why a 16 month would hit,pinch and bit when mad

Marilena - posted on 10/15/2009

Quoting Hannah:

You dont have to hurt your child, you can bite them and pull hair back with out hurting them. Not doing out if anger is a big part of it. My baby responded well to it. It was more like I was making fun of her behavior, I would bite her and growl and be silly. She would laugh and stop being naughty.

But didi she understand the seriousness of the situation? Of course they'll stop bitting if you make them laugh, but will they cease to be violent? I don't think we should turn their aggressiveness into a game. They might get confused. Need to teach them proper behavior.

Meredith - posted on 10/14/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Quoting Hannah:

You cant allow it to continue, it will only get worse as he gets older. What I did with my daughter when she started doing that kind of stuff (she would pull my hair, I would have her in a backpack while I worked and she would throw a tantrum and tear my hair out in clumps) I just bite her back. Seriously. You dont have to hurt him, unless it continues, you just have to show him you do not approve of his behavior and you will not allow it. Your the boss. Period. To trust you he has to respect you to respect you he has to know boundaries this is the age where they are discovering boundaries. If you are not comfortable with biting or pinching back (I wouldn't hit back at all) holding the hand that he used to smack or whatever, looking at him and calmly assertively saying "NO. You do NOT hurt Mama." Then moving him away from and telling him you dont want to hang out with him if he is being mean. My daughter no longer freaks out on me. When she feels like being naughty she catches herself and goes away from me until she feels better.

Do not bite your children! This only shows them you are also willing to hurt with your teeth.  You need to show them this is not okay.  Tell your child NO in a firm voice and that it hurts you. If you bite back it only will reinforce that this is a way to handle being upset. Take the child to a place that is calm for him/her and let them cool down. At this age they cannot express themselves vocally and maybe the way he is trying to let you know how he feels. Thsi is not uncommon.

I completely agree...although some children at the age more than likely have limited ways of expressing themselves....adults do not. If you bite your child and pull their hair when they do it to you...it only shows them that this behavior is practiced not only in adults but by their own parents. There are lots of ways of letting your child know that this type of behavior will not be tolerated without sinking to a 16 month old's level and manurisms.

Sandi - posted on 10/13/2009

Whoo, Erica- liking the mama doesn't mean you have to invite her or her hellion over! now, before your new baby is born, might be the time to say something like "hey, have you seen supernanny? I know you get upset with Billy when he does things like that, maybe you could get a few pointers." If that hint doesn't work, especially after the baby comes, might be time to say "I love you and think you're great, but honestly little Billy is just too rough to be around the baby." But back to the original question! My Lillie is 14 months and bites when she is scared, threatened or mad. And she will bite her own arm if nobody else is available! My original plan was to bite her back, since it had worked with my sister and my niece, but since she already bites herself I didn't figure it was worth the effort, lol! A friend suggested a picture book of people and things - point to the people and say "we don't bite our friends (or daddy, or mommy, whatever) it makes them sad" and pull a really sad face. Then point to a picture of a toy or teether and say, "we can bite toys!" and give a goofy smiley face. It's working slowly - she only bit one time last week (yeah, my kid is the "biter" in the classroom - bit 6 people one day!). Also, we don't say "do you want a bite" or "bite-bite" for food - we say food or nummy or num-num. I don't want her confused between the kinds of bites, lol!

Kim - posted on 10/13/2009

A lot of times children of this age do this out of flustration because they can not verbally express their anger or flustration. As the child is able to use more vocabulary to express what they need eventualy- you will see these habits stop. Always try to ask him to use his words or ask him what he wants. As he gets older it should stop - he is more than likely - yes - throwing tantrums because he doesn't like something that is going on - but instead of using his words because at this time he is unable to do so and it is easier he is using his outlet is biting etc. I was a 2 yr. old teacher in a day care and seen a lot of this on a daily basis. Don't worry, he is normal and it will stop. Just try to intervene before he "freaks out" and encourage him to use his words and see what he really is upset about it. Sometimes US moms have to be mind readers too!!

Take care!

