Would you allow your teen to have sex in your home?

Some parents say no way (not a snowball's chance in you-know-where!), while other parents argue that it is probably going to happen anyway and they'd rather it happen somewhere safe under their own parameters. What is your policy on teen sex in your house?

38  Answers

6 0

I would NOT ALLOW MY TEEN to have sex at all . Am I stupid enough to think kids don't have sex no but I certainly wont give them permission. My daughters are well informed about sex and also about what Gods plan for sex is and that it is not a decision to just make on a whim .

4
182 16

Hmmm, I knew my parents' views and I respected them, therefore I didn't even consider ti when I was a teen. Therefore, teh "it's going to happen anyway" is not an absolute, at least not in my case. I was raised to have a life plan that included college, house, travel, marriage, and then babies. Therefore, having sex before I had gotten to the babies stage was stupid and not even an option to consider. Also, since I knew their views, having sex in their home I find extremely disrespectful. I think that you need to have the discussion about being respectful of others, even though you may or may not respect their views and act accordingly. Deliberately flaunting your disagreement is disrespectful. How would they feel if you did something similar to them? It's a matter of respect - teen sex in my house = disrespect.

4
87 12

Very interesting, I think this is more helpful if you have a good relationship with your children as well. Most of the people I know who've waited longer were either terrified of their parents (and had sex the second they could get away) or loved their parents so much and had such a great relationship that they felt no need to question things. (I know a few of those). Had my parents been open and loving, I might have made different decisions. Not a big deal in my case, but I was a very intelligent child and on a college reading level by 2nd grade. I could have handled the info. My mom swears it was not her fault that I lost it at 12, but had she told me that it hurt to lose your virginity or all of the risks and ramifications I likely would have been terrified. (Pretty darn sure of it) I went into sex almost completely blind. The only thing I knew was what I learned at a neighborhood sex ed for kids office. They gave out free condoms no questions asked and offered any kid of any age a sex ed class with no permission needed. At least I knew about STD's a little. XD I've seen some crazy things and met crazy people out there. I recommend people tell their kids about people like that and scare the jeebers out of them! (Girls on their second virginity because a christian group told them they could have one... People claiming less sexual partners or just handing out STD's like party favors. Definitely pays to trust someone's ex, with a grain of salt of course.

454 0

Hell no. If I did, I mine as well let them do drugs, prostitute, hide money from robbing banks, and stash bodies of people they killed in my house...

You don't know what is going to happen anyway..but what you don't do is GIVE UP and blame the teenagers with the saying "I can't do anything to stop it." Such a cop out...

and kids with parents who think like this, run them over at first, then decide that they hate them for being such PUNKS!

4
11 0

Because having consensual sex is the same thing as doing illegal drugs, prostituting and committing a crime? Are you really that dense? Everyone in this country has sex. Not everyone is a bank robber, drug addict and prostitute. You are silly. I can't believe you compared teenagers having sex to a teenager killing someone and stashing their body in your house. Do you understand how ridiculous that is?

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4 6

my daughter is now 17, since she was 16 i let her boyfriend's stay over, they sleep together i think at least she is safe and comfortable around her family she wont run torrent and sleep around she is on the pill and they use condoms and she is very happy and she talks to me about any problems and sex questions

3
51 0

I think it is just phenomenal that you are that open with your children. It is an amazing thing to have such a great channel of communication between parents and children. My own mother was like this and I believe I have turned out fine! I really respect your courage to be open with your kids, it takes a lot of it to admit that your children are really maturing to the level of having intercourse. Brava, madame!

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7 0

As soon as my son is old enough to start having sex (most men I talk to have said they first had sex at age 13, believe it or not) I will give him a safe-sex talk and provide him, or his girlfriend if he has one, with birth control. If he has sex in our home, I would ask only that it is not when we are home because that would be awkward were anyone to hear anything.

