When is a baby too young to cry it out?
The cry it out method has become very popular as a way for children to learn to soothe themselves. However, how young is too young to cry it out?
Wow. To all you people judging those who use a sort of crying it out method, we could just turn around and judge YOU in ways like saying "you're spoiling your child, you're just giving in" or I don't know cuz I'm not judging. I bet this question was posted as more of a "have you used this method, and did it work for you?" type of question. It was asked "how young is too young?" not "is it right or wrong" or "are people bad parents if they use this method, or if they don't use this method". I for one use what someone previously stated as "controlled crying", which I think is a decent way to coin the term. Go ahead and judge me if I don't parent my kids the way that you would, but hey, it's my kids not yours. Have a good day =)
I really hate other people judging. When my twins were 4 months old, I would put them down, make sure they weren't hungry, wet, too hot or too cold. I'd hug them, kiss them and love them and then put them down. Then I'd let them cry for 15 minutes. If they were still awake, I'd go back in, love them more, without picking them up and then wait another 15 minutes. Maybe this isn't the "cry it out" method. I never studied it. All I know is 95% of the time, they fell asleep in 10 minutes anyways and at 21 months now, they put themselves to sleep for the most part. I give them 20 minutes of quiet play in their room (door opened but baby gate closed) and they're asleep ON THEIR toddler beds before the 20 minutes is up. They are loving and sweet and smart little girls. I don't see what I did as cruel at all.
you know what - cry it out is cruel and wrong - how could anyone possibly leave anyone, whatever the age to cry and not offer comfort. it not right - its just a convenience - and i dont give a d***m what the childcare professionals say.
I agree that some babies are able to be rocked to sleep and sleep all night long every night, my son was not one of those babies. We tried everything we knew to try. My son would sleep very well as long as he was being held but as soon as we laid him down he was almost instantly awake. So we tired letting him cry it out. If I remember correctly he was about 6 weeks old when we tried that, at first I was a little hesitant but I talked to my doctor and she actually suggested it. My son is now 20 months old and has slept through the night since he was about 6 months old. He lays down when he is wide awake, he no longer cries he just knows that it is bedtime and that he is supposed to go to sleep. Crying it out is not an excuse for you to ignore your baby, it is a way to teach them to self soothe. I believe as long as you are checking on your baby every few minutes and making sure they are fed and changed before you lay them down that there is nothing wrong with this method, and no I don't feel guilty for my parenting choices. I have a very happy, healthy toddler who gets plenty of sleep and does not fight bedtime or nap time. We are expecting our 2nd son any day now and we will use the same method with him. At the end of the day every parent has a right to make their own decisions with their children, and what works for one child may not work for another.
I believe there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to leave your baby or child to cry it out! there are more gentle soothing ways to settle them to sleep. Check out Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution. As babies have no other way of communicating than crying they need to know those crys will be answered, can you imagine if your partner left you to cry and ignored those crys? It just wouldn't happen would it, so why on earth would you leave your baby to cry?
We're trying to build a foundation where our children will be able to come to us with anything and they need to know that if they're upset about something that we won't ignore them.
It's a different situation in regards to discipline, but by the time you're doing that they're probably about 12-18mths old, I don't believe you should deny anyone affection, it's the behaviour we don't like not the person, baby or child. We have established a routine at bedtime which has really helped, dinner is at about 5.15- 5.30 so they're not too tired to eat, then a lovely warm bath, cuddles on the couch with a story or 5 and then a cuddle in bed until they're so sleepy they don't notice me sneaking out. Number 1 son hasn't woken through the night since he was about 2 (now 3) unless he's sick or his nappy has leaked. Controlled crying or leaving babies to cry it out doesn't work as generally (and I have only heard this as I would never leave our kids to cry anyway) and apparently they start waking again at about age 3...
My thoughts on this topic are these. Whether CIO is cruel or not if you always pick up your child at the slightest cry they will learn very quickly that "I Cry, I get picked up". THan it becomes impossible to Put your child down cause they always want to be held. Crying never hurt any child. It is even recomended that if your baby is crying and you just can't handle it and you are alone to put them in thier crib and take a few minutes to yourself. As for crying themselves to sleep, I never let my baby cry very long. i let her let out a few cries before I go to her cause sometimes it is just a dream and she settles right back down after 1 cry.
