What should you do if your child is being bullied at school?

It can sometimes be difficult to know what the best response is when you hear that your child is being bullied at school. Most moms want to rush in and give anyone who will listen a piece of their mind, and for good reason. But what is the best response? Moms, weigh in!

40  Answers

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My son has been bullied for years. This year (7th grade)he was stressed out for 3 weeks before school anticipating the misery. Of course day one he came home feeling horrible because of course the bullies can't even rest on day one. His self esteem was just getting worse and he was defeated. He started to believe what they would say to him. I finally had enough. I told him get in their face and if they don't back down, punch them. What ever you do don't you dare back down. Stare them down. He was more worried about what the teachers would think of him for fighting and sticking up for himself. I told him, Ryan, I expect a call from the principal tomorrow. When you finally stick up for yourself, I'm taking you out for a steak dinner. The next day I got the call and we went out for steak. Since then, he's a different kid. He smiles and he is not afraid to get in their faces. His self esteem is through the roof. He even has befriended another kid who also gets bullied. He told the boy go talk to your parents, principal and teachers. Tell someone and let me know too. I will help you. I know some are going to say violence isn't the answer, but I've tried talking to the principal and going to parents of the bullies. It only makes it worse. They get other kids involved to do their dirty work. The school just calls them down and points out who is complaining and then they just get called tattle tale and cry baby along with all the other things they were already doing. He knows he can't start it, but he will finish it and let them know they will not violate him.

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Annamarie, Right on! People have to stand up for themselves. Now that your son is confident people will sense it and leave him alone and he won't have to fight back with a punch. Congratulations to you and your son for freeing yourselves from Fear. All the best, Maurita read my post earlier

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Please pass it on, I read this and was impressed at how powerful the message was and I immediately shared it with my daughter. This is great example to share with others.

A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it.

That is what happens when a child bully’s another child.

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I read your story and I have to say that at school they say they care but administration is too busy gossiping. You are right about the scares I see it with my daughter. The thing is that once this damage is done they try to convince you that your child suffers from a disorder

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Teach your child to stand up for themselves and the things they care about. So many children are failing to do this out of fear, not respect of others. If they have to fight back, make it the last straw, but allow it to happen. Didn't we take it out on the school yard? Didn't we verbalize our issues? Children can't do that anymore due to technology and irrational fear of breaking the rules.

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Two thumbs up Cookie!

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Ladies you probably won't like my answer. Every situation is different but the bottom line is if you child can stand up for themselves they will not have a problem. When my daughter was in second grade everyday this kid would push her down when they all went outside. He did this every day and she asked me what she should do. I told her to push him back and she did and guess what the little baby went crying to the teacher and my daughter got into trouble. Guess what else he never did it again. My daughter is now 20 yrs old and has her Blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do. She takes the train all over in LA and can take care of herself. Self reliance is so important. When my daughter was in second grade and I looked all around one day and saw who she was going to be around all day and looked at the food they were serving I decided that day that I was homeschooling.
Contact me if you have any doubts in your own mind or red flags about the schools.
Here is my number 520-858-9140 Have a great fearless day. Maurita

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Completely agree with you Maurita! You can read my story above if you like. Had a similar issue with my son.

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That is why I opted for homeschool. A lot of people ask, "What about their social life?" I just think...what social life? They are either getting bullied or learning to be the bully! My child has enough friends from different plagroups and all his cousins. I know this isn't always an option or even a want for some parents, but I'm much happier knowing what my child is being exposed to every day. He only went to Kindergarten and had so many days of not wanting to go because kids were being mean to him. Then I slowly saw a change in behavior and he was starting to treat his sister, other kids and even adults w/little to no respect. Not the way he was taught. If this crap is happening as young as Kindergarten...I can only imagine how much worse it'll get year after year!

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This may not be what some folks may want to hear, but I've dealt with a bit of bullying with both my children. My husband and I are truly blessed with a 19 year old son and an 11 year old daughter.