Teenagers WILL have sex (although I didn't until I was 18), whether the parent agrees or not. What's so bad about sex, anyway? It's a very enjoyable activity that brings you closer with your partner, emotionally as well as physically. I don't understand why some parents equate sex with drugs and alcohol ... we're animals and sex is an animal function. Drugs and alcohol are man-made addictive poisons....

3
12 0

hello...while i respect you for realizing that teens arent babies anymore i must tell you that all teens wont have sex...im 14 and i dont believe in sex before marriage

3 0

You guys are ****ing weird. We teens know that half of you parents had sex in your teen years so why does it matter if it's at ur house. We will never do it while ur there...or we will sneak out and do it somewhere else. The topic should not be whether or not we have sex in the house but whether u are open to us having sex. The best thing u cam do is say "here's a pack of condoms. If you don't use them and get aids or pregnancy then ur in deep shit and we will punish you" just give us a way to opt out but still be a little mature sheesh

3
10 0

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12 5

I have changed my position on this slightly. I still believe that teenagers are too young and my preference would be that sex is best in a committed, exclusive relationship such as marriage or at the very least after dating at least a year or more. I know my daughter agrees in spirit but she has a permanent brain injury and can be vulnerable with boys. She also happens to be physically very beautiful - her disability is invisible, only her closest friends know. When I see the way boys are towards her, and how easily she can be convinced to believe what they tell her or to want to please them, I am trying to think ahead to ensuring she is safe and will not have a teen pregnancy. I was almost relieved when her periods were really heavy and uncomfortable because it made the decision for her to go on birth control easier to broach. She believes it is not because I don't trust her, rather, its so she has lighter, shorter periods. I trust in her intention to wait but I'm also protecting her in case she is talked into it.
We also have an open door policy with her friends - meaning two things - one is that her friends, boy or girl, are welcome in our home, and second is that doors remain open at all times. When I am busy, you can bet her little brothers will report on anything they see or if a door is closed!! For now this is working.
I expect that at one point sooner than I'd like, she will decide to have sex. Because I desire to protect her I try not to moralize about it the way I always thought I would (and in fact did, when she was younger). We want her to feel comfortable to be totally honest with us and we've told her that. If she ever came to us and told us she was having sex with her boyfriend, after we had our little cry in private we would talk to her and her boyfriend about dual protection and responsibility and I think we would also consider allowing them to use her bedroom instead of a car or at a party, etc. when they want to be intimate. I'm not saying this is a perfect answer, but we've found we've needed to be more openminded and adaptable in raising our daughter. I don't know if I'll be different with my sons.

3
28 2

in my opinion thats the great advise but as a mother of a girl too its kind of hard..

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19 0

My take on this is, ANYTHING is better at my house than letting them go god knows where and hang out with the wrong crowd. My 16 y.o. daughter has been dating her bf for two years very openly and honestly. Certainly they have sex, and quite often from what I can tell, but I would rather have them doing it in a clean safe home than than have to worry about them.

2
2 0

no. it will happen but i am not giving him permission.

2
2 0

but i do have circumstances that would allow me to be more open (but ihave a boy so i want to just stress NO to him!) if my son was with a person for at least a year i would be more relenting and possibly even help him get condoms. but if he is just going to be a man whore then i am going to stress abstinence and ruin his best laid plans at getting laid. and thats easy to do, ive seen it done when i was in hs dating certain guys!

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2 8

No sex in my house unless I'm the one having the sex! Period and NOT a topic for discussion.

2
12 0

thank you....your a good mom...teens dont have to have sex because the relationship wont work out anyway....

5 0

No! I am a mother of two kids (one male 15, female 12) and they will not be allowed to do that in this house! American laws state you must be 16 and above to have sex, I'm so appalled by some of the parents who say yes when their kids are as young as 13.

1
49 0

Well, hopefully not with each other, in any event! BTW, the age of consent is determined by state law, so it depends on which state you live in.

18 0

my parents even said if you must have sex with a boy, do it here not there.