I don't think anyone on this blog has the right to say that any parent that lets their baby CIO is a bad parent. Parents do what works for them and if a parent chooses to use the CIO method cause nothing else works than I say good for you. It is better to let them CIO than have a child get hurt cause parents are not getting any rest at all.
you call it "a method" i call it "a parent who doesn't want to deal with her/his child". "cry it out" is in no way a method to teach your child to soothe him/herself. parents are there to soothe them, to pick them up, to rock them, to give them pacifier, to make them happy, to make them feel secure. every parent who lets his/her child "cry it out" just doesn't want to deal with a crying baby. i have 3 kids and never once i let any of them "cry it out" . they are happy and they know that mom and dad are always there for them.
Most 'experts' say not before 6 months. I was never a big fan of the method but I relented when my little man was 10 months and found it only took a few nights. I now have a solid sleeper! However you generally wouldn't just let them 'cry it out', you would try controlled crying, checking/settling them every 5 minutes (or shorter/longer depending on which version you follow)... Having said that, every time I 'checked' on my bub, the crying escalated big time! So I did end up leaving him to cry it out, which felt horrible! I wouldn't suggest it until you have tried other methods...There is plenty of info on 'Controlled crying' on the web that you can research before deciding which way to go and which version you like the sound of.
Any age is too young. CIO is cruel and abusive and only teaches the child to give up and know that their parents love is conditional on time. So sad.
I didn't start to let my children cry it out until they were about 7 months. Even then after about 15-20 minutes I would go in and soothe them if they hadn't fallen to sleep or calmed down. It is VERY hard to just let them cry. I hope this helps.
A child is like an empty book what ever u stsrt teaching him that is how he thinks when he grows up so the earlier you teach a child the better for you allowing a child to cry a few min is not cruel rather is love and when he begins to adjust you will be proud of him. And it gives them a sence of independence when they start school!
We tried every thing with my son and finally tried the cry it out method. He now asked to go to sleep and has since he could walk over to the crib and point. He is now two and a half. I think people like you who won't do it because it is "cruel" just can not man up and do the difficult thing (hearing there baby cry is hard for all of us) and be parents so their babies have a chance for a full sleep. I understand it is not for every one or even every baby but to judge other parents for what helped their baby just because you can not be a MOM and do what may be right for your baby just because it hurts you. So when they feel you are unfair when you tell them no they can not do something when they are older you just may cave in because they are crying and their feelings are hurt. You just have to be a parent sometimes and do the hard thing for your child in the long run.
I do not believe in CIO I think it's cruel. This little baby cries and Mommy or Daddy takes care of them. When you CIO I picture the baby wondering "Why did they abandon me?". I just can't do it. When they are older and you can explain to them that big kids go to bed by themselves I think it's okay to let them cry a little. I would just keep explaining to them they need to go to sleep on their own. Or you could tell them you'll lay down with them in their bed for a little while then leave.
I know it's very difficult to feel as if your parenting is being judged. I "pampered" my children...never let them CIO because that just didn't feel right to us. But I've babysat for families who used CIO, and frankly, sometimes I would feel a bit jealous at how "easy" it was to get their babies to sleep. I do know though, that the few times when I let a baby cry without attending to it right away (because I was following the parents wishes), it did seem to make me feel less emotionally sensitive towards the baby, in general. And I'm just saying this honestly. These were not my children, but I noticed a difference in my attitude towards them. I knew this wasn't fair or right, but it just happened. I got more annoyed by their crying in general. So that's just a personal experiment. I do think that the children, as long as they are getting enough attention and love during the day, do turn out fine, but I still know that I personally wouldn't choose that method for my own children.
Another thought I've had regarding this issue: In this culture, we tend to think of teenage rebellion as a "natural" part of adolescence...maybe even a healthy expression of independence. But I happen to come from a culture where teenage rebellion is very hard to come by. If it's so "natural," then it should be universal, right? I've thought a lot about why this is the case. I've wondered if this is just because the society just doesn't give teenagers a very long leash. But I think it's more than that. Being on a short lease wouldn't prevent rebellious thoughts. But I find that in general, in India, teenagers usually consider their parents feelings as at least equal to their own. Their first thought is that "I don't want to do anything to hurt my parents." I've come to believe that the reason for this may be because in India, attachment parenting (co-sleeping, "pampering," etc.) is the rule rather than the exception. CIO is pretty much unheard of there and would be considered shocking. Maybe teenage rebellion is so "natural" here because teenagers have a subconscious feeling that their parents don't really care about their feelings, so why should they care? Even if the parents demonstrate enough caring during the day, the night is the realm of the subconscious. This is not to judge either culture or parenting style. Just some interesting observations and thoughts about what is "natural" in terms of human development.