Erica - posted on 10/12/2009

I was lucky - I have a great husband who knew how to nip this bad behavior in the bud fast and was involved enough to consistenly work with our son on it. From the point of view of someone else who must grit her teeth through the bad behavior of someone else's child: I have a friend who lets her three year old son get away with this behavior. I am 27 weeks pregnant and when he comes to my house, he tries to punch my belly, destroys my son's things, throws fits, and hits and screams and kicks at his mama and anyone else within range. His mama does try to correct him, BUT she doesn't follow through with the consequences. That is why her son won't listen to her when she tells him to stop. (I like this mama and don't feel it is my place to tell her how to run her family - so I just stand there grinding my teeth and biting my tongue.) Fortunately, you can stop this behavior now in your son before it gets out of hand. The most important thing is that your son learn that his behavior won't be tolerated. The reason it shouldn't be tolerated (even at times when your heart is aching to comfort him - not punish him) is because unless you teach him otherwise, he will grow up with a false notion that it is acceptible to hit other people or hurt other people or ignore them when they say NO. No matter the reason he is acting that way - anger or inability to express himself or because he has a temper problem or even if he hurt himself - there are no good reasons to allow it to continue. Consider the ways you feel comfortable letting him know that what he is doing is wrong (consequences or punishment) and then do it consistenly. The key is being consistent with whatever consequence you choose for your child. It will be hard when the little tears start flowing and he starts crying for mama from the corner or his playpen or room, but stick with it for his sake. A good rule someone mentioned already is to tailor the consequence to his age - since your son is only 16 months old, try a minute and a half in the corner or another place you choose. Keep trying until you find a punishment that works. My son is now almost 6 years old and when we need to address an issue, we use his tv times and not being allowed to play with his friend who lives next door. Find something that works for your family and stick with it. Consistency is the most important thing.

Sara - posted on 10/12/2009

Quoting Michelle:

"The reason he's probably doing these things is because it's the only way he knows to express his anger. He probably just doesn't have the words he wants to express so this is how he gets his point across. "

Encourage him to use words. If he throws something and you think its because he doesn't want it. Then you ask him "you don't want this?" "Tell mommy, I don't want this". Help him build his vocabulary and use it properly. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

Nakeshia - posted on 10/12/2009

well most of the time children hit and bite because they can't commuicate that well so this how the express themselves when they get upset. I have learned that talking to them and letting them know that hitting and biting isn't a nice thing to do. Time out has helped also.

Kathleen - posted on 10/11/2009

because he is frustrated and can't communicate his feelings. taught mine baby sign language. there are a couple of dvd's at the library you can get to help you. there is baby sign, we sign, and some baby einstein with sign language in it. the sign language helps them communicate and takes the frustration away from them as well. don't worry about the skeptics who say they won't talk then. as long as you pair words with the sign language they will talk in their own time since others won't be able to understand any way. but as a speech professional agression is the most common frustration due to inability to communicate.

Dorothy - posted on 10/11/2009

I agree, you've got very good advice here. I went through it with my youngest daughter who's now 16. The good news is...She's incredible, a very lovely young lady. The bad news is...You've got to live through it! Stay consistent with the advise given, it really works!  

Quoting Michelle:

You've got some good advice on what to do about it. The reason he's probably doing these things is because it's the only way he knows to express his anger. He probably just doesn't have the words he wants to express so this is how he gets his point across. A stern "That's not okay, that hurt Mommy". Then explain that "teeth are for chewing your food" and place him on a time out. Time out's should be equal to their age. So for him 1 minute, in the case of biting I might leave him for two. No TV, toys, etc while he's on it though. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 10/11/2009

i find its out of frustration he is not able to tell you what is wrong with him my daughter went through something similar and i stopped hed and tried to hug her until she calmed down a bit and then asked her what was wrong. failing that try and ignore the behaviour it may be an attention thing

Christine - posted on 10/11/2009

He's doing this because he is only 16 months old he has no other way of expressing himself his verbal skills are not able to cope with his feelings. Just tell him that you dont like it and move him away from you . when he settles down talk to him and role play the way you would like for him to react . I do this with my boys it seems to be working .

Hannah - posted on 10/10/2009

You dont have to hurt your child, you can bite them and pull hair back with out hurting them. Not doing out if anger is a big part of it. My baby responded well to it. It was more like I was making fun of her behavior, I would bite her and growl and be silly. She would laugh and stop being naughty.

Sharon - posted on 10/10/2009

Quoting Hannah:

You cant allow it to continue, it will only get worse as he gets older. What I did with my daughter when she started doing that kind of stuff (she would pull my hair, I would have her in a backpack while I worked and she would throw a tantrum and tear my hair out in clumps) I just bite her back. Seriously. You dont have to hurt him, unless it continues, you just have to show him you do not approve of his behavior and you will not allow it. Your the boss. Period. To trust you he has to respect you to respect you he has to know boundaries this is the age where they are discovering boundaries. If you are not comfortable with biting or pinching back (I wouldn't hit back at all) holding the hand that he used to smack or whatever, looking at him and calmly assertively saying "NO. You do NOT hurt Mama." Then moving him away from and telling him you dont want to hang out with him if he is being mean. My daughter no longer freaks out on me. When she feels like being naughty she catches herself and goes away from me until she feels better.