1
0 0

the bible says have sex when youu are married and dont let just anyone in your house because they could carry spiritural demons bad spirits this stuff is true. jesus is coming soon

1
87 12

O.o

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616 0

No!! Id rather them know that I do not condone such activities until marraige, and hope the way I raised em they will be trustworthy and understand why they shouldnt do such things. On the other hand if they do do activities (outside of the home) they will know that we are not with them on the decision and hopefully they will learn from their mistake and know also that since they are having to hide something from us that it is not an activity worthy of partaking in until marraige.

1
5 0

I agree 100 percent

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44 0

NOOOOO! I don't care what others are doing but in my house absolutely not! I have instilled into my son values and respect for women. Thank God he has listened. It's not saying that its not on his mind but he is not acting on it. He understands that its suppose to be special and not just a "fun time". Later in life these teens who do have sex at an early age will live to regret it. There are so many diseases that can be contracted that it's fun for a minute but you may end out with a disease for life! Educate your children and be role models.

1
87 12

I lost my virginity willingly at 12, I've had sex hundreds of times with 16 guys and 2 girls. I NEVER caught an STD. I didn't use birth control at all or condoms the vast majority of the time (I'm anti birth control). I didn't get pregnant until I turned 18 (the week before spring prom). I turn 25 next month and am happily married with 2 kids to my husband of 4 yrs. I'd probably be one of a minority who are exceptions, but I definitely have not lived to regret anything. It also helps if you do know what diseases are more prevalent where you live, if you ask partners the right questions, and if you use common sense. Not to mention a smidge or two of luck. ;D

14 0

I say go for it. Better than them screwing in a back alley on a bed of used needles and rat carcasses :D I honestly don't see why teen sex is such a huge fucking problem for y'all. You guys undoubtedly had sex when you were younger, so why expect your kids to do any different? Masturbation is only good for so long and its not your body to choose who touches it. Seriously. Get a life/go get laid yourself, and you'll see why your kids are so into it.

1
5 0

Once they are 15 years old then I'll let them have as much sex as they want. It is safer if there are other people around just in case. I walked in on my 13 year old daughter giving her boyfriend a blowjob. I think i'll draw the line there.

1
0 24

My son is 19 years old, he can and does have company in his room. I dont want him to have sex in my home but i know it will happen. All I ask is to respect my home, protect yourself and no over night guest.

1
1 1

It would never be condoned in our house. Unfortunately we work and can't always be there to stop what might happen. But thankfully we have a grandma in the house so I'm really no concerned about the possibility anyway.

1
1 5

I do not encourage sex to my girls and tell them not to have it, i would never willingly allow it in my home, but if my daughter has sex i want her to be able to trust me and come talk to me about it.

1
8 0

you first comment negates your second. how could you possibly expect your daughter to come to you to talk concerning something about which you have demonstrated such negative feelings? the "i do not"s and the "i would never willingly allow" effectively cancels out the "i want her to be able to trust me and come talk to me"s. i am sure you have already emphatically stated your position and i am equally as sure, as soon as your daughter starts having sex, you will not hear about it or have any positive influence on it.

236 440

No. My kids are in a program that teaches them how to have a fun life as a teen without the complications of opposite-sex relationships: having fun in groups, keeping their minds on what they *should* be on, etc. with mentoring, group meetings and fun group "dates". They even have a "romantic" group dinner a couple of times a year, where everyone dresses to the nines and they go to a really elegant restaurant. The people running the group have been doing it for over a decade, and have something like 50 graduates of the program, and they themselves followed what they teach until they met each other and got married. My kids don't spend time at other kids' houses unless adults are there, nor are they allowed to go in their friends' bedrooms unless the friend is the same gender.

So, given the atmosphere of our house and the people my kids spend time with, no.

1
11 0

LOL good luck with that. Those are the teens that cannot wait to get some action in the backseat of a car. You're sitting yourself up for failure. Kids are going to have sex. Most of us moms had sex in our teen years.

