What is the most difficult part of a mother/daughter relationship?

The mother/daughter relationship is often complicated but rewarding. What is the most difficult part of the relationship you share with your daughter?

40  Answers

0 0

I have 4 daughters and enjoy a unique relationship with each one. They are 26, 23, 19 and 14, with 2 son in laws. Throughout each stage, I've found the hardest thing was/is to love them selflessly, especially when they didn't deserve it. To parent out of love for you daughter and not out of fear or control require some gut wrenching decisions and much prayer. I've had to assess my own weaknesses and address them in order to love well. I've also had to admit the limitations of my strengths and not depend on them to guide me in love. If one is tender hearted, it's tough to discipline. If one is competent, it's a challenge to not control. My daughters have made me a better person, more grateful and less judging and comparing. We have to get ourselves and our agendas out of the way to love.

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0 13

Very well put. We love to rant when we come on line. I love that you spoke truly and fully. I also have 4 daughters- 3 grown (23, 25, 27) and a 4 year old. Most of the time I beat myself up about what I've done wrong, but I try my best to always remember that I've done the best I knew how and I done it with love. As a grown woman with grown daughters, I think of how I interact with my own mother. Now and before. The things I felt, thought and did. It echo's so much what some of the other mothers are saying that this message of love is the only one which makes any sense. We don't have all the answers, aren't all knowing, all seeing etc, but we have the capacity to love. Get those agendas and ourselves out of the way, so we can love. Bless

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3 0

Ladies.....when our/your 'young ladies' start "smelling thereselves" (Grandma use to say). Tell them to move OUT your house & see what the REAL WORLD has to offer. When they give you that 'crazy look'; just walk away.....I promise you things will start going in the right directions, within YOUR HOUSE where you PAY THE BILLS! WHAT!!!

See I started placing my daughters in check in my 'WOMB' so I NEVER HAD ANY ISSUES OF OUT OF THEM because they didn't KNOW just how CRAZY I would get so they never tried anything STUPID.....now once they graduate from High School (college or a job) if they don't want to live by the house rules....SHOW THEM THE DOOR because the REAL WORLD don't & will NEVER show them the LOVE/RESPECT they get from home. WHAT!!!

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that's exactly how I am. . .love it!!!! (oh, and it works ppl!!!!!)

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0 2

I think the hardest thing in a mother/daughter relationship, or any relationship between a parent and child is when you see them making bad choices and you know where it is leading but no matter what you do they will not see things through your experience. They seem to want to go through it anyway. As a parent to sit back and watch them is excruciating and the hardest thing to let them make their own choices and learn their own lessons. I have a 20 year old son, 20 year old daughter and a 18 year old daughter and 1 out of 3 actually learned by the mistakes of others rather than going through it themselves. I guess it boils down to trusting that we, as parents have taught our children well and as they grow into young adults they remember those lessons and utilize our advice in their life. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding

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This is so true right now. My youngest, 13, wants to date someone that I feel isn't the right person for her. I have heard so many negative comments about this young boy. I have met him and I don't get a good vibe when I am around him. I try to talk to her and she doesn't understand where I am coming from. Christie, you hit it right on the nail here. Thanks for those words of wisdom.

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6 3

When she was young, I could pick what she ate, where she would go, what she would play with, what she would wear, how we would fix her hair, etc... Now that she is nearly 10, she is becoming this little tween who has her own opinions, likes, dislikes and sometimes (ok, most of the time) her choices and mine don't mesh. Learning to step back and let her make her own choices whether I agree or not has been the hardest thing for me so far.

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i already fearing that as early as now my child is only 3 yrs old... very sad to think about. am just praying that someday i can handle the situation when that time comes.

