When is your son too old to go with you to the girls bathroom?

Danielle - commented on Aug 1, 2011

I worked in a prison and an inmate once told me that he couldn't wait til mother's would let their little boys go to the bathroom alone...That is when he would target his victims... I'm a sinle mom, and my son is currently 5 and he will be going to public restrooms with me until I'm comfortable!!

Chelsie - commented on Aug 6, 2011

I totally agree with the both of you!

Alana - commented on Mar 28, 2012

Amen and thank you to all these mothers who think like me my son just turned six and he will continue to go with me and I with him until I'm completely comfortable or he's to big to target.

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

Never thought about going to the men's bathroom with him...but that would work as well (quicker lines). But overall I would still choose the women's just because it's not as gross as the men's.

Andrea - commented on Mar 28, 2012

My mom did kind of the same thing you did. When my brothers felt they were to old to go into the women's restroom she would "clear" men's room and stand outside waiting for them. She hollered "is anyone in here" before they went in and they were given strict instructions if there was still anyone in there they were to come right out and wait for him to leave.

Shawnn - commented on Apr 19, 2012

I, too was the mom with the foot in the mens room door for awhile...and believe me, the men really didn't mind. I had one guy say that if he wouldn't get slapped, he'd do the same when taking his daughter to the restroom, because he was uncomfortable about the urinals, etc in the men's room, but that he'd (so far) found very nice women that would watch his daughter in the restrooms. And, I've been the "nice woman" for dads with little girls, as well.

Ronda - commented on Jun 19, 2011

I will take my Son in the bathroom with me until he is close to full grown. I am so afraid because of sicko's who molest little boys in the bathroom. It happened to a 9 year old boy at the Ruby Tuesday in our small town. I am beyond sad for that child. I can't even eat there now. I take my 11 year old in the bathroom everytime. He is less than thrilled. Better safe than sorry.....

Joan - commented on Jul 12, 2011

Rhonda, you are right on! I also have an 11 year old son too. He is less than thrilled to go into the restroom with me also. On occassion, when I predict an empty bathroom, I do let him go in and come right out to report how many men are in there. I stand right outside until he finishes his business, and usually monitor one man going in or maybe one man leaving. I have told him briefly what I am worried about bc of so many questions and resistance to our family rules. "I'd rather be safe than sorry", "is it worth changing your life forever?" seem to appease him now. And both messages will be repeated in other issues our sons will be facing. Remember the 90's song, ... "it's a mad world"? Very true!! Our children will not be abducted or see/hear or do something to worry about the rest of their lives bc of our vigilence!! I had a coworked report he would not worry about restroom at a public park restroom, but I kept with my original thoughts. About a year later he was reported by an adult male family member for abuse during his childhood! So your momma senses are right, moms! When the bear claws come out, keep them out! The perpetrator could be anyone! Sad but true!

Stephanie - commented on Apr 30, 2012

I am so glad so many Moms agree... There are only a few occassions i have let him go by his self, and thats when i knw there is like one guy, and he has to pee. i give him 2 min. Like I said its only been a few (like chic- fila) . But i will prolly take him with me as long as possible

Joan - commented on Jul 12, 2011

My son is pre-puberty, but he goes with me in a busy place like the airport. He is less than thrilled! With all his complaints, I have allowed him to go in men's, check, and report to me, then go back in while I wait outside! I'd rather be safe than sorrrrrry! It would take a lifetime for him to erase what might be said, shown, done, ... . I can't bare that thought! Sad but true!

Cecilia - commented on Mar 29, 2012

The world has always been as creepy, we just hear about it more. My son is 7, and mad that I still make him come in with me most times. There have been exceptions where it's really easy for me to see all that happens in the mens room. I wish there were more "family" bathrooms in the states. It removes the issue. Seems like no matter how you raise your kid someone gets pissed off. You just do your own thing and try your best.

Therese - commented on Jun 19, 2011

My boys are 3 and 6 and they come with me. My 6 year old wants to go alone to the gents and depending on the circumstances, I let him. If he is with a friend and/or I know the bathroom is empty I am OK. But I stand outside and keep talking to him. A lot of drama for a little independence I'd say!! My problem now is that when we go swimming at the Y, the sign says boys 6 and older MUST use the Men's locker rooms. I am not down with that and he comes with me. but I did notice him look sideways at a lady who was walking around the changing room naked!! I do the same at home, but I guess it is different when it is not your mom!! I'd love suggestions as 6 is still pretty young to navigate all that needs to be done before and after swimming.

