What do you do when another kid hits your child on the playground?
How do you respond when you see another kid hit your child?
I remain calm and I watch how my daughter responds. It's really her lesson. Of course, if it's with a crow bar, then mama bear's coming...
It depends on the situation. If you have been watching the children interacting you will know what caused the hitting. Usually when a child hits it's for a reason. maybe your child isn't sharing or wasn't very nice. It's never appropriate to hit even when provoked, but my reaction would be different if the hitting was unprovoked in any way, then if it was. I would normally say something like 'please don't hit', and if it was provoked I would also add for my own child's sake that 'we need to share'. What drives me crazy is when my child has retaliated by hitting another child after this child has repeatedly teased him and bullied him and the parents of the other child are not paying any attention until their child gets hit and then comforts their child as if it's all my child's fault. As I said, my child is still wrong for hitting even though he was provoked, but the teasing needs to be addressed too.
I'm always interacting with my 2 1/2 year old and other kids at the park/play place. If I see another child hit my son, I'll tell him nicely that it's not nice to hit and someone could get hurt. If I see it occur again, I would approach the parent/s. If it yet again occured, I would tell my son to defend himself. It is not the nicest thing to do but if he keeps letting children hit him now, he will never stand up to bullies come school time.
I see perents in these situations where their child is getting hit at the park and they pull their children out of the situation, make their child leave because they are being bullied. They are behaving, having a good time playing. Why should they be forced to leave because another child is misbehaving???
Well.. I am that mother who is actually interacting with my kids at the park instead of playing around on my phone like some others, so I do see everything that goes on. if my child hits another child, I pull him aside and have a little talk and make him appologize to the child. If it happens again.. We pack up and go home. If another child hits my kid, I go to him and tell him not to hit and I tell my child that if they hit again, to defend yourself and hit them back if necessary. I know that might not sound right, but I have encountered several kids over the years who are bullies and who are not being watched properly. So sometimes you just have to let your kids handle it. If the problem comtinues.. I go have some unpleasant words with the parent.
I don't think it's ok to teach your kids to "hit back"...If for no other reason...when they get into school it doesn't matter if the other kid swung first...if you swing you are going to get in just as much trouble (i.e. suspension or worse) as the other kid. I do agree at a young age parental intervention may be required sometimes...but, try to let the child work out their own problems as
much as possible. Teach your kids to use their words or walk away. This also helps them in ALL situations...bullies, friends, siblings, even their parents and other adults. It's just a good "life skill" to know how to deal with confrontational situations.
I think it depends on bad the altercation is. Generally, I'm a big believer in letting kids work things out for themselves so that they can begin to learn the skills they will need to know to stand up to bullies (I learned a lot from the book, A Nation of Wimps by Lenore Skenazy). However, if the hitting was vicious or I feel like my kid is learning really bad lessons, I don't shy away from telling someone else's kid that hitting isn't okay. I say it politely, but firmly.
I think each situation must be taken into consideration. I was raised in an abusive home, so I taught my child that hitting is never the answer. I taught her that hitting is always wrong, unless it is in self-defense, or to protect yourself from being harmed or taken by a stranger, and she understands. My daughter is big for her age, so she usually towers the other kids. She is in the 97th percentile for height. I have noticed that it is usually the smaller, more wirey kids that tend to be the bullies. I believe it is possible for a child to hit for no reason. My daughter has been hit when she did not provoke anything. I think that parents must be responsible, and act appropriately. All too often, we have parents who just turn the other way when their children hit others.
My sister's daughter is only 2 months younger than my daughter, but she is significantly smaller. Her daughter gets kicked out of day care for biting other kids, etc. She has bit my daughter on numerous occasions, and will hit, kick, punch, push, and whatever else she can do to her. My reaction is always the same. I remove my child from the situation and tell her that the other child was wrong to do those things to her. I will also tell the other child that it is not okay to get physical with anyone else. If the parent is present, and responds appropriately, nothing further needs to take place. If the parent is not present, or does not respond appropriately, I remove us from that situation and it is time to go somewhere else. No one has the right to put his or her hands on another; I don't care what age he or she is. If more parents taught that to their children, we would have a much better world.
Having said my previous thoughts, I think the age of the children should also be taken into consideration. My niece and my daughter are the same age, so it is natural for them to argue over toys, etc. I have two step-daughters who love to fight, take toys, hit, and whatever else they can do to my daughter. The oldest is 9 years older than my daughter and the other is 6 years older. I am disgusted by their behavior towards their little sister. The oldest is bigger than my mother, and she will push my toddler to the ground, jump on top of her, and pin her to the ground. She will slam her head into the ground, push her off of chairs, push her to the ground, yank her toys causing her to fall, etc. The younger step-daughter will push her, bite her, hit her, take her toys, kick, punch, slam her into walls, pin her between doors, etc.