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13 0

My 4 beautiful daughters are all adults now. All are responsible and independent. Sometimes when I miss them, I wonder where I went wrong. Then I remember that was the exact outcome I had hoped for when I was raising them. They each went through a painful 'pulling away' stage, As teens, the girls provided great levels of anxiety and stress (some still going on today!) but they also gave me the opportunity to grow within myself, developing greater patience, self-awareness, and new perspectives. Yes, I do occasionally wish I could just cuddle with them again. But I know that they really do still need me in some ways. Whether it is for my old-lady-opinion (I call it wisdom), babysitting (the joys of grandparenting!), or just keeping them company when the hubby is out of town, I am glad I can still be there for them. It warms my heart that they still want me around!

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I like your outlook. As a parent of two wee little girls ages 9 and 6 months I hope I look at things as you do now. It's how I hope my own momma thinks of her 4 "little" grown girls! Cuz you better believe I'm the one still going through my "I need my mommy stage!"

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0 40

I think it is difficult for mothers to watch their daughters make mistakes. We know how hard it can be to be a woman in this world. We want to help shape our daughters into hard workers and achievers with their own high standards. When they fail, it can feel like we've failed. We have to remember that it is in our failures more than our successes that our character is formed and our strength is tested. As difficult as it is to watch them flounder, it is necessary.

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Lisa = Well put ! but sso hard to just stand back

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9 52

I'm the mother of 3 teenage daughters,19,16,14.I think the most complicated thing about the mother/daughter relationship is as they get older they depend more on self than on mom.They feel that they know everything and sometimes theres a wedge put in the relationship with everything they are going through.especially with what society puts out there and posions there minds with.I'm glad to say my girls can still talk to me about anything,they still hug me and kiss me goodnight every night before they go to bed.I think as young women they kind of start distancing themselves for a time being.realizing someday they won't be living under the same roof as mom and slowly try to become more independant young women.Theres going to be several difficulties in the mother/daughter relationship,but only in those moments can we grow closer as mother and daughter.I find being the mom of 3 beautiful,smart,amazing godly young women that I'm truely blessed even in the middle of a difficulty in the relationship.cause it does nothing more than help us as mother and daughter.

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Amanda Hughes I have 3 girls just like you. Mine are 6 2 and 1. Looking back at your experience what would be a great advice or suggestion for me. Thank you. J Muller

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0 4

The hardest part of my relationship with my daughter is seeing my negative qualities in her. She is so much like me that I am afraid she will have some of the same pain and negative experiences that I had growing up. It is a constant challenge for me to figure out how to help her in ways that I never managed to help myself. When I see her suffering because of something that she has learned from me or because of her personality that is so much like my own I feel guilty, as if I have failed her. On the flip side, I love seeing how much like me she is in other ways. I am proud of the positive things she has learned from me. I often laugh and shake my head saying "She is me up and down."

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Amanda, Have you shared your past experiences with her and let her know what the outcome(s) where? We are parents NOT perfect, remember there is BOOK written on how to raise children OUTSIDE OF THE BIBLE!

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I lost my mother at the age of 14......I have 4 siblings.....I was the eldest of 5......that was 42 years ago.....
Now, married and divorced with 4 grown sons..., I am the daughter of a loving father,( now 82 years old), and the eldest sibling of 2 sisters and 2 brothers(of whom I partially raised), and also raised 4 sons because my husband worked away from home 75% of the time....it's been a ride .....I am a daughter, but unfortunately, I've had to be my own woman, and my own strength from a very early age without the guidance of a loving and nurturing female inflluence in my most vulnerable years....I've grown up fast, and faced the world early.....but I am proud to stand on my own in this world of tough knocks. Girls, YOU CAN DO IT....HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE.....BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!

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Well DONE Judy!!! Bravo to you girl..it takes guts to achieve what you have..my dad was an alcoholic and hardly worked..we were 7 children, me in the middle..my mother was our rock! So that's why my you have my VOTE! I do not know WHAT I would have done without my mom..she is 75 today and I STILL need her! You are one brave lady! Congratulations!