J - commented on Jun 19, 2011

@Mandy--I completely agree with you. @ Therese-I would agree and not let my 6 year old go into a locker room to change himself! If it is uncomfortable in the locker room, try to create a private area--perhaps by opening a locker or two and draping a towel over them. As children mature, you could also drape a beach towel around them--creating an instant private changing space. (Like when parents have kids in the same locker room, and the kids are different sexes.)

Joan - commented on Jul 12, 2011

I agree with you Mandy and JS! Therese, why can't you change at home at the Y? Change in the car? Find a bathroom that is not a locker room that he can quickly change in the stall or hold a towel for him in the corner of the ladies room. Think about the meaning behind the YMCA song. Your son will thank you for nothing to forget or to keep out of his mind! You are questioning it for a reason, so listen to that sense only parent's have and act on it. Ask the Y to create a family restroom or small locker room.

Mel - commented on Apr 11, 2012

I agree! Teach them well and watch them flourish. I don't think it's okay to teach them to live in constant fear, we must provide them with the knowledge so they can survive on their own! LOVE IT!

Angela - commented on Apr 12, 2012

I love this attitude. I am comfortable with my 8yr old going to the bathroom alone because he has been taught to look after himself. This attitude goes beyond the bathroom question. We need to prepare our kids for the future and to be able to fend for themselves and every bit of autonomy we can give them helps...

Allison - commented on Aug 29, 2012

I just want to throw this out there to you ladies about the whole screaming issue if something arises. That happened once to a little boy...except the perp locked the door. The little boy continued to scream and cry as he was being raped and the manager tried his best to unlock the door but the perp had done something to the lock that rendered it from being unlocked from the outside. Needless to say it became a stand off. I couldn't 100% tel you the fate of the young boy, but I do know the perp killed himself. Oh and he was just recently let out of prison for raping other young boys. Gotta love the system. However, I tell you all this because we do teach our children to scream and kick and bite but how would you feel if you could hear the terror and pain in your child's voice but yet couldnt get to them? It's just not worth it for me... Google it...idk names but in sure you can put in details and it could find it online. I know a stand off took place for a while and the boy had internal bleeding. I believe he was slowly dying and was eventually saved but don't quote me.

Allison - commented on Jun 21, 2011

i can say one thing my son is just 4 and i wouldnt care who looks at me i will bring him into any toilet any where untill he is at d age dat he can stand up 4 himself wheather dats 4 or 40 hes my son and any mother would say d would die rather den late sum sicko do anything 2 der child and ders not a hope he would b left standing outside till im finished !!!

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

I don't know what I would do in that case...I would probably want my husband to go into the women's restroom over my daughters going into the men's. (depending on the condition) OR I would want him to ask a woman going into the bathroom to take her. Right now my husband is the ONLY person who takes her potty because he picks her up over the toilet so she can go (we're in China so they only have squat toilets that she can't use). But once we head back to the US I'll probably be the one in charge of potty duties.

Sabrina - commented on Apr 12, 2012

Well said!!

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

I've never seen a pool area that limited the age at 6...but if I did I'd still bring him in regardless, even if I had to throw a towel over his head. And if he's older and needs to change we'd do the parking lot towel trick like us girls did at the beach. I would be even LESS likely to let my son get undressed by himself in a pool area bathroom.

AshEly - commented on Apr 9, 2012

Hi Roberta , My local community center states in its rules that boys over 6 must use the mens locker room to access the pool and girls use their own. I have one child and so be it a Son and honestly he is never going to the mens room or locker room with out his dad and when dad is not around he is with me. Call me paranoid but he is all I've got and there are just to many horror stories about bathrooms and locker rooms and as a parent it is my job to protect my child. It is a fine line we walk we want our children to explore the world but shield them from the worst in it.

Jennifer - commented on May 8, 2012

Kasey, I respectfully suggest that many people feel the same way about your son in the men's room. "Get over it, Lady. It's unbelievable that you think some guy wants to see your child use the restroom." Those are your words, but applied the other way. I would suggest that someone who is clearly very concerned about "perverts" in a restroom might be a little more sensitive to other people not wanting boys around while their little girls are changing. I absolutely respect your point of view, I'm just suggesting that you grant other moms the same right to feel uncomfortable.

Kasey - commented on Aug 23, 2012

Jennifer, I am sure MOST men don't want to see a boy in the bathroom...but should I take the chance that one does and let him go in there alone?? My guess is you do not have a son...and most moms that have a problem with a boy being in the girls restroom, do not have a son either...if so - you would understand WHY you wouldn't want your son to go in the restroom alone. How many moms let their 5 or 6 yr old girls go to the restroom alone?? I highly doubt many moms do. So why should my son have to go to the boys restroom alone??? Especially when we all know..men are usually 10 times more likely to be a sexual predator than a woman. The thing that annoys me the most about this topic is...SHUT THE DOOR MOMS if you think a 5 or 6 yr old cares to see you or your little girl go to the bathroom...this is why there is a door in front of the toilet (or if you are at the gym -there is usually places to change without being seen..I personally don't want to see half the naked women walking around in the changing area anyways..so it would do everyone a favor to change in a stall). Trust me - when I even see an 8 or 9 yr old boy with their mom in the restroom...they are usually so embarrassed that they aren't peeking under stalls.

