Why did you choose to have or not have a prenup?

When you hear about prenups in the news, it usually has to do with celebrities. However, many couple today consider whether or not they should have a prenup. Why did you choose to have or not have a prenup?

18  Answers

24 2

My husband and I - as most `normal couples` start out with nothing or very little and we never even
thought of a pre-nup - we shared everything, discussed what we could buy when required - none of
this is mine and that is yours - and were married for 48 years when he passed away. I think with the
celebrities it is because their individual earnings are enormous - or one comes into the marriage
with everything and the other nothing - and they are afraid of in the event of a divorce the one who had
very little coming into the marriage would claim half of everything. That is just how I see it. We knew
once married it was a forever deal and I thank God for that - we had a wonderful marriage - it is a
give and take situation - the more you put into the relationship the more you get out of it. So, it really
depends on what is involved and if in your heart you know that all will be well - I always pray about
everything and ask for the guidance of God and He has never failed me yet - so I do wish you all
the best in whatever decision you make. God bless you both with a long and happy marriage. Joan Bezuidenhout

4
43 0

My husband and I did not get a prenup because neither of us had any assets to protect! We were both graduate students, and between the two of us we were living on $900 per month in stipends. No cars, no savings, no furniture except for hand-me-downs or curbside treasures. So unless we planned on taking each other's clothing and toothbrushes in the event of a divorce, there was really no point to a prenup. :-)

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4 18

I would not do it because, I believe you should go into a marriage with the idea that both of you are going to work at making your marriage last, and both have to gave 100% and no it is not easy sometimes, I have been Married for 32 yrs and we still don't see eye to eye on somethings, but no matter how long you are married you will never see eye to eye on everything, but when you can work through difficult times together, it brings you closer together, and you have a real love for each other. In a marriage you share everything. No one should ever go into a marriage thinking well if this doesn't work we can just go our separate ways, if you have that idea in your mind, you shouldn't even bother getting married. Please know that this is my opinion. And I don't push my ideas on other people. But just wanted to give my view. hope I helped in some way.

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3 0

I agree 100% with Kathy, marriage is an all or nothing deal.

2 6

My husband and I did agree to one. Not because we had a crazy amount of money or any assets to speak of, and not because we didn't trust each other. We both know and talked about how we love each other and are going into our marriage with every intention of it workin gout till death do us part. But we also talked about being young (26) and how we had plenty of life to grow- hopefully together, but there is also the possibility of growing apart. When you get married, you are signing a contract. It just happens to be the generic state-created contract that everyone signs if they don't create their own (that contract being a prenup). If you were signing a job contract- wouldn't you want to negotiate your own terms? We just talked about certain things that we both felt strongly about and included clauses or different situations that might arise. We made our marraige contract specific to us- that is all our prenup is. And one last thing- horrible things happen in life and in relationships, though you hope they don't- my husband and i just decided to hash out details now while we liked each other, instead of having to do it, when and if we were angry at each other and were not thinking about the best interest of the family and just about being vicious to the other person (which happens in many a divorce).
Once again- my husband and I are happily married and have not thought about that piece of paper since we signed it. It is there just incase every other option we would explore to fix our problems (yes therapy is in a claus) so that we can be as civil as possible.

2
43 38

I choose not to have a pre-nup. The fact that anyone would consider having one automatically raises an issue of trust. I would not consider entering a marriage unless I actually thought I could be a trustworthy person & not take what doesn't belong to me, and vice-versa. I would strongly consider my sweethearts character, history, integrity, etc before entering into marriage. If he cannot meet my standards of trust, then I have no business marrying him & should just break it off. The pre-nup is actually a legal arrangement blaring with the invisible words: "I don't trust you that you will stay with me as a man with integrity who will not steal my belongings." DISTRUST is the only reason why anyone would even consider a pre-nup. If someone enters into a marriage with someone they cannot trust, or enters it not being a person who cannot be trusted, I hope the best considering their foolishness.