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0 0

My daughter is now 30 and is a wife and mother of a 3 year old, and a second one on the way. She was and is very intelligent and strong willed, and independent. I raised her to follow her dream of being a pilot, and it was very hard to leave her at age 18 at college in Texas, 1000 miles from home. She told us "leave me and don't come back the next morning..just keep going." We did that, and she met her future husband, a wonderful Christian young man, the very next day! You must give them "roots and wings." I cried when we left her, but it was God's plan. She graduated in Aeronautical Science, a fine pilot, as did her husband. Raising her was not without challenges, but worth it.
Now she calls me for advice in parenting, and I am so proud to see how she does some things just like me! Sarah Troxell, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
What a joy to be a mother of a daughter! Truly a gift from God!

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Love this! Hits home for me

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I have two daughters ages 31 and 37 and four granddaughters ages 4, 6, 8 and 16.. The most difficult thing to do is to let go. Letting go starts when our little girls take their first steps and toddle away from us across the floor. Oh, how we want to protect them from falling! There is the letting go as they start school, the letting go for their first sleep over or camping experience, the letting go when they take off in a car with a boy, the letting go when they go away to college or get their first apartment, the letting go when they walk down the aisle. How we handle each transition sets the stage for the next one. Sometimes we do a good job of preparing our daughters for the next stage of their lives but we don’t prepare ourselves for what our new role will be when they enter that stage, or for the adjustments we will have to make. Love them all along the way and brace yourself for each change. And remember, they won’t leave you if you let them go.

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Dianne, you are very wise. I agree wholeheartedly!

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0 25

to me the most difficult part is trying to get my girl to always open up to me, she tends to keep some things from me which really scares me because i dont understand why she chooses to tell me some things and keep others from me. Am affraid that as she grows up she continues to distance herself from me expecially on matters that are at times sensitive

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I am experiencing something similar, Ruth. And then I want to kick myself when I push my daughter to tell me things and it just makes her shut up even more. Lately she's been asking me if we can lay on my bed in the evenings and just talk. Of course she asks me when I'm right in the middle of something but I drop it immediately and let her ramble about whatever. Because I know it's a way in. It scares me too when she keeps her distance. Good luck!

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2 20

I think that sometimes we put expectations upon them that are unrealistic. Perhaps our own individual failures and disappointments we put upon our daughters as kind of a redo on our own lives.

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As an older mother with daughters 30 and 31, the hardest part is letting them make their own mistakes and not telling them "I told you so!" Hopefully they learn for themselves. It is interesting to look at my own relationship with my mother and hope I'm around long enough to see how they cope with their own daughters.

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for me ..when i ask her to do something..she feels like im picking on her. I try not to yell..but its frustrating to no end. she thinks its below her to wash dishes, help with laundry.
My husband says i let her get her way to much...then he threatens to send her to Mexico to live with his parents....where she will learn to do daily chores.
I dont know...am i too easy on her?

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Yes, you are too easy on her. My 14 yr old. mows the lawn, washes dishes, does laundry. So do my husband & I. We don't ask her to do anything that we won't do, so it doesn't seem like punishment. We don't work her to death; she does enough to know that this is an obligation as a member of the household, and she doesn't complain-ever. "Work before pleasure" is a motto best taught from the onset, but it's not too late to start. Get the chores done and get it done without fussing and then there is plenty of time left to play. If she gets too fussy you can not do her laundry; when she fusses because her favorite clothes are all dirty, instruct her how it's done and then leave her to it. She'll get the message eventually.

