get my 2 boys to stop fighting

Jennefer - posted on 07/28/2011

I keep waiting for an end to the fighting also. My boys are 9, 7 and 6, and it can be a crazy whirlwind of fighting at times at my house. We usually have to break it up and allow a cool down period and if that doesnt help then I have them sit and hold hands and tell each other nice things about one another. Then they end up forgetting about the fight and all is ok for a little while. What I need help with is the tattling. It seems like every 5 minutes one of them is telling me that the other poked him or looked at him wrong. I hate just dismissing it, but I am to the point at times where if someone doesnt have a broken bone or isnt bleeding then they need to just work it out...... which is usually where the big fights start.

Toni - posted on 05/26/2011

My boys are 8, 5, and 14 months, and the two older boys fight constantly!! If you figure it out, please share! ;) Good luck, I know it wears me out.

Eileen - posted on 05/19/2011

if by some miracle a mother has the solution to this i would very much like to kno it. i have a 6 and a 2 yr old who will NOT stop

Wilma - posted on 04/28/2011

wow, some encouraging ideas-my boys are 9 and 6 and fight so much!! I love them very much, but it's so frustrating when they do the fighting so much!!

Lori - posted on 09/22/2010

I thought my boys were the exception to all the fighting. I have 3 boys aged 4 years, 20 months and 4 months. I am afraid for the youngest. They are usually very good kids except for when it comes to toys! If anyone knows the trick, I would love the help!

Heather - posted on 09/10/2010

Honestly, it will not stop until well into adulthood. It is just a part of having siblings. Boys and girls alike. You can't stop it and actually it is good for them. If you think about it, our brothers and sisters are the only one that most of us can truly stand up to and fight for what we believe in. Most ( and I stress most) kids spend there childhood years trying to be what their parents and peers want them to be. Fitting into whatever mold they are into at the time. At home though, with their brothers they can truly be themselves. They can be passionate about what they want and not afraid to fight for it. Isn't this a good thing. I know it can be frustrating and as parents we need to draw the line and set the boundarys but don't worry that it isn't totally normal. Someday they will be the best of friends and look back at all the fights and arguments with laughter and who knows, by then you may be able to join in. I have 2 sisters and this is how it is for us now. My boys are 15, 11 and 7 months. The baby does not take part, needless to say, but the older two are like oil and water right now. If anyone else trys messing with them though I think they would fight to the death for each other. Good luck and stay strong.

Alanna - posted on 08/01/2010

you could suggest that if they are getting annoyed with one another to chose a place on your property for them to go and spend some time alone and chill out and have some space from their broher, and the other child is not aloud to go into that space and annoy the other one if they are there,

Brandy - posted on 07/19/2010

My boys are 9 and 11 and I've tried everything. My favorite is to make them write apology letters to each other in which they have to include 10 things they like about their sibling. I have made them stand out front of our house and hold hands, but that only makes them madder! Try making them sit facing each other on the couch and tell them whoever looks away/laughs first loses. If nothing else, they will forget the fighting.

Ink - posted on 07/11/2010

I watched my husband deal with this with his two girls. It was so sweet, I sat quiet watching and just wept.
The girls (twins, 6) were fighting... on each other's nerves. Daddy picked up the phone book and called both girls to him. He opened the book and told each girl, rip out a page. They did. Daddy closed the book and handed it to the first girl and told her to rip that in half. She looked at Daddy with a blank look... "I can't tear that. It's too big."
Daddy said, "See all these pages? You can rip one up with noooo problem." He fanned the pages in front of the girls and then closed the book. "One page by itself isn't very strong. But when you put aaaaallll the pages together... it is very strong... and you can't tear it up. This is like you two. One by one, you can be torn down. But if you stick TOGETHER.... (he waved the book) Nobody can hurt you, and nobody can tear you down. You girls have to stick together, so nobody can hurt either one of you. You two are on the same team. This book is like your family. Each page is one person, but when you put them all together... It is too strong to destroy."
When the lesson was over, the girls were humbled, they went back to the other room to play. I looked at Daddy and told him that was so beautiful! He grinned at me and said,
"I got it from George Lopez."
Just a cute story, I wanted to share.
My Dad used to deal with SO much of this... my SEVEN brothers were always going at it. I mean GOOD too! One time my grandmother's lamp, two pool cues and the felt on the pool table were destroyed. One time a dirt bike was thrown through the windshield of a 1970 Mustang. I do believe every single piece of sheetrock in our home had been replaced.. One square at a time. Daddy always made THEM do these repairs.
My Dad's punishments would be anything from making the two offenders stand in the front yard kissing (actually touching lips and then DON"T move.) He would take both boys out back with boxing gloves and then let them have at it. He would 'referee' (he used to be a boxer in the military 50 years ago) Mama called him one time and asked him to come home early because of a fist fight. He told Mama to put both boys on their knees at the wall with their hands behind their heads (a lot like a police shake-down) Triss and Eddie were on that baseboard for HOURS before Daddy got home and I promise you, their attitude was WAY different when he got there. Mama learned to use that one for herself. It was nothing for Daddy to come home and find 1, 2 or even more of us on our knees with our hands on the back of our heads waiting for Daddy on the back porch.
My mother was always one of those 'wait till your father gets home' disciplinarians and I see repercussions from that now. Mama should have stepped in more to deliver her OWN punishments. She stood aside and let Daddy do most of this.
I still like the silent tortures we were punished with. We weren't hurt, we weren't hit, or beaten. But we did spend a long time holding an incredibly uncomfortable position and have NOTHING to do but think about what you are going to do different next time. ;)
I hope something I've said here helps... My parents raised some wonderful strong responsible men this way... without physical abuse.

Stephanie - posted on 06/27/2010

My mom told me and my sister that if we kept fighting that we would have to kiss and make up. Or make us hug for a crazy amount of time. My mom delivered it like she meant it and we would end it there. But, we STILL got into fights, they just didn't last as long.

Stephanie - posted on 06/08/2009

I'm with Jamie, if you figure it out, I want in on the info. I have a 7 year old, 4 year old and another boy due in July. I keep telling people if the first two aren't out of the fighting stage by the time the new one gets into it, you can lock me in a padded room!!

Jamie - posted on 06/05/2009

When you find out let me know mine are 11,4 and 1.