I do not feel this is normal behavior at all for a much older child to bully a small child. With older kids bullying small children, I think more severe actions must be taken. The small child must be removed from the situation, and the older child must not be able to harm the young child. If it were a stranger at the playground, I would insist that action be taken to remove that older child from the playground. If my child was injured badly, then I would contact the authorities. But what do you do when it is a step-child, or another sibling in the home? I have taken action so that my step-children cannot abuse my child anymore.
My daughter has ADHD and is being tested for high functioning Autism. She doesn't tend to react well in situations like this. So I have to remain on constant alert. If someone hits her, her reaction can be to burst into sobbing uncontrollably or to hit them back. However, if/when she hits back it isn't one hit, she gets a bit aggressive.
I've had no problem telling someone else's child that we need to play nice and not hit. It's not just about protecting my child, usually it's about protecting them. Thankfully as my daughter has gotten older she's learning better to come find an adult, and generally she's able to find the parent of the child who hit. It's probably quite embarassing to have a 5 year old come up to you and loudly say "Um, excuse me, your kid is hitting people and it's not very nice. You need to make them stop." She'd probably be branded a tattle-tale but in the long run it's safer for everyone involved. She doesn't think to use her words with other kids, but tends to do well when speaking to adults.
With my other children, I usually just monitor it and make sure that they are responding well. Usually they tell the other child that they don't want to play with them if they're going to be mean.
I found it so hard to watch especially because my child would never hit another one. I am not coping too well seeing her being hurt although that's what some children do and I know they just need to learn. BUT still it is hard to see her being hurt.
to give has good as they get,reason 1. the child that starts the fight more than likely has parents that don't know what the hell they are doing,so your child has to pay for it. 2nd,how will the child ever learn that hitting another kid is wrong?look at the 1st reason,right ? right ! for you to tell me that teaching to hit back is wrong.you must be one of those parents that don't know what your doing to raise a child. if you don't want your kid to be hit, then teach them to keep their hands to them self's. my child is not your kid's punching bag.3rd they will realize that hitting hurts and when they get hit back then they will know how it feels.it hurts, so has for the so called parents out there that say they are just being kids, i say no. you are just being a bad parent.that comes from a man that has 3 children,a 22 year old son,17 year old and 12 year old daughters, both daughters have A's and B's in school.raise your children in the LOVE and ADMIRATION of our HEAVENLY FATHER. and i bet you will not have any of these problems,if you don't i bet that you do already have these problems.and my children will not, i repete will not pay for your lack of parenting. go with GOD. my sisters and brothers
i can say nothing unless annoying him
It depends. If the parent of the child is present, I would see if the parent is going to address the problem. If they don't, I would ask my child to come over to where I am, because knowing my children, they'll hit back and separation is needed before an all out slap fight ensues. My daughter will push a child, usually if they don't let her be in charge, but she will look around after to see if she got caught and immediately say sorry if she is asked to. My son doesn't hit or shove unless hit or shoved first, but for now I feel like it would be asking too much of either of them to expect anything different as they're still in preschool and still learning other methods of communication.
There was one recent incident however where I did step in. I was with my son in church nursery and a boy was smacking my sons head against the wall. I immediately told the boy to stop even though his mother was present and picked up my son. When their safety is in question, all bets are off.
I do not do anything unless it is bothering my child. Usually the other parent or nanny intercedes before it gets out of hand. If not and my child is upset I take him away to play elsewhere. I do not believe it is my place to discipline other people's children.
i expect their mother to interfere and punish the child for what they have done if not i will go over see if my son is ok then say something
I was out with my 2 year old daughter the other night and an infant (18 month old) boy she used to attend daycare with was there with his mother. I asked her, "Do you remember ****?"...all of a sudden he runs over, jumps on her and knocks her down in the dirt. I thought he was trying to give her a hug and got a little too excited. My daughter looked shocked as she wasn't expecting it either, she must have thought the same thing because she outreached her arms to him again. When I said that to his mother she replied "I wish that was the case". Before I could question what she meant, he full out attacked her, knocking her down again (my daughter's fairly big for her age). As she tried to get up he full out tackles her then lunged out and smacked her across her face. It happened so fast I never had time to react and my daughter (who is a gentle being) started to well up with tears, she looked confused. I then pulled her out of his reach, thank goodness because here he came again full-out swinging at her. I caught his hand each time and said, "NO hitting!". The mother never did a thing to discipline him!!! Then she tells me that at his new daycare he beats on all the other children (while chuckling). I didn't find it too amusing!! I understand to some degree you should let kids handle it themselves to teach them how to deal BUT in this instance, I'm not letting my daughter get beaten up while his mother thinks it's a big joke! I was proud my daughter didn't lash out but felt sad for her to have to put up with it. I don't generally condone hitting but I think in an instance like this she should be able to defend herself!
first thing i have to separate them. then i ask what my child did???when i have the right answer so i have to decide what else i should do..