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3 0

Yes I do allow it but my rules were that it had to be a committed relationship and the other parents had to agree with it. Many teens do have sex and I'd rather them be at home where it's safe.

0
1

I just reread my Sept 2013 message. The big thing for me was "if". I would never
knowing allow this! But if it happens I can communicate with my granddaughter! It is
more important then anyone could imagine that this child, with her background does not need emotional turmoil untill she is able to understand life better. She is
a good student and this is first real boyfriend. She is now 17 and so is boy. Just had to add that. Have not looked at this site in six months,both are planning college.

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14 0

My policy is that teens are not emotionally mature enough for sex. I would NOT allow sex or sleepovers at my home. However, I do relaize that may eventually mean sex elsewhere, and that's a whole other question. For me, I have two younger children in the home, and I could never condone such wreck less behavior in my home. It would set a bad example.

0
49 0

One thing almost everyone seems to be overlooking are the legal ramifications. What is the age of consent in your state? Knowingly allowing 13 or 14 year olds to have sex in your home could result in your being prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, being an accessory to statutory rape, et cetera. For instance, If you allow your son to have sex with his underage girl friend in your home, and her parents learn of it and strongly disapprove, you could be facing a very serious situation. This is also true if pregnancy results or an STD results. Don't trust kids to necessarily take all necessary precautions every time. And then there's always the possibility of pics or a video being made via a cell phone .... Just a heads up --it could be very risky!

0
12 2

Um that is a big NO WAY. That would never be allowed to happen under our roof.

0
5 0

I am a grandmother raising my 161/2 yr old granddaughter. I raised 5 kids back in the
day, 4 boys and i girl. This thought made my blood boil, however years later my kids
confided this happened. My granddaughter is with me because of a lack of emotional
stability and abuse by a step parent. We have to give that back to her through love and
trust and values. We consider sex important because it could harm her emotionally.
However we also have to let her be normal and trust she will make good decesions. We
try to consentrate more on school, health, and future responsability. Yes she has,
a really nice boy friend in her room. They watch movies with the door open. However they have been alone. She has been on birth controll, and is totally respectful to us and boys parents and the boy to us. She is on birth controll for othe reasons so that is good.
I think there is more important things then wether this has happen in your home.

or the back seat of a car. I think love and constent incouragement and always trying
to be there to talk is way more needed. Actually they may learn and early lesson.Advoiding this issue may only make your teenager shut you out. I have learned I do not have to aprove or be right all the time to have a good relationship with my granddaughter. Safety for her is the biggest thing I do not bend about. So far sex(if she
is doing it) has not presented a safety issuse.

0
18 0

No way.
Having sex is not any safer under my roof than under someone elses, or not under any roof at all.
I'm teaching my kids to respect sex, it is powerful, and if abused will control you.
Have a good relationship with them (includes being comfortable talking about sex and masturbation), set a high standard, keep them away from bad influences, then you can have confidence that this isn't going to be an issue (at least for most - some will always be stupid.)

0
7 0

I have discussed sex with my oldest three daughters who are 13, 14, 15. I have provided them and their boyfriends with contraception such as condoms and have told them that they are free to do it in our house whenever the want but if I find out they've been doing it outside of home I will terminate my offer. There are no locks on our doors so we have developed a system where they hang a lanyard on their bedroom door during sex so that I can keep everything under control and not accidentally walk in on them (it has happened a few times before). This is a much better system than them doing it behind my back without as much protection which would otherwise be inevitable.

0
27 0

Only if your looking for trouble.