As for death, there is something called a WILL so that others may know what your intentions are regarding property, etc.

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4 18

I agree you Brenda, after reading some of the above comments, I see that there could be reasons why you would want one. But for the most part I'm not in favor of having one. But not discounting other peoples reasons for having one. Every situation is different. Also they might be more popular now then when I got married.

8 9

It's not necessarily about trust or divorce. No one gets married with the intention of divorcing, but everyone dies. And a trusting relationship can change. We've been married for 34 years. But we made a prenup because each of us had assets that had huge emotional value, as well as some financial value. My husband's family was in the art business for generations, and he has artwork that because of the prenup will pass directly to our kids, not to my next husband's kids if he pre-deceases me. That would be a heartbreak for his entire extended family . Ditto for certain special assets of mine.
Anyone who has substantial assets prior to a marriage should make a prenup. Having things clearly understood and in writing creates LESS conflict. Especially if it's a second marriage with kids from a prior. My mom and her second husband have been married for 35 years. He's 101! After that many years, how can my stepsisters and I even know whether that cut glass piece came from my grandmother or theirs? I am eternally grateful to my mom & her husband for making it easy for us.
If you can't talk about financial matters in a straightforward matter while in the blush of new love, it'll just get worse later. Better to be upfront. Most new couples are starting out with nothing and don't need a prenup, but everyone should discuss and agree on how they will handle financial matters.

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41 12

My husband and I have a pre-nup. I didn't want it but I did go along with it. My husband insisted on it due to the fact that he had a bad experience with his first wife when they got divorced. My husband worried that if we ever split up I would take his house, the one he owned before I met him, where we currently live. We were engaged for nearly year before the wedding. He didn't mention a pre-nup until right before the wedding invites went out. He told me the invites would not be sent until the pre-nup was done. I had no desire to rip him off if we divorced (didn't do it to my first husband), so I agreed to the pre-nup. What was ours before marriage remains ours, what we accumulated during the marriage would be split if we divorced. Our 9th anniversary is next month.

1
316 8

Beth, I feel like I wrote your comment myself...except for your 1st husband part! Lol

19 18

I chose not to have a prenup. I already had property, investments and paid cash for the house that we were moving into, but I knew my husband very well and knew that he is not in any way a greedy, unfair man. I put everything in his name and he put everything he had in my name. I think it's about trust and becoming "one". On the other hand, I was briefly married years ago, and not only did I not change anything into a joint account, but I didn't even change my name. And that ended up being the right choice.

1
9,593 15

Hell no #1 I didn't own anything, neither did he. We were young and just starting out, 2nd we went into our marriage not believing in divorce so we knew it would be forever. Now we are 14yrs and still happily married.

1
1

If I didn't sign a pre nup my husbands parents would have cut him out of their will. It hasn't affected our marriage and I can understand why they wanted this in place.

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29 24

No prenup. We had no reason to consider one. Neither one of us had any assets. I was 17 and both of my parents had just been killed in an auto accident and the estate was tied up. He was 25 and was a full time (unpaid) minister with a part time job. No money there. We've been married for 41 years and raised 5 children. We both went to college. He is a math teacher and I am an RN. We share all assets and don't even think about it being a problem.

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2 0

When my husband and I got married at 20 we didn't have a pre-nup because quite frankly we had no money or assets. After 22 years of marriage everything we have we've built together.

If for some reason I found myself in a situation where I was getting remarried (a good friend of mine lost her husband so it does happen) I would probably ask for a pre-nup. NOT because I didn't trust the person or think the marriage would last (I wouldn't get married if that was the case) but because I have two children to consider.

Anything that was earned within the second marriage would belong to the second marriage but protecting the assets that were earned with my children's father would be my priority. If something were to happen to me and/or God forbid the marriage didn't last I would want to make sure that my children received those assets.

