What are your thoughts on Private vs. Public Schools?
63 Answers
What can you do if your 16 year old refuses to go to school?
Teenagers tend to resist authority, so what can you do if a 16 year old absolutely refuses to go to school?
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40 Answers
89 Votes
Here is one more thought to go along with the others. My son tried the same thing and I let him know that I am not required by law to provide him any of life's nice things either, if he didn't want to go to school, which by law he must or I could be responsible for it. I took away everything in his room, including the door, and left him with his clothes and a bed. When he yelled at me I told him to call the Police. He did not last long and I asked him to get a better attitude or his school clothes were coming from the Goodwill instead of the mall. I didn't like showing that tough love but I needed to get through to him about how serious I could be. I hope it helps.
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Debra - commented on Aug 16, 2011
Great advice Alicia! I am going to try that on my 15 year old!
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Jovann - commented on Aug 16, 2011
I agree that's great advice. I've been going thru this with my son for the past yr and he just turned 16.
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Nayanda - commented on Aug 17, 2011
I agree Alicia! I say the same thing to my two. Tough love is the best show of love to our kids. It means we expect more from them and they, in turn, should expect more from themselves.
37 Votes
Like others, I agree that you need to get at the root of the problem. Are they being bullied, teased, or they just don't "fit in?" I would address those issues and find an alternative. There are a lot of options out there for schooling your children from Home School, to charter schools to virtual academies. But, if they are ready to move on with their lives, support them in that choice also. Two of my children took their GED's at 16 and moved on to college (both working on Master's degrees). They did well socially, but were "bored" in the classroom. Address the problem, not the child.
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Karen - commented on Aug 16, 2011
Vickie, I agree with you. My oldest son will be 18 years old next week, and this past year took the GED at age 17. He passed it at 98% (and 99% on one section), and did this after struggling through several years of trying to go through school the "normal" way. I've found that with each of my 3 children, "normal" is what's normal for each individual child. He will be attending a local community college this year, half-time, to see how the experience goes for him. He's a little skittish since the high school classroom setting was such a negative time for him. We spent more than two years trying to encourage, push, "force", convince, etc him to go to school, but after awhile, he just became depressed and frustrated. Some counseling and lots of long talks at home, and the decision was placed in his hands (we helped provide the options--GED, local high school, homeschool or online school, dropping out--and after about a week, and scheduling time on his own to go to the local adult education center to talk with someone else about his options, he decided on his GED. It was the best thing for him and several months after passing the test, he accompanied me on a graduate school trip to Guatemala with 17 adults--I'd never seen him thrive as much and contribute so well to a group or conversation! In the graduate level classroom sessions prior to leaving for the trip, and during our sessions along the way...he was an amazing contributor. Address the problem. Yes.
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Debbi - commented on Sep 4, 2011
I graduated and went to a couple of colleges on scholarships and grants while working and raising children. With that said I've had a number of different teachers and professors, some interesting some not so interesting. Some I've had to pull in information out, some just flowed. Just the same, when my children came home and said they had low grades because the teacher was boring, I didn't let that be an excuse. The teachers are not there to "entertain" them. They can still learn and do their research. In life they will work with all kinds or people and they should not let others determine their own "failure" in life, they need to be successful in spite of how another person lives their life. So I tell my kids to thrive no matter what teacher they get, or what professor they get in college, or what boss they have, do not let them alter their goals, it's not another person's goals to alter.
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Jenny - commented on Sep 22, 2011
ok i was bullied teased and worse if that's the reason they just need to get over it and toughen up i did
27 Votes
Take your child on some community visits....your county jail, the welfare office, the unemployment office, the community health care clinic, etc. Show your child what life can be like when they have to struggle to make ends meet. Give your child a chance to investigate a job that he or she wants to do. Find out how much money can be made doing that job and what kind of education is needed. Have them set up a budget for a minimum wage job that includes rent, groceries, car payment or public transportation costs, etc. SHOW him or her that life is about making good choices and some of the choices they make RIGHT NOW affect the rest of their life. It is hard to have a 16 year old think past themselves and the moment though, so good luck to any parent facing this problem. Don't give up!
