What can you do to keep your husband's love?
Women often wonder how to keep their relationship alive during and after pregnancy. What are some ways you keep your romantic relationship in tact while having or with children?
Are you all serious? Is this a joke? My husband and I both work and there is little time left after putting our daughter to bed for 'us' time. He sees me at my worst after work (and vice versa) and we vent at each other but he still loves me and I love him. It has nothing to do with the meal you cook him, how you look when he gets home, what you let him watch on TV or making him feel like a hero. In our house we are equal (and I have the remote!!!).
Let him be your hero. Let him lead and be the man. We have roles for a reason. When we try to cross over into a role that is not ours, we can potentially damage a good thing. Respect his opinions, listen to his ideas, allow him to make decisions, too. Having children doesn't mean suddenly it's okay to be sloppy and stinky and grumpy. Greet him with a smile and a kiss....make him a delicious meal....give him great sex. It will return to your a hundredfold. I can attest to that. My husband adores me. :o)
you have to remember husband time is just as important as you time or children time. you cannot take each other for granted. you have devote time to still be the couple you were before pregnancy or kids. most couples slip away or grow apart from marriage stress or stress from kids. you have to make your relationship a priority. you have to still do those things to turn your husband on, just like you did when you were courting. many wives or girlfriends fall into a "comfortable" realtionship and lose connection with what got you there to begin with. just remember that your man needs tlc just like anything else..dont let time and stress make you forget to give him as much love as you want him to give you....
I think this is a terrible question... are we in the 1950s? You shouldn't have to "keep" anyone's love... it's either unconditional or it doesn't exist! A good husband understands the enormous pressure of raising children should be burdened on both shoulders and the wonderful rewards shared too!
First this question is posed in a way that is misleading. You cannot keep something intangible when the source is from another. Just as we cannot make anyone else do anything, we cannot "keep" love that comes from another.However, in terms of keeping a relationship alive and glowing during and after pregnancy and while rearing children the best thing one can do is to TRULY and unconditionally love oneself and to TRULY and UNCONDITIONALLY love those around you. This task is easier said than done, but will accomplish the task of keeping the romance fires burning. It is important to remember that each of us has personality traits that come in conflict with others at certain times and to ALLOW these traits to exist without fighting about them, but rather acknowledging them is a very important thing to do. I follow (to the best of my ability) the 4 agreements: Be impeccable with your word (mean what you say and say what you mean); DON''T make assumptions; DON'T take ANYTHING personally; (one of the hardest ones for me as I am very sensitive and protective by nature) and Do the best you can every day.
LOVE can be a very elusive energy and especially when attention is shifting fro one person to another. Sit down during the pregnancy and discuss such things as the shifting of attention from the husband to the new child and decide that both should be involved i that process as the new child will be the focus once born. Talk about what it takes to keep each other focused on the child without losing the attention for one another. Purposefully set aside times to give the attention only to the partner. Plan times to "get away together" after the baby arrives and can be cared for by another for shirt periods of time. It is unfortunate that our world-wide society has focused on the importance of men above and beyond the importance of women, when in fact we are created equally. Though we are shifting this inequality it is taking much longer than it should (in my estimation) but it is occurring. As we begin to accept that each of us is a treasured soul in this universe we will learn to respect that truth and can then adjust our actions to follow that truth. Pregnancy and birth can certainly bring out the traits of maturity or immaturity in each of us and to keep a watch on those thoughts and actions that can bring out immature reactions and actions is something to be aware of at all times. Just remember that allowing each of us to be who we TRULY are...children of the Most High (by whatever name you call that energy) and to treat each other with utmost respect and Love is the only way to "keep" romance alive and burning with passion.
Okay, first things first. It's not easy being a mom. We are over-whelmed at times. But, your husband is either willing to be a partner or he isn't. If it's totally up to you to keep everything alive, then it's already a one sided relationship that is going to be impossible to keep up with in the long term. I've been there, done that, and my ex is now an absentee father to my 11 year old, and my new hubby is a totally interactive dad.
Anyway, pregnant or with children, it's a team work application. As a mom, you need to realize that for now, sure, your young children and babies come first, because they're helpless. It's our jobs as mothers AND fathers to teach our children to be independent. Just remember, after your kids are grown and out of the house, your husband will still be there. To make sure there is something left in the future, plan a date night. Preferably once a week, but, don't go less than once a month. Have grandma babysit, to ensure that your child is safe. Do something romantic, like what you first did as a dating couple. Do a movie, favorite restaurant, a walk on the beach, candle lit dinner at home, what ever.
