When should you let your child play outside by themselves?

Lisa - commented on Apr 14, 2013

I have a daughter that is 21. Plan to adopt again. I have a bunch of animals, most I have rehomed. that the neighbor kids still like to come look at occasionally. Well there was this little 5yr old girl that would come with and 8 yr old and her 4 and 5yr old brothers. I told them time after time that they need to bring their parents. I brought out a few animals for them to see, then said we need to go tell your parents that your coming over here. The parents of the both sets of children are young, The little 5 yr old girl kept coming back wanting to see that animals, and just wanting to play with my dogs. I told her we need to go tell your mom where you are, This child is alone a lot outside all the time. And went into the road the other day, at a t intersection where cars fly around the corner by my house. Her house is halfway up the block. No one watches her.! I have been so worried about her. I felt, like, well, as long as her mom knows she s here she can play in my backyard with the dogs. and color pictures or what ever shes not going to be hanging around in the street. SHe safe. Again she came over. so I went with her to get her moms number, She texted later and asked if she was still there, and she was making lunch so I sent her home. She runs back after wards . The mother later texted to say she was going to the store , that she could stay with me or go with her. I was being nice and said she s fine she can stay here, go ahead. I have told her how smart and amazing her child is how she loves to learn, to encourage to spend more time with her and said they both could come over to play scrabble because It will help her spelling. I did also voice my concerns about her running in the streets and what happned to me when I was a child left alone a lot, and tried to very nicely make her see the dangers of her running to other people s houses her mom doesn't know. About predators I experienced when young, And she got offended and all the sudden said " well I don't think she should go over there anymore , I don't know why you want to hang out with a 5 yr old. ! I was so angry! And the audacity to imply that sort of thing, When Im trying to watch out for her 5 yr old that is put outside like a cat. She doesn't even know her friends or her parents. I have made every effort to invite her to coffee , to encourage her to know who I am. . And shared my concern as a mother. Trying to offer help first. I told her I would rather her be here safe than in the streets! I know she is safe here! I have seen her jet out in the street in front of her dad even when he was driviing up the road. I just gasped in horrer it scared me so bad! And She gets way to close to my truck and trailer when I m pulling in where I have to stop. I have talked to the little girl a lot about what will happen if she gets hit to put fear into her so she will look for cars. I told the mom, letting her daughter out like this with no supervision is putting her in danger of cars and of predators. And she didn't make any effort to get to know me I was the one who made a point to let her know where her daughter was, ( she said oh I was wondering) and get her number. When I confronted her. She said she was strict with her but didn't want to shelter her. I told her there is a BIG difference between sheltering to much and just protecting your child. Before I met her I was going to ask if she didn't want her I would gladly adopt her. And I'm more inclined to do that now. A five yr old should not be out without the parent. Her mom says she tells her where she is going. But she didn't know she had been coming here wanting to see the animals when I told her. And her getting excited to see her friend across the street and just hauling across not looking . I'm so worried about this child! I should just call CPS and will if I see her out again with no parent. I try to help, and care about everyone. I am just that way I prefer that over getting the law or cps involved. But that isn't good enough. I m just heartbroken over the whole thing and fear for that little girl.

Erica - commented on Jul 6, 2011

seeing how you asked me to do some research i did... The first step in protecting your child from potential abductors is to know what you're dealing with. Here are some important -- and potentially surprising -- facts about child abductions in the United States: Every 40 seconds in the United States, a child becomes missing or is abducted. In 2001, 840,279 people (adults and children) were reported missing to the FBI's National Crime Information Center (NCIC). The FBI estimates that 85 to 90 percent of those (roughly 750,000 people or 2,000 per day) reported missing were children. The vast majority of these cases are resolved within hours. Based on the identity of the perpetrator, there are three distinct types of kidnapping: kidnapping by a relative of the victim or "family kidnapping" (49 percent), kidnapping by an acquaintance of the victim or "acquaintance kidnapping" (27 percent), and kidnapping by a stranger to the victim or "stranger kidnapping" (24 percent). Family kidnapping is committed primarily by parents, involves a larger percentage of female perpetrators (43 percent) than other types of kidnapping offenses, occurs more frequently to children under 6, equally victimizes juveniles of both sexes, and most often originates in the home. Acquaintance kidnapping involves a comparatively high percentage of juvenile perpetrators, has the largest percentage of female and teenage victims, is more often associated with other crimes (especially sexual and physical assault), occurs at homes and residences, and has the highest percentage of injured victims. Stranger kidnapping victimizes more females than males, occurs primarily at outdoor locations, victimizes both teenagers and school-age children, is associated with sexual assaults in the case of girl victims and robberies in the case of boy victims (although not exclusively so), and is the type of kidnapping most likely to involve the use of a firearm. Only about one child out of each 10,000 missing children reported to the local police is not found alive. However, about 20 percent of the children reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in nonfamily abductions are not found alive. In 80 percent of abductions by strangers, the first contact between the child and the abductor occurs within a quarter mile of the child's home. Most potential abductors grab their victims on the street or try to lure them into their vehicles. About 74 percent of the victims of nonfamily child abduction are girls. Acting quickly is critical. Seventy-four percent of abducted children who are ultimately murdered are dead within three hours of the abduction. One in five children 10 to 17 years old receive unwanted sexual solicitations online. In a 1998 study of parents' worries by pediatricians at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, nearly three-quarters of parents said they feared their children might be abducted. One-third of parents said this was a frequent worry -- a degree of fear greater than that held for any other concern, including car accidents, sports injuries, or drug addiction. Thanks to Parents.com

