Would you allow your 18 year old to live on their own when they are in their first year in community college?
Would you allow, or even encourage, your 18 year old child to move out when they attend community college? If you would prefer them to stay at home, when do you think the right time for them to move out will be?
I think it depends on the student. If they are responsible enough to work and go to school I think it is better if they are on their own. I have a daughter in her 2nd year of a 4 year college and I feel that she sometimes takes advantage of the fact that she is still home. They need to be indpendent and learn how to manage on their own. If the student is focused and taking a full load of classes which doesn't allow enough time to work and support themselves, then of course they should stay home, but if they are willing to move out and make it work....go for it! I would of course let them know that the door is open if they get a little overwhelmed the first year.
Unfortunately at 18 you child has the right to move out if they so deem. On the other hand you as a parent have the right to hold your 18 year old responsible for themselves if they remain homebound after 18. It should be their responsibility to contribute both financially and physically to the upkeep of the household as an adult member. We provide certain amenities for which I believe we have the right to ask for compensation. This is the real world and this is the time for these young adults to start learning the rules. If you do not like our rules well then by all means try it on the outside and see how that works out for you. I will not be contributing to your vehicle insurance, gas funds, grocery bills i have my own this is your choice and you will be responsible for it.
Some people will probably not agree but you didn't live in my house, it was miserable. I also have a 7 year old son to worry about. I didn't give my daughter a choice she didn' look for a job or finish high school, I made her move out. She wanted to spend time with her friends but not follow my rules. She was on supervision through the courts and had 2 chances to graduate with a diploma but partying was more fun. She stole and destroyed my stuff, had to put bars on the basement windows so she didn't break in, lock on my bedroom door, she destroyed her bedroom walls(big holes in the drywall) fingernail polish on the new carpet, got into trouble with the law and the cops spent too much time trying to find her or taking her in. I miss her but not the whole attitude. She moved out on her 18th birthday in August of this year and moved in with her boyfriend. They have been dating for a short time so we will see where things go. She has no job and didn't want to go back to school for her last chance of a diploma. She has 2 adult charges on her record that are probably keeping her from getting a job but she did them not me. She wanted to just take the felony instead of a treatment program so had to talk her into that and she still thinks it would be easier to do that than be clean for 6 months. TOUGH LOVE is hard but more parents need to do this or our society will continue to go downhill.
it's not about "allowing" them to move out or not. They are considered legal adults at that point in time and can (and will) make their own decisions. If you prevent them from leaving if they choose you can be charged with kidnapping/wrongful imprisoment.
Having said that :) We made the deal with out kids that if they go to college full time (and maintain their grades) they can live at home rent free until they graduate. If they DON'T go to college they have 6 months to find a job, save up money, and get out.
However, if my son (who is 18 and in his first year at community college) said "I'm moving out" there would be nothing I could do to stop him. But if he chose to go that route I wouldn't be paying for his school anymore either. He'd have to find the money to go on his own. Which he'd actually probably qualify for more help if he did.
Two years ago, my oldest daughter graduated high school and turned 18 1½ weeks later. A week after her graduation, she was to leave to go to basic training for the Army. She and I struggled to get along throughout high school and she felt this was the perfect time to 'spread her wings and fly'. Needless to say, she spent the better part of basic training only communicating with my youngest daughter and husband. It wasn't until her graduation, almost 3 months later, did she ask that I attend. For the 3 days that I spent with her during her, she confessed to me that it was a mistake to leave the way she did and was sorry. She understood why I had such high expectations of her and these expectations only assisted her in going further with her training. One month later, while she was in AIT (Advanced Individual Training for the Army) she called me upset and crying. She was pregnant and the Army was discharging her for maternity leave. She moved back in and I helped in doctor's appointments and watched my granddaughter being born.
As hard as it is to 'let go', we as parents have to 'let go'. For me, letting go was THE single hardest thing to do. Now, we have a much stronger, more appreciative and respectful relationship.