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0 0

Letting her go. I have 2 sons, 25 and 22, and one daughter, 20.
When your child is small and issues arise, they're usually fixable. Then they hit their teens. They face more serious, adult type situations/decisions, and everything becomes more complicated. I just tried to guide my daughter. In general, I didn't say, "DON'T", unless it was something like drinking and driving. I would say, "I would prefer that you not" and give her reasons. In general, this worked well. I was fortunate in that she was self motivated, did well in high school and went cross country to college. That is when it become difficult. It was so hard letting go. Then she had problems adjusting to college. Weather. Making friends. She was very social in high school. Kids were very different there. She lost a lot of weight. I worried. I worried some more. Didn't know how to handle the situation.....but as a mother, all you can do is be there. I find that, in general, I am the one she turns to when faced with a problem or question. Yes she seems to "dump" on me, but that's o.k. That's what mothers are for. I did it to my mom. It's a cycle. I lost my mother years ago and we were close, so I know how lucky my daughter is to have me. I miss not being someone's daughter. And it's comforting knowing that my daughter believes she can come to me about most anything, that I will always be there for her and I won't judge her......but I think the most difficult part of raising my daughter is having to let her go. When she first left for college, I was lost. And second, I think when she goes through difficult periods, whether it be w/ a boyfriend, girlfriends, academically, whatever, it's hard not to feel her sadness as her mother because I just want her to be happy. As the saying goes, "You're only as happy as your saddest child."

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i'm the mother of a 9 year old and the most difficult part of our relationship is me learning not to give in so much. i constantly get advice from family that i spoil my daughter too much but they don't understand the whole situation. when my daughter was 7, her little sister passed away at 2 and a half years old. ever since then i have craddled my daughter more, held her closer to me, kept a more protective eye on her, and i let her get away with a lot more. well now it's been almost two years since my younges daughter died and i don't know how or where to draw the line. i let my daughter get away with a lot cause i don't want to see her sad, and i hover way too much. i just don't know how to balance it all out.........any suggestions?!

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Things must be very difficult for you but I think you are being a great mum to your daughter and no doubt she will remember how much you were there for her at what must have been a devastating time.There is a book calle Colors of grief how children grieve which may help you understand how your daughter understood what was happening at the time and it maygive you some ideas to deal with any difficult behaviour you are dealing with now. Best wishes

8 14

I have an extremely tumultuous relationship with my 25 year old daughter. She is my youngest (2 older boys, 29 and 32) and she is the mother of my only grandchild. You know the nursery rhyme "when she was good, she was very, very good, and when she was bad she was horrid"? That's my daughter. Most of my family and friends want me to cut her out of my life but I have an extemely hard time doing that no matter what horrid things she does to me. She also holds my grandson over my head if I don't agree with whatever she wants. I am divorced from her dad but they were all adults when that happened and it's been 7 years.

I don't know what to do at this point but I would love to be able to live a peaceful, drama free life. I am 57 years old.

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3 0

Pray and keep it moving.....If you know you didn't do anything wrong to her those are her choices. Remember everyone makes their own decisions/choices but when things come back to 'haunt' them (reap what you sow) then they start tripping, like the world is against them BUT THEY BOUGHT THAT ON THEIRSELF.

0 47

I have one amazing 16 year old daughter that I'm very proud of.

We lost her father when 5 years ago. Which made me become very protective of her. Since I am now her ownly parent. Life kind of took a change for us at that moment.

Being my only child, that is very scary for me to let her go and explore her horizons. I know she needs to learn from her mistakes and adventures, as I did. But I think that is where I want to be the mama bear. She now has a job, she has her friends, she spends less time at home. And most of all, she's graduating next year. That is coming up too quick. It makes me feel like it's happening out of the blue. But not really, we've had 16 years to prepare.

I also know I've taught her my very best. She will do great things. But that's where it becomes difficult for me. All I think I can do now, is be there when she needs me. For either a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk to, or even just quality time together. My part is now done. I realize that more and more each day.

As I see her grow up, she's more mature, more independant and more self reliant. She's becoming quite a young lady.

The most difficult part of our relationship, is letting her go.

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2 53

I dnt have a daughter...but am someone's daughter...lol...What I know is hang in there no matter what is going on, give love, love and more love...when she gets older and wiser it will be returned a thousand fold...my relationship with my mum is a lot better now that am older...

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0 0

I once heard someone say " I realized I was an adult when my mother passed away. At that moment I knew that never again would there ever be anyone who put me before themselves".