It also helps that hubby/daddy gets time with the kids, so, at least once a week, lock yourself into a bubble bath, turn on some music, and let dad get acquainted with the kids. He doesn't have to be superdad, just be willing to do at least an hour a week with the kids, to give mom a break, especially if you work. Kids don't raise themselves, and how will they learn Dad's values if he doesn't spend time with them? Plus they need a grown playmate anyway. When he can appreciate the business of child rearing, he will appreciate what you do, and it may be time that you make him your sous chef when cooking supper, or, have him play with the kids while you prepare supper.
Be willing to let your hair down, you're not wonder woman either. Be yourself, and do the best you can, and if he's doing the best he can, it will all work out. If he's not willing to do his best, and expects you do hold up everything, it's going to be doomed, and you'll never be happy trying to jump through hoops and loops while trying to get everything else done.
If you are afraid of losing your husband's love while you are pregnant with his child, you have picked the wrong man. Who is this, JR Ewing? Tisa- I agree with you for the points made after the birth. I work as much as possible, as does my husband. We try our best to get the bills paid and spend time with each other. Frankly, I am most interested in my child, her happiness, safety, and education as the greatest concern. I feel sad for women who have children and still dither about men (who should be men) and whether or not the man gets his special time and attention.
communication plays a vital role in a relationship especially to that of marriage. a day should always be filled with stories of different topics. and opinions should always be accepted. submit to him. surprise him with quotes everyday. make love after the kids have slept.(we usually do this) so it becomes a very nice bonding in the wee hours of the morning.(hehe) always say I love you. they wanted to hear that all the time and most especially make yourself smell fresh all the time. keep the flame burning. re invent your relationship
I think from what I've read here, I found there is no 'universal' answer. Neither my husband or I want 'traditional roles' in our family. We just both want to be heard and understood and come to agreements.
So obviously, if I suddenly started saying 'Honey, you wear the pants in the family, this is your decision.' He would NOT be more in love with me. lol :-) But that's what works for my family, and I don't expect that to be the case with everyone elses'.
What works for us is doing small, simple things every day to express our appreciation for each other. Like I sent him a funny e-card about how much I love him (and having sex with him). He wrote me a love e-mail about all the things he loves about me. I give him a 5 min back rub after a stressful day. He tells me stupid jokes to make me laugh when I'm stressed.
We make sure that at least once a day (hopefully more) we give each other a full kiss. Not a peck, but a true embracing while connecting kiss. These don't take long, (or cost anything) but they help us get over the rough day to day romance killers of kids, laundry and housekeeping.
And he doesn't care what lingerie I wear, his words when I asked him what he liked where "I like you better naked." ha ha ha.
So, to get to my point, I think the first step in keeping your husband's love, is to understand him, and what actions make HIM feel loved. It will be different for everyone.
Dont forget to set aside time for your relationship. Have date nights without the kids. Compliment him often and listen to his thoughts and complaints. Leave romantic and sexy notes on the phone, computer, bathroom, etc. Reserve some time just before bedtime doing something special which may be simple.
This is so not hard. #1 treat him like you love him Like he is your american Idol. Be excited to do simple things. Like " Oh you look hot and sweaty here is a cold drink. " Even if you are pregnant or have a two year old clinging to your leg you can do that.
#2. Don't let the main stream media's ideas than men are all idiots and unnecessary get into your ear. Trust me, you don't want to try single parenthood. It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.
#3 Speak to him the way you would if everyone is watching you talk to him. Remember he has to put up with you on bad days.
#4. Sex is your way of validating him. And it feels great so what are you holding back for? You love him don't you?
Have designated date nights even if its short and at home once the kids are sleep. Feed the kids then eat together without them sometimes. When you buy the kids something buy him something too no matter how small the item it will help him not to feel left out. Remember although we are grown we all have a little girl inside who comes out some times to whine and demand our way, so the men have that little boy. Give hime praise even for the things he is "supposed" to do. And I promise you he still isn't a mind reader.
I had a man once who had had HUNDREDS of women, been married twice and never had more than 3-4 years (even with the mothers of his children, who BOTH left him)
This is TOTALLY against the modern idea of equality for women, but the old fashioned saying:-
"Be a lady in the living room, a gourmet chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom" works wonders(but only if you like that kind of thing anyway, or it won't work!)
People will criticise me I know but EIGHT years later it was still magical and he NEVER once cheated (we broke up over children, not our own relationship)
Remember, there are women out there who will GLADLY take him away from you! At work, in the shops, even in the car in the next lane! Be warned!
