what was the funniest quote that your kids ever said.

Brittany - posted on 06/20/2012

My mother once told me a story about my oldest sister when she was almsot 4. They were in the check-out line at the grocery store & there was a black man standing behind them. My sister, strapped into the seat & facing the man, studies him for a moment before turning to my mother & asking, "Mommy? Why does that man have lu-lu hair on his head? (lu-lu being mom's *ahem..* creative.. substitute for the word "vagina") Mortified, my mother spent the rest of their fortunately short time in line, apologising to the man. Poor mom..

How embarrassing??!! But kids really do say the damndest things..

Brittany - posted on 06/20/2012

My son, Joey, (almost 2) one day began to refer to his cups as "drinkcups", his shoes are now "feetshoes" & the toilet is called the "pee-peetoit". I have no idea where those names came from.. but it's friggin' hilarious.

Carol - posted on 05/16/2009

Here's something that my son asked me when he was about four years old, "Mommy, does a ladybug sneeze?" I was quite surprised at first and almost didn't know what to say, but then it came to me, so I knelt down and looked him in the eyes and then responded, "I don't know Nathan, does a ladybug have a nose?"

Colleen - posted on 05/16/2009

My daughter has said so many funny things. I have been keeping a journal since the day I found out I was pregnant and my daughter is now 4. One day, when she was 3, we were at my mothers house and there was a new picture of my great niece and she said "is that Gracie?" I told her it was and she said "she sure is growing up fast isn't she mama?" It was so cute, she said it so seriously.

Gabriela - posted on 05/16/2009

My girls and I were having lunch at my friend's house, My youngest was 7 then. That afternoon my husband was due in the hospital for a vasectomy. We had decided we'd explain it to the girls before I took him to the hospital so I told the girls it was time to go home. As usual, my little one wanted to stay a bit longer to play. I said we needed to go home to kiss daddy goodbye before we went to the doctors'. She asked why he needed to go to the doctor and my friend's husband thinking it would be a quick way to send us all in our way said her daddy was having a tooth taken out. Anyways, we all got home and the five of us sat down and starting telling about our decision not to have any more babies, that three beautiful girls were enough and that daddy was having an operation so that I could not get pregnant again. Any questions? My 7 year old looking at us very serious says "I understand everything about not wanting any more babies and all that but.... Why does the operaton have to be through the mouth?" I can't begin to tell you how hard i laughed. Of course I had to explain to my husband the reasoning behind the question. I think he went into surgery with a huge smile in his face.

M - posted on 05/15/2009

My daughter was about 3 1/2 yrs old and in a private daycare. It was her first time around other children so sharing wasn't her thing. Her teacher had warned her if she took a toy away from another child she was going in time out. Well, she got caught and as she was made to give the toy back to the child, she look at the boy and said, " Merry Christmas you filthy animal" Till this day, she is not allowed to watch the movie HOME ALONE!!!!

Stacey - posted on 05/15/2009

My daughter is too young to talk yet but I had some good ones as a kid.



When I was little my brother and I bought clothes at a western store and I told my parents friends “ Clay got boots with real sperms (spurs) on them” and as the adults were cracking up my older brother smugly said “ Stacey, I don’t have whales on my boots” .



I was in a tot pageant at 4 years old and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I responded “I want to be an elephant because I like peanuts”.

Karina - posted on 05/14/2009

my son who was 2 at the time saw a lobster at the supermarket seafood counter....and said oh look mum a big orange grasshopper!!!

it was very funny.

karina (australia)

Michelle - posted on 05/09/2009

I have two children. My oldest child (Ashley) was 2 when her brother (Jake) was born. Ashley loved being around to help out during Jakes diaper changes. One day while changing my son, Ashley started giggling. I asked what was so funny. She happily replied, "Jake has a tail!". Obviously referring to his boy private parts.

