Do you allow your kids to have friends of the opposite sex in their bedroom?
89 Answers
Would you allow your teen to have sex in your home?
Some parents say no way (not a snowball's chance in you-know-where!), while other parents argue that it is probably going to happen anyway and they'd rather it happen somewhere safe under their own parameters. What is your policy on teen sex in your house?
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29 Answers
3 Votes
As soon as my son is old enough to start having sex (most men I talk to have said they first had sex at age 13, believe it or not) I will give him a safe-sex talk and provide him, or his girlfriend if he has one, with birth control. If he has sex in our home, I would ask only that it is not when we are home because that would be awkward were anyone to hear anything.
Teenagers WILL have sex (although I didn't until I was 18), whether the parent agrees or not. What's so bad about sex, anyway? It's a very enjoyable activity that brings you closer with your partner, emotionally as well as physically. I don't understand why some parents equate sex with drugs and alcohol ... we're animals and sex is an animal function. Drugs and alcohol are man-made addictive poisons....
2 Votes
I would NOT ALLOW MY TEEN to have sex at all . Am I stupid enough to think kids don't have sex no but I certainly wont give them permission. My daughters are well informed about sex and also about what Gods plan for sex is and that it is not a decision to just make on a whim .
2 Votes
no. it will happen but i am not giving him permission.
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Jessica - commented on Aug 30, 2012
but i do have circumstances that would allow me to be more open (but ihave a boy so i want to just stress NO to him!) if my son was with a person for at least a year i would be more relenting and possibly even help him get condoms. but if he is just going to be a man whore then i am going to stress abstinence and ruin his best laid plans at getting laid. and thats easy to do, ive seen it done when i was in hs dating certain guys!
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Kyrie - commented on Nov 26, 2012
What a great idea about having a time line to consider! I think I might borrow that. ♥
2 Votes
Hmmm, I knew my parents' views and I respected them, therefore I didn't even consider ti when I was a teen. Therefore, teh "it's going to happen anyway" is not an absolute, at least not in my case. I was raised to have a life plan that included college, house, travel, marriage, and then babies. Therefore, having sex before I had gotten to the babies stage was stupid and not even an option to consider. Also, since I knew their views, having sex in their home I find extremely disrespectful. I think that you need to have the discussion about being respectful of others, even though you may or may not respect their views and act accordingly. Deliberately flaunting your disagreement is disrespectful. How would they feel if you did something similar to them? It's a matter of respect - teen sex in my house = disrespect.
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Kyrie - commented on Nov 26, 2012
Very interesting, I think this is more helpful if you have a good relationship with your children as well. Most of the people I know who've waited longer were either terrified of their parents (and had sex the second they could get away) or loved their parents so much and had such a great relationship that they felt no need to question things. (I know a few of those). Had my parents been open and loving, I might have made different decisions. Not a big deal in my case, but I was a very intelligent child and on a college reading level by 2nd grade. I could have handled the info. My mom swears it was not her fault that I lost it at 12, but had she told me that it hurt to lose your virginity or all of the risks and ramifications I likely would have been terrified. (Pretty darn sure of it) I went into sex almost completely blind. The only thing I knew was what I learned at a neighborhood sex ed for kids office. They gave out free condoms no questions asked and offered any kid of any age a sex ed class with no permission needed. At least I knew about STD's a little. XD I've seen some crazy things and met crazy people out there. I recommend people tell their kids about people like that and scare the jeebers out of them! (Girls on their second virginity because a christian group told them they could have one... People claiming less sexual partners or just handing out STD's like party favors. Definitely pays to trust someone's ex, with a grain of salt of course.
2 Votes
Hell no. If I did, I mine as well let them do drugs, prostitute, hide money from robbing banks, and stash bodies of people they killed in my house...
You don't know what is going to happen anyway..but what you don't do is GIVE UP and blame the teenagers with the saying "I can't do anything to stop it." Such a cop out...
and kids with parents who think like this, run them over at first, then decide that they hate them for being such PUNKS!
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Amanda - commented on Aug 25, 2012
Because having consensual sex is the same thing as doing illegal drugs, prostituting and committing a crime? Are you really that dense? Everyone in this country has sex. Not everyone is a bank robber, drug addict and prostitute. You are silly. I can't believe you compared teenagers having sex to a teenager killing someone and stashing their body in your house. Do you understand how ridiculous that is?