For my 15 year old daughter who is a sophomore in high school, the circumstances will be different. She's a different person than my oldest. In my opinion, it depends on the individual. I would feel comfortable letting my youngest daughter move out to attend community college or a university.
My 21 year old lives at home. The rules are: you must go to college fulltime or work full time (or both part time). He still has curfew, etc. because this is a family home and we work, brother in high school, etc. I have never encouraged him to move out but every six months he gets additional responsibilities so that when he does move out he is prepared.
On flip side, when my daughter turned 18 I came home and all her stuff was gone. She was afraid to tell me she wanted to move out because she was actually in high school. Today we get along great and she is the mommy to my three grand babies (soon to be four).
So, no encouragement to move out from me. Just support on whatever decision they do make.
I didn't get to make that choice. My daughter chose to move out on her own right after she graduated from high school. She was dating a young boy a year older than her that wanted to live away from his mother. So the 2 of them decided it was the best for them to move out on their own and rent an apartment. This happened only a month ago. I tried talking her out of it, letting her know she could live her as long as she wanted. But her mind was made up. She wanted to live with him and she knew he wasnt welcome in our house. At that age, they are so strong minded, you cant really tell them anything. They will decide to do what they want, and you cant make them see differently. I have let her go, knowing that fighting with her wasnt worth all the stress on either of us. She knows she can come home anytime.
MY DAUGHTER DANIELLE IS 18 AND MY SON JARED IS 13 AND I ALWAYS TELL THEM THAT THEY CAN LIVE WITH ME FOREVER....I AM NOT THE KIND OF MOM THAT WOULD TELL MY SON OR DAUGHTER THAT THEY HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. IT IS SO HARD TO LIVE WELL TODAY IN THIS ECONOMY. I WOULD WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO HELP MY KIDS BY LETTING THEM STAY HOME AS LONG AS THEY WANT TO; THIS WAY THEY CAN SAVE UNTIL THEY ARE "READY" TO MOVE OUT, IF THEY ARE EVER READY TO MOVE OUT. WE HAVE A VERY TIGHT FAMILY HERE,.EVERYBODY RESPECTS EACH OTHER.MY DAUGHTER PAYS MOST OF HER OWN BILLS AND I AM HAPPY TO HELP HER IF I CAN WITH THE BILLS THAT SHE CANNOT AFFORD LIKE CELL PHONE BILL, GYM MEMBERSHIP, AND CAR INSURANCE. WE ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE ON THIS EARTH. I WANT TO BE WITH MY BABIES EVERY MINUTE I CAN UNTIL IT IS MY TIME TO MOVE ON TO HEAVEN. MANY MOMS WON'T AGREE WITH ME, BUT, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND HAS DIFFERENT OPINIONS AND VALUES.
My step son will be 18 next week and he is working full time and attends school for just 2 hours a day 4 days a week. He has been told that the day he turns 18 if he does not straighten up he will move out. He is refusing to do chores or follow rules, has been in legal trouble and lots of other issues with him. To be honest I am anxious for him to move out and find out what life is really like. He feels he pays a lot of bills now. HAHAHA hm he pays for his insurance and gas and what ever fun he does. Wait until he sees what rent, food, and utilities cost. Laundry is not done free and cleaning house and taking out the trash is not done by a magic wand. He feels he is an adult and should be able to do what he wants *including drinking* and have no chores. yes 18 is a magical number here,
Our 21 year old son is in his 4th year of university and has lived on his own for the last 3 years. I didn't encourage it but I think that it made him realize the value of a dollar and how much it costs to live. He finally realizes how much his dad and I spent o that he could have. Certainly helped him to mature into a different and appreciative man..
At 18 they are legally adults and there is no need for us to 'allow' them to do anything one way or the other. I have told my daughters that they are welcome to live with me while they go to college. But the condition is that they must be in school.