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Lisa - commented on Aug 3, 2011
I have a 13 year old son with the same problem. Last year, he ended up in a program through the hospital, 2 week program Children and Adolescents Mental health Program, CAMP, through our local child psychiatrist, then placed in a temporary program for Students with Mental Health Issues. I don't know what the school year 2011/2012 will bring, but I REALLY appreciated your line of thinking, and I definitely will use this regardless how this upcoming year works out. I think it will put some prospective into his head. He's also going into a program called "Knowledge and Employability" in grade 8, so that will definitely help with the job prospectives. Thank you so much for your input; I needed ideas like this-sometimes my brain will only come up with so much!!! :-)
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Beverly - commented on Aug 10, 2011
i very much agree with you on all you said tricia. i don't know if it's nation wide, but here in washington state we have something called the becca bill that holds parents legally responsible for their child going to school. failure to do this can bring fines and even jail time for the parents. my son is now 14, but i started having this problem with him 2 years ago. i called the police from my front yard to report him truant, and an officer was at my door in less than 5 minutes. he is the one who explained all of this to my son, and that if i go to jail (i'm a single mom of 3) all 3 of my kids will go into the foster care system as i have no family close by to take them. that really did the trick and i haven't had any problems since. truth be told, last year his grades improved to levels where they haven't been since his father passed 7 years ago. whatever that cop said really got through to him and i am so grateful!
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Kris - commented on Aug 16, 2011
Tricia, while I appreciate the thoughts you have above, I did try the possibility of the visits to the different places, but many will NOT allow visits for this purpose. I was told that they prefer not to use "scare tactics" with teens.
17 Votes
Honestly at 16 you can get a GED and if my child wanted to move on with his/her life. I would be all for it. Our education system is horrible in our state. Though if it wasnt the case, yes I agree finding out why they wont go is a necessity. Though giving a child options and choices can only better his/her way on dealing with life.
I noticed you guys associate jail with this. Dont know the correlation. My husbands brother is a high school drop out and he is a successful business owner with a GED, He was always smart and just got fed up with the BS of school.
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Tricia - commented on Aug 3, 2011
Congratulations to your brother in law for being successful in life with a GED and owning his own business. As a teacher, I see many students who think life is easier if they don't have to go to school. They figure they can get a job and live well but they don't realize that minimum wage doesn't buy everything you want in life. The desire to want more can lead to many ways. Pushing yourself to become more, like your brother-in-law or breaking the law to get what you want are just two of the ways a person can be lead. I often see kids take the path that leads to jail so that is the direction from which I wrote my post.
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Rachel - commented on Aug 16, 2011
I guess you do not have a child? I went thru this last year w/ my 16/17 yr old he was in 11th grade and it is the worst thing to have to go thru. It is your job as a parent to give them every opportunity in life and staying in school is a HUGE opportunity. Sorry if you think that not going to school is an easy solution. Let me tell you that was one of the hardest times in my life as a single parent. We made it thru. He is glad he stayed in school!
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Ronnie - commented on Aug 16, 2011
My daughter is 17 and was struggling in school. The public school was/is terrible. She tried online schooling for a couple years and that didn't help much either. When she went to the school here in town for help they said she wasn't their student so she wasn't their problem. She is now waiting to turn 18 so she can finish in Adult Education. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that they will let a kid drop out at 16, but won't let them get a GED till they are 18.
15 Votes
I guess I would find out the root reason for her/him not wanting to go....maybe there is a good reason....Home school them....it is a great alternative for school!!!!
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Ellie - commented on Aug 17, 2011
the problem w home schooling is that some families simply can not afford the books and the tests etc. secondly a child has to want to do the work too. i wish home schooling was an option for everyone.
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Stephanie - commented on Aug 17, 2011
Ellie. Where have you been? Home schooling can be done through an on-line school that meets all the requirements of the school district/state in which you live. They send all supplies including a computer, books, science, art and music supplies...everything the student needs. All you have to do is return some of the books at the end of the school year. Yes, the child needs to want to do the work and needs to have some self-discipline. Younger children need an adult coach, older children should and are encouraged to work on their own. A great benefit ,and something that encourages many kids, is that they work on their level. Some can complete 2 grades in a school year. Many of these schools find the students interests and try to focus on those interests. One of my "kids" is schooled this way and it had benefitted her greatly. She has behavioral problems, so she can focus on studies w/out other children distracting her. For some high school students, this can be a great experience. The school district in which you live is required by law to allow your child to participate in all extra-curricular activities they offer, evn the prom!
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Yvonne - commented on Aug 20, 2011
Yes but for some students this doesnt work either, if they cant be motivated in a class room when their are others to motivate them they might not be motivated doing things for themselves, I tried distance education online with my daughter and I have to say for me she wouldnt participate in this either on a regular basis. I think for her part of the problem is she just wants to control everything.
13 Votes
Seriously look at Homeschooling. I don't know what state you live in but Home School Legal Defense Advocates (HSLDA) http://www.hslda.org/ can help you learn about your state laws. Obviously schooling is important but maybe the school system isn't the right place for your child. I noticed a lot of GED suggestions, and that is one viable option. Why doesn't you child want to go to school? Maybe he/she wants to move on with their life and finds High School not their "cup of tea". Maybe a dual enrollment at your local Community College in conjunction with Homeschooling or your local high school is an option. Look beyond the local high school, there are lot's of other options. Also ask what your child wants to do with their life, maybe a trade school not a college is in their future, then see what that type of school requires for entrance. Talk to your child, find out what is going on, don't let anyone get defensive, just get the facts of the situation then talk together about the options. You may find that they need some outside help, vision therapy to help coordinate the brain and eyes so they can learn and not get frustrated and angry or counseling to work through bullying or other issues that may be making them refuse to go to school or some other outside help for some other reason. Be open to the alternatives, you want your child to be a successful adult and the path everyone else is taking is not always the right path for everyone.
