has any one giving there child for adoption

Starr - posted on 12/10/2009 ( 124 moms have responded )

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dhs took my daughter not me giveing her up please if u dont know me dont be rude about what im doing in my life thanks for some of the nice things u have all said to me

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kevlyn - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting Helen:

i know people reckon they ave reasons for giving kids up for adoption but i think its disgusting sorry but if people dont want kids then use protection or keep ya legs shut my lil boy was not planned an was down to me bein bit poorly an the pill not working properly but that was my fault so how could i abort or give him up i created such a preasious lil thing so i had to take responsability he is my only boy wiv 3 sisters and i adore him just as much as the others that were planned



So you are telling us that, if you got pregnant, say birth control didn't work, condom broke, or you got raped or something, and you know that you just absolutly could not take care of that child proplerly, you would keep that child and give it a miserable and horrible life and you could have given that child up for adoption and that child could have had a great, loving family, that could give him/her everything she ever wanted and/or needed and you couldn't......



Don't take this personally, but that is completely wrong!!! I'm sure other moms who have read this will agree with me!!!!!

Starr - posted on 10/24/2012

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jennifer u can vent to me any time im always here i have some good friends that i vent to send me a message any time i was mad sad and just mad at the whole world when i lost my daughter

he is my world i was told i would not have kids when i found out i was pregnant she was my miracale sorry my spelling is not that great but i was 35 when i had her any ways u can vent to me any time

Destini - posted on 01/08/2010

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Starr,
Adoption is the best thing if you feel you cant care for your child it is the thing to do.
I grew up in foster care I had a very crazy life i moved alot my mom passed away, drugs everything. And then i got pregnant when i was 14 i didnt know what o do trust i loved the unborn baby growing in my belly but i knew i couldnt take care of him i always wanted greater things for a baby born to me. The father signed away all his rights he said my son wasnt his.) So i looked at adoption i met 2wanderful people who couldnt have kids and fell in love i knew this was what i was going to do Its an open adoption. Now my son is 5years old and he has a little sister (ayear later they ended up having a baby)
So i hope this helped.
Yours Truely; Destini

Amber - posted on 12/17/2009

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Quoting Helen:

i know people reckon they ave reasons for giving kids up for adoption but i think its disgusting sorry but if people dont want kids then use protection or keep ya legs shut my lil boy was not planned an was down to me bein bit poorly an the pill not working properly but that was my fault so how could i abort or give him up i created such a preasious lil thing so i had to take responsability he is my only boy wiv 3 sisters and i adore him just as much as the others that were planned


It is people like you who are ignorant.  I have always been a firm believer in a federal law being passed, that once you become pregnant, you should be made to go through intensive testing such as you would go through for your High School Diploma.  By reading your post, you have done nothing other than show your ignorance. 



First off and foremost, babies are precious!  By a mother placing her child for adoption, she is making a bold statement that she will be a good mother by giving her child a fair chance in life.  You are not familiar with this girls story.  She may come from a home that is abusive, laden with drug activity, or below the poverty level.  Perhaps it may be that she isn't ready for the commitment that is required to be a mother.  Who knows?  I do know, that she is considering doing what is best for her child.  Adoption is better than the alternative; abortion.



Secondly, there are countless babies everyday that are ditched into dumpsters, trash cans, or tossed away and left for dead.  It is because of judgemental people like you that are fast to criticize a womans choice for adoption.  They feel ashamed, and ill equipped to handle the responsibilty.  Instead, they hide their pregnancies.  In turn, innocent babies are murdered. 



The solution to the problem is to look within yourself.  If all of us women turn to eachother in love and support, instead of ignorance and criticism, then many babies may be saved, and many families that aren't as fortunate to conceive, will feel whole.

Kelly - posted on 12/15/2009

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Starr-the child we adopted was through Social Services. She was distantly related to us, but we still went through the required process to become Foster Parents, and then to adopt. This involved a 30 hour (ten week) Parenting Class, tons of paperwork, several home visits and inspections, and many trips to court (also the whole family had doctor's physicals, background checks, etc.). My husband took quite a bit of time off of work during this time, we drove all over the place, our older two children were interviewed, etc. During this time, our daughter's biological mother, who was a teenager, could not get along with the prior foster mothers, disappeared from a group home, missed almost all court dates, refused or was unable to get or keep a job, go to school, or attend parenting classes. After our daughter was placed in our home, they were scheduled for regular visits at a neutral location; time after time I drove 20+ miles to get our daughter to the meetings, the biological mom only showed up once or twice. I don't say this to criticize you in any way, because I don't know what your experience has been, but where we live, the biological parents get many, many chances to fix their lives before the child is adopted. For my daughter, she went into the custody of Social Services at 8 months old, and her adoption was final with us when she was 33 months old. That is a long time in the life of a child, to be unsettled and between families. So wherever you are in the process, I would have to say you probably still have time to fix things, or you have already been given amply opportunity. Please don't take this wrong, but being a parent is the hugest responsibility a person will ever face, and if that person cannot get their life together, then really the child deserves and needs to be with someone who can handle the responsibility. I really am not trying to sound harsh towards you; I know nothing about you. If there is anything I can do to help, please feel free to contact me through COM.