When my son was 5 years old he got off the school bus crying. I asked what had happened and he told me our neighbor boy punched him in the stomach on the bus and the bus driver did nothing. We are not violent people in any way, but I told my son, "I better never find out you've started a fight or picked on someone, but if someone is causing you harm in some way, you have every right to defend yourself." Well, the very next day the boy punched him again. My son hauled off and popped him in the nose and that was the end of that! The boy never bothered my son again and as far as I know, my son did not have any other issues all through school. What I find very appalling though, is when my son started High School they were all gathered for an assembly and told if someone were to attack them in school, they were to fall to the floor and lie there in a fetal position until help arrives. If they did not follow this policy, they would be arrested and taken to jail even if they were not the instigator of the fight. I say, this is exactly why children are bullied! If a bully finds a child that will not defend themselves they will never stop. Needless to say, I told my son I would rather pick him up at the police station than have to see him in a hospital bed because some kid kicked him in the head or spine while he was lying on the floor waiting for help to arrive. My son was never in a fight in school ever.

On the other side, with our daughter, when she was about 8 years old there were three girls bullying her on the school bus. I attempted to allow her to handle the situation herself by asking the bus driver if she could just move her seat. The bus driver refused and said only the school could move her seat on the bus. So I then told her to speak to the principal about moving her seat without giving a lot of detail about what was going on as I knew what would happen if the girls were confronted by the school. Well, my daughter was told they had to speak to me about her seat being moved, (so much for trying to let my daughter solve her own problems). Anyway, I called the school and they insisted they needed the names of the girls. I relented and unfortunately, my fear was realized when the girls went at my daughter 10 fold. I cannot say why the school was so adamant about knowing who these girls were. I mean, all they had to do was just move her seat for goodness sake and that would have been the end of it. Instead, because the girls got in trouble, at least one of them tortured my daughter even more. In the end, I told my daughter to just stay as far from them as possible.

In many of these situations I believe the children are afraid to speak up for themselves to the bully as they are afraid to get in trouble. When I was in school, they would actually question students and staff and attempt to determine who caused the problem. Now they don't care who started what, they just suspend both children. I don't know that there's an easy solution other than trying to empower your children that they have the right to fight for themselves.

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did you ever stop and think why both of your children were bullied? Neither have mine have ever been bullied and I think that's because I have always taught them to speak their mind and stand up for what they believe in. They have gotten into trouble with teachers for doing so but I always have their back and have intervened when needed, pointing out to administration that they are strong, self-asssured leaders. Rather that than a kid who gets picked on and can't or doesn't know how to stand up for themselves in any given situation.

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My son was bullied at school from the age of four, within a month of starting. The fact that he never retaliated any verbal or physical teasing meant some little toads saw an opportunity to keep it up. Why stop, when the victim doesn't fight back? When the teachers turn a blind eye? When their own parents unwittingly condone and encourage such behaviour in the way they behave towards other people - even talk about other people - in front of their children?

The school system - in NZ and Australia, anyway - encourages bullies by not putting policies of BRAVERY into place. And by that I mean the SYSTEM being brave - not the victim. All too often it is the children of the more powerful members of Parents & Citizens Committees (Oz version of PTA) whose children bully, and schools are too scared to stand up to these families. Or they hide behind departmental policy that states the poor widdle bully must be helped, while the victim probably provoked the situation (which is what a bully will often say....hey, if they're happy to torment another child, what's stopping them from lying about it?).

My son was home-schooled for a good amount of his primary education and is currently home-schooling for the second half of his first year of high school, but going to a new school next year. He was bullied by both students and teachers most recently and was blamed because - wait for it - he wasn't Christian and apparently it's okay to bully and humiliate Atheist children. The fact he was threatened with extreme physical violence for not being a Believer did nothing to change the staff's attitude and we left the school. Since then, around half a dozen out of that year level (there were 38 as of mid-year so it's a noticeable dent in numbers) have also left for a variety of reasons.

If your own child is being bullied, see the situation as a ladder. Don't speak with the bully's parents, unless you know them well enough to approach them in such a way you know they'll help. Start with your child. Was the bullying a one-off thing, or is it on-going (schools will NOT take much action over a one-off situation)? Is it really bullying or is it more a two-way animosity that could be fixed quite easily by the class teacher? Kids often don't recognise their own part in a negative social situation - I know my own son doesn't always see his own innocent actions might be what is happening to him. In these cases, I have always given him the "other person's shoes" chat and left it at that (he has Asperger's so doesn't see the other person's POV easily!).

If you establish it really IS bullying, go to the class teacher. First, give him/her a chance to say whether they already know about the issue and what they are doing/going to do about it. If they don't know, explain the situation and that you hope the school will take immediate action in finding out what is going on; not only that, but if your child is too scared to be around this other kid, the teacher is to ensure they are kept apart (if the kids are in the same class). If the teacher gives you no joy, then take it to the year-level co-ordinator, saying the same thing. If s/he isn't responsive, go to the Principal. You keep going up that ladder until you find someone who will take you seriously (because you are Mum, the school's instinct will be to get defensive and think you're being over-protective).