Erica - commented on Jul 13, 2011

http://www.parents.com/kids/safety/stranger-safety/child-abduction-facts/ Thank you Parents.com for proving my point

Rachelle - commented on Aug 5, 2011

i would rather not take any chances on my children than to pe the parent who's kid is gone in a flash.those parents were ones who thought this could never happen to me.there are only 1 out of every 3 hundred and somthing thoudand kids that get takin and that is enough for me.

Julia - commented on Aug 8, 2011

24% of kidnappings are by strangers and that is not ridiculousy low (ridiculously low would be 5% IMO), and 24% is too high for me to take a chance at letting my child play outside by herself. It doesn't matter if its a stranger or a family member who does the kidnapping, leave your child alone, outside in an open area and it's just an invitation for one of the 24% to be YOUR child. I agree with you 100% Erica!!

Erica - commented on Aug 8, 2011

Thank You Rachelle, Julia, and Michelle

Anissa - commented on Aug 10, 2011

I agree completely! I will never take the chance with my child or any child in my care. I am very protective of my daughter and at play dates I often keep an eye on all children involved. A habit brought on from working in daycares and nannying for years. And I know it's not first child syndrom I will always watch out for possible dangers being that I was almost grabbed when I was 15. The man just randomly picked me and if it wasn't for the woman in a passing car I would have been raped and possibly murdered. Every child should be protected and as they get old enough they should be made aware of the real danger of it, not that it happens to some small percent of children but that it could happen to anyone and they should know what to do in the situation. I love that you looked up the actual statistics for it. very helpful.

Tara - commented on Aug 19, 2011

I completely agree with you Erica!!! I have a fenced in yard and my children are not allowed to go outside by themselves...it is even hard for me to concentrate when they are outside on their swing set playing when their Dad is outside mowing the lawn. (only because he is busy and his full attention is not on them) I live by a main road so the people that would see them could just take them and run!!! There is no way my 3 and 4 year old are getting taken from me if I can prevent it!!!!!!!!!

Erica - commented on Aug 19, 2011

Thanks Anissa and Tara

Sarah - commented on Aug 22, 2011

Love all the facts that you found, thanks for posting those Erica!!! I would also recommend that people use WATCHDOG.com to find out who the predators are that live in your area. This is a great way to see where they live, what they look like, how old they are, what they were convicted of, etc. I have used it many times since we move a lot because of the Air Force. It's scarey to see who is out there. Small towns are not immune to child predators, in fact, we live in a town of 2,500 and there are 15 men that live within a 20 mile radius of my house. And I thought this was a nice quiet safe town. I guess looks can be deceiving.

Sarah - commented on Aug 22, 2011

Oh and I was almost abducted once when I was 9 by one person and another time when I was 10 by another person. It's not just little kids that can be abducted. It is scarey to me to see the amount of parents in my neighborhood and on here who let their children play outside by themselves and "check on them". This is not "first time mom, only child syndrome" either, I have 3 children and a step-daughter and my friend has 5 children and neither she nor I let our children play outside alone. She even has a 12 y.o. that she will not let go up to the park that is 4 houses down from hers. We know the risks and we will not allow our children to be one of the 10,000 children that are abducted daily in this country.