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0 2

Letting her make her own mistakes. As mothers, we don't want our daughters to make the same mistakes that we did but we forget that we learned from them (hopefully) and therefore should let our girls do the same. If they don't pick the wrong man at least once then how are they going to know that they have the right one?

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0 20

Give them roots and wings.

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1 24

Lexi is was easy at first. Till she got into her her preteen years and She would stop hugging me or even kissing me in public. It was like she didnt want to hang with her Mom.She didnt want to go to the mall with me. She wanted to be very independant of herself. But her Sister. will give me a hug and everything. Very different girls. Ill say. But now she is older she cant wait to give me a big hug. Right it is very hard with me living in New Orleans and she is in West Virginia. Long story short my husband is in the military. And my daughter decided to move back home close to our family. But now were closer then ever before

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0 0

I'm actually not a mother, I am a daughter. I would like to say that probably the hardest part of mine and my Mother's relationship has been the trust level. My Mom has always been the kind to have a hard letting me do anything- because of trust. Even though she may have told me time and time again that it was not ME she did not trust- it was the world and people around me- Subconciously I took this to mean she could never let me out to experience anything on my own. This caused a rebellious streak inside of my heart and actually I had a hard time telling her everything like I used to. I kept things from her because as I grew older I reasoned that she would flip if she knew what I had done or was doing. I don't drink or smoke or even sleep around. I've been raised well. However, I did get promiscuous. About one year ago I and my Mother made a break-through. We discussed my feelings and how her point of view "trust-wise" effected my decisions as a teen. Hearing her side of things helped my perspective a LOT. I was the first born and a girl at that. She was a scared woman who just wanted to do it right, who wanted to make sure that her daughter didn't have wounds like she herself had at my age back then. And so on and so forth...
So, bottom line: Moms; give your girls a little bit of credit around that teen age, trust that what you've taught will stay in their minds and never be overly cautious to the point that they don't want to tell you anything that happens. Daughters; Trust that your Mom loves you and just doesn't want you to have to hurt in life, most importantly I think- allow for her to make mistakes as well as yourself. And don't be afraid to let her know how you feel. Why? Because when you get to be my age... and older :) ... the relationship between you and her will be stronger than ever.
That's all I got =]
-Sonja (20 yrs.)

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0 17

It's wonderful to hear all of your comments. Through a divorce and difficulties between my daughter and I, she chooses not to speak to me going on 3 years now. Very sad situation. She is 16 and I wish we could have our talks like we used to about growing up and life itself. Just cherish the time you have with your daughters, no matter what age because they grow up in a blink and they will always need their Mom, no matter what age.

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I know that she's growing and will someday leave to explore the word around her, but its hard to see that. She is beginning to see, act and experience things in her life and around her that I sometimes wonder if I myself am teaching her the right things, letting go of that hold, after all she is my first born and her brothers and sisters will follow in her footsteps.

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1 0

I made the mistake of being more of a friend to my children . and now as adults alot of issues are coming out. my child is almost 35 and is holding her children from us. So keep your eye on your daughter BE HER MOM not a friend...Trust me we are paying for it now.

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0 0

my name is Chloe and I live in Hawaii along with my mother name Debbie seghorn. it was a hard suggestion between me and her since we got into a huge fight, literally she yells at me while we were in the car. I feel neglected like she doesn't want me living there like it's her business. luckily I had some friends that had to deal with my mom and especially Jorge. it was hard not to tell my mom about it after all. we didn't have no connection of talking to each other after all

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The anger she has towards me for having such strict house rules which are in her best interest.

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0 0

my only daughter became a mother herself at the end of last year and since then she has totally stopped all of our close relationship and will only communicate by text but not about my granddaughter...... help

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1 79

Tray to see the life weth is eyes and you tray to help your Daughter and same time don't lisent to you .

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1 79

I tray to be is friend same time more of his mom I come from for a diferent country and I tray to lisent to my kids 15 my girl and 13 my boy the are so diferent so the need diferent diferent atecion .but Itray to be in his bussnes to I know the don't like it ,but I love my kids and my faith help me to be strong .