Whatever you do, do NOT allow the school to say your child must bear responsibility for his/her actions in all this. Your child is the VICTIM and should be made to feel safe and secure while at school. Being bullied then being told you are partially or totally responsible for the situation is the worst thing to do to a child - it happened to my son, so I should know. In no way are you to take this new-age, politically-correct crap (pardon) about kids being kids, about toughening them up for real life, about how it's not really bullying because blah blah blah (some schools make it up as they go along). And most definitely, do NOT under any circumstances allow the school to put the blame onto your child's shoulders in any way. This is YOUR child, not theirs.

My son turned 12 this year, and can't wait to start this new high school, where we know a few families - ones whose children are in the cool crowd and have already gushed about my son coming next year and that if anything happens to him, the Eastern European Mafia of the school will be onto them.

Whatever you do, be polite and calm. Schools don't hate it when parents of bullied children get angry, but they DO hate it when these parents SHOW their anger. I'm an ex-teacher (left due to disillusionment of the system) and can understand that a bit. Keep the upper hand at all times and remember that it is your child's emotional well-being for whom you are fighting.

Good luck!

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Fiona this is well said!

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It depends on the age of the child. I would always notify the school first and then follow up to see if and how they handled it. If it continued I would definitely get involved. For a elementary aged child I would certainly move next to contacting the parents. As always we have to be delicate on the first conversation and try to arrange to get the kids together in a mutually enjoyed interest (playing video games, going to a special ice cream shop, etc) to create an atmosphere where the kids can get to know each other without the bully's posse around. The goal is for the kids to see each other has just regular kids. Middle school kids can just be cruel and I would start at the teacher levels and work my way up to the school board if necessary. If one child is being bullied then there are certainly others. At the high school level the child may not tell parents this is occurring. Sometimes the only way to know is to recognize a change in the child's mood or behavior. If a parent gets in the middle it can sometimes cause more stressful situations for the victim, but again the school should be notified, and depending on the circumstances it may be necessary to inform authorities. Its too bad most schools don't teach the dangers and zero tolerance of bullying. It's about time parents push for this because it affects kids of all backgrounds, abilities and social circles.

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We just went through this. We just moved from san diego, ca. To san pedro, ca. My once popular, kind hearted, happy son went from happy to sick everyday, headaches, vomiting, just always stressed. We found out a few weeks ago what was going on. He was being threatened because, get this, he has red hair! Wow! Really? A kid wanted to fight him. We went to the school and told them. Their main concern was his grades had been slipping. Really? So, his father and I informed the dean that he was a blue belt in karate, and had our full permission to whip this kids butt if he needed to. He was toblock him the first tie, then, if needed, take him down. We were told HE would be suspended also, even if it was self defense! I looked at the dean and "that's what you think! I will make it rain frogs on this school district if it apens! " (that made my husband a bit scared of me! Lol!)we told him we were pulling him out until this punk was told to back off. His parents were to be contacted also. They did. I do think it was the visit This punk recieved from his older brother and two friends. All three blackbelts. They didn't touch him. Never intended to. They just made sure he knew what he could expect if he did hit my son. This punk came up to him when we allowed him back, shook his hand and appologized! Fight fire with fire!

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I agree totally...my father was in the British Commandos with a rank of Major.....he was legally obliged not to teach me any forms of fighting. What a mistake that was today. I'll teach my grandchildren, now, how to take out the bully...quickly efficiently and with NO GUILT whatsoever, making them eat kaakaa. There's no more room for the foobar kid purpotrating any kind of kaakaa. The Justice Ministry is way way to too far behind to legislate in these early years and very very important factors, since the fifties.....and possibly longer. Too them I say......I've gotten a hell'va bigger.......an I may chop down your punk kid and their friends that may have executive fathers/mothers really really fast. I'll probably visit the parents that are the bullys parents.......and see what they're all about. I'll look first and ask questions discretely.....before surmising my own opinion. Oh by the way.......I got my 10X for marksmanship in shooting. And now that I'm a grown up .......can an do handle 3 men at a time in a combat situation. I dont talk about it much........but the kids have to protectyed as well. If I ever SEE at any time a young child , being bullied in front of my house........he/she....WILL HAVE PROTECTION IN MY HOUSE. The perpatrators that are waiting for he/she to come out ....and yes , I know it happens. After a 2 minute count...........I'm on their case NOW....because its not a joke....its a act of malicious intent. I'm bigger.......let them remember that and any fathers/mothers in the judicial/police system,...that are'nt effective to that particular individual at all times , even being a child/adolescent. That I will personally knock their everfuking blocks off and their fukin mothers and fathers,...if they have them now .....as well coming around to ask ...."What did you do too my son/daughter " Well asshole......you should have ....GRILLED ...your son/daughter....before coming over too my place too protect a helpless boy...or girl........GET THE MESSAGE !!

