Under what circumstances, if any, is spanking acceptable to you?
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Assuming the child has no mental or emotional set backs, there are many times when spanking is acceptable. Now we have to remember the goal for spanking is to get a child to understand the bigger picture, and understand cause and effect ( not to cause physical harm). For example, If I give my child an instruction (big or small) and I ask the child if they heard and understood my instruction, and they reply "yes" they are then required to execute the task immediately. If they do not I will ask why and hear them out and remind them that it must be done. If the task is ignored again a spanking is acceptable. The bigger picture is that the child must learn to follow instructions, and listen to authority. If I let this go those two life skills may not be learned well, or ever or it might be learned to late. The same applies if they are asked not to do something. I will add that spanking, or correcting should be done in private not out in the open because that often brings shame or embarrassment on the child. In private they can be reminded of why they are being spanked and they can also be reminded they are loved and how they could have done things differently (train them). The key is to also remain calm and then carry on. Not dwelling on the wrong behavior :)
There is a difference between spanking and beating. I think that's the main thing that people fail to understand. If it's a true spanking, then there's nothing wrong with it. Every child is different and this is sometimes all that's effective for certain children. They don't turn out to be abusers or anything else, it's just what works for them. Other children, there's never a need to spank and they shouldn't be. No matter what, a parent has the right to make that choice and do what's right for their family without others interfering with that decision. If the line is ever crossed and it becomes a beating, then immediate action must be taken. Statistically though, spankers don't turn into beaters.....beaters are abusive no matter what. I've seen people rip a child's arm off to throw the child in a corner. That's far worse than a parent that issues a controlled spanking.
The circumstances must be decided by each parent and it must be handled in a correct manner. Nobody has the right to say what's right for another person or family.
Every child is different, so an effective way of disciplining one might not be as effective on another. I see that very clearly with my two boys. And sometimes, the effectiveness of the discipline seems to depend on the day.
As for spanking, I'm not totally against it but I think it can definitely be taken too far. My husband was spanked, but he remembers his father doing it in proper way and and always knew that his father loved him and would talk about the reason for the discipline.
For our kids, I am starting with explaining what they did wrong, time outs and loss of privileges, but if one of my children doesn't respond to these but does to spanking, I'd be willing to explore that option, as long as it was done in a loving way.
I have never thought spanking was unacceptable when administered properly. For some children, this is an important tool in their upbringing but it should never be done in anger. Also, one whack on the bootie and a discussion of why it was done can be very effective. Used in such a way it is not abuse or scarring them for life. There is a clear distinction between spanking and hitting your child. Disciplining them shows we are truly concerned for them and love them and should be used as such.
Never. There are better ways, and spanking is always a slippery slope.
Violence in any form is not allowed in my house and I consider spanking a for sure form of violence.
It creates a pattern of abuse as you will often hear parents say, "well I was spanked" as an excuse.
Even if I was okay with the act, I do not think it is an efficient parenting skill. Punishing your child in such a way only makes them stop having bad behavior to not be hit. It does not teach them why they should behave and continue to be a good person (even when no one is around to see).
So my answer is "never".
It's never acceptable. Kids don't ever deserve to be hit.
Here's the problem. When you spank, you are telling a child "do what I tell you to do or I will hit you (cause pain)". And pain is the desired outcome because it's the memory of that unpleasant pain that is supposed to be the deterrent. The basic premise is that violence works as a means of getting what you want from someone. This is a horrible message. It is the same message used by domestic violence perpetrators, school yard bullies, etc. Children live what they learn and while they aren't going to become serial killers because they were spanked, they can easily internalize the idea that violence or threats of violence or fear of violence can get them what they want. And they will hit siblings, friends, pets, in use of this idea. It may take more creativity and effort, but finding an alternative deterrent is always better. Find something else your child responds to besides pain you cause them. Note: aside from being a family therapist, I was spanked quite a bit, like most kids of my generation. I responded very negatively to it, my brother responded much better but I can tell you my kids are so much better off with my intelligence-based discipline style than that of my parents.
Of course, we don't even punish. No timeouts, no blackmail (do this or else I'll take that away), no threats (if you don't!), and no punishments. Physical intimidation and 'punishment' is never for anyone's own good.
I don't think I can ever see a circumstance in which I would spank my child. But I also think I have a lot of parenting ahead of me, and we do desperate things when we're feeling desperate.
Acceptable? No. Understandable in a moment of sheer frustration? Sure. But I'd never want to see a parent use it as a standard form of punishment.
Spanking is never acceptable.
Sweden was the first country to make spanking your child illegal. They did so in the late 1970's and the number of countries who have put the same types of laws in place keeps growing. If you get upset with your significant other, you don't have the right to hit then - then why should it be ok to hit your child?
In America it is still legal to spank your own child in all 50 states, and surprisingly (to me) it is legal for daycare providers and teachers to spank your child in many states as well. In Kentucky, where we line, it is legal, but none of the facilities I have looked at they actually do it.Spanking is never acceptable.
I really don't think you should hit your child and don't think it's ever acceptable. There are more affective ways in discipling your child. For example time outs work in my house. Also I threaten to take away toys and give them to the boy down the hall. That works like a charm. Respect is another thing I try to instill in my children. If they respect you they will listen and behave.
I don't think spanking is ever acceptable. I prefer using words. It teaches my children that we solve our problems with words, not with hitting. I treat my children the same way I would like to be treated, and the same way I would treat another adult. There are times that I want to lay another adult across my lap and give them a good spanking, but it's not acceptable, so I don't :) The image is pretty funny though.