0
27 0

I need to add to what I said to this because when I read this post I laughed about it and then was saddened because of so many parents letting their children behave as grown adults. Sexually transmitted diseases are at a all time high we have TV with sexually charged programs, young children dressing sexually provocative and parents who would rather be friends than parents. Parents love, protect and educate their children, we raise them with hopes our child will be successful as a adult, successful in relationships, raising a family and decision making. My children I have been honest about my role, it is as their parent, not their friend. I have raised one daughter who worked her way though school, married, owns her home. Sh is very successful. Step Son is third year in college. My whole being when I had children was to make their life better by educating and offering spiritual guidance through a church or other healthy outlet. Sports, music. Yes I know things were done behind my back. Sexually transmitted diseases can kill your children, pregnancy can wreck havoc not only on your child's life but yours also. Encouraging sex is giving them permission to be full fledged adults, they haven't reached that maturity, but I also advocated birth control and talking to your children and insisting on protection from sexually transmitted diseases. I met parents like you that haven't checked out the static's about early pregnancy, drugs and encouraging them to behave like adults. I kept my teenager away from parents like you so do other parents. We know your foolish and silly. Encouraging your child in your house you will absolutely never be very respected by your child or listened to with respect or for real guidance. Being a parent isn't easy it means saying no even when you understand or remember that age. But saying no also teaches your child to be able to say no to foolish things and make her decisions based on how you have guided her. Harsh maybe, but I have seen the results from parents who want to be friends with their kids. I would rethink my question as why I would even encourage this am I her friend or her mother.

0 0

Absolutely not .. but i know it wont stop them from doing anything. I would just ask them to be smart about it. I wouldnt want to be a hypocrite I started early too, but i was smart about it I was on birth control and still always used a condom. So id at least expect that much from my teen.

0
7 0

NO WAY!!

0
0 0

My son is 22 years old and I let his girlfriend live in my house because she had no where to go. She was 5 months pregnant and had an abortion while living in my house. Her parents encouraged her to have a very late term abortion. The same parents that kicked her out of the house. I only found out by accident. I feel partially responsible and will not allow girlfriends to sleep over in the same room under my roof in the future.

0
16 0

well.I say 18 but that prolly not happen,when a child is 16 they are of consenting age..But it is contributing to a minor I think ...My daughter has been on birth control 3 months after her first period .It's in her arm every three years she will have to get a new one...she knows how I feel but I also know how teenager's are .. When we went into get it done my Dr. looked at me and said " How long has she been sexually active? I replied she is not he look at me weird,,,I said it's not about acceptation it's about prevention.. I was a teenage mom ..and I know what happens he just looked at me in agreement , and preceded with the procedure ..But no I wouldn't, You have to just sent rules,, and hope they abide them. But make sure they have protection...Rules or no Rules AIDS is very real.. and at the end of the day that is your child...and a life ..May god bless you all and have a good day..

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11 0

I am not going to offer my house for her to have sex. I will not tell her, "Hey, if you're going to have sex, please do it here so I can KNOW what you're doing and HEAR you do it." Of course not, I am her mom, I don't want to hear that!

However, if I came home and "caught" her having sex? I would leave the room, wait for her to come out and then ask her boyfriend/friend to leave and would have a discussion and make sure she is being safe and taking the appropriate precautions. I also would talk to her to make sure she wasn't forced or talked into a position she didn't want to be in.

Hopefully, she's normal like me when I was a kid and only does it in places that adults don't frequent! :P

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45 7

I did it for the first time when I was 13 but I won't let them do it in my house till at least 15/16

0
4 0

I wouldn't care. Teens are going to do something ESPECIALLY if you tell them not to. So, have fun enforcing that. I can tell you now though: It won't work no matter how hard you try.

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87 12

Ummmm.... this is a complicated question. While I would discourage my kids having sex at all in their teen years, if the issue of them having it in my house even came up then I'm sure they'd be just as willing to do it somewhere else so I can't really complain. Plus, I can always walk in and nag about condoms (or crack the door and throw a bunch in with some STD pamphlets ;D ) if they are right here! ♥

0
11 0

Remembering how I was as a teen, when teens want to have sex they will regardless what the parents say. I do allow my 16 year old and her bf to sleep together at my house. I know where they are and I don't have to worry about them being in the back seat of a car behind Walmart. I do not have a problem with teens having sex if they are on bc and using condoms.

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