progress is slow. Getting to work and continuing to work has been exceptionally difficult and has made me ask why I am doing this and what am I getting out of it. The answer for me is a what I call our "2 year retirement plan". I want to be at home with our kids, while working freelance on the side. In 2 years we'll be financially ready and my husband will be making enough so I can do that. I feel strongly about my decision and know it's the best choice for my family and for me. I think that's the right answer - knowwing whatever you decide is best for you and your family. God bless us all for fighting the good fight - working outside the home or not.

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i have 2 children, both age 3, they go to a play school 4 days a week for 4 hours. I work from home running a successful business. We still have all our afternoons together and my children genuinely love their play school. I agree that it is important for kids to have the influence and love of their parents, but I also think it is equally important for them to see their parents reaching for their dreams and becoming a success at what God has gifted them in - and not to grow up thinking that a woman's only purpose is to take care of the home and watch the children (note- i said "only", i do believe caring for the home and family are a great responsibility and ones to be proud of, but it is not our only capability and children need to see that exemplified in their parents). I also think going to a play school helps develop the child's social skills and independence, which both help tremendously with mental, emotional and physical development later in childhood. If a mom wants to stay at home, great! But I don't think, even a little bit, that a stay at home mom is necessary for a child to grow up well and know that he/she is loved and looked after well.

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1 1

I would also remember that some families work interesting schedules to make being home as much as possible a priority, while also maintaining full time work. My husband is a police officer, and we work opposite days and shifts most of the week, meaning our daughter only goes to childcare (in a loving home) two days a week. I work full time in higher education, and we are both developing our careers while building our family (baby 2 is on the way, and we have both recently received promotions). The trade-off for us is the difficulty of fitting in time alone as a couple. We have the benefit of a great babysitting coop, and we're also creative about after-bedtime, in home "dates." With flex time and new working models, I don't think the decision is work or not work for me and many of my colleagues; instead, the decision is how to be mom and professional in more creative ways.

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1 21

I would decide depending on whether staying at home with the kids mentally stimulating enough for me. For some women, they have a strong idenitity with earning thier own money and being productive in the workforce. For other women it is not as important. Many experts advise us mothers to carve out "me" time and for some women that comes in the form of a job. Either way if mommy is happy then the family is happy.

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I feel that you have to make that desicion for yourself and family. What works for one family doesn't mean it works for yours. I look at it this way, my husband and I have 3 kids, and we want to be able to porvide for them always, high school comes a car, college after that, and all the expenses that occur in this world. We also want to retire one day. I work right now for the future of them whether I am here to see it or not, I want them to be able and my husband and I to be able to povide these things to them. We have a good savings account, we are able to buy things needed, not stress over money when things occur so it works for us. Every person feels that whatever they 'do" is whats best, well that only applies to them. Do whats best for you, your feelings, your beliefs, dn't feel guilt b/c you see yours kids after work and on the weekends, so what, what really are you missing out on, who's to say they will take their first step on a Monday @ 10am, or on a saturday @ 11am? When they start kindergarten you will not be w/ them all day. Be able to contribute to your family and not have it all rely on your spouse. Time have changed now, things are more expensive and being able to contribute will mke you as a person feel good, if thats how you view it!!!!

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0 14

I think it is personal thing. IF you can stay home and want to great! If you can't you can't. It depends on your own personal Family dynamic. What makes your family the happiest?

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0 2

i dont choose to stay at home ,id rather be working

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0 4

Mothering IS a FULL time job. When moms work, many important parts of childhood are relegated or left out. Who wants someone making minimum wage raising their children. What is truly in the child's /children's best interest?

1
0 21

You make it sound as if people who make minimum wage don't really care. That's a pretty harsh judgement As someone who worked for less than minimum wage to watch other people kids, I can state that, that's entirely untrue. I can speak for all sides, I used to work while my kids were being cared for by "minimum wage workers", I have watched kids for less than minimum wage, and I have been a stay at home mom for 15 out of the 21 years I've been a mom and it's about what works for YOU, not everyone else. Some people have perfectly stable households where both parents work, my husband's parents worked his whole life and he's a well adjusted person. His parents went to his football games, wrestling meets, his dad took him camping, hunting and hiking and each worked 40 hrs a week. His mom kissed his boo-boos and showed him how to respect women, while making extra money so that the family could take summer vacations to fun places. His sister is also completely "normal". It's not always about the amount of time you have with your kids. Look I'm all for staying at home if you can, I'm also all for going to work if you want, or if you need to as long as you make every other minute you have with your child a good one. And please realize that just because someone makes minimum wage, doesn't mean they are less than adequate.