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Caroline - commented on Sep 8, 2011
Finally, a loving and responsible response other than, "You have to go to public school or I'm going to call the police on you" response.
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Victoria - commented on Aug 10, 2012
We had the same problem with our daughter. We home schooled her for the first two years of high school and it made a terrific change in both her attitude and in our family relationship. I would highly recommend it!
9 Votes
i have a 15yr old who refused to go to school and now gets home schooled with books and stuff off the internet, yet his school would not help at all when he told them that he was bored in class and jus kepted threatening me with going to court and taking my son and his sister off me.As a single parent i think more should have been done to help instaed of hinder me!
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Caroline - commented on Sep 8, 2011
I'm so glad you wrote this Michelle. So many people on this board are commenting that they would take the "tough love" approach and force their kid to go to school. WTH?!?! If you don't like where you work, aren't you naturally going to look for another job, or do you feel like you should have a death sentence to stay there for forever?!? Why do you think kids shouldn't have the same rights. Not all kids should be educated the same way. It's not a one-size fits all situation. Maybe the kid doesn't want to go to school because they are bored and need more challenging work. There's no way I would force my kid to stay in a school they don't like. I would either find a better school or I would homeschool. Period.
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Lynn - commented on Sep 30, 2011
Good on you Michelle and Caroline! My 15 yr old foster daughter had a terrible time at school, bullied by other students and even the teachers! The system is really not designed to cater for anyone who doesn't fit the stereotypical teenager! Sad really. Anyway, after sharing her suffering for a year, being at the school almost every day for months because she just could not cope at all, she left school on her 15th birthday to be home educated, against the advice of her father and social services. The law said she could leave, so she did! That was two years ago. She has never looked back! Her behaviour, which was volatile and erratic at best, is now settled and she has blossomed into a fine young lady. She suffers with dyslexia and had never read a book in all her years of schooling! (she was a good actress too) Now she has read hundreds and loves it! She learned to cross stitch and has won prizes for her work. She is studying book keeping by correspondence and has so far made two high distinctions in two assignments. She has finally recovered from years of abuse in the so called "education"? system. If we parents won't listen to our own children, what hope do they have? "Tough love"? I don't agree with many of the other posts here on this thread. Children need advocates. Parents are usually the best choice. We all need acceptance and unconditional love. I guess how we dispense that is a personal choice. I am a single mom too. In the end we have to do what is in the best interests of the child, whatever sacrifices need to be made. These are young lives on the verge of adulthood, let's give them a healthy happy launching pad : )
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Nikki - commented on Oct 26, 2011
It seems as if the Moms on here have forgotten that there is always more than one way to figure things out. I have been on both sides of the fence and in between. I did not go to high school because of my abusive addicted parent. They moved to another state when I was 13 and left me behind to fend for myself. I ended up getting pregnat and was left with no choice but to put my daughter up for adoption. Once I went into adulthood I did get my GED, put myself thru college, and then was able to get a great career ( and lots of therapy). However...it has it's pitfalls. Everyday I hear things that are common knowledge but I do not know about them. I hear about high school reunions, and proms..and all I think about is shame. I also have adopted 2 special needs children, and my husband is a teacher too. My children have been so challenging..and dropping out is NOT an option for them. That is our family rule. Yes, the public school can be horrible..yet in parts of the world that do not have free school we forget how lucky we are. I was a CASA volunteer ( Court appointed Special advocate). That lead my husband and I to become foster parents and then we ended up adopting our children. I have seen so many parents that forget to parent, treat their children like possessions or with ill-regard. Some simple are afraid that their child will be upset with them. Our society has begun to accept the fact that grandparents are raising their grand children as their children. We give them everything and wonder why so many children have lost their ability to be self reliant adults once they get older. If you give up on a child on the fundamentals..such as school, it can have a negative effect. I also believe that every child/person is different, and needs to be addressed on a case by case basis. Some need tough love and some need to be dealt with the unconditional love appoach. I personally feel that most children should remain in school even of they are bored. Teach them no to quit or give up on themselves. I like Lynn's advice for the most part. To each their own. Simple be excellent to each other ladies. I never quit a job before I had another one. Common sense.