This for me is a no brainer.... With my daughter who is now 5 years old going on six, was a big cry baby. She wanted to be held consitantly. Putting her down for any length of time would send her to a world of tears! It was very devasting for me being a young, first time mother having to hear her cry like this. So I did what I did and held her alot. When she started to sleep in her own bed at about 6 months old, I noticed that she didn't require my full attention as much. As for my newborn son who is 15 weeks today (whom has been sleeping in his own bed since 6 weeks old) I can lay him down anywhere, and he will be content.
I think this mainly depends on the comfortablity level of the parents, and the personality of the child. It has nothing to do with whether its good or bad for a baby. A crying baby will eventually tire and fall asleep. Whether a parent can handle listening to the baby cry is another story altogether....
Nothing is wrong with letting your baby cry. As long as they aren't wet< hungry, too hot or too cold. Sometimes babies just need to cry. When my son was about 4 months I would rock him with a bottle to go to bed. He would always wake up when i went to put in down so Id let him cry for 5 mins. If he didn't stop I would go up and give him his binky back rub his tummy and walk out of the room telling him good night and I love you as I walked out the door. I never had to go up more then once and he was out.
My son is now 3 years old and I put him to bed. Give him and hug and kiss tell him I love him and good night. He stays in bed and is usually asleep within 20 mins.
I also never picked him up and held him as I made his bottle. I would lay him down go make the bottle and put it in the warmer. Go back to him and try to sooth him without picking him up. When the bottle was done I would get it and then pick him up.
If I had something to do and he wanted to be held and i couldn't at the time. I would make sure he wasn't wet, hungry, or anything and lay him on the floor/ in his playpen/ bouncer/ or jump-a-roo and give him toys. If that didn't work then I would just let him cry wile I was getting my stuff done. I would talk to him and interact with him without picking him up.
He turned out just fine. Sometimes babies just need to cry. As adults we do too. There is nothing wrong with it.
Hi, I did the controlled crying with a couple of mine, however even if we left them to cry it out they didn't end up stopping crying. Some of my kids will keep crying for hours if we let them and occasionally we have been so tired that we have fallen asleep and woken up later to find them still crying. It doesn't always work. We have 6 children now and don't let them cry for more than 15 -20 minutes without trying to soothe and settle other ways. Hope this helps :)
Babies are ALWAYS too young for cry it out. Recent studies are showing it to be harmful to their brain development.
If you left a sick or old person to cry it out, you would be put in prison for neglect. Children only need us for a short while, they don't ask to be born. Parenting is a 24 hour a day job, so why attempt to stop when the sun goes down.
I will let me son cry it out when I can tell that he is tired but just doesn't want to sleep. I don't know if all babies have a cry that is similar but he has one that he just sounds exhausted. The past couple days he's woken up at 5:30AM with that cry, the first day I went in gave him his pacifier and he wasn't calming down so I decided to feed him which he fell asleep while I was feeding him. The second day I was in his room for about a half hour trying to calm him down when he finally fell asleep. The third day I gave him his pacifier once and went back to sleep, at that point I was to tired and so was he. Today he woke up at his normal time of 7.
Now when it's not this particular cry I will let him go for a couple minutes before going in just to judge what cry it is and to see if he'll go back to sleep. There's been a couple times when he wants attention, as in he will be crying and as soon as my husband or I go in his room he stops and smiles at us. Most of the time I will get him soon after he starts crying. There have been a couple times where his leg has gotten stuck in between the bars on his crib and he screams in pain those times I've jumped out of bed so fast I barely remember doing it because I could tell he was in pain.
So in my opinion it depends on what cry you are hearing. I also forgot to mention my son will be 3 months old on the 28th.
a baby is never to young to cryout..but you need to be ready to bailout( in a confined enviroment) if you cannot get the child in control..as we all know patience by other people are shorter than the hair on a gnaps butt these days..so keep you feet balance on the floor an be ready to exist the door.
