4 yr old refuses to listen

Nikki - posted on 09/08/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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ive tried everything and he still WILL not listen. im at my wits end on what to do

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Kerrie - posted on 06/29/2012

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I too am in the same situation but the problem is when i take something away my daughter doesn't care. she just gives it to me and walks away. I am 7 months pregnant and Im on the end of my rope. I love her to death and I know she can be such a good girl but i don't understand how to change this behavior. I take things away, I put her in thinking time and she still wont listen to anything I say. she laughs when i speak to her and its truely frustrating.

Serena - posted on 11/20/2010

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I have a 2yr old and in my opinion if you showed them consistency when they are younger, they wldnt kick a stink bcos lets face it, it wld be hard to discipline a teen boy..make sense when disciplining and never ever, change ur mind once u say "i mean it". My ex used to do that and i hated it. His daughter had no fear of him. Even my mother didnt fare betetr when I used to discipline my son, she would comment. My reply to her wld be "ur not the one who's gonna be living with him when he's older and having to go through all his temper tantrums and ups & downs. If I dont draw some kinda line NOW for Caleb, he would be too outta control and that is enough to scare any single mother raising a boy.

Denise Janse Van - posted on 10/26/2010

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I hate to be the bearer of bad news but its simply there age ... i have two boys and they listen thats for sure but do they listen to what i have said no... they manipulate it into what they wanted me to say! I think the thing with boys is that if your going to punish or discipline them be consistent as a mom to a boy im sure you know just how quickly they twist us around there little fingers but you have to stand firm... Its hard and there are times when i want to cry because i dont want to hurt them or give them a negative idea of who there mommy is but its better for them to have consistency and routine in there lives. At the end of the day you are the parent so your in charge and thats what you must remember!

Merenda - posted on 09/08/2010

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Explain to your kid what you expect of him before you punish him for a certain behavior. The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide what the rules are and then uphold them.
While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to also reward good behaviors.

Nichelle - posted on 09/08/2010

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Phyllis is absolutely right. My oldest child is now 20 years old and I had a very hard time with him. If you do not nip this in the bud now, you are in for even worse down the road. I have lived it. Take the excellent advise Phyllis has given and don't back down. It is hard to be consistent, but remember you are trying to establish new habits for the both of you. That takes time. Even when you feel like you are going to pull your hair out, remember you will have a happier life later on and so will he.

Valerie - posted on 09/08/2010

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I am in the same position. But I think Phyllis Harris posted will help out alot. I do admit I give up easily. Its hard being a single parent to a boy. I want to stop this before its too late, before he starts school and before his younger brother begins to pickup his bad habbits.

Phyllis - posted on 09/08/2010

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I have a very willful 5 year old. the only thing that works is consistency. NEVER back down. I tell him what he needs to do and what the consequence will be if he CHOOSES not to do it. (Emphasize that he is making a choice) Then I set a timer for a reasonable amount of time and show him that he has that long to do whatever it is. If he is not done by then, he gets the consequence. Usually it's losing a privilege. Sometimes it's a time out. Depends on what I tell him to do. At the start I make it clear I won't argue about it, and then I DON'T! I refuse to engage him when he tries to argue and I let his time just tick away. I also make sure to use logical consequences in other areas. If he makes a mess, HE cleans it up. If he refuses, then its standing in a corner for 5 minutes. Then we try again. If he still refuses, its back to the corner. We can do this all day, but after the 2nd time I put him in a corner AND he loses something. Once they realize we won't back down, they will fall in line. If he breaks it, he cleans it up and pays for it with allowance. I make him clean up EVERY mess he makes, even if he has to wear gloves or whatever to do it (broken glass or the nasty mess where he stashed food under the bed and it rotted) Once they realize that they have to deal with the outcome of their naughtiness, they tend to think before they do things. Hope that helps some. Remember, if you back down they WIN. Sometimes its easier to give in, but if you stick to your guns you will find that you don't have to give in anymore, b/c there is less argument.

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