9 Votes
High school is usually a major social experience that most want to attend aside from it being a learning enviorment. If the social life is not a possitive experience , who cares about the learning. If this child is not depressed or if this child does not have a chemical problem, give your child another way to accomplish what you feel is important, hence the education. Get creative, think outside the box. Value your childs receation, they are reacting for a reason. It may put the parents life for a loop due to the lack of glorified babysitting that the school and it's programs provide, but if you dont take it seriously , Hell will start to errupt..
I was in grade 11 when I emotionally could not handle going to school anymore. My mom knew I was serious but she gave me two choices Correspondance or a job, I choose Correspondance, I got A's and B's for the first time, school pressures where too much I also got a job, I felt in control of things it was a changing experience. thanks Mom
7 Votes
My child was the same last year. Turns out she cannot listen to a teacher go on and on all day and starts to day dream. She has a short attention span. I got her into an Alt Ed class where the students work at their own pace from a booklet in a class, they have one on one with the teacher and she did great. She received 1.5 credits in over a month. Good luck!
7 Votes
My son is 17 and while he has never refused to go to school he did suffer from some major anxiety issues when he was 12 which meant he didn't want to go and didn't feel safe outside of the house. My point being that while teenagers have a reputation for being difficult they are just people with all the fragilities and insecurities that adults have. Your teenager may be being difficult but I have found there are usually underlying reasons for most things. The school environment and teaching methods don't suit all children but that doesn't mean they get to opt out! I discovered all of them need an advocate, they need to know there's someone in their corner regardless of what's going on. In my sons case it turned out he has a mild learning problem which caused the anxieties. We can't fix that but strategies have helped and he is primarily an A & B student at a school with very high standards. If I had not forced him to school back at age 12, listened to him cry and put up with his behaviour none of this would have come about. He is nearly finished his Year 12 year now and is well adjusted, socially adept and overall a happy person. Try and find out what motivations there are behind your child's behaviour. Not sure visiting the local jail is the best thing! To me that is a negative and isn't dealing with the root of the issue.
6 Votes
Determine if it is a mental health problem versus a behavior issue. Social phobias, OCD, or generalized Anxiety could peak at different ages and should be sorted out first, as it could result in this behavior. Allowing kids to remain home could make this issue worse. Work with mental health professionals and school teams once the anti-school attendance behaviors commence. Good luck. This is a difficult issue.
5 Votes
I quit school when I was 16. I told my mother if she didn't let me drop out I would simply stop going until I was kicked out. What she didn't ask, or at least wasn't persistent, was why. I didn't want to talk about it but would have if pressured. I was uncomfortable at school. There were fights, drugs, and because we were poor my clothes were never stylish. I didn't want to be in that environment anymore.
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Pricy - commented on Aug 17, 2011
I think its time public schools wear uniforms to alleviate some of these issues
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Martha - commented on Sep 14, 2012
My son took his GED at age 17. He said the classrooms were total chaos -- kids swearing and talking back to teachers and most every kid in school that he knew was smoking pot, taking drugs, dealing, and bragging about it. He wasn't learning anymore. My husband witnessed the chaos when he had to walk with his son to every room to withdraw him from the regular classes. My son took a GED program and passed the GED with flying colors.
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Martha - commented on Sep 14, 2012
wow - just noticed these posts were a year ago.....
4 Votes
Please hear me on this one.
I had a stepson, he also hated school. HIs biological mother insisted, and insisted on his attending, which is natural. My stepson, ending up taking his own life.
I'm not saying it was because he was forced to attend school, only that it added to the black thoughts he must have been having.
In the big picture, he not attending, though important, was not earth-shattering.
Let him quit, but do so only with the understanding that he get a G.E.D. And help him do it.
Insist that if he quit and after he aquires his GED he MUST get a job.
Being in the work world, seeing what his opportunities will be, could just be the key to his deciding that and education is of great value.
He can still attend a community college, and with hard work go on to a 4 year school.
4 Votes
Try homeschooling her. I am going to be homeschooling my kids starting this year. Public schools are getting worse anyway.
4 Votes
I personally homeschool and have since our now 16 yr. old son was 9 and it was because of his being so bored in school that he was getting in trouble ALL the time and was starting to get labeled a trouble maker. The teachers that recognized this and were willing to work with him gave him extra, above grade level work and he was their devoted fan but the ones that weren't willing to do this just made things worse.
I agree with the ones to find out why your 16yr. old really doesn't want to go to school. If is it legitimate reasons then either start homeschooling them or since they are already 16 let them get their GED but make sure they know that those are the options. (Just staying around doing nothing all day or doing nothing but the fun things they want to do all day are not on the option list). When they get their GED, if that is what they choose to do, then they will be required to go to work and contribute to the household and they also need to be deciding what they are wanting to do with their future lives and checking into what they need to do themselves to get headed in that direction.
Hope this helps some.
3 Votes
I went through this with my daughter when she was 16. She dropped out, only to struggle to return to school later on. She is still struggling to finish college at 25.