Jami - posted on 05/06/2009

my oldest son just turned 5 so he is still in pre-school anyways a few weeks ago they were learning about words that ryme.. well when I went to pick up my son from school the teacher told me that he had the word truck that he had to rhyme and he rhymed truck and f___k ..I almost died... he goes to a private catholic school...

Rachael - posted on 04/29/2009

A few days before my sons 5th birthday he turned to my husband and I and said very solemnly "I am going to miss myself when I turn 5"..... after querying this we figured out that he thought turning 5 meant being an adult and not having fun anymore.

Jinglebones - posted on 04/29/2009

I was driving with my 2 young boys in the back, Samuel age 3 and Luc age 1. Luc was singing at the top of his lungs for quite a while, finally little Sam piped up: Thats enough from the penis gallery, Lukie! I choked on my coffee, too funny.

Wanda - posted on 04/29/2009

My son isn't talking yet but my neice has come up with a couple, this is my favorite.



My niece was 3 when he baby brother Josh was born. There was a bunch of family over at their house one day and her grandmother was asking her who everyone's mother was (eg. who's your mommy? who's mommy's mommy?). Finally she got to Josh. "Who's Josh's mommy?", she asked. My neice looked around the room and gasped, "Josh doesn't have a mommy." The poor girl was almost in tears, the rest of us were laughing. I gues she didn't quite have the family dynamic figured out yet.

Sheila - posted on 04/29/2009

My son when he was little would say "It's hunnering" anytime there was a thunderstorm. To this day whenever it's stormy, i look at my husband and say "it's hunnering."

Annette - posted on 04/28/2009

my 5 yr old son sitting at lunch said "mommy I don't feel good I think I might be pregnant" my 19 yr old daughter's friend had come to our house a couple of days before that not feeling well and very pregnant. do you suppose he was trying to get out of lunch...LOL

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2009

We have been trying to teach my son how old he is, now 2. He finally figured it out. "I''m three! No. I don't want three. I want four."

Amy - posted on 04/28/2009

My 3 yo DD was messing around in my closet one day. She asked if I would wear my white dress shoes that day. I told her, "No sweetie, they don't go with the clothes I'm wearing." To which she replied, "Why? Do they go with you naked?"
And another one, from her 3 year old days as well - "Daddy, can you take your penis off?" Aaahhh!!! Time to stop dressing in front of the kids!!

Jane - posted on 04/27/2009

I love this thread!

A couple that come to mind:
My husband and I were talking about the landlord the other day. My 5-year olds (we have triplets) asked, "Who's the landlord?" My husband replied, 'Mr. Z___o." My daughter said, "Mr. Z_____o is not the landlord. Jesus is the landlord." I said, "No, Honey. Jesus is LORD, not LANDLORD." Along the same lines, when they were two, we were reading a book that illustrated the lyrics of "Silent Night." I pointed to a picture of the nativity (with Mary, Joseph and Jesus) and asked them who that was. They exclaimed, "Mary, Joseph and Chucky Cheeses"!

Harmonie - posted on 04/27/2009

I have so many but the one my husband loves to tell the most is when my son was about 1 1/2 or 2 yrs (he's now 9). We were gong through the animals with him giving us the appropriate animal ound. What does a cat say....meow and so on. After about 5 animals my husband chimes in and asks what does Mommy say...To which my adorable little boy says without missing a beat..."BRENDAN! And he never out grew it he always seems to come up with a smart a$$ remark at the most amazing times!

Alaine - posted on 04/27/2009

This is not mine, but sister-in-law's 4 yr old daughter. We were sitting around one evening and she was telling me about who she liked she said 'I like Mommy and Daddy, Baby Josh, Aunt Alaine and Uncle Jeremy' then she stopped looked at me seriously and said 'you know who I don't like' I had know idea so I ask and she replied 'Good Will' I thought I must have miss heard her so I ask again and she replied 'Good Will, he keeps taking all my toys and never returns them' I just about died.