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I was bullied as a child and didn't tell my parents because I was embarrassed. I hated school and would feel stick to my stomach many days because of what I had to put up with. I begged my parents to homeschool me, but it wasn't practical with them working full time. I would urge others to consider homeschooling if your child is being bullied and you are able. I battled depression through a lot of my school years and the social atmosphere I was exposed to daily for all those years was so unhealthy. When I did reach out once for help, the principal and officer at our school refused to get involved and I wound up being attacked a few days later but fought back. That was just one instance. There were boys who threatened to rape me on the bus and people who would spit loogies in my hair and stick chewed up gum to my belongings. If your children reach out to you, do everything you can to help even if that means pulling them out of their school and considering other educational options. I homeschool my daughter and will homeschool my son. He's not school age yet. We get together for co-operative classes with other homeschoolers and meet with other homeschooled friends several days a week as well as attend Sunday School, church, AWANA, go on field trips, participate in sports, etc. Therefore, my children have a lot of time with other children where bullying still could occur, but I feel like I'm in a better position to deal with it than I would be if they had to attend "school". I can go directly to other moms if need-be or have my daughter's classes changed easily without having to fight with a school board. And they're only in each class/ activity for about 2 hours at a time. They're not spending the majority of their waking hours with people I don't know, and their class sizes are manageable unlike the classes in most public schools and on buses.

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Senae, how did you find these other parents and children that are home schooled? I would love more info on how you went about it as i am planning on home schooling my daughter. Im so glad i came across your post! =)

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Sometimes you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do too much and do damage, do too little and cause even more damage! However I recommend the following.
First isolate the reason your child is being singled out. Try and give them the tools needed to stand up for themselves with conviction. If the bully does not get the response they are looking for, sometimes they will move on.
Talk to your child's friends and get their perspective on why this is happening.
Talk to the school guidance counselor. Get background on how the school handles these situations. What is their SOP.
Get your child involved in activites that give them something else to focus on and potentially to help them make other friends.
BE THERE . . .do not belittle or quickly dismiss your child's feelings. Try to NOT react until you have a chance to think. Offer support and listen . . .always listen when your child needs to talk.
If you think that the parents of the bully can help the situation, talk to them, but this can sometimes backfire.
AND most importantly, document everything. Keep text messages, print emails - monitor facebook etc. write down the details of each incident and then you will have the history if and when you need to involve the authorities.
There are laws against bullying . . .react immediately, but do not over-react too soon! (:

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It absolutly depends on the situation! My son knows to defend himself if something happens but to always talk to me about what happened so that we can determine where to go from there. Examples: my son(8) & his friend(9) were play wrestling my son won so his friend told his older brother(17) that my son was being mean to him. My son got in trouble. My son & I went over steps to avoid it happening again (don't wrestle with that boy, being one of them!). 2nd Example: My cousin (10) was being beat up by 3 boys (14 & 15yr old) on a semi regular basis. His parents taught him to fight back which is fine except since there were 3 of them they kept doing it even though he did cause them some damage. I went to the principal & asked him to take care of it but made sure it would be anonomous so there would be no backlash to him. The problem stopped. Each situation is different & therefore requires being handled differently.

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I think it is a sad day when the smart kids,and kids with integrity and meekness, and kindness are made to feel hopeless and inadaquate in these public schools, where the parents pay taxes. These spineless people that are put in authority are the people who don't have the backbone to stand up for the children who should be the leaders of the school. They are afraid because so many other children are mainstreamed into the class with regular kids and now the classroom is one big mess and so is the school. My children go to public school because I refuse to pay money for private school and I am already paying taxes for the public school. The local school system is a mess, people in cliches and nobody who wants to stand up for the underdog anymore. We have become a country who is consistently judged by the amount of money one has, and not by our morals, and integrity.We have a lack of empathy and a focus of consuming wealth. But if we fail our children, we will become a nation of failures.