The first thing is to determine why your child doesn't want to go to school - the real reasons. That involves REALLY listening to your child, and also to their siblings, friends, and school authorities. Sometimes we overlook facts that aren't in keeping with the picture we would like to have. I know I did. My daughter was an addict, self medicating to deal with the fact that she was experiencing the first stages of mental illness - which often manifests at this age. I didn't know about the drugs, violence, and severe internal pain she was experiencing because she had hidden it so well and even her sister wasn't telling us what needed to be said out of a misplaced sense of loyalty (and some fear).
Dig for the real answers. The truth will set you, and especially your child, free.
Then realize that the vast majority of people in the Western World NEED an education and qualifications to support themselves at an adequate level. Unfortunately, it is results (i.e. the diploma or degree) rather than intentions that count in this regard. Sorry, but that is the cold, hard truth. My daughter, living on social assistance and struggling to get an education and support her family, experiences this every day. She regrets not finishing school and will tell anyone who will listen to find a way, any way, to finish high school AND obtain some sort of post-secondary qualifications. There is always a creative solution; many have been shared by other posters.
3 Votes
Start early and know your child. Teach them to make decisions from the time they are toddlers (do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?) and let them learn from their mistakes. They will grow to be self confident and successful. Choose words carefully and be positive. Instead of telling them they HAVE to go to school, tell them they GET to go to school. keep communication lines open. Build their trust in you. Accept them as they are and talk TO them (not At them) Build Communication skills when they are young. Emphasize the positive things in life, Keep communication going all through their school years. Ask them questions. Let them question you. Answer questions honestly. Let them know they can tell you anything and not get a negative reaction. Choose your battles carefully. A messy room in not life threatening nor is hair lenghth or color. Show them that you love them no matter what all the time. Don't give them anything to rebel against. . I'm a mother of 3 and have legal custody of my niece and nephew. My children range in age from 16 to 46. I've helped them and all of their friends by giving them unconditional love. In return they give me unconditional love and respect. They have all finished school and are successful in life except for the 16 and 17 year old who are looking forward to school next month. Let your children be free range kids, don't be a helicopter mom. Don't plan their days and lives for them. Let them make their decisions with just a bit of input from you.
3 Votes
I have a 13 year old, but I'm prepared for this. I have explained what I would do. I would take her to school, I would sit with her through every single class and walk her to her next one. : ) I'm cool like that.
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Stacy - commented on Aug 21, 2011
I actually threatened my daughter with the exact same thing, and attempted to follow thru on that threat. Unfortunately, when I arrived at school with her, I was told that parents are not allowed to enter the class room with their children. I was blown away. Appearantly there are "safety" issues involved. It blew my mind that they wouldn't allow it. Just gave my daughter one more excuse to use against me when it comes to whether or not I can force her to stay in school.
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Angela - commented on Aug 21, 2011
stacy you cannot force these kids these days to stay in school! But you can give them ULTIMATUMS...and when you do please follow through to the end!! Or THREATS..always follow through and have a back upplan for when that one fails!!..My oldest son, put me through the wringer for years..until I put my foot down when he was 16. And at that time when he wanted to EMANCIPATE himself from me ..I simply asked him"Where do I sign?" He is 21 now and attending college!! A more dedicated and personable young man you cannot find anywhere!!! :)
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Jodie - commented on Jan 11, 2012
Did you sign??
2 Votes
My oldest did not want to go to school her entire Senior year.She was being bullied by a whole group of her ex-boyfriend's friends. My daughter is one tough cookie, but she was outnumbered and felt powerless to stop the bullying.
She took some of her classes by computer at the school, which limited her interaction with the bullies.She ended up graduating early.I am sooo thankful that she did.She just signed up for a full load of college classes.She will be studying culinary arts. She wants to own her own restaurant someday.
I was fortunate that I work for the school district she attended, and that I had a very understanding boss. There were days I was late to work, trying to coax her out the door.It was worth it, though.
2 Votes
I don't believe that teens or any other humans resist authority for no causation. I would say that there is something going on with this person. Have you sat down and listen, truly and open-mindedly listened to this person? I would suggest hearing out everything they have to say without judgement or taking anything personally. Even if it is voiced as a personal attack, the person may feel attacked and in pain.
I would get the book The Teenage Liberation Handbook, and read it. Invite your teen to read it. If they aren't amenable to reading right no (sometimes it might feel to schoolish) you can pull out some of the finer points and share them with your teen. Trust that your teen knows his/her self well enough to know that school isn't the right place for them at this point. If you are not ok with them dropping out of school perhaps you can make it possible for them to have a break. You can contact your SD and let them know that your teen is home schooling for a bit. And then give them a safe place to decompress.