Renee - posted on 04/27/2009

Waaaay too many. Just yesterday, my older daughter was combing my 5 year olds hair and asked "Where did you get so many nots in your hair?" My 5-year old swiftly replied,
"Satan did it" Didn't even know she knew the name Satan.

Carla - posted on 04/27/2009

One evening my youngest son who is seven said he was going to give me a leg massage, while he is massaging my legs he says" Mom its o.k that your that your legs aren't that pretty, because your face is really pretty" I said oh I didn't know my legs weren't pretty, he says" you have alot of veins" They are so honest aren't they!!

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2009

I think my daugher was around 5 yrs old and we used vasaline for our dry lips alot. Well, one day she had dry lips and mistakenly asked," mom, could you get the vagasil for my lips?" LOL, i was shocked because why would she even ask for it by that name?

Suzy - posted on 04/27/2009

now we all know how kids seem to not pronounce words correctly when they are learning. We also know that when they recognize something they are proud and really YELL it out. Well, my daughter, who is now 17, when she was learning what things were she was always proud enough to let EVERYONE around know. I was in the checkout line at the grocery store one day, her in the basket. You know how they put those magazines in the isles like car shopper and truck shopper things. My daughter looks over and sees the magazines and starts yelling f*ck Mommy f*ck!!!! and points at the TRUCK magazine. I in turn say yes Karissa TRUCK!! saying it as loud as she did looking around all red faced with embarrassment at all the people looking at me with OMG faces on them. I could have died!!! I swear all my gray hairs come from when they were toddlers!!! lol
this is also the child that when she was about 1 1/2 old I went to check on her in her crib. She had been sleeping and I hadnt heard anything from her for awhile. She was always an independent child. Had her diaper off, it was laying in the floor. She had poop all over her, the bed, her toys, her bottle, the wall and the floor. Now all over her as in in her hair, on her face, up her nose, in her ears as well as all over her mouth. When she starts teasing one of the boys about something or telling one of her friends something that they boys have done "stupid" I remind her about her being a poop eater lmfao I'm an evil mommy hee hee

Suzy - posted on 04/27/2009

my youngest son is gullible. Not so much now but used to be. My Husband, who has a strange sense of humor, likes to try to get him to believe really strange things. When we first moved to the country he noticed a few long horned steer. Speaks up from the back seat and asks "What are those?" pointing to the steer. My (wonderful) Husband, without missing a beat, says "Those are bicycle cows. They are called that because of the horns. When you ride them you use the horns to steer them with, like a bicycle." Of course my son who is about 5 yrs old believes him. It was all fun and amusing until I went to pick him up from kindergarten one day and was pulled to the side by the teacher. She said she was wondering about something Nick said. Me, knowing my children well, said "Uh oh". She said Nick was talking in class today and mentioned something and she was wondering what it was. Then asked me what bicycle cows were!!! OMG I almost died right then and there!!! Kept thinking I'm going to kill my husband!!!!!! I explained to her what had happened. She laughed but I was still embarrassed!!! When I got Nick to the car I then explained to him that Todd (my husband) was just teasing him when he told him that. So now when we drive past the cows, my husband says look Nick theres your bicycle cows and Nick replies I'm not falling for that again!!! lol

Stephanie - posted on 04/26/2009

my daughter went w/ us to see what my second child would be of corse she wanted a sissy and she wanted to name her Emily on our tape ultra sound you hear her say thats our Emily well we got a boy and she says we can still call him Emily we said laughing w/ the nurse no sweetir he wont be Emily we got Trevor and she still isnt over it 5 yrs later

Kim - posted on 04/26/2009

My daughter was about 6 yrs old and my son was about 3 yrs old. I stopped at the Market to pick up a few items for dinner. Prior to getting out of the car I told my children not to beg for anything (you know the usual cookies, candy etc) I told them I didn't have any money. As soon as we got in the store My son began asking for treats and my daughter said in her loudest possible voice "Stop begging, you know she ain't got no money"! I was so embarassed.