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Ana - commented on Oct 27, 2012
@Amanda Star: Everyone in this country does not have sex in High School. I can name plenty. We all know you did by your post. But I was giving examples of things that I would not allow in my home. If it's ok for your kids to lay in your home and procreate, sad, but it's your messed up life. This is an opinon site. Why are you so hung up on my every word anyway? You are very bored. Get over yourself and do not post anything to me again.
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Kyrie - commented on Nov 26, 2012
I lost my virginity willingly at 12, I've had sex hundreds of times with 16 guys and 2 girls. I NEVER caught an STD. I didn't use birth control at all or condoms the vast majority of the time (I'm anti birth control). I didn't get pregnant until I turned 18 (the week before spring prom). I turn 25 next month and am happily married with 2 kids to my husband of 4 yrs. I definitely have not lived to regret anything. Am I a criminal? Never robbed anyone or hid a body and have no criminal record. Nope. Have I ever been a prostitute? Nope. Am I even remotely interested in drugs? Not even cigarettes or alcohol. I'm practically teetotal. I drink lightly once a year at the holiday party for our playgroup's mothers (no children invited). We own 2 houses, get that -> 2. One is an income property. We own two cars and have no car notes. We have great health insurance, life insurance, no need for welfare or anything. My husband has an associates and is working on his bachelors. My children play soccer, take ballet and tap, and are in gymnastics. My daughter starts jiu-jitsu and 4H this year as well. She's also tried baseball, but their schedules didn't mix well with the other activities. I went to college for a year and a half but am on a break until my son starts school next year. It gives my husband a lot more time for his schoolwork. Little old me? I'm a stay at home mom who is constantly complimented on the intelligence, good manners, and friendliness of my children. I have employees who are strangers at random stores who just gush over them. Try the Verizon store, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, the library, even my daughter's teacher. I'm actually getting used to it and starting to expect the compliments when we are out. lol. I volunteer to help raise money for animals, I donate money as well, I have typical and not so typical mommy hobbies, and I'm in an election to be a board member who helps in contentious matters. I'm better off than most americans. I definitely have a life to be jealous of and I'd never have gotten to where I am if I hadn't had the sexual experiences I did. The father figure who gave me my first car - I met him while trying to call an ex. My husband? I only even gave him a chance because I was trying new types of men to see if I could get the type of man I saw the female friends I idolized with. He's happy because he knows I never would have given him a shot otherwise. Not to mention he gets a girl with amazing skills in the sack. So, where did the world end just because my dad let me behave like a nympho through high school? (I lost my virginity on my mom's watch. She was very religious and refused to speak about it other than to say, "Your body is a holy temple" and "You are too young to talk about sex." This made me VERY curious.) You sound like a nut and I'm proof that you are. None of my female friends who had willing sex early are criminals or any kind of shady. My one friend who is in jail was RAPED at the age of 9 repeatedly by her mother's husband. Half of all high school students have had sex. The average age to lose your virginity in the U.S. is 16 for males and 17 for females. The legal age of consent in Hawaii is even 14. BTW, I'm the one who everyone files complaints with when their S.O. sucks in bed or they need sex tips. lol. The things I hear...
2 Votes
You guys are ****ing weird. We teens know that half of you parents had sex in your teen years so why does it matter if it's at ur house. We will never do it while ur there...or we will sneak out and do it somewhere else. The topic should not be whether or not we have sex in the house but whether u are open to us having sex. The best thing u cam do is say "here's a pack of condoms. If you don't use them and get aids or pregnancy then ur in deep shit and we will punish you" just give us a way to opt out but still be a little mature sheesh
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2 Votes
I have changed my position on this slightly. I still believe that teenagers are too young and my preference would be that sex is best in a committed, exclusive relationship such as marriage or at the very least after dating at least a year or more. I know my daughter agrees in spirit but she has a permanent brain injury and can be vulnerable with boys. She also happens to be physically very beautiful - her disability is invisible, only her closest friends know. When I see the way boys are towards her, and how easily she can be convinced to believe what they tell her or to want to please them, I am trying to think ahead to ensuring she is safe and will not have a teen pregnancy. I was almost relieved when her periods were really heavy and uncomfortable because it made the decision for her to go on birth control easier to broach. She believes it is not because I don't trust her, rather, its so she has lighter, shorter periods. I trust in her intention to wait but I'm also protecting her in case she is talked into it.