Do not bite your children! This only shows them you are also willing to hurt with your teeth.  You need to show them this is not okay.  Tell your child NO in a firm voice and that it hurts you. If you bite back it only will reinforce that this is a way to handle being upset. Take the child to a place that is calm for him/her and let them cool down. At this age they cannot express themselves vocally and maybe the way he is trying to let you know how he feels. Thsi is not uncommon.

Lisa - posted on 10/10/2009

How well can he speak? Most children use aggression when trying to get there point across because they can't use their words when they haven't yet learned to talk. Another thing could be environmental. Is there anyone who is aggressive or abusive in his life? Children pick up behaviors from what they see around them as well. The best suggestion I have is to tell him no thank you, to his behavior, then tell him to use his words.EXAMPLE: Ask him questions validating his feelings..." you are sad right now, you really wanted that, didn't you?" Then try to redirect his attention to something he can have in a safe place. "Here you are, why don't we go play with your favorite truck over here where it is safe." I have been in child care for 14 years and these have worked for me. If it is new to your child, it may take a few times, but then things should get much better. Just remember... your child may be having a bad day, or not feel well, or may even be trying to show his independence....stay consistent, firm, but loving. Hope this helps.

Rachel - posted on 10/10/2009

my daughter does this and as im pregnant again i dnt let hurt get away with it incase she starts to hurt the new baby, i swear by supernanny she says you should get down to there level in height and in a deep tone and stern voice " that is not nice, it hurts mummy, if you do it again you will go on the naughty step(or spot if you dot have stairs, just somewhere safe and away from toys or the telly)" then is they do it again you take them to the naughty step and say in the same tone "i put you on the naughty step because you hurt mummy now you will stay here for (1 min per year of age so 1yr is 1 min) then you walk away and leave them, afetr the min(s) are up go back and in a nicer voice explain why you put them on the step and ask for a kiss and a hug and if they give you theis then go back to playing, and the situation is over, then if they start again start from point one, i hope this helps, coz it works on my 18month daughter

Lois - posted on 10/10/2009

does he have eye contact? and does he say a few words? if not, i would take him to the doc. if he does though it could be just a phase he is going through. he wants you to notice him when he is mad. i would ignore him for sure but give him lots of cuddles one he settles. being a mom is not easy and you have to use your own judgement on what to do.

Aniesha - posted on 10/10/2009

Could it possibly be something in his diet that's causing him to act out in the extreme?? I don't know how much you look into preservatives etc, but it's extremely interesting (and disturbing) the amount of products designed for young children which are really bad for kids. My cousin was hyperactive as a small boy, & it ended up coming down to his diet in the end. If ur interested & don't have any info already, I have a preservatives list.
Oh, & not meaning to call ur son hypo or anything! I just thought it might be a contributing factor:)

Michelle - posted on 10/09/2009

You've got some good advice on what to do about it. The reason he's probably doing these things is because it's the only way he knows to express his anger. He probably just doesn't have the words he wants to express so this is how he gets his point across. A stern "That's not okay, that hurt Mommy". Then explain that "teeth are for chewing your food" and place him on a time out. Time out's should be equal to their age. So for him 1 minute, in the case of biting I might leave him for two. No TV, toys, etc while he's on it though. Good luck!

Iysha - posted on 10/09/2009

I was reading on this yesterday because my cousin has this problem too. I read that when the child bites/pinches/scratches, tell them in a stern voice, "Ouch. Don't do that. It hurts mommy." and walk away and leave them alone for a couple minutes. In their sight still, but not around them, not talking to them, no interaction at all. I guess that is supposed to make them feel bad that they did it and understand that it makes you sad. I am hoping this works =]

Hannah - posted on 10/09/2009

You cant allow it to continue, it will only get worse as he gets older. What I did with my daughter when she started doing that kind of stuff (she would pull my hair, I would have her in a backpack while I worked and she would throw a tantrum and tear my hair out in clumps) I just bite her back. Seriously. You dont have to hurt him, unless it continues, you just have to show him you do not approve of his behavior and you will not allow it. Your the boss. Period. To trust you he has to respect you to respect you he has to know boundaries this is the age where they are discovering boundaries. If you are not comfortable with biting or pinching back (I wouldn't hit back at all) holding the hand that he used to smack or whatever, looking at him and calmly assertively saying "NO. You do NOT hurt Mama." Then moving him away from and telling him you dont want to hang out with him if he is being mean. My daughter no longer freaks out on me. When she feels like being naughty she catches herself and goes away from me until she feels better.