I will keep him by being me, that is who he married, that is who he loves. I must remain the same in my character. My mom always said, you have to do what you did to get him, to keep him. For example, I don't wake up with curlers in my head, I try to look glamarous at all times. Not saying that this is neccessary, if he met you plain Jane, then it okay too. However, if he met you glamarous, keep it up diva! I have gained a little weight, but I know how to dress even with the extra curves. Keep the dinners flowing, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, especially military. LOL! God bless!
Respect and Sex. Those are the two top things that make a mans engine run! Then all the rest falls into place.
My husband is a long haul truck driver, So are alone time is once a week, he comes home we do our family fun stuff, WE just say no matter how tired we are we always go do something fun and to keep our romance alive is easy, we took tips from the movie Four Christmas' when they role play and such we are happy and it works but we also rely on being very open and communication. We never leave each other out of the loop. I think it helps that I'm only 26 and my husband is 41.....lol
I think you need to make them feel like the big man on campus every now and then. Just like women want the flowers and romance from time to time like when you first met, so does a man. He wants that undevided attention or special outfit or favorite meal. Does that mean you have to be that way 24/7 and be in some crazy 1950s role? I dont think so. You just need to make time on occasion to make him feel special and that you haven't forgotten about him. Just like we need to hear we are beautiful, a night out, some candles and romance and just to know your his number one so do men. No one expects you to be this way 24/7. We all have priorities and are busy but just like you would want him to make time for you, he wants you to make time for him. If one of you doesn't do this then you'll find someone who will. Maybe not now but somewhere down the line your relationship will go to the toilet if you dont remind them how special they are to you.
Most woman make the decisions In the house hold, they plan the birthdays, what to eat, they plan the family outings ect... I work, keep the house In order and hold the family together, men just don't usually think to do those things. If my man decided what we were going to have for dinner everyday then we'd be eating either takeout or pizza everyday. I also want to note that you should want to look nice for your husband and vice versa. I don't want my husband turning Into a slob just because we have children, I'm not saying you should wear makeup everyday but at least show that you care a little about how you look, you started your relationship out by looking good for one another ,so why not dress up once In a while? I like looking sexy for my husband and In turn he tries to look nice for me too.
You need to be able to talk about anything. Even when things don't feel right or you think the relationship needs a "refresher" sort of speaking. I guess I found out Love has so many feelings. But I think what helped keep my husband and me close is we talked alot. And when we are upset don't shout, don't blame but try and figure out a solution to the problem.
We also found things we like to do together. Plus once in a while I or my husband will leave little notes so they'll be found later that have nice things on them. Like we miss each other, or the "I love you" or something about the meal they made or the helping hand with the laundry. Just showing him how much you appreciate the little things goes a long way... I hope this helps.
Love him pamperr him be intelligent to be a intellectual to pamper his mind
Keep having sex! Date night is so important to us, but sex is so important to them. It's hard sometimes (or a lot of the time), because we're constantly giving physically & emotionally. They are such basic creatures, most men, and it can deffinately make a big difference
OMG!!!! Some of the woman out there are very hypocritical, Just because a woman is submissive, does not mean she would let her husband get away with child molesting!!!! -Kelley
How off the wall is that statement.
And just because u are independent, and proud does not mean u will never know love.
I truly think, that to keep ur husbands luv u need to be his best friend. He should never have to go to anyone else to express the way he feels, but u. You should always be his go to gal.
Respecting one another is also key.
Once u cross certain boundaries of respect, u can never get them back, so don't cross them.
Keep the lines of communication open, as his best friend he will have to understand you, and you will also always know that u can go to him.
There is nothing better than knowing that in this dog eat dog world someone's got ur back!!!
Not everyone is lucky to have a babysitter you can trust or an available family member to watch the little ones. I'm one of those unlucky ones. My bf would like us to go to a concert in a couple months. I didn't seemed thrilled because we have no one to watch our baby or even afford to pay someone to watch him for a few hours, who by then will be 4 mths old. Everyone has their own lives. Anyhoo communication is the key and helping each other out keeping it 50/50. Sex has to wait a long long time though.
It's so simple. Be the partner to him that you want him to be to you. If he is worth his salt, he will appreciate it and reciprocate. And remember, it's not tit for tat. It's about being a good partner simply to make them smile and not because you get anything in return.
(All that being said, if, over time, he does not treat you the way you want to be treated then you either need to make your needs/desires more clear or realize that he probably doesn't feel the same concern for your happiness that you feel for his)
What will he be doing to keep me?