Sarah - commented on Oct 18, 2011

Actually yes Tania, I am. I looked up the numbers myself. Yes it is a large number of children, which is just one of the many, many reasons I am so paranoid. As for moving, that is not an option. First of all, America is my home; second of all, my husband is in the Air Force so we cannot just leave whenever we want to; and third of all, even if we could move over-seas my husband and I are both divorced and we both have children from previous marriages. It is very, very costly to fly children back and forth over-seas especially when we would have to pay for 2 tickets each time for each of our children. I wasn't talking about neighbors I was talking about someone you don't know watching your house. Not from another house but from the bushes or from a vehice, etc. And I it wasn't just a personal question to you it was meant for everyone. You never really know whether or not someone is actually watching you and your family. Those are only a fraction of the bad experiences I have had and they do not even include the bad experiences friends and family of mine have had. I have good reason to be concerned and very good reason to keep eyes on my children at all times. My children do not think that the world is a scarey place because they do not know that the world is a scarey place. Other than stranger danger, they don't know much about the world outside of our home. My two youngest children are home-schooled and their life is normal to them. Our oldest two children, the ones that are 8 and 9, love it when we are outside playing with them. For one thing, they love the family time and they love the fact that we are so involved with them. Their other parents don't do these things with them and don't spend time with them hardly at all so they enjoy all the time we spend with them and they don't think of it as over-bearing or over-protective. They don't think of it as abnormal even though their friends play outside by themselves because to them they are getting to spend time with us and their friends and they think that it is more fun than just spending time by themselves. Not to mention the fact that all of their friends like us and while we're outside with them we are turning the hoses on and keeping an eye on them while their parents are inside. It's funny too because half the time we are outside with them and their friends, their friends are talking to us more than they are playing with all the toys. Kids like to have interaction with adults and they like to know that they are safe and that they are being watched out for. That is what is provided for kids at our house. It always saddens me when our neighbors kids come over to play in our garage while her husband is at work and she is inside working out on her elliptical and taking a shower. While she is doing all of this, she doesn't even come out to check on her kids or find out where they are for over an hour and a half. One of the kdis is five and one is seven. It's just sad to me. Parents used to go out and play catch with their kids and teach them how to ride bikes and play in the dirt and now parents are too worried about themselves and the housework to do any of that. I understand our lives as adults get busy but kids just want attention. My kids do play by themselves, in our house. They never and will never play outside by themselves. That is my perogative, I am their parents. And since it's normal to my kid's I do not feel that they will be scarred for life. My parents were physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive, my husbands parents told him that he was an accident and that they never wanted him and didn't parent him at all, these are things that scar you for life, not having parents that are over-protective. In my opinion we are much better parents than our parents were and at least my children know that they are loved. They will never doubt that. My children know about my past, they know about stranger danger but they don't think the world is scarey. My youngest daughter still says "hi" to everyone she meets and will talk their ear off if they let her. My youngest son is still pretty shy when it comes to people but when it comes to trying new (adventurous) things, and riding his bike and running and playing, he still goes further than he should and we still have to follow him around. Don't get me wrong, we are not constantly calling him back to our line of sight and we don't stand right next to him when he is riding his bike. We let him ride around the cul-de-sac we live in while we sit in the driveway and we let him go up this hill next to our neighbors house on the sidewalk with us following behind him a little ways. My kids, while very loving and very family oriented are also very independant. I trust my children whole-heartedly, I just don't trust the world. It's the people that think, "this will never happen to me" that this happens to.

Ixchel - commented on Oct 24, 2011

I am with you ladies I have a 11 year old and a 7 year old that I know could and would beat off any attacker my 7 year old is as strong as an Ox with the attitude of a Rattlesnake and my 11 yr old is as big as an Ox with the temper of a Grizzly if you mess with his baby brother. BUT I DON'T care I will not let them outside by themelves no way never. maybe when they are 20 lol. We go to Mamaw and pappy's and I don't let them out there for long not because I am afriad of a person they live in the country but because i am afraid of the bears around. To many children are taken every year. Call me whatever but I had to many treatment to much pain to ever just act like i can just pop another one out if that one gets lost they are not cats or rabbits to me. They are my life and I will die for them. Tania Chong As for making my kids freaks or whatever I am making them realists. They watch the news they hear everyday about this person getting murdered, raped, shot run over they can read the missing children signs at walmart and on the cartons they are not stupid. The world is a scary place full of people who will shoot people over 20 dollors and if you think that is not true then you need to open your eyes and read the newspaper or watch the news. It is reality and I hope nothing ever bad happens to your kids. But I know for a fact it won't happen to mine cause they are never out of my sight. the actual numbers for your information are 797,500 per year for an avg of 2185 reported each day missing children numbers taken from U.S Dept of Justice FAQ website

Sarah - commented on Oct 25, 2011

That is exactly how I feel Ixchel!!! :) We have problems with bears and wild cats out here where we live too. We live in a town of about 2500 people out in the country and while I love the area it can still be dangerous.