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2009

while out doin some shopping a couple of weeks ago with my little girl who's 3, we were payin the lady at the checkout and my daughter says " why has that lady got a necklace on her teeth" she was meanin her braces, we didn't no where to look, embarrassin but so funny lol

Cristina - posted on 04/26/2009

My 11 year old son, had a fight with his classmate and she's a girl. He said that she's always bullying him that's why he said this "She's a pain in a butt."

Tara - posted on 04/26/2009

when my daughter was around 3 or 4 i caught her jummping on the couch and I kinda yelled "megan! stop jumping on the couch!" and she very calmly turns to me and says "mommy im not jumping" and she juts her little chin out and puts her hands on her hips and says "im bouncing"....oh man i laughed so hard...what a girl always one up on me.....lol

Lura - posted on 04/26/2009

I was in college and had a early final(8am) and I got to school at 7am with my then 2yr old daughter in toll. Dawn was breaking as we arrived on campus. My then 2 yr old daughter, Rana, looks up in the sky and exclaims,"look mommy there's a light bulb in the sky(the moon)".When she got to the daycare center she had to tell everybody what she saw.

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2009

So, I can't resist adding these too:



I was changing my son (18-months) on the bed and leaning over him. My shirt was gaping a little and he pointed and exclaimed, "Nipples!" I was shocked because I wasn't gaping that much and how did he learn that word? I realized it was a small mole on my chest that is pinkish in color, My husband admitted to teaching him the word.



My son again (18-months) was in our bedroom while my husband was changing. My husband, wearing only his boxer briefs ripped a loud fart and Luke pointed to him surprised and said, "Toot!" followed by "Nappy!"

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2009

I had my 2-year-old son in a little bath tub taking his bath and I was putting things away in my bedroom. I turned around to check on him and he had water dripping down his face and was holding a cup he was playing with. He looks at me and says, "Raining?"

RAchel - posted on 04/25/2009

He said he had feathers between his bum cheeks, when he was potty training with a piece of toilet paper between his cheeks. lol

Kara - posted on 04/25/2009

The best was one night at about 3:00am my husband and I were being *ahem* intimate and didn't realize our daughter (who was about 2 at the time) had walked into the room and was standing next to our bed. When we looked up and saw her we both froze. She very calmly said, "It's ok mama, I can wait til' you are done scratching daddy's back." From that point on my husband would always ask if I wanted to go scratch his back.

Kara - posted on 04/25/2009

Whenever my daughter would swing a jump rope or something of the sort around, I would say, "Stop, you are making me nervous!" One day I was talking on the phone right after carrying bags in from the grocery store. I still had some in my hand and was swinging them back and forth while talking. My daughter turned to me and said, "mama, stop you makin' me nervous!"

Amber - posted on 04/25/2009

I hear this on a daily basis "mama is gonna dead you...u will be deaded.." many variations including passing by a cemetary the other day and saying "ooo cami u better b good cuz thats where people hide bad people in the grass after they dead them and mama will hide you in that grass if u are bad and you get deaded"

Amber - posted on 04/25/2009

yesterday we were in our van and i was sitting in the middle keeping my 13 month old happy. I was teasin him sayin "aww chubby boy" my 4 year old asks "whats chubby mean?" I said "oh it means you are a little fat" she pondered it for a minute and then bravely said "oh..you are chubby mom" gee thanks :)

Jo Ann - posted on 04/25/2009

When my son was about 4 and my daughter was about 2 we took her to get her ears pierced. Of course she was a little put out over the pain and was crying a little. My son was was seriously stressed out at her pain so that when he was told to tell the lady thank you for making his sister pretty he said "thank you for hurting her". He felt so bad for her but we almost messed ourselves laughing! :)

Janine - posted on 04/25/2009

the funniest was my nearly 2 year old sitting in the trolly at the checkout in the supermarkrt. the cashier asked savings or credit for my card, and my darling girl pipes up CREDIT PLEASE.. i think she has heard this one before,

Angela - posted on 04/24/2009

I live about 5 miles from a very busy airport. When my son was around 2 we would go over and watch the planes land. One day I asked my son 'Where do airplanes go?' and his answer was 'Hairplanes go to the whoreport!' I just about died!