This method's popularity remains a mystery to me, since the emotional harm it causes is now well documented. I implore anyone considering this to do some reading and find out what effects it really has on babies and parents. Please read 'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland as a wonderful starting point for the effects of 'cry it out' on babies' brains and emotional developoment, and on your relationship with your child. This approach at any age fails utterly to take into account childrens' very real needs and where they are at developmentally.
Please also take a look at Professor James Mckenna's website
Even if you have decided to go ahead, please at least have a look at this info so you're making an informed choice.
When my son was a few months old, it hurt me to do this but we allow my son to cry it out, and i cried along with him. It didnt last that long (and I would not stand for that if it did) but today my son is almost six months and he is an awesome napper and sleeper. once he woke up around 6am, be wide awake, looked around and realized it wasnt time to wake up yet and went back to sleep because he is an awesome sleeper. He use to nap for only 30 min, (because babies start to sleep like adults and they have trouble transitioning from one sleep cycle to the next around two months) but he learned how to self sooth so instead of only napping for 30 to 40 min. like most babies, he naps for two hours. babies who only catnap never learn how to self soothe. we dont have to let him cry it out anymore since he was two months, and he has never cried like that since. He is a happy baby and a very smart baby. so I dont believe he is traumatize from this ordeal like what some beleive. however, I know people who dont let thier babies cry it out and has to deal with babies who need help in the middle of the night and have poor sleep and nap habits or decides later to allow thier baby to cry it out when they are over a year. by then its too late. You need to sleep train them when they are a few months old only!
I don't think judging needs to be a part of your personal choices in parenting styles. When it comes to raising children though, you should be making an informed decision. That informed decision should come from what feels intuitively right to you as a mom or dad, what works for your individual child and from research that is from valid and respected sources that have the child's well being at heart and not profits. There is quite a bit of research on the dangers of crying it out. There are chemicals released in the brain that cause the baby to be in a fight or flight state when they are left to cry it out and that is simply not heealthy. The brain of an infant is changed when the cry it out method is used as well.
Food for thought,
I never let my babies cry when they were newborns. At that point I think they always cry for a reason such as hunger, diaper change ect.. After 6 months old I would let them cry but for NO longer than 10 minutes. This is what my Dr. as well as the baby books of that time recommended. They never cry for "no reason." Even if they are just bored or having trouble settling to sleep there is a need for something. Giving them 10 minute give them a chance to self soothe without getting them too overly upset. I did have one baby who had colic though and at certain periods of the day or night the crying was NON stop! I mean there was nothing you could do at all to make him stop. Believe me, we tried every recommendation/suggeston and there were those periods all he could do was cry -even while pacing/rocking with him. The Dr. finally gave me some kind of medicine for him which did do something to help most times- but then (as you prob. know!- I kept checking on him because he "wasn't" crying!!) But when he was in that colic stage I didn't let him cry it out because I felt that I should be trying "something!" but I think he cried just as much with me holding him! The other babies that did not have colic it was the 10 minute rule.
I have never read any CIO advice that suggested leaving a child in distress for very long, usually its just a few minutes before reassuring them that you are still there (though not picking them up). I tried controlled crying with one of my 3 children (at 1 1/2 years old) and it worked within 2 days. The other 2 didn't really need it as were sleeping through by 8 weeks. I can see no difference at all in their ability to make friends or their relationship with me, they are all happy 'successful' children. I think the needs of the whole family (no one was getting any sleep in my house) need to be taken into account, and a little common sense applied to ANY theory.
There is science, if you need it, behind CIO being harmful. Drmomma.org is a great resource. Here are a few articles you might find helpful: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/11/science-of-sharing-sleep.html http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/dangers-of-leaving-baby-to-cry-it-out.html http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html
I have use the "CRY IT OUT" method.TO ME IT DON'T WORK.It depends on how you are as in a parent "DO YOU GIVE IN OR STAY FIRM" I don't like hearing my kids cry because we all don't no whats that doing to their lungs i have found out as being a teen mom that SOMETIMES my kids don't cry for a reason my kids are very smart they know what to do to get mommy or you can say RIRI attention
always. They are always to young I suggest looking at studies about cry it out because it is harmful to the child's mental well being that can manifest in physical illness and failure to thrive in some cases.
now if it is 3 am you haven't had more then 45 min in a row of sleep and you think you might harm your child please put your kid down even if they are crying. I have had two young children while my husband was deployed so i know all about feeling overwhelmed and please believe i put them down in a safe place and a few time I locked up the house and went for a quick walk people may judge me but I have happy healthy children and I'm sure if I hadn't given myself permission to take a quick break then I might have done some thing very bad. but self soothing isn't what happens what cry it out teaches the child is that the care taker can not be counted upon when you are feeling scared lonely etc and it breaks the bond between baby and mother or father. basically your child no longer trust you as much. and that will happen at any age.