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Rebecca - posted on 02/05/2013

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i had too of my kids adpoted and the oldest i never see she hates me they changed her name and every thing and the youngest got adopted too but i paid a attorney to get her back and plus i lost my baby to cancer he will never come back so i now how you feel but if you had the funds to get a good attorney i lost mine cuz of meth and steal got her it all remains the same a loss of a kid is sad exspecially with dhs i had 6 ids one only loves me .question do you know the adopted parents

Starr - posted on 02/05/2013

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thanks alot but my daughter got adopted already it is the worst when youre child gets taken away

Rebecca - posted on 02/05/2013

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star can i tell you somethiname back home with me g i had 2 kids in dhs and i was pregnant with my son who was borned with cancer i had to let my daughters stay there but they came home but the dhs was complaining that the oldest missed school what was i to do i had to be at the hospital so my son can get emo and i sure wasnt gonna leave him there so they took the oldest back in to care then she got adopted but the youngest stayed with me well my sone passed away and then dhs took my daughter again cuz of domestic violennce then cuz i was using drugs i lost her she got adopted to the foster parents was with them for 7 years and then the foster dad got arrest cuz of molestation on the kids i was so hurt but i got clean and the foster mom never really wanted my daughter so she said i could have her back but dhs came again because i lost all my rights and she was adopted and i was not allowed to have her or enroll her in school but the checked me for drugs nope i was clean but to shorten this i got a lawyer and i faught dhs and got my rights back she has been with me sence 2008 so dont think its written in stone cuz its not im sorry to hear what happen wheather you did something or not thats besides the point the pain a mother feels loosing her kids is horriable and when they get adpted your name is removed from the birth record and they can change their name as well so its like you never had the kid i wish the best to you...

Jazmyne - posted on 10/24/2012

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If you ever need to talk about what you are going through please feel free to PM me. I always have an ear (eye?) for someone in need of it.

Starr - posted on 10/24/2012

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sorry if i was rude to u some people just dont understand what i went thru i fought dhs for 2 years and i did every thing they asked me too but i still had no other option but to let these people adopt her which they r great people so i know she will have a good life

Starr - posted on 10/24/2012

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thanks for youre kind words i didnt givwe my girl up dhs was the problem im so sorry to hear about u i still think of my daughter i will see her again and i know in my heart she is in a better place

Jazmyne - posted on 10/24/2012

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I'm sorry Starr. That must have been very hard on you. :( I really wasn't trying to be rude, I was just responding to a few other ladies on here who were bashing adoption as a whole. You have my sincerest apologies.

Starr - posted on 10/24/2012

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i didnt get ride of my child i had no chance of keeping her it was dhs that took her from me

Jazmyne - posted on 10/24/2012

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I have given 2 of my children up for adoption. The first was when I was 10 from a rape the second from the first 'real' sex I had. It infuriates me that someone could say adoption is disgusting. Do you really expect a 10 year old to PARENT? I realize I could have parented the second one, and it is open to this day, however I was not ready to be a mom at that point in my life, however my aunt was.

Starr - posted on 10/06/2012

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u dont know me to say all of that i was pregnant when dhs said i was abuseing my child i did nothing wroug thanks any ways

Kathleen - posted on 10/05/2012

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DHS works differently in different places, but in my state, it's actually quite difficult for DHS to take kids. There has to be substantiated reports of abuse or neglect from multiple sources. No one person can just say "This person is a terrible mom-- take her kids" and they do. It just doesn't work like that. In my state, DCFS bends over backwards to keep kids together, and to reunite families. In fact-- adoption is NOT the first choice of DCFS, it's reunification. And very few, less than half of the cases where kids are taken from the home are adopted out or even put into the foster care system-- they are returned to the biological family. They only go into an adoptive situation after all other options have been exhausted (relative care, temporary foster care), and that takes at least a year, so biological families have lots of time to straighten out whatever the problem is, and it's not like DCFS just takes kids and then leaves the parents out to dry-- they work with them every step to get the kids back.

Starr - posted on 10/05/2012

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om gosh thats sad my story is the same way but i dont get any thing no pics nothing waiting for her to get old enough to see me

Starr - posted on 10/05/2012

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hi im not a teenager i was 35 when i had my girl dhs did every thing in their power to keep her away from me i did every thing they asked me too do they still took her away i was told by many of these workers and they said i did awesome but these workers that had no kids at all i fought for almost 2 years so she was adopted by some great people but they promised me pics once a year and never did so how is it great for my daughter she wont know me at all i wrote many letters to them and nothing but thanks any ways

Kathleen - posted on 10/02/2012

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It sounds like you were not fully informed of the process, and were not given counseling to make sure this was your choice. When people make an adoption plan, and are fully informed of what they are doing, and how it works, and you work through a legitimate agency, this is usually not the result.



I am sorry that you did not seem to have all the resources available to you to make a fully informed decision. When you work through the proper channels, there are counselors available to help you through the process, and to deal with your emotions, _AND_ to make sure any visitation agreements you make are kept.



I would highly recommend you find some counseling to help you deal with your emotions regarding this. There should be some in your area, if you worked with an agency to place y our child, that agency should be able to, if not provide the counseling themselves, then refer you to someone.

[deleted account]

Hi my name is Jennifer and I am 21 years old. I am in a realtionship with a man that is 30 years my senior and we have two beautiful daughters out of wedlock. Maddison is our first child she is going to be 2 in November, she's beautiful and smart as they come. Its hard to think that i was so weak that the best alternative to keeping my "boy friend" happy was to give my daughter to his brother and his sister in law. He's divorced now and i am happy because not only did i help end a marrage but also a freindship. That's right folks i am engaged to my best friends father. I know, it was wrong, but it wasnt like i planned it. Maddison was planned. They say never call a child a mistake. And i completly agree. Caylee was a complet surprise and i thought to myself well god never gives more than what you can't handle. what i can't handle is that i didnt grow up with a mother, yet i was so quick to give Caylee away.well not qick, more of stupid. She just turned one in Septmeber, the agreement was that i could see her whenever i wanted and that both of my girls would be able to grow up together. That hasnt happend, why? because i cant handle my emotions after. i fell sick and hopeless, disgusted, and stuck, missunderstood and discouraged. i feel bad because i hold resentment towards my boy friend. I often wondered what made his son more important than our daughter. I lived with his wife and two kids in the same house with our daughter. THAT was perhaps the morst disgusting thing i have ever done in my life. I gave up everything for this guy including my own flesh and blood and he was so selfish. He never considered my emotions, never thought of the hurt i would be going threw on a daily basis, and looking at out daughter and not helping but to think of the one i dont even know. How do poeple deal with this? I feel like its a lose. Everyone tells me i have to come to terms with it. But how do you do that when you never wanted it in the first place?i find that im more hateful, mad, sad, i dont know what is wronge with me but, i do know that i dont see life for what i used to. And thats sad, to be so caught up with my grief that i can't pay attention to Maddison. The one person who knows what my heart beat sounds like from the inside. People are going to read this and that fine. I know what im doing by posting this, i just wanted someone to vent. It just so happens to be my computer screen.

Starr - posted on 04/17/2012

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the same thing happen to me it was a friend that was telling lies to dhs and i fought it for a long time after a year and a half i gave up i just felt she would be better off i was in forster care when i was young and they made my mom sound like she was abuseing me but she was very ill with parkinsins disease she wasnt able to take care of me so ive been thru alot but i am a stroung person and i will see her when she finds me thank u for writeing to me

Starr - posted on 04/17/2012

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thank u all for youre wonderful comments my girl did get adopted by 2 wonderful school teachers i felt she would grow up to a beatiful young lady i had no choice but to let her go dhs r very hard to fight i fought for a long time i love her with all my heart and miss her every day

Kathleen - posted on 04/16/2012

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Adoption is NOT abandonment. Leaving your child in a dumpster, or the bushes, or a restaurant bathroom is abandonment. Choosing a family for your child is the exact opposite of abandonment. And choosing a family that is able to care for your child when you are not in a position to is the opposite of neglect.

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2011

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my daughter got pregnant, and when she was 8 months pregnant the social workers told her they would have to take the baby when she was born, because they found out the babys fathere was a schedule 1 offender, we didnt know what that was, so we decided to send my daughter to her brothers house 84 miles away where she had friends and she couldnt contact the boyfriend, unfortunately the social workers still hounded her, although she hadnt done anything and she didnt contact the boyfriend. she had the baby on the stairs of my sons house and when she was in hospital she was uinder house arrest, the social workers wanted her to move back to where we came from. i had to give up my job and move the 84 miles to be with her as she was frightened, the boyfriend then moved to be 36 miles away we found out not long afteer and told the social workers, they did not believe us, and they believed his family who lied alot. anyway a lot of arguments upset and a couple of weeks later, she was allowed to stay with her brother and all was good until her boyfriend came to town, he had no contact with her, but the social worker had seen him (it wasa small town) and she got the police, all hell broke loose and the baby and mum were whisked off 40 mile away without a hitch. my daughter was hysterical couldnt function became bulimic and although she looked after baby very well, made herself ill. the problem was the place where she was i needed a car to get there and didnt have one, so she would come and see me in town. the people she was with eventually fostered my grandaughter, we werent allowed as the social services thought we had lied, the baby was then adopted one year later, and we send her letterrs and photos. its terrible and 6 years on it breaks my heart as although she knows us in pictures and words, she sends letters back, we cannot have a hug. i think its cruel that a man and his family can lie and those of us who tell the truth have to be penalised.
the weird thing is he was allowed supervised visits when she was fostered and now hes allowed to write to her and send her pictures. it sick.

LeeAnna - posted on 07/19/2011

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i firmly believe that "helen" should be banned from this group this is meant to be a way of SUPPORTING one another and NOT a chance for some cold hearted closed minded person who has CLEARLY never been threw this process to add "her 2 cents" like really...there is no word that i know of to describe how i felt/feel reading this GARBAGE!!!! to all the BM's out there on this site and others as a fellow BM i applaud your ability to be selfless and to demand the best for your child EVEN if it meant they didn't reside with you..PLEASE do not allow someone like "that" to have ANY effect on you or your choice I AM A BIRTH MOM AND I AM DAM PROUD OF MY CHOICE!!!!!!

Kristol - posted on 07/19/2011

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i think that giving a child up for adoption is going to be the hardest choice any woman would ever have to make and it is something they will live with every day of their life. so there are things to consider first would be if abortion is an option in this scenario could you live with the thought that you terminated your prenancy that is the least controversial way of putting that or would you rather the child had a chance at life, next would be if you prefer the child lived can you be what the child needs a good mom a good family not perfect but all the love in the world and enough financial means to survive, next would be if you cant see yourself being able to be a mom to this baby let it go up for adoption talk to your obgyn they have resources in the office usually a social worker works for the hospital they would talk to you at your visit answer all questions and help you choose. i wish you luck her i hope you do what you think is the best because that is what matters.

LeeAnna - posted on 07/11/2011

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yes i did almost 11 years ago..but im sure what your question really is...

Chantell - posted on 07/07/2011

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i placed my second child up for adoption. i know it sounds unique but yes i placed my second child. i had my son when i was 15 and got pregnant again when i was 16 with my second child. both with my boyfriend at the time. but we could barely support our first child so we choose to place our second child. it was an amazing decision we had to make. of course it was a hard decision but when it came down to it, it was the best decision i think ive ever made.

Cheri - posted on 07/05/2011

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I myself am adopted (older brother who is too, and younger sister who is not adopted) and I'm thankful every day that my birth mom loved me enough to give me up for adoption. She was 16 with no support and wanted the best life she could offer me, so she gave me to an adoptive family. They love me as their own and have give me everything I ever needed. My birth mom gave me the wonderful life that I have now and I am thankful every day.

Now my husband and I are trying to adopt. Its been over a year and we would do anything to adopt a baby or twins. We had one birthmother already change her mind, which was devastating but we will never give up on our dream to adopt and have a family of our own.
Choosing adoption is the greatest gift imaginable!

Andrea - posted on 01/12/2010

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Yes, I have made an adoption plan for my son. He is 18 now! Wow! In all honesty his life is so much more then I could have offered. My life is so different. So I really think I saved 2 people.. My BS and share letters and pictures and that has always helped. If there are any specific questions please let me know! We are actually waiting to adopt our own baby. I am a bm my husband is an adoptee and we would love so much to open our home to a child.
Andrea

AJ - posted on 01/12/2010

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good, and i am glad you called me out on it, i wasnt helping....Dont lurk, it seems you have input that new mothers like me could really use, thanks for standing your ground sometimes everyone needs a reality check lol

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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That's o.k. I feel the need to vent sometimes, too, based on what I see on some other groups.

Thanks for replying, though! I _was_ going to go back to just lurking and not responding at all, and even leaving the group entirely, but I'll stick it out a bit longer. :)

AJ - posted on 01/12/2010

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True, point taken. I guess i got as upset as everyone else, and didnt realize i wasnt helping either, you caught me. I'm just as bad :(

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Actually, yes I did read each and every one of the responses. I hardly think that this conversation is about me, I'm trying to help someone who asked for it. Your post did not even pertain to the original question either.

Take a chill pill yourself, dear. None of this is even directed at you.

AJ - posted on 01/12/2010

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Kathleen do you think the world revovles around you HA!!!!! did you even read some of the posts on here or do you just think everything in this conversation is about you!!! i was talking about the people who judged and didnt even say anything pertaining to her post, goodness someone needs to seriously chill out

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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I can say as an adoptive mom, you are far, far more screened in trying to adopt than if you are giving up a child for adoption. Most people don't look at women askance if they give up a child, they usually look upon them with a mix of sympathy and awe because they understand what a sacrifice it is and what a hard decision it is.

On the other hand-- you are looked at as a diseased criminal when you try to adopt a child. You need to be finger-printed, submit to a background check, have a doctor's exam, provide proof of insurance, references from (in my case) four different non-relatives. And that's just for the state's o.k. to move ahead with the _real_ paperwork.

In my first adoption we had to fill out 14 pages of 56 essay questions (paragraph answers, no simple 'yes/no' questions) on where we lived, how we planned to raise a child, why we wanted a child in the first place, how did we plan to discipline, what arrangements were we making for child care in the event of both parents working outside the home, how we intended to school the child, etc., provide pictures and more references for the agency to go through and for the birth parents to go through (our agency allows the birth parents to review the prospective adoptive families' information and choose the family they want to adopt their child).

Believe me, you are looked at in a much better light being the birth mother making a responsible, selfless choice for the well-being of your child and his best-possible future, than the adoptive families are looked at when they go through the screening process.

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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I don't think this is out of hand at all. My original post was to help her see that she has legal options, and it sounds (from her second post) that she is weighing her options about giving up her parental rights or trying to get her child back. That is a decision only she can make, but if DCFS has taken her child, then there are some things she must do in order to reverse that.

Your opinions are also just that, opinions.

Now, as for 'getting off our pedestals', would you like some help down off of yours?

AJ - posted on 01/12/2010

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someone needs to lock this post and throw away the key this has really gotten out of hand people, in order to adopt someone must make a moral dicision to give a child up. And for those of you who "arent judging" YEAH RIGHT get off your pedastool, regardless of what you think none of this is helping Starr, its just glorifying your need to be right. Your opinions are just that, your opinions, but when you go out of your way to argue how right you are obviously your intrest was never to help this girl at all it was just a posting ground for your conservative agenda and no one should do that to a girl asking a simple question!! thats what this site is for people!!!

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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That is unfortunate that you have gone through that. In my experience (working with my church) we have sometimes repeatedly reported suspected abuse to DCFS, and DCFS has investigated and not been able to do ANYTHING because there wasn't enough evidence.

There is perhaps more 'interference' by DCFS these days because the incidents of children being horribly abused, maimed and killed were high. Now, DCFS 'interferes' to keep that from happening. That means that more people are paying attention to the welfare of children around them. The law in some states is that teachers, school nurses, counselors, etc. MUST contact DCFS if they suspect a problem, because they can be held liable if something worse happens to the child and they did nothing when they suspected a problem.

Society's norms have changed and most people (including child development professionals) do not feel that spanking is an appropriate punishment anymore, so, yes, someone might report you if they witness that. That is probably better than the alternative, which is letting an out-of-control parent escalate the 'discipline' until the child has broken bones, irreversible brain damage or dies (all of which has been reported in my local newspaper in the past three months). And in most of these cases, DCFS _HAS_ been alerted to suspected abuse, but has never had enough evidence to take the child away. And now 2 of those kids are dead, and one will have brain damage. Fortunately (?) the perpetrators have all been arrested.

The reason I mention the difficulties in having DCFS just waltz in and take away kids for no reason is because parents who adopt are just as worried that DCFS can at any time take their kids away from them, too. Or that the birth parents will change their mind and make things difficult for the adoptive families down the road. I have had the assurance from DCFS that this is NOT how it works. They have told us this during our various adoption procedures how the process works to assuage our fears, as well as the fears of biological parents.

It is actually difficult to take children away from the biological parents without solid evidence, and then DCFS' primary goal is to get the parents back on track and return their children to them as quickly as possible and keep them OUT of the system.

When my younger sister was 4 or 5, she stepped on a rusty needle out in the backyard. This being summertime, she was also covered in mosquito bites. She is allergic to mosquitoes and her legs looked like they had been covered with cigarette burns. When my dad took her to the emergency room, they asked her what was all over her legs, she said mosquito bites. The separated my dad out into another room to question him (this was back in the 70s and you could smoke just about anywhere-- my dad was a smoker). He also said they were mosquito bites.

It pissed my dad off no end that they investigated him (he was a homocide cop and had been on some of the unfortunate-end of child abuse cases), but I can see where the doctors at the hospital needed to check out what looked suspicious to them.

Whenever a child gets abused badly everyone asks, "Why didn't anyone see this?? Why didn't anyone report this?? How many times does this have to happen before people report abuse?" Etc., etc.

Well-- that's where we are now. Apparently you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Mind you're own business and when the child dies it's your fault for not 'interfering'; Interfere in a suspicious situation that turns out to be nothing and you're a 'joke'.

Can't have it both ways.

Mica - posted on 01/12/2010

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My Exhusband is a great father, when we were still just dating after his kids mom walked out on them, his oldest daughter has sensitive skin, and told her head start aid that her bottom hurt (which is from her wiping her bottom too hard in her efforts to be clean). BAM dcfs took his kids away that DAY. because he was a single father raising two kids. There mom wasn't in the picture.
DCFS is a joke. When I was younger there was no interference like there is today from DCFS. Now you can't even swat your kids on the butt when they deserve it because omg you will be abusing your child and SOMEONE will report you. He got his kids back but it was unnecessary torture to those children to be gone from their dads house.
The dr. told my ex husband that there was obviously no signs of abuse but she was sorry to say that because of the physical exam his daughter had now been "abused". Still Starr you do need legal help on this to win your kids back if you feel that you are the best for them.
I know DCFS is supposed to protect children and Im sure that 99% of the time they do their job right. But there is always that one person who doesn't follow guidelines exactly.
I was a senior in high school and DCFS pulled me out of classwith out a representative to talk with them. My Parents were furious. The School didn't even stop them from pulling me out of class with out an adult present. Which mind you being under legal age, I was required to have a representative. It was horrible. Im sorry Starr that you have to go thru this.

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Quoting Emily:

Starr, it sounds like you need to get some real support and legal advice, if you feel you are a fit and capable mother, you should fight them with everything you have! it must seem like a huge uphill battle; but if you want to raise your baby dont let anyone stand in your way and dont give up. Try and find some councelling in your area and a lawyer if you can, im not sure where you are from, but in australia we have legal aid (a free legal service) do you have anything like that?


Yes, you should get some legal counsel.  I have an adopted son, and I know from working with DCFS that they can't just lightly walk in and take away someone's child without cause. They investigate for a long time first and have to have evidence.  If they could just take a child away because 'somebody' said you were unfit, everyone who ever had a tiff with anyone could have their child taken away.



They know this, and they know that some people are petty and would say something like that just to hurt someone, so they don't just march in the minute someone accuses you of being 'unfit'. They have to have substantiated proof.



And the people who do take the children away work very hard to make sure the biological parents get the child back. They don't want to put the child into the system in that way, they want to make sure parents are the best parents they can be. 

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2010

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Yes I will enjoy my day, it is a nice day despite the cold weather. But i would give your cousin a pat on the back, hey she had sex and she kept the child. Sounds like someone took responsibility for her actions. Yeah i would slap her a couple of times. Just like my sister whom is having sex at age 14 and she knows the consequences. If my mom can find away to support me at a young age by continuing to go to high school after she pop me out, with no help from her mom or my dad, she worked and even took me to work with her. You know that cookie shop Great American Cookie Co, i love their cookies, any who she became the manager. So she worked her ass off, took me to work and we even lived in her car, well thats what she said but i was too little to remember. No one helped my mom and I'm glad she kept me and didn't give me up for adoption. B/c if she can do it, I'm pretty sure a strong independent AVERAGE woman would kept her child. I didn't turn out so bad so i think. I'm and MP in the united states army. I received my Associate's Degree from Our Lady of the Lake University, and I'm working on my masters online of course since I'm stationed overseas. I was married at 21 in South Korea, and had a beautiful little spoiled girl at the age of 22 also born in south korea. I couldn't ask for a better life. Even though my mom struggled to keep food in our mouths i rather be right there struggling with her as long as that meant being with the person who raised me quite well.
LOVE YOU MOM. This is too all the strong willed mothers who struggled for everything to raise a good daughter/son.

Mica - posted on 01/12/2010

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Melissa Im sorry to say that the AVERAGE person is not smart enough at all to think things thru. The Average person is only concerned with the moment at hand and not what will happen in the future because of their choices at the present. I am willing to say I am an AVERAGE person. I have made mistakes, done things with out thinking them through. And again, even after RE-READING all of the Posts HELEN made. I still believe that what she is saying is that anyone who gives up a child FOR ADOPTION is disgusting. AS a child who was given up it is hurtful to think that someone would have wanted me to live a life that would have subjected me to being nothing for the rest of my life. All I have been saying is that people do things they don't think about, the make mistakes. I don't know anyone who hasn't ever made a mistake. And if you haven't ever made a mistake, well then Im sorry for you beacuse mistakes help us grow and to learn. I understand that Helen is all for adoption, but is disgusted by the fact that people would give up a child. First off, Doesn't someone have to give up a child to be able to adopt that child? Secondly Im in America... That is one of the benefits of living in a free country... we can do what ever we want, a parent can keep a child and condem him/her to a life of poverty or they can give them to someone who has more money and a better life to raise them... If I had to choose I would choose adoption over abortion in a heartbeat. I do agree that people shouldn't spread their legs. I have a cousin who was dumb enough to have sex at 14. Guess what tho, she kept her baby, and is raising it the best way she knows how... Personally if I was her mom I would have told her that she needed to give the baby to a better family. However our family is very close and everyone helps her in any way they can. I am proud that she is raising her child, but I think the best life would have been from some other set of parents. Not a 15 yr old single mother.
I have been to an orphanage, a few times. It breaks my heart and I would love to take each and every child home with me! Its a shame that we still have to have places such as orphanages. If I could fly all over the world and visit them all I would. I would gladly devote my life to doing so. I can't afford it and there are no orphanges with in the state I live or the states surrounding it. I don't even believe there are any left in the U.S. that I am aware of.

I am not attacking Helen. She said that Giving a child up for adoption is disgusting. I responded as a child who has been adopted. My Point Of View.
Helen, I am happy for you and your family.. It is wonderfull that you are responsible enough to have no more children when you know that you cannot afford any more.
I personally have been trying for 3 years now to concieve my second child. :( If conception doesn't happen, eventually I will adopt. But if everyone out there in this wide world were smart enough to keep the legs closed then there wouldn't be a child for me to adopt if that is what I decide to do. So for the sake of parents out there who hope to adopt one day, then THANK YOU to all the idiots of the world who didnt learn how to keep their legs closed. To all the foster parents who raise these children untill suitable homes are found, THANK YOU. To anyone who has ever adopted a child, THANK YOU. To any woman out there who has the strenght to be a surrogate mother, god bless you, it would be a hard task to carry out. Giving up a child that you have carried for 9 mos for someone else! To my mom who was smart enough to give me up - THE BIGGEST THANK YOU OF ALL. My life is much much better than it could have been and she knows it.
Helen - I just want you to know I respect your opnion. I do understand that you would willingly help someone else to have a child if they could not and that is honorable. I will stand by the fact that giving up a child is not disgusting, sometimes it is just the smart thing to do. I do agree that people need better sex education. In some cases I think people need to undergo IQ testing in order to be allowed to be a parent. :)
Melissa - I can read I am not an Idiot. Have a nice day

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2010

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What lady asked Helen if she had kids? Thats dumb, I thought this was for moms. It clearly says " Circle of Moms". If not I'm so on the wrong website.

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2010

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Quoting Mica :

"i know people reckon they ave reasons for giving kids up for ADOPTION but i think its disgusting sorry..."

Last I checked I could read. That says that people think they have a good enough reason to give a child up for ADOPTION but that this person thinks it is disgusting.

and again, I was given up for adoption. I did read her post. I understood what she said. As a person who was given up for adoption I do not think it is disgusting. I think it is a good thing that some people are smart enough to give up their kids to someone else. Maybe they weren't smart enough to not have intercourse in the first place but at least they know they don't need a kid or more kids to the ones they have.
Why is it okay to adopt a child but its disgusting to give a child up for adoption? Don't both parties involved have the best interest of the child at heart? Sure the mother may have made a mistake... but that mistake can make a family who is unable to have children, happy. But yet Melissa you say adopt all the kids you can but don't give one up for adoption. . . . If no one ever had a child to give up for adoption, then there would be no kids to adopt. How then would parents who cant have kids get a child? Infertility and Invetro options are only for the wealthy who can afford it with their insurance plan or to pay for it out right. DCFS and Foster care is a real pain in the butt and most of the time you don't get the option to keep/adopt the child. I can honestly say that my life would have been shit growing up with my real mom and siblings. I love them all, but Im glad that they weren't my real family growing up. My adoptive parents gave me more than she ever could have. I don't think its disgusting that she gave me up. I think it was brave to do the best thing. If you have ever lost a child, given up a child or know someone who has, you have an idea of the pain that person suffers from. The loss of a child even if its not from death, but from child and family services taking them away, or adoption, there will always be a special place in your heart for that child. My adoption was open, I have always known my real mom and I will always know my real mom. She was part of my life growing up. She was able to see me thru some of my biggest moments, but as an aunt not a mom.
IM sorry that both of you think giving a child up is wrong, and that people are smart enough to keep their legs closed, because the average person just isn't that smart.


Well I do think the "average person" is smart, since I think they would think out there actions if they didn't want to have a child. I know I would take the pill make him wear a condom and give him self pleasure and vise versa for the rest of our life if i knew it would help prevent conceiving another child that we cant provide for, or simply just don't want. Besides what guy wouldn't want to be given BJ's for the rest of there life? I would even go as far as making him pull out even if he has a condom and I'm on the pill. Has anyone ever been to an orphanage? I go about once every other month for community service, and has anyone ever talked to a child and really sat down with them? I can tell you this most if not all the little kids that come up to us always/tell us the same thing. Why did my parents/mom give me up for adoption if they knew they couldn't provide for me? I just recently just visited the orphanage here in south Korea where two American/Korean girls asked me the same thing, and if i could take them out. It sucks for them. They have to sleep in a room full of other girls with no beds and their cloths look like someone handed it down from receiving it handed down. So how did I answer there question. I basically gave them two sides to the situation. Mom opened her legs and didn't use some type of protection and she thought she couldn't handle you so she sent you to this nice little place so that some other family could spoil you. Some laughed, and others said I wouldn't give up my baby for no one. then one girl said she would never have sex. Now that was pretty hilarious. 



But this is off topic when i went during Christmas time I had taken my newborn baby she was about a month and half. When some other lady was asking me why i was taking her, and she was worried that my baby would get sick by being around the orphan kids. I asked her if she was serious, I said these kids aren't sick, they don't have a home or parents. Is that a new disease I don't know about, because in that case i think we should get the hell out of here. She just looked at me. 