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First and foremost, listen to your child, and empathize with them. Do not make statements like, "Ignore it , and it will stop." THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!! If this continues, then is the time to get involved, and talk to whoever is in charge, be it the schoolbus driver, the teacher, whoever. Make sure, of course, that if your child is, in fact, in the wrong in any way, that this is addressed. Bottom line---this need to be taken seriously. Your child(ren) need to feel safe, and they have that right. If it isn't addressed, your child(ren) will likely think that you, the parent condone bullying, and that you won't step up to the plate to fight for them---and it is huge when the parent does this for their child(ren). It says, "My child(ren) are important, they have rights, and they have the right to be treated the right way,and not to be bullied---EVER!!!!!!"

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My 12 year old daughter was bullied for the entire sixth grade and I'm worried she'll be bullied in the seventh grade too.

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Homeschool him/her.

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I would get my shotgun and go to his school. While looking up the bullies i would hide the shotgun somewhere. I would tell them i wanted to talk. When the bullies and i where alone i would take the shotgun and blow my head off. Right in front of them, that would teach them!

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I don't know

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you have to encourage your child to be strong or you should take him/her to another school.

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BABY BULLIES
This TV segment from 60 MINUTES shows that babies are born with the ability to see petty differences between themselves and others. Once that “difference” is established, they have no moral qualms about punishing “others” who are different. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18560_162-57551557/babies-help-unlock-the-origins-of-morality/ . THE ICE VEIL TALES are a series of 12 fantasy/adventures that can help parents teach their kids (5-7 years old) the most important thing we have in common. Doing so will curtail bully behavior in classrooms because your child will learn the trick to self-reliance, creative decision making, and compassion for others. You may watch a FREE animated puppet show of Book One at: www.TheIceVeilTales.com. Wishing you and your families Happy Holidays and Happy Classrooms!

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It has always been that I have had to fight my own battles, but with my children, I have always fought theirs. I like to provide protection for my children until adulthood at least, like I like good nutrition, I like their growth stress-free. People just learnt, whether my children wanted it or not, that mum will come. As adults, we can get the police, and we can move, where-as children are expected to do as they are told, so to stay in the playground, or walk down a street to school. Simply I would locate a child, adult woman or adult man, and do the same that that person did to my child. As my children got older, they began to get angry at me for comming into situations. As they went into college, they never displayed any fear, because they knew what was going to occur-(mum would handle even the slightest problem). It seemed at this age, there was quite a bit of fear, even the elders were a bit jumpy in the area. And I was not going to have them bullied into burglary, drugs, or bad associates.
Now they are grown up, and can handle themselves because they have adult brains, adult bodies, choices and the police.

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My daughter has been bullied for years. I been supportive of her and and try to comfort her. At school they tell her to tell the adults and she does. But it doesn't work. The administration doesn't believe her and asked me to get a psychiatric evaluation done so they could access funding from the school board to hire more personnel. I have written a full report of when it started and went through all the times, I placed when where who and how. Now I want to publish it. I want to go public with this. But I guess I want support to let me know its the right thing to do. I guess through this I could people realize how many years of torture those poor girls had to endure.

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I was bullied in school from 1st grade on and it didn't lighten up it only got worse as i got old it wasn't until my junior year in high school when a girl from my class handed me a flyleaf cd and said that god wanted her to give that to me. and everyday after that it got better. i even had teachers bully me...it didn't matter if i stuck up for my self it just got worse...nothing helped not telling teachers no a thing i tried sticking up for my self can called a girl a bitch and I got in-trouble not her she was the one who everyday tortured me and put me down but no i was the one who got in trouble the one who got punished not her. so you know what teachers can go to hell they will always take the side of the student they like best and its usually the bully they like best. so this is why i have decided to homeschool my son im seeing more and more teachers bullying students and kids committing suicide more than before. so if your child is being bullied pull them out of school homeschool them and get them help. im 22 years old and i still have nightmares and flash backs i wish my mom would have homeschooled me. i refuse to allow my son go through this bs and when i say teachers are bullies its because they take the bullies side, they dont do nothing to help, they laugh at you when they see it happen, they mock you, make fun of your work, make your every day hell when all you are doing is trying to get through the day and not break down and cry and count the hours down. thats when a teacher is a bully!!!! and there are so many of them out there....

