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How to handle manipulating biological parents of your child?

Elizabeth - posted on 05/03/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 5 and 4. Our youngest is not biologically ours. We have had him for over 2 years now and we are his legal guardians. His mother comes for a visit each week, but she tends to manipulate. I don't allow sweets after 6pm, or getting him to sleep is immossible. She will bring him sweets and give them to him anyway. I end up taking them away and she will tell him that he can't have them becuase of me, but that she wants him to have them. Things along that line. Any suggestions.
Thanks,
Elizabeth

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Jacqueline - posted on 01/24/2013

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We have now been legal guardians of our nephews for 6 months and manipulation appears to be the name of the game.

I am also limiting visitation time with mom and dad who are divorced. Each gets a Saturday. No overnights ever. There was domestic violence and abuse in the home.

The mom spent a lot of time trying to convince us that she called the children every day. She didn't. She spent a lot of time telling us the children had never been beaten....again lies. The children reported many many events. far too many for them to lie about. She insisted that her husband was a good person, despite the fact that he allowed her to sign away her children of her own accord! There was no State Intervention, just a charge of neglect that was magically dropped when the children were already in our custody.

Once I told the biological mom that she needed counseling due to mental illness and spousal abuse she stopped talking to me and moved her attention to the children trying to convince the children that THEY were lying about the abuse to the police officer.

Right now, I'm looking for a way to justify not allowing her to see the children due to continued psychological manipulation.

Andrea Lynn - posted on 05/16/2010

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Hi Elizabeth, I had that same issue, my girls are 10 and I got them when they were 3 1/2. The guardianship became final in February 2010. They still visit their mom twice a month and she loves to bring sweets I asked her several time not but because CPS is no longer envolved she feels its ok. CPs deffinetly would not let her bring sweets to a visit. I had to tell no it's not ok when they came to me they had a mouth full of rotten teeth and we have worked their mouths back to looking good. I don't really do sweets unless its a special occassion. I did let her know if she continues to bring them then I will cut the visit short and leave and if she still continues then I will discontinue the visits all together. Now they had one last weekend and she brought fruit so I guess it woorked. Lets see if it will last.

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