0 0

I believe she resents me and is critical. She doesn't value my opinions.

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0 0

My daughter thinks that I am old. As if I grew up in the dark ages. Times are different, don't get me wrong. However some things don't change.

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0 2

I have 3 daughters and 1 son each realtionship is different. My oldest is 17 and she is my best friend and mother to the other siblings. My difficult part with sealing with her is that she is so independent and I feel as though she doesnt need me anymore. She is leaving next year to go away to college and I guess I'm smoothering her right now while she is still here.

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0 0

My daughter is 14. I've always been totally honest with her about everything...she's very beautiful, soulful, intelligent. I enjoy talking to her "as an adult", not just "as a daughter"... does that make sense? Sometimes I wonder where that line is??? When do I stop and say "Whoa... honey....... that's a big NO NO...Mommy says NO"--- do I even need to go there?
She just thinks I'm funny and we usually laugh through all of our difficulties. It's such a calming loving relationship. She's my angel on earth. However, she is 14 and entering that age group where the hormones start jiving everything up. I DO feel her pulling away. This is very difficult. I feel like I'm grieving! I'm just worried she's going to get caught up in a bad scene... I hope I've taught her enough to avoid the pitfalls... even if she falls, I'll catch her. She knows I'm there for her.
The main difficulty is, I guess, trying to discipline her in any way. It's almost impossible... she is always so distraught for her behavior, and embarrassed she acted the way she did, that she basically has disciplined herself. That's the way it looks and feels to me...
Just confused...??? argh

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0 17

I find it difficult to bite my tongue and just LISTEN! Often when my daughter shares what's on her mind, I start to share my experiences or give advice before she has asked for my input. I've realized that listening is what she needs most and she will ask if she wants to hear about my experiences.

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0 3

My daughters leaving for college in a few weeks and so far this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with! I cry all the time like someone died. My children are my life and I'm so very proud of her. I'm not afraid to let her go on with her life I'm excited she will be able to do things I have never been able to do! I has her 2 weeks before I graduated high school. She's my everything! His gave me her and I will never let her go but I will allow her to grow. I just hope I can make it thru this. I made it thru graduation with lots of tears. At Christmas her senior year she sang home for Christmas , i got a text that said surprise! It was a solo and I bawled. All the kids were laughing, i cried the whole way home. The reason is I know she will be so busy she won't have time for me if she can come home!

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0 24

I totally agree with all that has been said by other Mums but on another note, the most difficult part of my relationship with my 13yr old is getting her out of the bathroom after she's used all my products, make-up and appliances........LOL

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0 18

I'm going to share this from the perspective of the daughter/mother relationship...I'm 36, and the only girl. I have only have one son.

So to begin, my oldest brother, who was ten years older than me passed away when I was 9 1/2. Within the next year, my parents divorced. It was down to just me and my mom. I was there with my mom every step as she did her very best to put back the shattered pieces of our lives. She struggled at times - heart broken, but never waivering in her faith. She taught me so much about being an independent women, how to stand up for what I believed in, and most importantly to trust in God.

As I've grown up, she's seen me go through my own losses, and when I didn't want to hear the truth about situations or decisions I've made, she confronted me with love. She is my safe place. The person I can share every joy and heartbreak - and when we are at our worst, we are each others sounding boards.

I'm grateful for my relationship with my mom. By no means is it perfect - but it fits us perfectly.

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0 16

i have 3 daughters aged 18, 16 and 12. I have to be very careful with the second one as she is over sensitive, take things personally. It kind of makes things difficult for me. On the other hand , my eldest wants to be treated like a grown- up and the youngest is the happy- go -lucky type. I would say at this time she makes my life easy and relaxes me. Yes, there are times when they need emotional support rather than a motherly figure to understand their problems. I mean i have to be like a friend as well. In the end, i would say that a mother daughter relationship is a beautiful one.

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0 17

We are both very stubborn.

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