At what point does a mom realize she cant keep helping her kids?

Barb - posted on 11/29/2009

yep, what Tracy said

Sara - posted on 11/19/2009

Quoting Amy:

A child will never learn to get up if they don't learn how to fall.

My brother is 42 and my mother still routinely bails him out from the bad situations he gets himself in by making bad decisions and refusing to take responsibility for himself.   It is heartbreaking and frustrating for my sister and myself to watch, because we know that when my mother passes away, my brother will continue to expect to be bailed out by us.  That is his way.

Your job as a parent is to guide them through their childhood, and help them develop the skills they need to become independent of you.  Once they are independent, you can continue to offer love, support and guidance (when asked) - but to continually save them only reinforces their dependency, and strips them of their adulthood.

Dawn - posted on 11/18/2009

i would say never, my mom is still giving everything she can to me, and i still reach out to my kids no matter what they need, i don't shelter them but i guide them lol!

Carol - posted on 11/18/2009

My boys are 24 and 27. I'll help them always. :) cb

Amy - posted on 11/17/2009

Hi Nila,
In response to your question.
A child will never learn to get up if they don't learn how to fall.
As a parent it is difficult to watch our children fall. But the best thing we can do is support them, both on the way down and on the way up. However, it is not our job to pick them up. It is our job to be someone that allows them to grow enough to pick themselves up. Have faith in the job you are doing as a parent and know that eventually without interference they will stand. It might not be in your time frame or even as you wanted but that's kinda the point. This really isn't about you. It's about how you feel watching your children fall. Be strong, let them fall and be proud when they pick themselves up.

Amy

Marie - posted on 11/17/2009

what ever the problem is, it is obviously upseting you a lot, i think before you make any desicions you should talk to someone about it to help you get a clear perspective on the problem.

Gail - posted on 11/16/2009

you never stop helping your kids ,i think that the thing is to let them make their mistakes be there with open arms when things go bad, be there with praise when they make you proud. its true what they say.. your kids pull at your apron strings when they r young, n at your heart strings when they r older.

Tracy - posted on 11/15/2009

Grandma always said : "You cant stop helping your kids- Its your job as thier parent to guide them.. But you're thier GUIDE not thier puppet- master.. even as babies- they have to learn and figure things out for themselves..You are just the hand to hold along the way... " Ive seen with my friends (im 23) that if you do not explain -you are there to HELP them - NOT do it for them- they will get nowhere... which makes sense..
Life has limits.. if they need a place to stay- & it won't destroy your life - helping is good- maybe estimating a reasonable amt of time to get the $ together for a place of thier own .. If you can not help them in that way - helping them find shelters/ organizations that can give them a place to stay is guiding them ... If they mooch food- help find organizations that give food to low-income in thier area.. or help with suggesting food stamps... If its baby sitting- set a limit.. you took care of your child - now they take care of thiers.. and if they need help due to work --ect.. helping find some place they can take the kids that they can afford - even sum churches have programs.. All you can do is try- but the key is - once your 'child' is no longer an actual 'child' -There is NO permanent harm treating them like the ADULTS they are.. Tho it may be a shock to them that mommy is saying 'hunny ur a grown-up now" and really meaning it. i personally don't think parents should ever just abandon post tho.. help ur kids so long as it isn't hurting anyone- including the son/daughter. Good luck!

Raemeaksha - posted on 11/14/2009

When you know your child or grandchild can do it themselves.

Carla - posted on 11/14/2009

You never stop helping your kids--I should say trying to help your kids. You are a mother, that is what mothers do. But, mothers do tend to jump in to 'fix' things, and sometimes the kids need to think things out for themselves. Unless it's abuse, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to take your hands off and let them seek God for the answers. It's tough, but you can do it!

Anna - posted on 11/13/2009

My son was 9 when I had my daughter...it was hard for him to except that I could not give him 100% of my time and while it is important to still give the 1st child lots of yr time and let them know u still love them as much as ever, it is important that they start to do things for themself...adults both men and women r alot more indepedent in their home life and at work when they start doing little things for them selfs as a child and increase what they do for them selfs as they grow older.

Genesis - posted on 11/12/2009

Never.

Mary - posted on 11/11/2009

Quoting Heather:

Being a grandparent and watching your kids raise theirs in a way that you don't like has to be difficult. It depends on the severity of the action. If it is endangering the children, then I would definitely confront. If it isn't and is a matter of a difference in opinions, then maybe you need to sit down with her/him and tell them how you feel without being accusatory. Using words like, 'when this happens, it makes me feel this way' or 'when this happens, your children might feel this way'. Take the 'you' out of it, because that will cause defensive reactions instead of consideration for what is being said. Maybe give better ideas on how to handle things with a 'you know, I found it easier when I approached it this way', or something along those lines. Try not to point out what she is doing wrong, but maybe give her ideas on how to handle it differently for better results. Hope this helps and that I am not WAY off base with what I am assuming the problem is without any more details than I have.

very hard to do with a 24 i think she is thinks she the worlds best wife and mother but the bottle comes before the kids, this what is suppose to be a woman has the actions of a 14 year old and she won't listen to anything if it is about her or her kids and she treats my son like crap he works and she calls him all day long to complain about something, i tried to help her and show her there is other ways to handle things but like i said booze was first always.

Mary - posted on 11/11/2009

we took my son and his wife and 3 kids in to help them, my son got a job and was trying to do what is right but when you have a wife the chooses the bottle before everything that is when i drew the line and put them out, you can't help some people and my kids seem to think when i am trying to help them they can walk all over me so now i have decided not to help anymore.

Tammy - posted on 11/11/2009

I don't know the situation, however I think you always have the urge to help your kids. I know my mom always tries to help and sometimes she probably shouldn't. I think its just what moms want to do. Good luck and God Bless.

Joan - posted on 11/11/2009

You never stop helping your children, no matter what they have done. There are times though, when you can't help, they have to do it on their own. You can onl be there for support. What is the issue?

Muriel - posted on 11/11/2009

Moms never realize that they can't always help their kids. It's our job to try to make life easier for our kids, no matter what mistakes they make along lifes way.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2009

Being a grandparent and watching your kids raise theirs in a way that you don't like has to be difficult. It depends on the severity of the action. If it is endangering the children, then I would definitely confront. If it isn't and is a matter of a difference in opinions, then maybe you need to sit down with her/him and tell them how you feel without being accusatory. Using words like, 'when this happens, it makes me feel this way' or 'when this happens, your children might feel this way'. Take the 'you' out of it, because that will cause defensive reactions instead of consideration for what is being said. Maybe give better ideas on how to handle things with a 'you know, I found it easier when I approached it this way', or something along those lines. Try not to point out what she is doing wrong, but maybe give her ideas on how to handle it differently for better results. Hope this helps and that I am not WAY off base with what I am assuming the problem is without any more details than I have.

Stephanie - posted on 11/09/2009

need more info....Is this something ur child has done that made u mad???

Allison - posted on 11/09/2009

I would at the very least recommend trying to calm down before dealing with the issue (I realize this is easier said than done). What is the specific problem?

Candice - posted on 11/09/2009

need more info.