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My daughter was in preschool last year. She had this little boy in her class that was always picking on her. He would pull her glasses off of her face and throw them on the ground and stuff. She would come home with her glasses barely fitting her face. I had to go back through and fix them constantly. It always broke my heart cuz she is the little girl that is trying so hard to be friends with EVERYBODY. When this started happening, i told her to tell the teacher. She came home one day and said she told the teacher and the teacher asked her, "Madison, are we tattling on him?" and my daughter said she said "no" and then the teacher made her apologize to him for tattling! WTH?! I was furious! I talked to the teacher and she kept giving me the excuse how she never saw any of that happen and that my daughter is having a hard time with tattling and trying to redirect the convo. Then I called the principle, who never called me back to fix it. The next PT conferences, my husband and I went in and I explained to her that I'm teaching my daughter that if this little boy, or anybody for that matter, is bullying and picking on her, or hurting her in any way, that she needs to kick the kid where its gonna get him to stop and think twice before picking on her. I told her I was sick of dealing with this and that if they weren't dealing with it, I was going to teach my little girl how to stand up for herself. The teacher was like, "we have a very strict bullying policy". I was like "my ass you do! Then why the hell is my daughter being treated this way". After that convo with the teacher, things started getting better and my daughter said that this little boy was staying away from her now.

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I would have done that when she said that tattling was wrong. its because of teachers like that, that i am not going to send my son to school but instead homeschool him. you will be surpised at how many of those teachers are out there. and yeah your child will have some good teachers but its those bad ones that really make you wonder if its the good ones you should take a chance on...i was bullied by a teacher and it hurts more than a student bullying another student. and teachers are always more prone to take the side of the popular student than the non poplar student.

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I have been reading all these comments for a while and some i agree with some i don't.
Well....for a start some parents have written that their children were bullied for years before you told them to "stand your ground, punch them in the nose" etc, etc UMMM why the hell did you let your poor child put up with that for so long? You are their protector, their parent, their mentor. Children are meant to feel safe at school and you should enforce that.
I was very invovled in my eldest boy schooling from primary thought to high school.. there was a bigger boy there who i saw one day (while dropping my son of at school) push him over and throw his school bag on the roof...I got out of the car, marched over there as he ran away, picked up my son, took him to the principle told him to tell her who this boy is (evem though i knew him to) and what he had done, he had no choice as i saw it all. The priciple went and found the bully, whos parents were called and it was sorted (manly because i told her i would not leave until this happened right now) As i talked to the bullies mother (i knew her), she had no idea her child was one of the school bullies, she felt horrible about everything.
It is hard to tell another parent that their child is a bully, but most of the time they don't know.
but i will not stand by and watch another child think he can bully my babies because he's bigger or just bored....And if this doesn't work for you or your child MOVE THEM TO ANOTHER SCHOOL don't leave them there to put up with it.

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thank you finally someone has said it!!!! never wait till your child is so depressed your seeing them become dark before your eyes never wait till their so broken that they dont even smile at home where its their safe haven their castle with a mote around it. dont wait till this happens do what this women says and do something when you see it first happen!!!!!!

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My 5 year old daughter is getting bullied in Kindergarten. I went and told the teacher, nothign was done. I told the principal, nothing was done. I called CAS and nothing was done. I tried to change her schools and they wouldn't let her transfer. I am thinking of home schooling? Shouldnt they expel these bullies? I mean they are in KINDERGARTEN.

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theres no reason why they wouldnt let her transfer that is a load of crap i would have mad an uproar. if the teachers and principal dont do anything then i consider them bullies too. go to the school board go to the super attendant!!! this is why im homeschooling my son. is stories like yours.

15 64

when my son was being bullyed , I went to talk to the school Guidance Counslor, she called in another teacher ( the bulling took place in her class room.) When they saw how angry I was they ask if I was going to talk to the board of education about this problem and I said "I do not care what punish ment you give these boys at school but as long as you call each one of their parents and tell them what they did...I will not take this any further This time.As a parent I thought I would want to know if my child was bulling other kids."The boys was punshed at school and at home , When I went to pick my son up the next day they all pointed at me as they was leaving school , and I smiled and waved.; In the class room they all had to aplogize to him and One Boy witch was very nice was not there the day that the bulling took place after the boys said they were sorry said " I was not here the day that this happened but I am sorry that this happened to you .He never had a problem with these boys again.

