What are tips for fighting productively with your partner?
There is no such thing as a conflict free relationship. So how do you make sure you and your partner fight fair and productively so you can come to an agreement quickly?
I learned a long time ago that when he's angry I need to leave him alone. I might be angry or upset, too, and as a woman it goes against my instinct not to communicate when something's wrong, but men need their space. I have to set aside my feelings and step away for awhile, go for a walk or something. Later I can tell him, "There's something I want to talk about" and we can both discuss it away from the heat of the moment.
There are many benefits to doing it this way. Often I've found our negative feelings were brought on by hunger or exhaustion and whatever we would have fought about is really no big deal. If it's still important later, we can share our points of view more effectively and come to an agreement more easily when we're calm and relaxed than when we're emotional. And the kids never see us fight.
He's also taught me a couple of techniques for avoiding toxic emotional states. When I was overstressed and paralyzed by worry, he used to say, "Is there anything you can do about it right now?" If there is, just do it. If not, there's no point in thinking about it so focus on something else.
You know... I wrote a Hub (article) on Hubpages about this exact thing... check it out if you get a chance... to those of you, however who have said fighting is never the answer, it's unrealistic to think that two adults living in the same space won't ever argue. What is realistic is two adults who settle their conflicts through confronting those conflicts directly. No one can live with another human being and never have conflict, people who tell me they do either give me a pretty creepy vibe or I can see that at least one of them stuffing their emotional needs into a hole, which one day is going to create a heck of a &^%* storm. ;)
Why fight? rather sit down and have a constructive discussion - when you are angry you are inclined to say things that can be very hurtful and possibly untrue. There may be differences of opinion and
when spoken about in a positive calm way bring a solution to the situation. Anything spoken in anger -nothing is accomplished. I wish you both well and hope and pray you work everything out - think before you speak - it saves a lot of heartache! God bless you - Joan
different stages of conflict. If you and your partner harp on an issue that has no resolution but you just like to sting each other with past events or accusations that is a fight.
However, if you are trying to resolve a situation, make plans that both can agree upon or decide which way to move forward then you are having an adult discussion. Some times heated, but still a discussion. Therefor I don't agree that all partners fight and need to find ways to fight fair.
Step #1 - remove the word "fight" as well as "fair" from your mind and vocabulary
Step #2 - remember to keep to the subject and only the subject and listen.
Step #3 - If you can't come to an answer that is agreeable for both parties, let each other state their reasoning and then come back to it after you have had time to think it over. The bigger the impact to yourself or your relationship the more time you should take to think things over. Every issue can be resolved when no one wants to win, feels life is what you make of it but never is it fair. and that fighting is for the immature.
We try to read each other. If it isn't the right timing then we don't discuss it until things settle down.
When we do discuss it we carefully listen to each others take on it and then try to work it out. We also have learned to agree to disagree when need be.
To say the right thing at the right time at the right situation to the right person. The best thing is to tell your partner of what you like and don't like early in a relationship, if u don't then resentment builds up and you spat it out in an uglier way than expected by your partner. Try to be calm when u talk because when you calm down your mind is clear and you are more likely to think better and ultimately resolve your conflict better.
I agree with waiting to discuss the issue until you are both not so angry and let your children see your discussion. They will learn conflict resolution first hand and if you do argue and your children see you make up, and apologize, and continue the discussion, they will learn valuable skills in communication.
Fighting is never the answer. I mean sure it's going to happen occasionally. But if you feel it start to get out of hand, take a few deep breaths and continue the discussion in a calm way, and rationally tell your partner your opinion and listen openly to theirs. You don't have to agree with it, but its good to let them know that you understand their point of view,