I totally agree with Tisa! Why the hell would you try to make a man think he is better than you? To bow down to a man is disgraceful. You ones who believe you have to do such much A-- kissing to keep your man. Well you are the types who would stand there and allow that man to do whatever he wants. Including beating or molesting a child. No man comes before me or my children.
Respect him. Treat him better than he deserves. Pray for him. He will in return fall in love with you all over again. Seek God in your marriage and go to marriage seminars even if you have a great marriage. It's a form of insurance and it is alot of fun.
I think that if your husband truly loves you, he's not going to leave because you don't look nice for him every or you don't cook & clean for him all the time. However, I do think that wives should put forth an effort to look nice, & to make time for their husband. You can't just wallow around in sweatsuits every day & fall straight to sleep once you go to bed. A husband is a woman's rock, & even though I would never depend on my husband 100%, I depend on him to be there for me in GOOD & BAD times. My husband & I have been through some very rough patches in our relationship, yet we still stand united. If your children see how much love there is between their mother & father then they will grow up knowing how to treat their future spouse. You should always make time for your husband, as he should always make time for you.
First love isn't kept it is either given or not, for who you are or not. On the other hand if you ignore your husband and don't attempt to be apart of the romance you once created then I think you lose a very important part of your life. I do not cook that is my husbands territory, but I do what I can to make it less of a chore by helping out and keeping him company. Creating a life with someone is more about wanting to be with that person. I know my husband wants to be with me and I want to be with him I effort to make him happy and he makes efforts to make me happy... he often takes our boys so i get alone time and I let him get out to have stress free time. but we love to be together either watching tv or snuggling in bed.
1. One spouse is usually drawn to the other through their strengths, not their weaknesses, so stay strong.
2. Guard your heart and pray for your husband's heart, that he will do the same.
As for guarding your heart. Gary and Barbara Roseberg author a great book, Guard your Heart. They were presenters with Family Life in their Weekend to Remember "get away" we attended a few years ago. The term in this context comes from Proverbs 4:23 - Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it.
I guess after 34 years of marriage all I can say, is love him, accept him as he is, respect him, ask his advice(that does not mean you have to use it, just ask for it), LOVE HIM, and pray for him. After all 5 of our sons, we have struggles every day, but if you do these things and accept that he is flawed as we all are, you will at least have a fighting chance. Good luck, it isn't always easy, but it is worth it.
Since my children are grown and their father and I are divorced, I didn't want to keep the romance alive. But now that I have remarried a wonderful man, I put him first in my life, I cook homemade meals-not box, not frozen, but the real from scratch stuff. I also make him a hot breakfast every morning work at 4:45); for those mornings that I am not, I have left homemade biscuits with egg and sausage or bacon, breakfast burritos (yeah, I cheated and bought tortillas) and for the evenings that I work I made TV dinners out of leftovers, "hot pockets" from biscuits and ham or turkey and cheese, that are all heat and eat.
I sometimes leave notes in his lunch box or just do things for him-mow the yard, so he doesn't have to, make his favorite meal, let him watch whatever he wants without nagging about the program, little things like that.
There is only one thing that men really, really want........and that is SEX. The simple cold hard facts are...they want you, the way you were, before pregnancy and post-birth. Lose any pregnancy weight, take care of how you look (dress like you did when you dating - yes..............wear great stuff around the house........reapply your lipstick (preferrably red) before he gets home from work.....and have sex a lot more frequently than you want. He probably feels 'it's all about the baby'. Well, some men become babies when a their baby is born and need as much love as a newborn or toddler. I don't know if I'm making sense, but, some men desire as much love and attention as a baby and you somehow have to give and show it. I've been married for 10 years and have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. I wear a mineral powder on my face almost everyday, wear eye liner, and wear lipstick every day. I dress in great clothes everyday........I feel good about myself and my husband comments almost everyday. Look after your looks, look after your husband etc etc etc. Some women would say, 'we' shouldn't have to do this......but guess what? WE DO! Some of the answers from other mums indicate that our husbands should JUST UNDERSTAND.....guess what??? They try, they try and then try some more, but the cold hard facts are that most men want you to be the way you were before you had children. Accept it......or be a statistic. Cold and hard.....no......just reality. Wake up tomorrow morning, give him some "lovin", have a shower, blow dry your hair (let baby scream), put on some red liptick (men love it), put on a groovy outfit........go about your day........reapply lipstick before husband is due home, brush hair............have a glass of wine, have a nice dinner together......yes....cook.....and they'll love you forever. You may have to perform these duties 3 times a week to keep a normal male satisfied!!!! Good luck.........maybe blunt, but accurate........ask your grandmother!!!!!!!