I have a nineteen year old daughter that moved out two days after she turned eighteen. She graduated number six in her class of 592 students and had a full tuition scholarship plus house allotment at University of Texas about three hours from home. She moved out and found an apartment, *she was not liking the student housing) and all has been great. She had never had a job because school had been her focus and cheer and band just did not permit working. She does now have a job even though she has all her expenses paid with scholarships so that she will have some work experience when she graduates. She is in her second year of college now and never plans to come home! I guess that is a good and a bad thing. However, my 17 year old son has never had a job, struggling in high school and I would not like to see him out on his own. He may fail or need a lot of help. So, I would say for some children, let them go and some may need some more guidance before venturing out on their own.
i've already told my son that he's more than welcome to live at home while attending college but that he'll do so under my rules AND i've encouraged him to consider moving out on his own for his second or third year. I believe it's an important part of growing up and the whole college experience
No, I would expect them to live at home (if they choose) if the college is close. I think as long as they are a full time student I wouldn't have a problem with them at home. If you can afford it, allow them to save for their future.
I was sixteen when I had my own apartment, paid my bills, had a pretty crappy car, and almost no money left over after working two jobs and going to college full time. I did everything for myself, I finished my BA at 21, just after having my son. He has a great dad (my husband) that supported me finishing while I had 2 semesters left of school so that was helpful.
Point is, anyone can do it on their own. I never want my babies to leave, but we have to let them go. Let them learn.
I have only one son eighteen he now study at University York in Canada ,I love my son really love him ,but my job will over sea next month ,I crying and really worry for him how he take care him self ,who make dinner for him after schoool and wash his clothes because I was his clothes everytime . I worry constantly and cant sleep ,I not staying with him maybe 6 months I really worry .But the condition is that they must be in school, to do well in school and have that be focus in University.I want teach my son what need to know to be responsible adults.We take care and paid PHONE BILL, GYM MEMBERSHIP, AND CAR INSURANCE .....I want staying with my son when he graduation but I cant .Now I only Prayed for him be strong and still love me .But he will stay home with his Dad I still worry so much . I am proud of him for doing what he wants, but I miss him terribly and wish him strong when I not staying with him.I always tell him Mom always love you and proud of you "Thanks all for great Mom's in Circle Of Moms ....Best wishes to all Moms happy Family ✿❤✿
We told our daughter to do well in school and have that be her focus. We didn't want her to get a job because of this as well, she helped keep house clean and other chores but her main goal was to get good grades which she did! Now she will be able to get her career started really knowing what she's doing!!! Her dad and I have encouraged her to work for a few months and get a good amount in savings before she moves out on her own. Our daughter has always been very responsible though, this might not work for everyone, some may take advantage of that situation, I don't know. We we're truly blessed with a very responsible teen with a very good head on her shoulders. Wish I would've been like her at that age!!! =)
All kids are different. At 18 it is really their decision. I began gradually letting go and giving my children more responsibility as they have gotten older. My rule is you can live at home as long as you like rent free if you are going to school. If you don't go to school you pay rent.
I have two grown children. One lived at home and reluctantly attended college. He didn't really like college. He got a full time job at 18 1/2 in another state. He never lived at home again. He now lives in our state about 4 hours away.
My other son lives at home. He is in his 2nd year at the community college. He is doing very well. His older brother has tried to get him to room with him but he likes living at home. He does work on his computer and makes really good money. He is almost 20 now. Once he graduates he may move out right away or he may not. I will give him time to find his niche in life.
My 3rd son graduates this year he doesn't like my rules. He wants to do what he wants. He is moving out soon after graduation. He is moving 4 hours away to go to a 4 year college. He is going to room with his brother most likely and maybe another friend or two. Not much I could do if I wanted to stop him.