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0 0

I believe if there are two children to be taken care of and your husband partner has a stable decent income you should stay home. Of course its a personal choice. I believe the kids need a stable environment to be growing in. As well as consistency.

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I started my own at home business to help while my husband was in te military. Never looked back. The amount it's helped us is amazing. And I am looking forward to fully retiring my husband in a couple months.
I think this is a decision that both parent have to make together as to whether or not you work outside the home. I just don't prefer it. I Love I can do my business with my kids.

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33 0

It's nice to have part-time work so that you can maintain a sense of self but still have enough time for your kids. If they're in school, most part-time work opportunities would not even interfere with spending time with them and still allows you be there for them before and after school.

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2 13

You can be a stay at home mom and earn money while you do it. I am a mom of 3 and this works for me.

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0
44 0

If you are blessed to be able to stay home with your children, I would strongly suggest doing so. Not only will you enjoy watching them grow but you give them a foundation of what it's like to have security. I had the opportunity to give up a wonderful job, making great money to raise my child. He has not disappointed me and has exceeded what I would ever have imagined. If I was not home, it wouldn't have turned out as well. They are only little once...enjoy that time and take lots of pictures

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11 0

Aside from getting a break from being around the house and getting satisfaction that comes from having a job, there are other benefits. The extra money is useful around the house, plus if something happened to Dad (God forbid), you would already have been used to working and contributing towards the family finances.

If the kids are in school, it might not a bad idea to work part-time, if you want to be sure that one of you is around when the kids are home. As they get older, you could look at working full-time.

If you're entrepreneurial, starting a business at home is something you could consider too.

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11 0

I remember the two years I was at home with my daughter full-time. Although I loved taking care of her, doing household chores and watching daytime TV was not enough for me! I needed the stimulation of working outside the home. It was not about the money. I started working six months ago and I am happier and more fulfilled now. I think I am a better Mom and wife as a result. Of course the extra dosh is helpful and my daughter is in pre-school group now so it is all good!

29 0

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4 17

For me this seems like an easy choice. I love my two kids and glad that I have a husband who is there for them and takes care of us, but I also like the little bit of time out of the house without kids. We both like to enjoy certain things in life that cost money like big tv's, computers and being able to eat out. My husband works full time and I work part time. And since having kids I'm not the kind of person who likes to go out and party all the time so for me working is something productive I can do while still getting me out of the house a few days a week.

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32 21

Should? That's kind of a loaded word. Is it a social expectation, one way or the other? Is it a financial imperative, or a nicety? Is either answer a self-imposed requirement for perceived self-worth? Or is it the common wondering of a person just stepping into a new stage of life?

Only you know the answer.

Once you know, it will make your personal decision much clearer & easier.

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32 21

As long as your actions make it clear to your family that they are loved & important, you will do well in any role you choose.

37 45

I decide to go back to work with my first child was 7months, and this was a benefit to both of us he went to a nursery where I got on well with the staff I could talk to them about any problems or issues arose. He was 18months when his brother arrived he began to get a bit out of control so at 3months I put his brother into nursery a half day a week to start, by the time he was nine months they were in 2days a week and I was working part time. The social and support benefits I got from this was excelant. Think about your needs as well as the childs! But I definately think the increase in confidance and social ability helps them develop.

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31 0

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If you start work in a traditional business you will be trading a unit of time for a unit of money. It is my belief, you and every other working mom is a much more valuable asset to themselves, and others by having the luxury of time to personally raise their children.

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0
29 10

I was a working mom, when I had my first and all I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom with her. Then I became a stay at home mom. I enjoyed it very much. Then I be came a part time worker, not bad and it was my happy medium. With my husband still in the military I had a hard time keep a job where my boss could work with me on hours so I could work while my husband was home with the kids. So now I own my business and work from home. Taking orders as I have time to. With my family coming first.

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Adriana, can I ask what sort of business are you in? I am looking for the possibilities of owning business through Internet, is that what you are doing at the moment? For me, I think the best way to take care of my children is able to work from home while looking after them at home...

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