I don't know much about your situation but if this is a concern I would suggest discussing with a lawyer. If there are children involved you would probably want to considering establishing a will, POA for health and finances, a trust, etc prior to the marriage. Discussing finances prior to committing yourself is critical. Finances can put a huge strain on a lot of marriages.

Good luck!

http://www.wonderwomanimnot.com

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454 0

I choose not to have one because I married someone who I trust.. but if he were to loose his mind and try to run off with someone else and try to take my fortune with him, their would be a fight.

But since we are both previously married, I don't think we'd have much of a problem..epsecially the way we are in our marriage..very amicable...

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737 0

I didn't have one because I didn't need one. My ex and I didn't have anything when we got married aside from personal effects. I had my musical instruments, a sewing machine, and ten changes of clothes, my ex had even less. It worked out for the best for me, when he left me, he failed to show up for a custody hearing, so I have sole custody

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4 0

I never did, usually a pre-nup is to protect your assets such as if your husband or you are a business owner, or perhaps stand to inherit a ton of money. I do not fall under either of those categories LOL! It's basically just an insurance policy to be sure your ex can't touch what's rightfully yours in the divorce.

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126 0

I think prenups are a great idea. Unfortunately, not all courts agree. Before you marry -- and, if married, before you move to another state -- check out how courts handle prenups in the event of divorce. You may spend a good deal of time and money carefully drafting one only to have a judge undo it for you. Judges may consider prenups, but aren't always bound by them.

Better, before you marry, look carefully at the financial and legal obligations you're taking on. If you're in a community-property state, for instance, and your husband cheats, you may find that the price of divorce is giving up half of what you own. If your husband is ill, you may find it impossible to protect your own assets (which may be supporting both of you). Personally, I would suggest separating the emotional, spiritual, religious, and romantic aspects of marriage from the legal paperwork. You may not think it's a legal contract, but the state does, and what the state thinks matters. A lot.

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0 28

yes pernup

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28 2

Been married 6 years....never even considered a prenup. I would never have wanted one anyone because I do feel that going into a marriage with something like that is like "giving permission for it to fail" in a way. It's really a religious thing for us that we don't believe in divorce but we also did have nothing when we got married. We also said that if that were ever to happen whatever the circumstances or how mad we were at the other person we would mutually split everything 50/50 for the sake of our son to not have to see his parents go through courts and fighting and I trust him to keep his word. We are very happy and I don't see that ever happening but some people feel the need to protect what they have so there is nothing wrong with it either way =)

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126 0

"We also said that if that were ever to happen whatever the circumstances or how mad we were at the other person we would mutually split everything 50/50 for the sake of our son to not have to see his parents go through courts and fighting and I trust him to keep his word." Every newly married couple says this. And when it comes time for divorce -- which it will, for about half of us -- very few of the guys and only some of the women keep their word. It's a tremendous shock, especially to the women, who fail to understand that the men are not playing the same game they are. The men, at the beginning of the divorce, will very quickly catch on to the fact that in law divorce is adversarial, and will harden their hearts and suit up for war. Meanwhile the women are confused and trying to make peace. It's the same story over and over again -- I can't tell you how many dozens, hundreds of women's stories I've read, all the same. Nobody plans to get cancer, either, but people do. That's why you buy health and life insurance. And buying the insurance does not make it more likely that you're going to get cancer. It just means you're protected financially if you do. You may not have anything when you marry, but that can and often does change. Suppose your husband has an affair -- unimaginable, i know, and yet it happens all the time to women who couldn't have imagined it -- and, shocker, it's not a matter of your willingness to work through it, but he wants to leave! He's going to get visitation, maybe partial custody, and his affair partner will be helping to raise your kids. Do you also want to give her half your savings, or half the money your grandma left you? Apart from the insult of it, what might it mean? Would you be able to afford to stay in your home and keep the kids in their school? None of this is pleasant to think about, but early romanticism is a leading cause of poverty among single moms and their children. Love him, but have a plan B.

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