I have a 21 month old with anxiety issues she will not let me out of her site even at play group

Mary - posted on 02/22/2010

try reading her a bed time story or leaving a small light on mary pearce

Mary - posted on 02/22/2010

i think that most under 2yr have a bit of separation anxiety as she get a bit older she will start to get a bit more out going all my 3 grown up children did but it did take time keep going to play groups as you will make lasting friends ask some mums for coffee at your house that might help with your little one plus i think that when she gets a bit older she will go into her own bed all the best mary pearce

Megan - posted on 02/22/2010

just take it slowly and don't worry, this is very common. my mothers group has been meeting once a week for 2 years and we still have a couple of shy ones and my son who is normally the most outgoing has gone through a phase of 'separation anxiety' . just encourage her, she'll find her feet. our son co slept till he was 11 months, we had to go cold turkey and after a few difficult nights things started to settle down. we did enlist the services of a sleep consultant and we found that support wonderful. do what you feel is right for you and most importantly something you can manage, at the end of the day you both need to sleep.

Dianne - posted on 02/21/2010

i have exactly the same problem but with both my girls. I have found that once my eldest adana made some close friends she relaxes enough to go and play

Kimberly - posted on 02/21/2010

Seperation anxiety is hard to deal with. I went through it with my middle daughter. I use to not be able to leave the room without her worrying. It takes a lot of work and a lot of tears. When you need to leave her don't make a fuss. Just hug, kiss and good bye. This is probably harder for you than her. When you come back tell her your home and ask her what she did while you were gone. My daughter never really liked play groups at that age, she usually just played by herself. She was three by time she wanted to play with other children. As for getting her to sleep in her own bed if you can push her bed next to yours. Then as she gets use to sleeping in it move it farther away from your bed and eventually out of your room.

Kristen - posted on 02/21/2010

Wow I feel like I am reading my own life story. My daughter is 22 months old and we are slowly getting over separation anxiety which would cause her to throw up and not eat or drink when I left her with anyone. First we started by getting a toddler bed and putting it right beside our bed. Every time she got up we would put her back and say night night we love you 1 week later she stopped crying and getting out of her bed. Then we started leaving her for 15 minutes every Sunday at church nursery now about 2 months later she can be left for the full 2 hours and will only cry a little. i also started having her grandma watch her more and now I can go a full day and not worry about her being completely miserable just be patient take it a step at a time and she will get it. Some children just have this issue it's ok.

Tammy - posted on 02/21/2010

Let other children come to your house and play. She also will cry when you leave her regardless of what you do. When you leave make sure she knows your coming back. Do 20 minutes the first time, 25 the next, she will realize that you always come back but it will take about 6 times before you pick her up and she hasnt been crying. I know that one is hard, I am a stay at home mom so mine have always been that way. They do get over it, I think its actaully harder for the mom, Good Luck

Tanya - posted on 02/20/2010

This is very hard for you, ore so that your little girl, believe me.
With regard to play group you have to assure her that you are there get down on the floor with her join in, but then you ask another Mum if you can play with their child on your lap and then include your little girl. Gradually she will be able to play with you as agroup, but remebre she senses your anxiety, so just let it happen naturally.
As for sleeping in her own bed you will need to place her in her own room. Start by introducimg her room during the day even if u lie together on her bed.

Lisa - posted on 02/20/2010

If the playgroups are supervised like they do at earlychildhood classes i would tell her I will be right back and leave she might cry a little but she needs to realize that when you leave that you will return. then when you return reassure that you did leave and now that you are back that she was safe. it also helps if she brings a favorite toy or blanket. but never sneak away.

Lesley - posted on 02/19/2010

I take it she will play in a sepaerate room at home without you in sight? If so start giving her independent activities she can do on her own and praise her like crazy that she is doing things on her own (dont cut out yours and her time as well though) Gradually make her more independant this way in her room where she is expected to sleep...maybe buy her a favourite toy or quilt set that she can only have in her room.....you kind of learnt the hard way about making a rod for your own backin allowing her to sleep with you but i guess the way you can look at it is she wont be doing it when she is 20! lol Best of luck!

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2010

They call this the terrible two's; don't worry, it will eventually subside when she starts to trying to be independent and then she won't let you do anything for her. This separation anxiety is normal in all children. But, the worst thing you could ever do is to start letting them sleep in the same room with you. Don't take me wrong, mine slept in their crib by my bed when they were small and when they grew out of it, they slept in their baby bed in their own room and that pretty much gave them some independence as well. Good luck!

Alison - posted on 02/17/2010

tee hee (interesting recipe)!

Keep in mind that children are master manipulators. Try not to feel so guilty for not giving her what she wants all of the time. She needs to learn that there are boundaries and that she is not the center of the universe. You have given her what she needs to feel secure. You have always been there for her and provided her with love, food and shelter. What she needs now are boundaries.

Good luck!

Gail - posted on 02/17/2010

Continue to provide your daughter with reassurance and take things slowly. In play group have her sit on your lap then next to you and slowly move away over time. Do the same with moving her out of your bed if that is what you choose. I'd start with moving her to her own bed in your room for a week or two then move it where her room will be. It may also help to have her pick out sheets or something that makes her excited to sleep in her own bed.

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2010

i think i posted this in the wrong area.