I attempted the CIO method once my daughter turned between 6-9 months old. I absolutely couldn't do it. You know how there's a difference in your child's cry - you can tell if they're just whining or wanting something v. if something's really wrong.
My little girl went into horrible crying fits. She wasn't just crying for me, she was honestly completely distressed. It was the kind of cry that if she cried when I left the room she could *not* be soothed for another 45 minutes or an hour. She'd hyperventilate herself and soon wouldn't be able to breathe.
I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't think it was healthy. We continued our co-sleeping relationship and I didn't push it any more. Fast forward several months and I'm glad I made the decision I did.
It turns out that my daughter has a Sensory Processing Disorder and she really, truly was horribly distressed without me. She literally needed me to sleep. Had I pushed the CIO method with her any more, I would have felt terrible when we learned about her SPD.
That being said, I think that CIO works fine for some children, though most advice is to wait until 6 months old. I believe that CIO is *not* right for other families.
Let's not waste our time being judgmental toward CIO or non-CIO families and just accepts that the other family does what's right for them.
To each her own, but I never did understand the CIO method. If my kid cried, I'd pick him up and love on him. He slept on my chest from the moment he was born (literally!) until he was a year and a half. He slept in my room until he was about two and a half. Now, he's five and hasn't had any problems with sleeping in his own room, nightmares, fussiness, etc. He's very secure and loving, likes to cuddle (sometimes a bit much for his mama, lol), and has absolutely NO problem being away from me. But that's just my child.
I have a friend that picked up her daughter and rocked to daughter to sleep every night and 4 years later her daughter still does not sleep through the night. She is a terror because at a very young age they taught her that if she cries she will get what she wants. With her second child she let her daughter cry it out (controlled) This daughter is very calm happy, patient and a joy to be around. And can wait if mommy has God forbid do the laundry, clean the house, or cook a meal.
I do not think a child should cry it out, however depends on what the situation is. There could be times when it is emotional and that needs to be dealt with in the sense of understanding the situation and find a way to get through it. A parent needs to be emotionally available to a child and a child should always feels comfortable to discuss issues with the part.
If it is just for the fact that the child is not getting their way, that should be dealth with immediately.
I dont like yelling -- i would always check to see what the situation is first , and if it was for attention-- let them scream they will learn it doesnt get their own way.
Every child is different, but for us I didn't feel right trying it until after 6 months and until after every need of hers was met (was she too warm, hungry, wet, etc?). Speaking to our pediatrician, he agreed that around 6-8 months was a good time to allow children to CIO/self soothe as they didn't need as many calories as younger babies. We would set a timer for 15 minutes and only let her cry that long. We only had to do it a handful of times over a few months. It was hard, but she now sleeps 12 hours a night on average (with occasional hiccups in her schedule due to a new tooth coming in or being in a different bed etc.) and she is 17 months.
You know your child best. Talk to your pediatrician as well and listen to your gut. I do recommend going in and checking on them a few times while you do this to reassure them that you are still there, but keep it a controlled time that you designate (whether that is 15 minutes like us or 30 minutes, you'll know.) Good luck!
I have postnatal depression, so I started my son with crying it out quite early on - at around 3 months - at least occasionally. We started him crying it out on a regular basis at around 6 months of age.
I am sure that I will be judged for this but I regret absolutely nothing. My son is very happy and well adjusted and I believe that we are better bonded now than we would have been had I not gotten any sleep.
Controlled crying works. I tried it too late with my first she was 2 and I had already hallucinated from sleep deprivation. My second was into a feeding routine and returned to every 5 minutes. It took 2 nights to get her sleeping she was between 3 and 4 months and in a crib in my room for her first year. My third a little dude he loves his bed and always has.
As for too young so long as you have the feeding times sorted, all burping dealt with and a clean nappy it's not too young.
A baby is never old enough to be left to cry alone. Babies cry when they need something...and sometimes what they need is you. Just hang in there and your kid will sleep when he or she is ready! http://www.peekababyny.com/peekablog/2010/04/letting-baby-cry-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html