We also have an open door policy with her friends - meaning two things - one is that her friends, boy or girl, are welcome in our home, and second is that doors remain open at all times. When I am busy, you can bet her little brothers will report on anything they see or if a door is closed!! For now this is working.
I expect that at one point sooner than I'd like, she will decide to have sex. Because I desire to protect her I try not to moralize about it the way I always thought I would (and in fact did, when she was younger). We want her to feel comfortable to be totally honest with us and we've told her that. If she ever came to us and told us she was having sex with her boyfriend, after we had our little cry in private we would talk to her and her boyfriend about dual protection and responsibility and I think we would also consider allowing them to use her bedroom instead of a car or at a party, etc. when they want to be intimate. I'm not saying this is a perfect answer, but we've found we've needed to be more openminded and adaptable in raising our daughter. I don't know if I'll be different with my sons.
2 Votes
No sex in my house unless I'm the one having the sex! Period and NOT a topic for discussion.
1 Vote
my daughter is now 17, since she was 16 i let her boyfriend's stay over, they sleep together i think at least she is safe and comfortable around her family she wont run torrent and sleep around she is on the pill and they use condoms and she is very happy and she talks to me about any problems and sex questions
1 Vote
the bible says have sex when youu are married and dont let just anyone in your house because they could carry spiritural demons bad spirits this stuff is true. jesus is coming soon
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Kyrie - commented on Nov 26, 2012
O.o
1 Vote
No!! Id rather them know that I do not condone such activities until marraige, and hope the way I raised em they will be trustworthy and understand why they shouldnt do such things. On the other hand if they do do activities (outside of the home) they will know that we are not with them on the decision and hopefully they will learn from their mistake and know also that since they are having to hide something from us that it is not an activity worthy of partaking in until marraige.
1 Vote
NOOOOO! I don't care what others are doing but in my house absolutely not! I have instilled into my son values and respect for women. Thank God he has listened. It's not saying that its not on his mind but he is not acting on it. He understands that its suppose to be special and not just a "fun time". Later in life these teens who do have sex at an early age will live to regret it. There are so many diseases that can be contracted that it's fun for a minute but you may end out with a disease for life! Educate your children and be role models.
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Kyrie - commented on Nov 26, 2012
I lost my virginity willingly at 12, I've had sex hundreds of times with 16 guys and 2 girls. I NEVER caught an STD. I didn't use birth control at all or condoms the vast majority of the time (I'm anti birth control). I didn't get pregnant until I turned 18 (the week before spring prom). I turn 25 next month and am happily married with 2 kids to my husband of 4 yrs. I'd probably be one of a minority who are exceptions, but I definitely have not lived to regret anything. It also helps if you do know what diseases are more prevalent where you live, if you ask partners the right questions, and if you use common sense. Not to mention a smidge or two of luck. ;D
1 Vote
I say go for it. Better than them screwing in a back alley on a bed of used needles and rat carcasses :D I honestly don't see why teen sex is such a huge fucking problem for y'all. You guys undoubtedly had sex when you were younger, so why expect your kids to do any different? Masturbation is only good for so long and its not your body to choose who touches it. Seriously. Get a life/go get laid yourself, and you'll see why your kids are so into it.
1 Vote
Once they are 15 years old then I'll let them have as much sex as they want. It is safer if there are other people around just in case. I walked in on my 13 year old daughter giving her boyfriend a blowjob. I think i'll draw the line there.
1 Vote
My son is 19 years old, he can and does have company in his room. I dont want him to have sex in my home but i know it will happen. All I ask is to respect my home, protect yourself and no over night guest.
1 Vote
I do not encourage sex to my girls and tell them not to have it, i would never willingly allow it in my home, but if my daughter has sex i want her to be able to trust me and come talk to me about it.