I'm in Australia. My daughter moved out when she was 15 and moved in with her boyfriend. I was not happy about it, but legally there was nothing I could do. She came back home last year when she was 17 and has moved out again. She is now 18 years old and has a traineeship at the local council. We live in a very small town, and she is only a few blocks away. She has her own house (renting), a car and a full-time job. She is maturing very quickly now and having always been a rebel, it is doing her good. She is learning responsibility and knows that I am here if she starts getting behind on things or struggles. I walk past her house almost every night and drop in at times just to make sure she is ok. Three days after she moved in, a car drove through her back patio, wiping out some outdoor furniture. That gave her a bit of a fright, but luckily she only saw the aftermath as it happened while she was at work. I would prefer if she had stayed home. My next child is currently 16yrs and at the end of next year I daresay she will move out to go to uni, about 1000km away, so I am not looking forward to it. She is too little that one
I encourage my children to move out when they are 18. If they are responsible and chose to stay home and work to save up to move out, I would support that as well. As long as they were responsible, focused and respectful. We teach our children what they need to know to be responsible adults. If they choose not to follow our advice that is their choice, but we won't allow our children to be couch slugs on our dime! LOL! :)
My son graduated at 17, he just turned 18 Sept. 8th. I wanted (and he did as well) him to stay home and do his first year at a local college. When my daughter turned 18 she was ready to go. My son is not. Some may say it is because he is my baby and I am not ready for him to leave home yet, however I know he still needs me. And I also know (from my daughter who is now 24) there will soon be a day when he does not anymore. The plan is for him to go off to college next year. Being a single mom, it has been tossed around that I may relocate wherever he does. He wants me to do this. He brought it up. I like the idea. All my friends tell me to cut the cord and let him go on his own. I just think every kid is different, and some need their moms a little longer than others.
I don't think an 18 year old who attends local community college should be encouraged to move out on their own. This is a time for him to learn about living on his own by living at home and taking on more roles in his own home. This may even include paying a small amount of rent/bills to give him an idea of how to learn to budget his income.
My son is 18 and a full time student at community college. He works on campus part-time. He helps around the house, drives his siblings to/from church, mall, movies, sports events, etc. when asked. He makes dinner when asked. He pays for his own clothes, car insurance and gasoline. We've told him he can live at home rent free as long as he is a student, after school he will pay rent or move out however, we are in no hurry to run him off.
I have 3 daughters, my youngest being 18. She moved out this year to attend a community college. She is running both cross country and track for them a long with bring a full time student. Having her move out and on her own was very hard on me.....not her....I was so scared. She has always been the shy type just to sit back and watch things go on.....NO be a leader. But over her last few years of high school she really came out of her shell and started and getting involved in many different activities. In which I am very proud of.
I believe that every young adult has to learn to spread their wings and fly on their own, learn from their mistakes. That is when our wonderful parenting technical skills of tough love have to step into play and really put our foot down and let them know that there is a difference between right and wrong and it's time to learn it. I great up in a very strong Christian home and I know what was right and which was wrong. Did I always follow the rules...NO, but did I learn from them in the future...You bet I did....one way or another. So I guess a short answer to your question is....Yes I do believe that your 18 yr old should be allowed to move out and living on their own their first year of college......It's a touch world out there....it's not going to get any better....TRUST ME !!!
My kid has a home as long as he's working or in school - that's what my husband and I decided together. I think college is hard enough - my job is to help my kid out and be as supportive as possible. For some kids they can't wait to go and that's fine - but my kids are both a little shy. My son (17 today) has Aspergers but my daughter is just naturally a little less outgoing that way.
I am currently going through this situation right now.. My son is 18 and still lives at home.. yet he works and goes to school, but doesnt understand that our rules are our rules.. and doesnt want to abide by the rules.. ive told him several times that if he doesnt want to abide by our rules then he can find another place to live.. yet he still lives at home.. he and my husband dont see eye to eye and fight when they do talk.. not sure how to really handle this situation.. at all.. its like im danged if i do and danged if i dont.. i dont think he could live on his own.. any suggestions?????
