What do you do with fighting twins?
Twins: sometimes they're so close they're at each other's throats! What can you do to help twins, who already share everything, to get along?
I am an identical twin and I can relate to this post. I am now 40 y.o. and I no longer see my sister & haven't done for years. I think it is important to recognise that all siblings fight, so twins fighting too should not be unexpected. Sometimes people have different expectations of twins - like they should have such a close & special bond & be each other's best friends. While this is great - it is not always fair or reality. Many of our childhood arguments stemmed from firstly - being expected to be identical in everything (i.e. taste, preferences, likes, dislikes...). Secondly, lots of pressure to be the same & negative comparisons when differences were evident. Thirdly, twins spend an inordinate amount of time together. If you had to spend that much time with anyone else (e.g. your spouse) then you'd fight too. I would suggest making sure they are treated as individuals & like any other siblings - make sure they have time apart & can pursue their own interests & differences. Identical twins are not 'identical' in every way. Apart from that, accept that fights between siblings are normal an leave them to sort it out. If one twin is more dominant, then the twins will both need to be taught to get along with people - just like any other kid does.
I have fraternal boy/girl twins now 16. When they were little, sometimes we had to seperate them! I didn't allow them to hit each other or they got time out. Usually fights started at about nap time or eating time...I also had 2 of the most popular toys and a thing called "toy jail". If they fought over a toy, it would go to "jail" for the rest of the day and no one could have it, so they learned to take turns really quickly!
It is not just twins. mine children ( boy then girl) are 2 years apart (now 5.5 & 3.5 yrs) and love each other, are very affectionate and tell each other they love each other and play together nicely most of the tiime.... but they fight too and it drives me mad, but i remember doing it with my brothers too and it is all just part of growing up and learning how to share, be considerate and realise everyone is different......
I can completely relate I have fraternal twins who are 8 and they are at eachothers throats CONSTANTLY. I can't tell you how many times a day i hear mom he is doing this to me and mom she hit me. I normally try to separate them as much as possible. They are also in school together and have problems. I am trying to put them in different schools now. The best advice I can give is make each of them spend time with you separately if you can. It helps sometimes. Good luck to you
I am also an identical twin and we bickered a lot. Not all the time by all means. but a ridiculous amount. We would play together for hours and be fine. I don't know what would be the trigger, but we did bicker. On a long trip, our mom would get us "Sugar Daddy's," the caramel candy on a stick. Looking back, I expect it was to keep us from talking!
In our 20's, I flew my sister out to see me. I was being a jerk and she told me she had the return ticket in her purse and could leave. Something clicked. That was the end of the bickering. Since then, we have had a couple of disagreements, but we discussed them in an adult manner, and we have a great relationship ever since.
A comment below was made about fights starting at meal time or nap time. I had two sons 17 months apart. When they fought, which was not often, I would send them off to different parts of the house, then take them some food. Calm would return.
It is so special being a twin, that it is a shame for conflicts to create a rift. I hope parents, or even the kids, learn strategies that help to maintain a happy relationship.
I have 24 year old twins that are identical. These boys are what I call the most horrible twins I've ever come across. I thought twins were supposed to love one another but these kids have been trying to kill one another since they were 5 years old. And 19 years later and many fist fights and drug addicted rages they still cannot get along to save each others lives. They are very much bipolar, I understand, but it is just unbelievable how bad they can be even speaking as a mother. I have tried for many years to get them help and it seems that I hit a rock wall at every turn. I'd like some help even at this age to get them to at least get along with one another.