Ginger - commented on Aug 24, 2012

Kasey? YOU ARE RIGHT ON! Totally. Little kids do NOT care about being naked as an adult does. And when one has issue it is usually because they do not have a son. You are also correct in that men are more prone to be the aggressors than women- and WILL choose targets in easy locations. Boys are statistically raped more often than girls. They just don't all tell right away. So. Yes. As long as my children (ALL Boys, all 5 of them) are children? I will keep them close. And I will keep them safe. And the only time I have ever seen another 'boy' child looking at the bottom of a stall is when they are also calling, "mom?, Mom?" I have a young granddaughter too and have been in the restroom when little boys have been chaperoned by their moms and she never once commented that it was wrong or weird... it's always an adult or a teen girl who thinks every eye is on her... Said it once, I'll say it again..not everyone is clamoring to see their woo-hoos... LOL So keep your son with you! Better to have him safe and alive! And as long as you have the attitude you have? He will grow up quite adjusted! Kudo's! :D

Jo - commented on Apr 6, 2012

Thank you I thought no one would speak up for little girls...they have a right to privacy and a 12 year old boy in the ladies room is not right for grown women to have to encounter much less a little girl-if you are concerned about your son then go in the mens room with him it amounts to the same thing

Judith - commented on Apr 12, 2012

Melissa, with all due respect, you do what you have to to protect your girls' privacy. However, I will do whatever I have to in order to protect my sons' lives and safety. Unless, your girls walk around pantless outside of the stalls then you really should have more compassion for the boys. Older boys aren't going to be trying to peek in the stalls; they'd be too embarrassed. It's actually the toddlers and younger boys who peek out of innocent curiosity. Just think if you had sons, what would you do? How would you feel if someone tried to kick your sons out of the bathroom? Would you comply and send them to the men's room? How would you feel if they never came out? What would you do if both or one of them were hurt by some sick predator? How would you comfort them? Would you feel like you protected them to your best abilities? Would you blame the woman who complained about your initial attempt at protecting your boys? Is it your girls privacy you're trying to protect or your own sense of what's right? My boys are 8 and 5. They're taught to respect people's, not just women's, privacy. I also keep them out of the way while they wait their turn. When they're done, they wash their hands and leave. Period! I will continue to take them to the bathroom with me unless my husband is with us. There will be a point where they will go on their own but that will be up to mine and my children's discretion and sound judgement.

Shannon - commented on Apr 12, 2012

perfectly said Judith!!

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

And you're embarrassment, I'm sure was noticed by your daughter! That is not something that should be an embarrassment, she's fully clothed and there are doors. Would you rather read the newspaper and find out something bad happened to that little boy and have to explain THAT to your daughter? Instead of being embarrassed for her you should have explained that his mother wants him to be safe so he's using the women's bathroom.

Allison - commented on Aug 29, 2012

Woohoo Roberta! Couldn't have said it better myself! My daughter, who is 9, does not think a thing about seeing a boy in the restrooms (unless at school). When they have brothers, which Michelle you do, your daughter should already know why he was in there. No embarrassment necessary. That just means to me that you've probably been a little flighty or hit-n-miss as to rather or not he goes alone to the bathroom. You do realize you are teaching your daughter RIGHT NOW how to be a good and protective mother, right?!?!

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

I don't think I would EVER leave my 4 year old son in the bathroom to find his dad! I would just walk to the door...announce I'm going in and do it. It's not like most men are shy and if it's between their shyness or my son- there's no competition.

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

Wow how sad for your kids! I wouldn't go shopping without my kids! It's something that we all look forward to even if it's a little more trouble than going alone. Plus I get to start teaching them about money and nutrition along the way...and they get to start picking healthier choices themselves.

Josie - commented on Apr 13, 2012

My sons are now 10yrs and 8yrs and if out together they will go to the mens restrooms TOGETHER, if I have one on their own they will come in with me!!! I don't care what people think, I am looking after MY sons and I know that they will be safe!!!!!!!!!

Kasey - commented on Apr 13, 2012

My son had the same experience while in the restroom when we were out to dinner. He was maybe 6-7yrs old. Some older lady was very rude because he was in there. It scared him and hurt his feelings. He burst into tears when he was telling me. I just don't get how some women can be so rude. I could see if there was a teenage boy in there..but my gosh, he is a little boy. Why does that offend so many women? What are you even doing in the restroom...that you are so worried about someone seeing??????