Tania - commented on Oct 30, 2011

@Sarah again, your figures were really bugging me.10,000 children a day snatched? Let's look at the maths on that. NZ now has 4 million people. The US has, what, 400 million? (A US expat friend of mine thinks it's about that). So, let's say about 100 times the population size. Both countries have fairly well-educated populations, both are Western nations, both have multi-ethnic but mainly Englishspeaking populations. NZ is much smaller physically of course, but size-for-size, probably has much rougher terrain (island vs. continent, yada, yada). The US appears to be a very civilised country. So, on abduction figures, by anyone in NZ, strangers or otherwise, there are on any given day roughly 0 attempted abductions. Over the course of an entire year there may be 10 or 15 attempted abductions by strangers. Only one has been successful over the past two years, and in that case the child was rescued, very frightened of course but otherwise unharmed, by a policeman within an hour. So, that's one successful (if that's the term to use) abduction in two whole years, or one for every 730 days. You have, according to your figures, in the same time had 7,300,000 abductions, roughly speaking. You have only 100 times our population. This just does not add up. Why am I bringing this up? Simply because fearmongering is harming our children far more these days than strangers are. I would love to know how many children in the US have actually been snatched by strangers from fenced backyards in the States. As I posted further down, in NZ the figure is absolutely none. Drowning is a real risk to young children, down here anyway - strangers, virtually zero.

Kellie - commented on Nov 22, 2011

According to the US Department of Justice 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied, resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day. (SOURCE: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=2810#1)

Sarah - commented on Mar 7, 2012

You - commented on Mar 7, 2012 You have the luxury of feeling that way Tania because (as you stated before) where you live only one child in 30 years has ever been abducted. The article I read said 10,000 kidnappings every year in the US. Now maybe I was reading kidnappings overall and not just children under 18, I am going to check my facts as soon as I am done. However, even if it's only 2,100 (and some odd) children that are abducted in the US that's still 63,999 children more than the one child where you live that have been abducted in the last 30 years in the US (that's assuming that 2,100 have been abducted every year for 30 years here, although I know that some years it was more and some less, I used that number because that's what was given). That's much, much too many and that is why some of us parents are "over-protective" and "paranoid". You can be rude and feel sorry for my kids all you want. They have never known any different, it doesn't bother them (not even my almost 10 year old) one bit and they know that I am the way I am because of being almost abducted myself and because I care and love for them so much (this is not to say that you don't, I'm just stating that my kids understand this). Like I have said many times before I would rather be over-protective and paranoid than a statistic! Every single day I hear about another kid being abducted or walk by a poster in the store and my heart breaks for those families and those children. I also don't just worry about strangers but I worry about my husbands ex and my ex as well, my ex has even made threats on my kids' lives so yeah, I'm a little over-protective. I also almost ran over a neighbors kid because she s drunk and passed out on her couch at ten in the morning while her five year old was watching her two year old outside. The only reason I didn't run her over is because my husband had forgotten something and ran back in the house and when he came out (as I was backing out) he saw her and screamed at me to stop and as I told you before I was almost abducted twice by two different strangers and I was abducted by my mother after my parents got divorced. I have many reasons to be the way that I am and I am not trying to be rude. As far as the voting goes, I can vote any way that I want to just like you. Feel free to vote negatively on mine as much as you can, I really don't care. I'm not here to argue with people, I'm here to get and give advice and explain why I feel the way that I do and I have just as much right to do that as anyone else. Again I wasn't trying to (nor was I) starting a confrontation. I'd you don't like what I have to say then just ignore me and what I have to say and please do not try arguing with me on someone else's response, in my opinion it's very rude.

Sarah - commented on Mar 7, 2012

Im sorry my numbers are wrong at that last comment I was thinking 2,100 children abducted every year not every day for some reason so with the correct numbers and again assuming that this is the same every single day for 30 years (but like I said before I know it's not) that means in 30 years, at that rate, 24,000,000 children have been abducted in the US in 30 years compared to your one where you live. So, yeah, I think most of us have every right to be paranoid and I over-protective and then some!