1 Vote
No. My kids are in a program that teaches them how to have a fun life as a teen without the complications of opposite-sex relationships: having fun in groups, keeping their minds on what they *should* be on, etc. with mentoring, group meetings and fun group "dates". They even have a "romantic" group dinner a couple of times a year, where everyone dresses to the nines and they go to a really elegant restaurant. The people running the group have been doing it for over a decade, and have something like 50 graduates of the program, and they themselves followed what they teach until they met each other and got married. My kids don't spend time at other kids' houses unless adults are there, nor are they allowed to go in their friends' bedrooms unless the friend is the same gender.
So, given the atmosphere of our house and the people my kids spend time with, no.
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Amanda - commented on Aug 25, 2012
LOL good luck with that. Those are the teens that cannot wait to get some action in the backseat of a car. You're sitting yourself up for failure. Kids are going to have sex. Most of us moms had sex in our teen years.
0 Votes
I have discussed sex with my oldest three daughters who are 13, 14, 15. I have provided them and their boyfriends with contraception such as condoms and have told them that they are free to do it in our house whenever the want but if I find out they've been doing it outside of home I will terminate my offer. There are no locks on our doors so we have developed a system where they hang a lanyard on their bedroom door during sex so that I can keep everything under control and not accidentally walk in on them (it has happened a few times before). This is a much better system than them doing it behind my back without as much protection which would otherwise be inevitable.
0 Votes
Only if your looking for trouble.
0 Votes
Absolutely not .. but i know it wont stop them from doing anything. I would just ask them to be smart about it. I wouldnt want to be a hypocrite I started early too, but i was smart about it I was on birth control and still always used a condom. So id at least expect that much from my teen.
0 Votes
my parents even said if you must have sex with a boy, do it here not there.
0 Votes
NO WAY!!
0 Votes
My son is 22 years old and I let his girlfriend live in my house because she had no where to go. She was 5 months pregnant and had an abortion while living in my house. Her parents encouraged her to have a very late term abortion. The same parents that kicked her out of the house. I only found out by accident. I feel partially responsible and will not allow girlfriends to sleep over in the same room under my roof in the future.
0 Votes
well.I say 18 but that prolly not happen,when a child is 16 they are of consenting age..But it is contributing to a minor I think ...My daughter has been on birth control 3 months after her first period .It's in her arm every three years she will have to get a new one...she knows how I feel but I also know how teenager's are .. When we went into get it done my Dr. looked at me and said " How long has she been sexually active? I replied she is not he look at me weird,,,I said it's not about acceptation it's about prevention.. I was a teenage mom ..and I know what happens he just looked at me in agreement , and preceded with the procedure ..But no I wouldn't, You have to just sent rules,, and hope they abide them. But make sure they have protection...Rules or no Rules AIDS is very real.. and at the end of the day that is your child...and a life ..May god bless you all and have a good day..
0 Votes
I am not going to offer my house for her to have sex. I will not tell her, "Hey, if you're going to have sex, please do it here so I can KNOW what you're doing and HEAR you do it." Of course not, I am her mom, I don't want to hear that!
However, if I came home and "caught" her having sex? I would leave the room, wait for her to come out and then ask her boyfriend/friend to leave and would have a discussion and make sure she is being safe and taking the appropriate precautions. I also would talk to her to make sure she wasn't forced or talked into a position she didn't want to be in.
Hopefully, she's normal like me when I was a kid and only does it in places that adults don't frequent! :P
0 Votes
I did it for the first time when I was 13 but I won't let them do it in my house till at least 15/16
0 Votes
I wouldn't care. Teens are going to do something ESPECIALLY if you tell them not to. So, have fun enforcing that. I can tell you now though: It won't work no matter how hard you try.
0 Votes
It would never be condoned in our house. Unfortunately we work and can't always be there to stop what might happen. But thankfully we have a grandma in the house so I'm really no concerned about the possibility anyway.
0 Votes
Ummmm.... this is a complicated question. While I would discourage my kids having sex at all in their teen years, if the issue of them having it in my house even came up then I'm sure they'd be just as willing to do it somewhere else so I can't really complain. Plus, I can always walk in and nag about condoms (or crack the door and throw a bunch in with some STD pamphlets ;D ) if they are right here! ♥
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