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1 7

My son was bullied when he was in 5th grade, while outside, with teachers supposed watching. First I told my son to stay close to the teachers. When that didn't work, I told him to tell one of the teachers what was happening. When that didn't work, I told him to ask to speak to the principal. When that didn't work, I told him to take actions into his own hands, but explained that he was not to start anything. I also told him that because of school policy, he was probably going to be suspended for a few days. When he took action into his own hands, the principal called me in to school. After a little talk with the principal, my son was indeed suspended for 2 days. Because I disclosed to the principal all that had transpired prior to my taking action, he said that I could collect his homework and studies but that he had to adhere to school policy regarding the issue. My son was never bullied by the kid again.

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15 25

Confront the Bully in a non abusive way ask what your child has done to them and ask then what they have done to your child then let them know nicely you are them going to approach the principal regarding the situation this has worked for me every time and most times the bully is bullied else where and showing that you care in a loving way diffuses there anger it has worked for me and I have raised 4 children ony own God Bless

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4 16

Yeah, probably violence is not the answer but unfortunately that is how bullies understand. My son is only 5 and he knows that if somebody hits him he has to hit back, we even practice at home.
We are not with them all the time and they have to stand up for themselves.

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1 11

My boy who is in 4th grade has had verbal issues with another boy who just cant leave him alone. Today we had a meeting at school about whats been going on. Im sickened that they would have nerve to say that there are two sides to this, 50/50. and now my son has to stay away from him or he could lose his recess. If my boy has said anything,its to simply stand up for himself! and he feels as if he goes to the teachers that he would get in trouble,or they are careless bout it. It really hurts to see a child like this. Our schools slogan is "where the children come first"......hmmm not too sure bout this. My child fears going to school! 14 days of school left....im ready and im sure so is my boy!

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1 20

Question: what do you do if your child is only 10 years old and 3rd. Grade and is being bullied?
I sure can use some advice ; )
It's hard when your child is shy , and chooses not to stand for them self
Because of fear. You explain things and give good advice but she just puts up with and not
Stand up for herself.
It saddens :( my heart though.

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6 51

you are not alone..my 10 yr old daughter is the same way. Very shy and nice to everyone, she does not want to hurt anyones feelings and always says yes to everything. she is picked on and taken advantage of constantly. I explain to her over and over that she can tell people NO and she can stick up for herself, but she does not do it and It saddens me and am not looking forward to middle school. I am on here trying to get advice and ideas. I am so glad I am not the only one who has this issue. I pray and hope things get better!

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1 26

I had to deal with both of my boys being bullied. My older one is now a junior in high school but was bullied in the 5th grade. My younger is in 8th grade but was bullied just 2 years ago in 6th grade, a bit last year and this year has learned how to deal better with acts of intimidation.
In my older son's situation, the school guidance counselor had asked me to document all of the events that occurred when he was being bullied and that worked very well. That enabled us to take the facts of what was happening to the principal so we could actually get things moving towards the right disciplinary action. Unfortunately, bullying is a lot like a crime and there have to be facts and some proof that it is actually going on. Because I didn't see it at first and had some doubts, it took 6 months for any real discipline to occur to my older son's bullies so I would suggest acting fairly quickly.
In my younger son's situation, the administrator that handled the situation requested my son write her a letter of all that happened. After my son gave the administrator the letter, she had all the boys involved in her office within 24 hours and took care of business. My son did not have to worry for the rest of the year and it made him feel empowered.

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21 65

I have a 5th grader and a 2nd grader and I sat down with them and discussed what bullying is. A lot of kids and parents think bullying is just pysical... It's way more than that. There's pysical bullying, verbal bullying and cyber bullying. http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html#
I printed off the student forms to discuss with my boys. This helped me have talking points about what is appropriate and not. It also remindes kids to stand up for others if they see someone being bullied. I printed the parent portion. I know there are several parents that need to read it, that is for sure. There are also pieces for teachers and more. Some of the videos on this site are sad, but I will be going to see the movie soon. Share this website with your schools and friends and family to spread the word. Teach your children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews about bullying and let them know what they should do if they see it or if it is happening to them. Good luck!

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9 13

my son was bullied from reception till year 2 i constantly went in to see headteacher but nothing was ever done then i spoke to the receptionist who turned around and said maybe my son prevoked ppl into wanting to hurt him i pulled my child out of the school that day and put him in a new one hes been there 14mth and is the happiest he has been so i know i made the right decision for my child x

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317 9

Don't forget, kids who bully are having issues of their own. They are often neglected, abused and/or insecure, which is why they lash out at other kids. Hitting them only reinforces this feeling of worthlessness. ALL kids needs to be treated with dignity and respect, and bullying cannot be tolerated on any level.