My 19 year old daughter is on her 2nd year at community college and she still lives at home. It was her decision to stay at home until she can transfer to a CSU school next year, and I was happy to keep her with me. She works part time and contributes money for her car and uses her own money for fun, but we pay anything that has to do with school. She felt that she was not ready to move away from home yet and the financial aspect was a factor also. I think she will be much more ready to be on her own moving out at 20 than at 18, but each child is different. You and your child have to judge for yourself if they are ready to move out or not. It depends on how responsible they are and how independent. My daughter is very responsible but her and I are really close and I think she didn't feel ready to leave yet.
The right time to me is when they are capable of taking care of themselves. I have a 19 year old and to me he is still a baby, not responsible as he should be at that age, you have to still be reminding him to do things. Some children mature faster than others. So we have to determine their level of maturity to make that call. If they can handle it they should be allowed to lean how to take care of themselves on their own.
I tell my kids there is an easier road and a distinctly harder road. Leaving the parents home @ 18 is on the "distinctly harder road". Having said that to them, I step back and let them make their own decisions. I make sure they understand that it is immensely easier to go to college & get their degree with the least amount of debt while not having to pay all the rent, utilities, and food a person needs during that time. If you want to set yourself up for success without a boat load of debt, I suggest a person tough it out and stay in their parent's home even when I understand the desire to 'spread their wings and break free'. In the long run, they will most likely end up in the same place they would have to start with, but as I said before,one way is easier, quicker, and incurres A LOT less debt to have to pay back.
My son graduated and turned 18 in June. August 1st he informed me that he was moving out with his friends. It has been the hardest thing letting him go, but like my husband says he is 18 and we cant stop him. He is working and going to school and the only stipulation I have is that he come home for dinner atleast once a week. I know I am enabling him but I cant not help. He pays for his rent and utilities and gas for his car and food. I am still paying for his insurance, phone and internet through his phone. I also wash his clothes and send him back with food when he comes home and pay for his college tuition and books. I wish he would move back home, but this is his choice. We have even considered building a garage with an apartment so that he could move back home but still have his own place. I worry constantly and cant sleep. This is my problem, not his. He is having the time of his life, so he says, and he is keeping up with his schooling and work. I am proud of him for doing what he wants, but I miss him terribly and wish he would move back home.
This all depends on the location of the campus, if it's near home I don't see any reason to move out but if it's really far then of course it's logical to move out till they finish their studies. Speaking as an Asian, it is a norm for kids to stay till they marry or if they prefer when they are financially independent some will move out. This depends on the type of household they live in, the bonds they have with thier parents.
My 24 yr. old went to college three hours away when she was 18. She was miserable and ended up coming back before the first semester was over. My 21 yr. old lived with two of his best friends at a school 1 1/2 hours away his first year and did very well. He is in his last year of school and will probably never live at home again. My 17 year old went to live with her Aunt and Uncle to start college about 2 hours from home. That was the perfect choice for her.
Everything depends on the child. I was 17 when I left for college 500 miles from home, and I was absolutely ready.
i would encourage him or her to stay at home. When it comes time for them to move out, they and you, will know when the right time has come. but thats just my thoughts on the subject.