Cathy - posted on 04/24/2009

OH, and my ex-boyfriends daughter when she was young said a cute one! My ex had a car that talked, and every time we got in, the car said "your parking break is on" even though it wasn't (slight malfunction. lol) Anyway, his daughter lost her penny ring. She told her grandma that she lost it in the car. Grandma asked "in grandmas car or daddys car?" Her reply: "In daddy's car, you know, the one that sayes 'your coffee break is on!'" lol

Cathy - posted on 04/24/2009

When my daughter (now 17) was young, she got into trouble with me. I sent her to her room and she got really mad and yelled at me. She looked me right in the face and told me that I can't punish her or she would call CSX on me! I looked right back at her and said "well, I don't think the train workers will care, but if it makes you feel better..." lol She meant CSB, but her papa drives train workers from yard to yard so she got a bit confused. lol She never threatened me with that again and I still tease her about that sometimes, to this day!

April - posted on 04/24/2009

i asked my 2yr old Serenity to put her toys away and she looked at me and said mom i cant i only have three hands and walked away..lol...i guess she has heard me say hold on hun i only have two hands a few to many time lol and got confused it was so funny

Kelly - posted on 04/24/2009

All so cute! The one about Mommy's money reminded me of one time I was shopping with my youngest, who was less than two at the time. We went through the store with her chanting-"My daddy go work-my daddy go work" over and over. I didn't pay too much attention, until she started saying "My daddy go work, my mommy go Wal-Mart". It should have been a commercial!!

Abbey - posted on 04/24/2009

He kicked me in China. My son kicked my daughter in the VAGINA.

Courtney - posted on 04/23/2009

we were camping and my 6 year old was asking how old her little sister would be when she herself was 7, 8, 9. She figured out on her own how old her little sister would be. When she got to "When I'm nine, she'll be six. I can't wait until she's six, then she won't be a pain in my a$$ anymore."

Anne - posted on 04/23/2009

The same daughter from my earlier post was supposes to be taking a nap. It was my fathers birthday and my parents and 2 older sisters were coming to our house for dinner, cake, ice cream and presents. My husband was helping with some house work and I had not learned yet that you look the other way if said husband was willing to help with house work, not complain. Well our voices were less than loving and and soft. When it came time for dinner later in the day we let our then 3 year old Pray for the food. The following is her Prayer : " Dear Jesus I was so distapointed( the word she was using was disappointed) Jesus my mom and dad were arguing and I could not sleep during my nap Please help my mom and dad to be nice to each other". Every one at the table was snickering. Every one except my husband and I.

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2009

I am a single mom of a 5-year-old daughter. One morning, at literally the crack of dawn, she looked and me and asked if I was ever going to get married again. Because of the early hour, I fumbled with the question until she informed me that she did not want me to ever re-marry. She said that if I would get married that would mean I would have a baby, and she did NOT want me to have a baby.

I answered her, "Delaney you KNOW if I ever would have another baby, I would still love you more than anything!"

She had a brief pause then said, "Well, if you love me more than anything, you'll give the baby to someone else, right?"

HAHAH

Anne - posted on 04/23/2009

When our daughters were young we had Child Care in our home. Because my stove and sink were on the opposite side of a very narrow kitchen the children had to stay either in the family room or living room when I was making lunch. Both rooms had things for the children to do and a bathroom to use from each room. Well one day my oldest (and only at this time) was in the family room, she opened the baby gate and went to the bathroom. When she was done she came out and asked me how many days before our family vacation? I told her the number of days left. Without missing a beat she looked at me and said. She pointed to the family room and said " Good- and you know what you can't take any of the daycares with you. From that day until we no longer had day care in our home we called the children I took care of during the day "daycares" when ever we refereed to the children.