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6 4

i have twin sons and 1 was badly burnt on his chest and part of his face.he stated to get bullied in year 7.1 lad was picking on him, Jake went for the boy 8 of the boys friends jumped on him as well.both my boys can handle them selves.but Jake was badly hurt.my other son Jordan then went after these boys 1 at a time beating 6 of them up.the other 2 run off every time they see Jake and Jordan.they now know kick boxing self defence and street fighting.they now stick up for the other kids that get bullied.i dont want them fighting.but some schools don't do diddly to help.i also got them Dictaphone to record the bullying and an ipod or there phone records as well.the school had no choice but to deal with it.the school does not like me very much at all now lol.you can also get cheap spy watches that record the boys loved them and no one gessed at all good luck

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5 9

VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!
VIOLENT CHILDREN COME FROM VIOLENT ADULTS!
ALL YOU ACCOMPLISH IS THE CREATION OF ANOTHER BULLY, AND YOU PERPETUATE A DYSFUNCTIONAL CYCLE.
THIS PROBLEM, AS WITH ALL OTHERS WHICH ARE WRONG AND NEED CHANGING TO BECOME RIGHT, WILL NEVER END UNTIL YOU LEARN TO END IT!
THE TROUBLE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU OR EVER BE THE ANSWER. UNDERSTAND?

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36 19

Huh?

65 0

Hi there everyone my name is Caroline and I have delt with this issue before. My daughter is now 11 years old but when she was starting to be bullied she was in the first grade. Her dad and I never knew anything was happening to her she never told us, only later we find out she never told us because she thought the bullies would find out and kill her . Her bully was in the 6th grade. She was subjected to sexual taunts like this boy telling her she needs to get on her knees and kiss his thing because that is what girls do. He rubbed garbage on our daughter's face he told her he knows where she lives and he was going to kill her. One day my daughter came in the house running and crying hysterically. I sat her on the couch and I asked he what is going on and she began to tell me what was going on. Needless to say I was soo pissed and I wanted blood. I call the school and they acted as though I was overreacting. SO I call the police and I had them meet me at the school. I made them bring in the bus driver and the principal and anyone else I could think of. I was so pissed off that I could hardly talk. I told them that they failed my daughter and that I am now the one taking care of this situation and that they are going to be told what I want done they will not tell me, they had the chance to tell me and they did nothing so now I am going to do something. They tell me the boys was suspended from school because of his behavior in the class room, and I said yeah but not for what my daughter had to go through. This boy called her the b--- word and c--- word and telling her he was going to kill her. She had been sleeping in her closet due to nightmares. So I asked the school councelor if she would talk with my daughter to see if there is anything I should do as far as getting her into therapy. My concern was about how this was going to affect her. So I filed the complaint with the police there in the school's office and I told them I would file charges on the school if my daughter was harassed anymore, and the media will know as well. So after the counselor had seen my daughter she wrote up a report and sent it to the superintendent of the school district that this whole thing was made up by me and that I caused all of this because my daughter according to her watches horror films which was not true. I had sworn statements to the fact but the school district circled their wagons and no one helped me after that. My husband came down on orders to move to Texas to an Air force Base there so that was the end of that. I feel that schools should protect our kids and parents should have more rights to help their children also. I learned a valuable lesson about how to handle things if it ever happens again and I won't make the same mistakes.

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23 0

You are a good person. My son got bullied by a big boy, and I turned up to his house(I was witness to the bullying outside) and his parents werent there, and I scared him on the spot. Later, 2 elderly people bullied my son and his friend; one being a man who controlled the boys home yrs ago, the man arrived at my home while yelling at a 5 year old. He dominated over me, so I explained to him how he should behave to children. Later I chucked a pot plant in their swimming pool. The other elder came over, being an ex nun, telling me it is so true my son put a plant in their pool, as he was spotted. I told her it was me. Later my son was surrounded by gang associates at school, so they learnt, I had bigger people behind me, such as hitmen. And one boy did a burglary, trying to get my son involved, so I walked past his parent home and through beer bottles which smashed on their section.

39 5

Good for you! Older kids need to know they have options when it comes to bullies. I been lucky enough to do some work for socialscanner.com and have done a ton of research on bullying. It's a serious problem and kids need to talk about and ask for help. It's no fun feeling powerless.

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