violent drug abusers in the home

Joan - posted on 11/26/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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it took me a long time to figure out what community to post this question on. I guessed this would be the best because besides my faith my political believes are the strongest and i feel more in agreements with most conservatives than people from my own church.
so, my husband and i where not trying to have a child. yet im still almost five months pregnant and excited to be a mom. im unemployed and my husband only makes about 20000 a year so needless to say we are not self sufficient. i was not medicaly cleared to work because of complications in the pregnancy that have been resolved. we where invited to live with my mother when our living situation became unsuitable for a pregnant woman or especially a child. I didnt realize that my sister living there with her four year old would become the biggest threat to my unborn child. she has unresolved issues and is believed to have not aborted her child in hopes of preferential treatment or for the government support... im not sure why, but she talks about how she should have had an abortion or that she should kill herself (in front of the child who she forces to follow her every move). she now is threatening my child and making dooms day predictions and threatening to physically attack me with intent to hurt my child. i was cleared to work a month ago but havent found work yet. until then does anyone know what to do about drug users? entrapment laws esp in minnesota make it almost impossible to alert the authority (ive tried) and there is nothing that can be done to protect the child (i was told by a child protections ad visor, and many others in that field) we dont have anywhere else to live and until i get a job or two it will stay that way. does anyone know what to do? She smokes pot, but she has managed to become addicted to it and without it her little bit of personal restraint is completely gone. if she only lives off others and government aid i dont see how buying drugs is an economically wise choice, but thats not what im worried about. how can i protect myself and my child form this worthless pile of human waist? i dont think that all that negativity and undue stress are good for the baby. what can be done? im between a rock and a hard place and would like some advice of any kind. i also want everyone to know that i would not be in this situation if i had a different one to be in, and that i have applied to every job in driving distance and have applied at every level.

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Joan - posted on 11/30/2009

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gina, what is lds? that sounds like the sort of place i would like to associate with. she probably is. it runs in the family, (scared for the our baby's future) enablers help keep people in bad situations. that is part of the reason i choose to vote the way i do. there is a key enabler that keeps my sister free to hurt my niece. it is very sad, but when it gets better we will better know joy, right? i hope so because that is what keeps me going.

Gina - posted on 11/30/2009

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This is so sad. Why is it when someone truly needs help, and help to remove a mother from her child due to abuse, the cops and Social services look the other way. Then when it is someone who is innocent, they get put through the ringer. It doesn't make sense. It sounds like your sister has more problems than just being dependant on pot. Do you think she is a little bit schizophrenia. The reason I ask is because I had a step aunt that was, and she was loony. Her husband ended up taking all the kids away from her. If she took her medication then she was fine, but that was rare.



I am LDS, and I know that if you talked to someone from an LDS church, they would be more than willing to help. They have counseling services, and anything else you might require. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Joan - posted on 11/30/2009

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im looking for a church now. the one i was raised in kinda promotes isolation, so i quit going mostly. my lawyer suggested the same thing yesterday. ( he is a jew and i thought it was a joke until reading this) i guess it is God before country so it only seems right. thank you.

Laura - posted on 11/29/2009

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Joan, I wish I had some new ideas for you. I don't think your trying for sympathy, you truely come across as concerned and stuck. It must be so discouraging to have such little action from agencies that are suppossed to help. My only other suggestion to you would be to talk to a Pastor, Minister whichever Church you feel comfortable with. I may be assuming things here but you haven't mentioned a Church in your posts so I'm assuming you haven't gone this route. The only reason I'm suggesting this is that they may have some services through other agencies that can help. You don't have to be a member to receive these services. Plus, a Pastor or whomever may be able to lead you to someone that can help either legally, emotionally, or some other support, you never know it's all about making connections. Give it a try, I don't what other avenues are left.

Joan - posted on 11/29/2009

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I hope no one thinks this is a poor me story. i dont feel bad because my life if not easy or 100% joyful all the time. i just feel its time for some new advice. and this is really just like i say. im not sad about it i just need to do something and i dont know what.

