My boys FIGHT NONSTOP!! HELP

Barbara - posted on 10/19/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

83

29

13

I have 3 boys and if you were an outsider looking in you would swear they hate each other. They are 3 4 and 5 years old and we cant seem to go 5 min without a fight. I have to keep them seperated in the car and at the dinner table. My 3 year is sooooo mean, he will just walk up and smack his older brothers for no reason and all punishment to stop it have not worked. they get along with everyone at school and whine cause they want to see each other so dont know what to do. I do group activities and individual one with them so they have their own time. Please help

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Elaine - posted on 02/18/2010

15

50

0

I had two boys, about 4 1/2 yrs apart. The youngest was always wanting to do what his brother was doing but often not able due to age. They didn't fight a lot but then I didn't allow it either. If it was over a toy or treat, I merely took it away and said you have lost this toy for today, tomorrow you may try again but if you can not share, it returns to the closet. The toy doesnt like it when you pull it apart and fight. We do not fight with each other, you are brothers and should be best friends and love each other.
Friends may come and go but brothers are always around. They are family. Family does not fight, they hug, they love, they respect each other. The oldest one prayed to God for a brother so when he would come to me upset, I merely said. HEY you asked for him not me. You wanted a BROTHER, you got a BROTHER, love him and get along with him. When you grow up you will need him and he will need you. We talk nice to our brother. When you call him names, you hurt him. When you hit him, you hurt him. Never had a rmajor problem just normal kid stuff and I would intervene when necessary.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Stewart - posted on 12/04/2012

1

0

0

WOW, from the advice you have read. I feel worst possible thing to do is seperate. DEATH MATCH not seriously but, let the older boy KICK the younger boy in the BALLS. Sorry to say that but, few do. That is the brass tax of kid justice!! Do that and he WILL UNDERSTAND!!! RESPECT HE WILL LEARN TO SHOW!!!!!!! OR BLEED OUT!!!! caution asprin thins the blood

Heather - posted on 10/07/2012

1

0

0

I am so thankful for this site right now!! I have been battling my boys (5 and 3) all day fighting. I truly feel like I am going to loose my mind. I keep asking myself "what am I doing wrong?"...then I read these posts and I realize there is some normalcy in their constant bickering. Now I just have to figure out how to calm myself down so I don't loose my mind!

Pat - posted on 10/10/2011

21

9

1

I have 3 boys also and they didn't fight all the time but just certain times. Maybe you should have a talk with them individually and ask them why they fight so much & tell them that it's making you upset w/ them. Tell them that like can be so much happier for everyone if they didn't fight. Good Luck hope it works!

[deleted account]

My three are the same they act like they hate each other. It started when my middle son was three weeks old lol. They are 11, 9 and 3 now and unless they are really going to cause each other physical damage i just ignore them. Its funny sometimes because the oldest two are wrestling on the floor and the little one jumps off the sofa onto their backs and then the dogs join in its chaos. But if i stop everything to referee them i'd never get nothing done. I think they all need time away from each other too my oldest son is in a different school to my 9 year old now and they have got on so much better since less fighting only arguing now. They both do their own after school activities too so they have space from each other.

Hope - posted on 02/15/2010

65

27

6

My boys also fight... Now if I see one go up and hit the other one there are time outs. Now we also do a "fighting time".. I say we but this is more of a boy thing. So its my three boys one being my husband :) They get on the floor and try to get each other, then when they are done we all play a game. I was wondering what you are doing when they start fighting? I feel with children your always going to have fights. I have seen some boys the same age as mine that really go at it.. and I can say that this is something that will not happen in my house. If they get this way they both sit in time out. And after that they will be doing something together.
Start putting down what you do all day... how much time with each child and things like that. See if maybe it could be an attention thing. I do know that if I spend to much time cleaning the house or reading that my boys will start acting out. This is due to lack of attention within the day... Please let me know if you need someone to talk to.. I know its not easy and some days are better then others...

Lauri - posted on 02/10/2010

16

20

5

lol, reading these posts make me laugh with relief!!!!! my sons 4 and 3 always fight! and it seems to be the younger one starting and winning! its usually over a toy or something else. I also love the idea about the punching bag! Might have to try that one. i do see in my 4 yr olds eye that he sometimes just really wants to hurt someone or punch something!!! Boys will be boys!

Kate - posted on 02/04/2010

13

0

0

I hear ya, My boys 4 and 2 fight too. Somedays it heaven and other days hell! Today was good...........

Cindy - posted on 02/02/2010

33

1

0

We have three now-grown sons, 4 yrs apart, and we had a lot of that too. Especially between the older two. It's a ploy for your attention, and to see who's in charge; boys are fiercely competitive. I love Jennifer's idea of the punching bag! Make sure they have plenty of active play time to spend their energy, and something creative that will hold their attention for awhile; Legos were our salvation there! You can also pull each of them aside to help you w/ chores that are age-appropriate, which gives you quality time w/ that one, and helps them learn something they can do well. It does get better, so hang in there; and keep calm: some of this is actually to get you in on the drama!

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2010

20

3

1

I also have three boys, 12, 10, 7. It never ends, but does get better! LOL. When my boys were that age they were the same way. I think part of it is a lot of pent up energy. Let them go outside and run and play it out. I would also set up wrestling matches. this let them use their energy and even "fight it out" with each other, but it was with rules and fun, not with anger. I also got a child sized punching bag and taught them that if they felt frustrated, angry, or just like they needed to hit something than they could go to that, NOT their brothers! Boys are just very physical..it's in their nature. It is perfectly normal and will get better!

Elsie - posted on 12/03/2009

1

7

0

The main reason for their constant fight is sibling rivalry. Each one of them wants your attention ... everybody's attention. They need your attention, your quality time. Don't just entrust them to their yayas. Let them feel that you love them and talk to them that you want them to love each other because you love them all. I have 4 boys. Yes, they did fight each other but we really put in their minds not to do any physical harm. We kept on advising them to love and to help one another especially we're no longer with them.

And they are now all grown up, my second son is helping his brother who is now graduating in medicine proper. Sometimes they have misunderstandings but can easily be patched up.

Yvonne - posted on 11/28/2009

5

13

1

I don't think I can help except to say it seems entirely normal. I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old and they spend a lot of their day wrestling each other. They have different interests though which sometimes helps keep them apart for a while. The one good thing with boys is that whilst they may be physical and get stuck in, they wouldn't be as mean as girls can be at times. I've noticed that the girls on my road seem to always be upsetting each other, leaving girls out of games, and constantly telling tales on each other. The boys get stuck in, throw a few punches and then get back to their games!! Your boys are so close in age it would be hard to escape it Hang on in there!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms