How do my daughter (11) and I handle emotional blackmail from a

Nicci - posted on 03/20/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my daughter (11) has a friend at school who wants to monopolize her. She gets upset when my daughter talks to other girls and gets all emotional, crying and saying terrible things to her. We don't want to lose her as a friend, but she needs to give my child some space!

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Sandi - posted on 03/24/2010

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Nicci, I have a stepdaughter who was that kind of friend. Her way was the only way and she had to be the "best" friend of everyone and their only. She was moved around alot as a child and lost many friends. So she had to make sure that the ones she had stayed true for the time she had them. It is her insecurities that cause her to be this way. Tell your daughter that she needs to assure this girl that she will always be friends with her but that she needs to have others too. Tell her that her bossy ways will cause her to loose her friendship and she doesn't want that. Your daughter needs to be forthright with her. It is the only thing that works. Even if your daughter has to take some time to spend with other friends to prove her point she needs to do this. After of course assuring the friend that she will hate to loose her friendship if she doesn't stop. Then if she doesn't stop your daughter needs to step away and play with others. The other girl will see the result, not like it and ask your daughter to be friends again. And she will tell her how sorry she is and she will be less likely to be so monoplolizing. It sounds cruel but it seemed to be the only thing that stopped my stepdaughter from behaving this way. Until her friend stops spending time with her. She is angry for a bit but then realizes she lost a friend and then she wants her back. I feel for your daughter. I was on the other foot of trying to stop this behavior. It is controlling behavior and needs to be stopped. As in any other kind of relationship only the person affected can truely stop a controlling person.

Della - posted on 03/22/2010

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please express to the other girl that friendship and love don't stop with just one person. Love and friendships GROW and expand. I've had that problem with my son and my niece. I've explained no matter how many others I love or become friends with, my love and friendship with them will NOT change one bit. There's always room for more.

Nicci - posted on 03/22/2010

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I found out that the family might be relocating, the dad recently left his job and the mom's under a lot of pressure. Nobody really wants to leave the area, but could be forced to by circumstances. My daughter and I discussed this and decided to handle everything with care. To let this girl know that they'll always be friends, but that other people need to share in this friendship. Praying that this will help. thank you for taking time to reply, I really appreciate it!

Desirae - posted on 03/21/2010

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Have your daughter try to simply ask her why the other girl feels that way. You cannot change a person or control how they react... but you can control how you react to things and inspire people to want to change... Meghan may be right?...

Meghan - posted on 03/20/2010

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Have you tried talking to the other girls's parents? I don't want to suggest anything horrible but maybe there is something going on at home or whatnot that is making the other little girl need your daughter for stablility?

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