But go visit an orphanage...do some good. See where the kids go who's parents don't think twice before opening there legs and blame it on that damn condom that broke. To answer your question about moms who cant have a baby. I'll be more than happy to have a baby for that person, just like some other moms on here. My mom would even be willing to help out. She loves babies, which is probably why she still has sex till this day. 



 

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2010

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Ha..I stand by what i put in my last post. Because clearly someone still can't read. She said GIVING up a baby is disgusting. NOT ADOPTION. She even re quoted her self. Man Helen I think people don't pay attention to your post and jump all over you when they haven't read the whole quote. I'm glad we agree to these terms.

Mica - posted on 01/12/2010

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"i know people reckon they ave reasons for giving kids up for ADOPTION but i think its disgusting sorry..."



Last I checked I could read. That says that people think they have a good enough reason to give a child up for ADOPTION but that this person thinks it is disgusting.



and again, I was given up for adoption. I did read her post. I understood what she said. As a person who was given up for adoption I do not think it is disgusting. I think it is a good thing that some people are smart enough to give up their kids to someone else. Maybe they weren't smart enough to not have intercourse in the first place but at least they know they don't need a kid or more kids to the ones they have.

Why is it okay to adopt a child but its disgusting to give a child up for adoption? Don't both parties involved have the best interest of the child at heart? Sure the mother may have made a mistake... but that mistake can make a family who is unable to have children, happy. But yet Melissa you say adopt all the kids you can but don't give one up for adoption. . . . If no one ever had a child to give up for adoption, then there would be no kids to adopt. How then would parents who cant have kids get a child? Infertility and Invetro options are only for the wealthy who can afford it with their insurance plan or to pay for it out right. DCFS and Foster care is a real pain in the butt and most of the time you don't get the option to keep/adopt the child. I can honestly say that my life would have been shit growing up with my real mom and siblings. I love them all, but Im glad that they weren't my real family growing up. My adoptive parents gave me more than she ever could have. I don't think its disgusting that she gave me up. I think it was brave to do the best thing. If you have ever lost a child, given up a child or know someone who has, you have an idea of the pain that person suffers from. The loss of a child even if its not from death, but from child and family services taking them away, or adoption, there will always be a special place in your heart for that child. My adoption was open, I have always known my real mom and I will always know my real mom. She was part of my life growing up. She was able to see me thru some of my biggest moments, but as an aunt not a mom.

IM sorry that both of you think giving a child up is wrong, and that people are smart enough to keep their legs closed, because the average person just isn't that smart.

Helen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Quoting Melissa:

People really misread other people's stuff don't they. She didn't say adoption was disgusting, she said giving a child up was disgusting. Really people, it would help to read before writing your comments. And half of them i can't even read because they are poorly misspelled. I think adoption is good, adopt all the little kids you can and give them a good home. But don't give your child up for adoption. Close your legs and be responsible. If you know you cant provide for it then don't have sex. Use a dildo, it doesn't get your pregnant.


i agree with you huni adopting a child is a lovely thing to do and im not against that part of it at all only the part where people see it as a way out and cant b bothered to grow up and face there resposability i look at my children an think how i felt the day they were born and it makes me so angry that people just give there tiny presious little babys away

Helen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Quoting Tammy:

HELLEN DO YOU HAVE KIDS!! did you keep your legs closed? you have no right to judge people, the lord says shall not judge, you dont know the whole story so maybe you should not run of the toung before you know the whole story!!! im sorry but she asked for advise not to be critizied. i have had 3 children of my own, we adopted 2 children that we had in fostercare in our home for 3 yrs , they have the same mom but different dads,the dads both went to prision, mom was a drug adict, she also has a nother child out there its a girl, she is my sons sister which is a mess same dad different mom. i just want you to know its ok to decided what you want to do, shit happens learn by your mistakes, everyone is not perfect, you need to makethe right choice for you not all of us. but we are here for you and some of us are glad to help. good luck to you.


i have 4 children all planned we dont want any more at all so i have the implant in my arm plus as an extra we use condoms just to make perfectly sure i dont get pegnant these methods cost nothing an we consider our selves very responsable we ave made the family we wanted an r not not willing to make it larger how hard is it for every body to do the same i dont beleive in god and everyone has the rite to judge fell say as they please every body has the rite to freedom of speech i gave my opion however since my first posts ive spoke to starr an have apologised i mis understood her circumstances an am deeply sorry for how i may have made her feel however having said my soorrys i do still beleive that giving ur child up for adoption is disgusting in any form like ive said alot if u cant rase a child for wat ever reason do not get pregnant its somthing that all women can control i had my baby over a year ago and had not got pregnat since due to our sensable methods we dont want another child so we r stoping our selves from having another child simple !

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