Whether provoked or not, I tell my son that we need to be kind and gentle with our friends- positive messages rather than "don't".
However, my son has been the culprit on many occassions- the joys of entering the "terrible two's" He pushed and shoved. And yes, at times he did hit- provoked or not. I was alarmed and upset. I sought out every possible way to help him understand that it was wrong. I apologised profusely to the parent/s and children. But, I was horrified at theirr reactions and responses- he was called an "animal" someone that "needed to be locked up". I was told I was a "useless" mother" etc. etc.
Thankfully my son has moved on from this stage and learned his lessons so well that he is the kindest boy I could ever have hoped for.
So my take on this would be to step in when its provoked- but as hard as it is to be calm when you see your child being a victim to this- you need to because your child looks to you as the example of resolution and conflict handling.
I would try to find the reason why my child got hit. If it is the other child's misbehaviour, I would tell my child in front of that kid that kind of behaviour is BAD. And teach my child to leave that kid and not play with him/her anymore. And when my child got older, I will teach him to defend himself & if possible put him in martial art class. That way, no kid would mess with him!
Interestingly enough, this happened to my 4yr old son on Wednesday afternoon at daycare. He and another little girl were playing in the sand and started poking each other with their fingers. My son asked her to please stop twice. There were two adults outside with them and they indeed witnessed what was happening. When the poking did not stop, neither one of the providers intervened. My son then hit the little girl in the face. If they are unable to work it out first on their own with manners I believe that's when an adult should get involved. Not sit there and watch it happen. My son and the little girl were both told to sit and wait until their parents arrived. We went home, talked about what happened, went over the rules once again, etc. That evening after dinner he made the little girl he hit a card with an apology and lots and lots of hearts....Some positive reinforcement to a not-so-positive playground experience.
If you feel you need to get involved just say to the child that is hitting that they need to keep their hands to themselves or use their words when they are feeling upset.
Some kids are just mean. My daughter is in kindergaten and came home one just in a horrible mood. She told me a boy in her class pushed her, called her a poopy diaper head, and laughed at her. She went and told the teacher and the teacher made this boy appologize. I asked my daughter why he did this and she told me he does it to everyone but she thought he was her friend.
Of course my initial thought was she should have pushed him back and called him a cry-baby, pissy pants. I know that is wrong in every way but it hurt me to hear my child say this. She is the most docile kid you could ever meet and there was no provoking in anyway. I just don't see how making the kid say he was sorry solves anything. But, then again, it's not the teacher's job to be teaching these kids these things.
It's really hard to hold it in. I have run up to a situation before and asked the other kid why he hit my child. Then the other parent is there and wants to know why my kid provoked theirs...I don't know, this is a very difficult subject.
My son was bullied in Preschool and in 2nd, and in 4th grade. In Preschool there was a little boy who would pick on the other kids in my sons class so he would stick up for them and so the little boy turned on him. He came home and told me and I said to tell the teachers. He did and it was taken care of. In 2nd grade another little boy started being mean to him. He didn't want to go to school any more. I told him to talk to the recess duties. He did and nothing was done. So my husband told him to defend himself. I told him to try not to hit the boy. He told the boy to leave him alone and the boy did. (So no hitting just defending.) Then in 4th grade this same boy from 2nd desided to do it again but this time it got physical. Again I told him to tell the recess duty and he got in trouble for leaving the boy out of the games they played at recess. Then the other little boy hit my son and my son did nothing. Another child told the teacher and she told me. At that time I went to the principle and told her to do something. So I think it is better to prepare your child when they are young to defend themselves. Maynot by hitting back but to be prepared it no one helps out. But that if they do decide to hit that they might get into trouble too. Thank you for listening.
if my grandchild doesn't stand up for thierselfs . then i go talk to the parents
I read books to her on playing fair, and being nice during betimes and we talk about these situations. She knows its not nice and tells them to be nice, play fair, and do whats best for everyone.
you should stay calm but also explain to the child what they did and that they cant do that and they should be put in a time out as well thats what i do when my children hit.