Joan - posted on 11/29/2009

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Ok, child services and police dont care. they care so little that when they where informed that at 19 months she was shaken and was hurt being held by her mother while her mother attacked another sister (five girls and a boy and im the youngest of my mother and late father's children) and sent the attacker, high as a kite and in possession though they didnt search her, with the shaken baby to emergency aid. there she was given donated gifts while the small time frame to stop the damage she had inflicted on the child passed and wasnt examed until a week latter when she got the shakes. the fas and the shaken baby syndrome she has done to her where not enough and nether was the well documented physical marks and witnessed abuse. they dont care and dont take it seriously. I live in Plymouth Minnesota and our police force is renowned county and state wide for incompetent police and we sure are. area police do not take verbal threats seriously. they have refused to to come and then become upset when escalation occurred and they had to responded, one hour and thirteen minuets latter they showed up.

my mother gave up many years ago because my father was the same way as my sister, also another sister and my brother. it is diagnosed asperger's syndrome, autism, in my brother, but the other two are wild loonies with no self control.

the only prescription drugs i know of my sister abusing is vicoden. and that is rare. she only smokes marijuana, and that is believed not to be psychically addicting, and i believe that. i have spoken to a friend who is a county worker/drug councilor who believes your mind can be addicted to anything and that is what has happened with her. taking a kid to a drug deal, or using drugs that are not guaranteed to be clean and untainted around a child is wrong. the subculturar sourounding illisset street drugs is sickeningly un safe. tha potentail additives to smoked drugs are dangirous. and even the best lawyer i have met cant help protect this child.

sorry this statement is so rambled im still a little frazzled from the whole chain of events. a friend of mine with older children, eight and twelve, was happy to hear that i was available for thanks giving, black friday, and after black friday shopping. so my husband worked while we played and then she had me making dinner and cleaning after he got off work and he enjoyed fine cigars in the garage with her husband.

I also called the cops that morning who again refused to come to aid because the dont believe the situation warranted there attention. my lawyer and i will be in session (pre court negotiations) on monday. this would be the fourth time we have done this with the plymouth mn police... plus once for releasing my juvenal record to some fifty places of business i had applied to from june to october. i just found out why i cant get a job. we will be taking that to court straight off. we keep our hopes low when trying to sue a police force. it is not the most fruitful case.

my husband wouldn't hear of me going to a woman's shelter and that is the only aid out there for us. we do not qualify for emergence housing. they are full is what we where told.

Lesley - posted on 11/27/2009

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I know how hard it is to see someone you have loved your whole life as a sister os someone you don't like anymore. My sister is unstable and we (my mother and I, whom live in different homes) have custody of her 3 children. It was a terrible struggle but with Children services they look for the bare minimums for care... ie a home food clothes etc. Living with your mom is enabling her to be able to care for her child. As ridiculous as this sounds the REQUIRE harm to come to the child before they will act, so 2 choices... you and your mom take her to court (family court) on your own with lawyers and all and seek custody or you stop enabling and let her fail.. THIS IS HARD as watching a child suffer by the hands of her mother, a sister and a daughter. ACS need a action before they will react. They are never proactive they are reactive. SECONDLY I am a Pharmacist what drugs is your sister abusing I can help you navigate her getting jammed up on illegal possession and such. Depend if they are Rx or street. Either way I can tell you who to call and what to do. Once charged ACS will react. Let me know and good luck.

Maureen - posted on 11/26/2009

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Just some random thoughts : My warning flag goes up for your four year old niece. It sounds like you have spoken to child services about the situation ? Doesn't seem safe for all involved. What's your Mom's take on your sister's behaviour ? You or your Mom may need to seek custody of her child and get her out of that house. The police do take verbal threats as a serious issue. You may want to talk with them. If there's a community policing office, that's a great place to start. If she does threaten you again, call 911 and get help. Sit down with your husband and come up with a game plan. Based on your income, you may also be eligible for subsidized housing. Or there may be emergency housing for families in the area.

Donna - posted on 11/26/2009

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I would check with your church or local Crisis Pregnancy Center to see if they have any resources or guidance and where you can find emergency housing, at least for you and your unborn baby.