2 Votes
I have read most of the post and would like to coment. I had 2 kids not wanting to go to school. The first a 16 year old daughter. I packed a bag for her and told her to go live her life and she did. She finished high school, went to collage and now her and her husband have 4 beautiful kids. She and I have a great relationship today. She has told me it was the best thing I could of done. I have a son that just had a hard time in school. He attended 3 different high schools and just was not interested. I put him in an alternitive school, in 6 weeks at 18 working at his own pace he graduated and even walked across the stage and is in collage now. My son just had a hard time sitting still all day. If i had not of stepped in and had a fight with the school I am afraid he would of never finished. Some things I was told by my grandmother. 1-make sure your kids respect you not fear you 2-never tell your kids this is my house, do what I say 3- never ever say because I said so, always give them a reason. I have 4 grown, well educated, well ajusted, very loving children.
2 Votes
here is what my mom told me.... " go to school or get a job and pay rent for your room" School sounded better than actually working so I went to school!!!!
2 Votes
Here in NZ, the school leaving age is 16.
However, decent qualifications are needed to get into tertiary education.
When we got to this stage last year with my son (now 17), we wrote up a list of what it costs to keep him... rent, power, food, clothes, transport, medications, Dr's visits, phone, etc.
Then we told him that if he didn't want to stay at school, he had to get a job that would earn him enough to live on, as his child support from his father stops if he finishes school and we couldn't afford to cover the difference.
He soon discovered that there weren't any jobs going that would employ him without any qualifications, and he had to have a set number of credits and show commitment to get into his career choice, so had to stay on at school and has put in more effort this year with having to repeat English.
He's now 17, and has just gone flatting and has a part-time job and has 10 weeks of school left for the year, then final exams. He's discovering it's very difficult in the outside world and that he doesn't actually know everything!! lol.
2 Votes
Maybe try to find out what she hates about school. My 16 year old HATED high school!He was and still is a great guy. He did great all the others years.It was so extreme that he developed food intorences and became very ill so his stomach was sick all day. He hated the clicks, hated the games the other kids played and hated the drama. He was enrolled in online school and was extremly responsible with it.
2 Votes
I haven't read too many of the responses here, but I guess I'm not as nice as some of the parents on here. My kids (both teenagers) know it's their job to go to school and get an education, should they fail to do their job, I have no problem reporting them to the local police. In our community, if the police aren't busy, they will physically take the child to school and drop them off, monitor their attendance and if that child leaves the school once they are dropped off, they then are taken to juvie and unfortunately let the court system take over.
I was a very rebellious teenager and know what teens are capable of, in looking back my parents should have put me into the juvie system, I may have straightened out a lot sooner than I did. Good Luck and God Bless!
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Stacy - commented on Aug 21, 2011
What state do you live in?
2 Votes
Sometime, depending on the circumstances, a year homeschooling with lots of love and no peer pressure can allow a teen to grow up enough to handle the stresses of school. Supportive love and a safe haven at home can make those years tolerable. Some may need more time at home, then off to a community college as a duel enrolled student at 16 can make a huge difference in attitude and hope for a better future.
2 Votes
If a person sits back and recognizes what is going on in the "life" of a 16 year old, you will find more than just surface situations that would create the "need" to not go to school. I have found after many years of being a parent of three (oldest 26, youngest 18) that all too often, they are struggling with relational issues and really do not want to discuss at home . They feel, "we" are too old to understand. I have found that letting the child know that you are there and they can discuss anything with you, that you will not "judge", but try to help. Many homes are different, and I understand that this may not be the same in all households. However, I truly believe that when this topic is brought into the home, there is something that is lying down behind the scenes. Carefully, remove the walls that are there to find out the real source. This will bring a closer relationship to you and your children.
2 Votes
At 16, hopefully your child has the capacity for rational thought. Talk with your child AND REALLY LISTEN. I've found when I listen to my children and let them know I an listening, they open up. So many times my instinct is to nag when I really should shut the nagging and listen. I like the ideas of the community visits, but maybe as a volunteer thing. Work in a soup kitchen together.. not to show your teen their stupidity but to open their eyes lovingly to some of lifes more horrible realities. I found that talking to my teenager was not good... So I started facebooking, instant messaging, texting, and going for long drives... Here's the killer... Listening to his music on the car cd as well as my own. In two years your child will be an adult. You want to have established your love for your child regardless of their choices. You could also start an incentive scheme tying in life's luxuries to school attendance. We all remember the easy part if school but some of it is hard work... Reward it. Maybe a full day at school can be redeemed by fifteen minute driving lesson...or money towards an item your child has chosen on layby.
2 Votes
Your child may have severe anxiety issues. There is no miracle cure, but these are some things that got my teenager to leave his room and get to school:
1. We found a doctor who would prescribe anti-anxiety medication to our son. It's not a miracle cure, but it helped get his emotions closer to normal
2. We gave him time. We home schooled (very UNsuccessfully) for over a year. He didn't learn anything, but it gave him the time he needed to mature emotionally to the point where he wanted to attend school again.