THAT IS A DIFFICULT QUESTION BECAUSE IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE CHILD AND HOW PREPARED THEY ARE TO LEAVE HOME. MY 18 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER JUST STARTED COLLEGE TUESDAY AND SHE CHOSE TO GO TO ONE THAT IS 530 MILES AWAY ALTHOUGH I MISS HER TERRIBLY SHE IS 18 AND THE CHOICE IS HERS , I WOULD HAVE PREFERED HER TO STAY AROUND BUT I AM COPING. I DON'T THINK THERE IS REALLY A SPECIFIC TIME FOR THEM TO MOVE OUT I JUST BELIEVE THAT THEY NEED TO START WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG SO THEY CAN LEARN RESPONSIBLITY. I THINK THEY ARE STILL TO YOUNG TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN, BUT THEN AGAIN I THINK THE LONGER THEY ARE HOME THE LESS RESPONSIBILITIES THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE BECAUSE THEY WILL ALWAYS DEPEND ON MOM AND OR DAD. LIKE I SAID BEFORE THEY SHOULD START OUT IN THE WORLD YOUNG SO THEY CAN SEE WHAT THE REAL WORLD IS LIKE. I DIDN'T OR WOULDN'T FORCE MY DAUGHTER TO MOVE OUT I WOULD JUST LET HER KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE THER FOR HER NOT MATTER WHAT THERE IS A TIME THAT SHE IS GOING HAVE TO LEAVE THE NEST AND THAT THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE TO EXPLORE. IT ALSO WOULD DEPEND ON THE FINICIAL SITUATION IT WOULD MOST DEFINITELY BE CHEAPER LIVING AT HOME, BUT WHILE THEY ARE IN COLLEGE OR AT HOME THEY CAN GET A PARTTIME JOB. MY DAUGHTER INFACT ENCOURAGED ME TO LET HER LEAVE HOME HARDEST THING I DID, SHE WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT AND RAISED TO BE INDEPENDENT AND NOW SHE IS ON HER OWN LIVIVNG WITH FRIENDS, IN COLLEGE AND DOING GREAT I GUESS I DID SOMETHING RIGHT.
My 18 year old son is at college, away from home to get the full college experience. You change, grow and learn alot about yourself and life while living at a college away from home while still having some thing of a safety net. If he had not been accepted into the college that he wanted, then his back up plan was community college, a job and live at home until he was accepted at the college of his choice. I tell my children, all the time, that I love them but they need to go to college, get a job and move out because they have to have their own lives and that does not involve living with me forever. I have made sure that he was doing his own laundry and was able to cook long before he started high school. And we have let up on more and more rules during high school. That way he learned to self regular when to come home,sleep, get up on his own, do homework without me hovering, balance that with friends, activities, video games etc. Although every child is different, the reality is we need to stop enabling our children to the point that they cannot survive on their own.
I think as long as your child knows that you don't have a revolving door as a front door they should move out. At 18 my daughter is still at home but that works for both of us. She is looking to transfer schools next fall and then would be moving away.
I think it depends on the maturity of the child. As a parent I think you should have a good idea whether the time is right @ 18 yrs or if it needs to be postponed until they are 20yrs old or so! I know many parents who have let their children move out @ 18 years of age and they seem to be doing fine...Just depends on the persons.
As 18 year old adults they have to make the choices that will shape the rest of their lives. We are here to guide them and unfortunately once they reach this milestone, many want to turn away from our instruction, advice and experience. It is then we have to relish this new role as quiet observer and be there for them when they falter because they will falter as we all did when we thought we knew more than our parents. Blessed are those who have children this age who recognize that they still need their parents and won't hesitate to call on them when necessary. Therefore whether we "allow" them to live on their own or not, from this age on they are responsible for their actions. We can only hope we've done enough to help them make informed choices.
Your child is 18 years old, in most countries they are legally an adult. I moved out of home at 18 while attending university which worked out fine. You need to trust you have raised them right and trust they will make the right decisions and keep attending their classes. Although let them know that the door will always be open for them aswell if things get to rough.
Depends upon the student, but my oldest moved out while she was still in high school (her last couple of months). She had a job, was highly independent and capable, and totally trustworthy. After graduating, she moved across the country to take a job - fortunately, it was with a family who was friends with her boyfriend's family. It was a good experience for her. After a year away, she moved back to the city where we lived and started college, still living on her own. While at college (for two years), before transferring to University, she co-founded the college's women's centre and chaired the president's council for education. She graduated with Distinction and a double major. So, yes, I would allow this young woman to do pretty much whatever she wanted! (I should mention, the age of majority here is 19, but you can pretty much make your almost all own decisions at 18.)
You really don't have a choice in the matter.