Nicole - commented on Aug 24, 2012

I always took my son with me too. My son is big for his age. He's 7 now but he's the size of the average 12 year old. He's very sensitive too. We went to the family restroom at a resort when he was 6 and he looked through the crack of the door to see if it was occupied. He didn't stand and stare. He was just being a normal impatient 6 year old who has to pee real bad. He saw a woman in there and walked back over to me to wait. When she came out she was livid and told me how uncomfortable she was that my son was staring at her. WTF? She was an employee there and she would not drop it. I explained that he was six and wasn't 'staring' at her. Never mind the fact that she was in the 'family' restroom. Things got heated real fast and she walked off cussing me under her breath, but ever since my son is scared to death to go in the woman's bathroom with me. I hated her for making my son feel like he had done something wrong. I told him from now on to bend down and look for feet. He would have no problem going to the women's bathroom with me if it weren't for that cow. Sometimes he'll still go with me if we're somewhere unfamiliar, but most of the time he wants to go to the men's.

Linda - commented on Apr 13, 2012

She goes to big girl pottie and maybe he asks a woman going in to keep an eye? She shoudn't have to see the men peeing in the wall.

Joan - commented on Jul 12, 2011

Have you thought of allowing your son to use the ladies room without you? Professionals tell parents to teach a child to ask for help from women if in crisis, since women are less likely to be perpetrators. I never nursed in a department store or super store, and tanked him up before entering stores, restuarants, ... . Occassionally I'd need to nurse when traveling over an hour from home, and I could always use a lounge at department store or go back out to the car. Just an idea or two for you to think about. Your worry is your spiting senses that parents have for a reason. Good luck Holly!!

Roberta - commented on Oct 3, 2011

I don't understand why Holly would even mind those boys coming in to the restroom just because she's breastfeeding. You're still in public so it's your choice not to 'cover' up even if you're in a lounge. AND if you think that a 14 year old can watch 5 kids on his own then I really doubt you've even seen that many kids together! I have 5 sisters about the same spread as that family and there was NO WAY my older sisters could control us all. If they were my kids I would also make them come into the restroom with me as well. There are just too many unknowns out in the world for me to have to worry about your breastfeeding comfort over my child's well being.

Chelsie - commented on Oct 4, 2011

Say that again, Roberta!

Sharon - commented on Apr 14, 2012

Both my boys are 9 and 7 they have swimming every tuesaday night! They don't like going in the family/school changing rooms as there are no cubicles! I take both of mine into the ladies with me, and they both get changed in cubicles! My eldest is Adhd so it will be a while before he is able to go in lens changing rooms on his own!!

Sharon - commented on Apr 14, 2012

Got the wrong end of the stick! My boys come with me to the loos. Sometimes they will go in together into the gents! My eldest is ADHD and will stick to me like glue! At times if really busy which can cause problems, I nip him into the disabled loo! While I get the looks as he is has no visual disability!

Alavisi - commented on Apr 22, 2012

I'm a mom of 2 daughters and just recently a son. I'll have to admit- I never liked the moms who came in the washrooms with their sons- if they seemed BIG enough. I mean -CLEARLY, we live in a sick,sad world- but it seemed as if these boys were getting an eyeful. I always see them looking around really curiously as if they were trying to see something they were'nt supposed too. My son is and I take him into the washroom with me- if there isn't a FAMILY washroom. but I say to him cover your eyes and I announce that I'm bringing in a little boy. My son covers his eyes and I lead him into the stalls once he's out he washes his hands and covers his eyes and we walk out. I have let him go into the men's room, once their wasn't anyone else in their and he had to talk to me the whole time and tell me exactly what he was doing. I also told him to use the 1st stall and close and lock the door behind him. After reading these entries, I will be more sympathetic the next time I see a BIG boy in the women's room.

Jennifer - commented on Apr 5, 2012

I do the same thing, my son is 9. Once I yelled in b/c he stop talking and a man walked out trying not to laughing and told me my son was single handedly keeping the hoard of soap bubbles at bay, so he went back in and got him for me. He must have been a Dad. But if I don't feel comfortable with the place (busy or large venue) he most certainly will go in the women's with me.

Christy - commented on Apr 5, 2012

LOL! keeping the hoard of bubbles at bay! what a boy! That is so cute!

Adrienne - commented on Aug 22, 2012

I'm a single mother and my son is 3. He goes into the stall with me. I usually wait for the bigger stall. I'd never let him go by himself. If his uncles are around he goes into the men's room with them. There are way too many creeps out there. It is not worth the risk just to avoid stares from people who obviously do not have children.