3. We kept in close touch with our public school system, so they knew he was taking classes at home, and so they were ready for him when he was ready to return to school, one class at a time.
Remember, most states will keep a child in the public school system until they're 21. Our son is 16, and he would be entering his Junior year had he been in school on a normal schedule. Because he took so much time off, this Fall, he'll really be a second-term Freshman and will, hopefully, graduate when he's 20. That's OK! There's no rush.
1 Vote
He obviously is motivated to go. I talk with him about what he wants to do with his life, what his goals and dreams are. Tell you you want to help him reach his goals and together map out what he needs to do to get there. Many teenagers cannot see ahead to the consquences of their actions, and many don't realize how much education is needed to reach their goals. Just focus on helping him map that out. Once he has a goal and a vision and a demonstration from you that you are supportive, help him get going by making awesome breakfasts and taking him personally to school. He may be depressed, using substances that you are not aware of, or avoiding something bad at at at school. It could be bullying, but it also could be feeling too unattractive to get a date, not being able to do well in his classes, feeling he is not well dressed enough, or any number of things. Start taking him out for snacks and sitting across from him to get him talking. Gain his trust to get him communicating and trusting you.
1 Vote
I had the same problem with my daughter at that age.
When I found out she was skipping all the time, I started to bring her there myself, only to find out later that she was leaving out the opposite entrance or exit just as soon as she was dropped off.
So I realized I couldn`t force her to go unless I sat there with her.
I had a talk with her , found out a few things, Having her quit school was NOT an option, no way.
So I found an alternative school, where the teens can come and go ,pickup credits for doing extra things like volunteering , quilting....along of course with the regular school subjects.
They had to show up so many hours a week , submit assignments...and take responsibility.
It worked out better for my girl because she could do most of the assignments through an online affiliation with her school at home.
It wasn`t that easy at first, but if she didn`t submit her homework or do any homework for that matter, she simply wasn`t allowed out.
A year and half later she is still doing the work and is eager to finish, and she decided to get a job to, she works full time at a Walmart. She likes that, and the school really makes it easy for teens to make some choices about their lives . At least it gave my girl a chance to act a little more like an adult. lol
Maybe that`s why it`s working so well.
I wish they had that in my highschool years. And the best of all this school is free of charge, and it is there to help teens that are bullied in highschool. So they can learn in a calm stress free environment.
I found out about this type of program from her highschool.
1 Vote
If children could make good choices they wouldn't need parents!
1 Vote
does getting good grades guarentee you a good job in america cause it doesn't in the UK. i got the grades and still ended up in a supermarket cause i left school depressed and shattered from all the torment i got whilst at school. if your child just can't be bothered then i'd take them myself and hand them to a teacher but if its cause your child is unhappy then i'd try a different school and give them as much encouragement as possible and take a interest in their school day and homework,maybe they just needed a little extra help.it all depends on the individual circumstances.good luck x
1 Vote
Show them the life of people who don't finish school. I was friends with a lot of older people (mid twenties / early 30's) when I was a teenager and I saw first hand what happens when you don't finish school, they all regretted it and lived really crappy lives. Now, I quit school anyway when I was 15 (Yes, 15!) but I then got a GED as soon as I turned 16 and went straight to college, was the youngest in all my classes and also made it in to advanced classes. I suppose it was different for me, having above average intelligence really helped.
The idea of taking everything away from them is also a great one, tough love works when you need it. If Kili comes to me and says she's quitting school I will most definitely be taking everything away from her as well as letting her meet some people who decided they were "too cool for school" and see how their lives turned out.
1 Vote
I found out the hard way, some schools don't do enough to support the parent My son didn't have a problem going, he just didn't do any work once he got there- (sat in class and flirted with the girls, joked with the guys. He would also skip classes and go to the library, or once was found in the bathroom) His grades were horrible- this is a kid who is intelligent enough to pass gateway tests without studying- I tried taking privileges games, etc. He acted like he didn't care. Finally I told him he could take the natural consequences- do the work or next year he would still be in 9th grade while his friends went on to 10th and high school, His grades were D's and F's. Would you believe he PASSED!!?? I came off looking like an uncaring parent; my ex was fighting for custody through juvenile (not divorce/family court) This gave him the ammo to get the judge to give him custody as I was "not wanting to be a parent just a friend" since my methods had not worked. He had the typical teenage attitude that just because he didn't want it to happen it wouldn't. Within 6 months he went from no major behavior problems to getting kicked out of 2 schools for drug use, runaway several times, juvenile detention 4 times, now has a juvvie record from breaking in to a store with his drug-using "buddies" and his dad was arrested twice for child abuse, the police were called to his house at least twice a week due to power struggles (he had never had discipline at his dad's house during visitation-when he was younger, dad would call me and say "He won't go to bed" etc. and expect me to enforce his rules from my home or work. He now lives with his uncle, has much improved behavior but still problems skipping classes. Uncle let him quit but he had very restricted movement- no visits or friends at night or if rules broken. He has now voluntarily gone back to school and so far grades are good, effort is being made. I'm hoping and praying he has the maturity now to keep it up.
1 Vote
As a stay at home mom, I was hired one time to help a child get to school. Since I was in an MP unit during my military time. I showed up in military gear with my hand cuffs. School staff was on board. I went to school dressed like that one day. For some reason, the teenager decided it was better for her to go to school then "we" go to school.
1 Vote
Ask why, what's the problem - and do it in a friendly, concerned way, not an accusatory way that declares your way law. If a student was once happy at school and suddenly does a 180, Something's Seriously Wrong, JMO.
Once you find the problem, consider a solution - another school, home school, a private tutor - if it's the school itself, just one other student, a teacher, several students, is it bullying. Finding the problem gets you half way to finding a solution.
Kids do not test so far unless they are completely disrespectful, and no offense to anyone, but that's usually the fault of the people who raised them. Kids get out of control because they are allowed by their parents/guardians. If bad behavior is not nipped at the first sign, it will continue.
I say this as I have seen so many friends "complain" about how their kids are out of control, and turn right around and let their kids do whatever they want, no rules, no consequences for wrong doing, no punishment/discipline what-so-ever. And they wonder why their kids are out of control ?!?
Testing authority is one thing, having problems in school and having those problems cause the student to refuse to go to school is another , and just being disrespectful is yet another completely different matter. This question needs to be much more clarified before anyone can honestly answer it. Is it just testing authority ? Why ? Is there a problem ? What is it ? Disrespectful student ? Change it - give your student the respect they deserve, but demand (and earn) respect in return. JMO
1 Vote
First ,try to talk to your child about what is going on at school for them not to want to go. Then you decide about other options... If you feel it would be in you and your child best interest try online classes. Talk to your school they should give you the information on which online site to use to get credits in case your child would like to go back to high school later ( if they want to graduate with class ,prom etc.)
Good Luck ! :)
1 Vote
At that age there is not a lot you can do. If there are no ongoing bully problems etc., you just need to call the truant office and let them know your child is refusing to go to school.
1 Vote
that should not be an option. but in this case you need to see if they are haveing issue with their work or if someone is picking on them. seek help to see why the child refuse to go to school.
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Susan - commented on Jan 31, 2013
I think you need to be your child's number One ally. You are basically the person who he or she relies on and needs the most. Don't let him or her down. I loved school when I was growing up, and thought that schools today are pretty much the same as they were 20+ years ago. They are not. Bullying and obnoxious behavior is rampant, and students are downright rude and rough. When I used to go in to volunteer, I regularly witnessed kids using the F word and threatening to beat each other up. This was in the hallways between classes. Teacher are too pressed to teach the curriculum in an "assembly line" fashion to recognize the students as individuals. If a student is bored, they can't move ahead faster than the rest of the class, and if the student didn't quite catch on, they must move forward whether everyone understands it or not. The Industrial Age has taken over how we do everything, including educate, but kids are not machines. Try sitting through a lunch hour and see what they feed these kids, how they behave and the techniques the teachers use to keep order. It made me cry. They are cutting out everything that made school wonderful and special, like art, music and PE. Kids are losing recess. In this nation, people don't want to pay for public education. Children are second class citizens. My middle schooler asked to be homeschooled, because he couldn't take it anymore. I was floored. Every now and then he gets lazy, and I ask him if he'd rather be in public school than have his mom making him do his work all the time, and he always says, NO WAY! I recommend watching some of the documentaries that are out about the education system. Most of them can be seen via Netflix. The War On Kids, Waiting For Superman, The Lottery, Teached, The Cartel, Captive Audience, Tomorrow's Children, A Race To Nowhere, and Declining By Degrees. These will open your eyes. We have been taught to send our kids out the door and entrust the public education system with our children. But our schools are changing, and not for the better If you are unable to homeschool your child, I recommend finding another school. I would send my kids to live with their grandparents if the schools were better there. What I mean is, do whatever it takes, find a way. Many parents send their kids to school because they'd rather institutionalize them in public school than deal with them themselves. Not the parents in this discussion course, I'm talking about the ones who don't care enough about parenting to come here. A high schooler who won't go to school may have already been subjected to a lot of damaging things. It may take time to get it sorted out.
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Mary - commented on Jun 1, 2013
The child does not make the calls..The adult does if they have the guts to be a real parent..Stop playing games with this child...It's school or fulltime job..School really is the job for a kid..Be the parent for God sakes...
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