Basic needs for any healthy relationship

Sja - posted on 01/05/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Many persons believe that they are not abused in a relationship because they have not been beaten or punched, but the sad truth is many are being abused daily and are unaware of it, because it is emotional and so the words spoken are excused and not seen as harmful until the damage is already done.

We were brought up with the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" this saying is completely wrong because words do irreparable damage to ones emotions and psychological well being.

Here are the basic needs for any healthy relationship:

The need for freedom from labels which devalue you.

The need to be heard by the other and to be responded to with respect and acceptance

The need for good will from the others.

The need for emotional support.

The need to receive a sincere apology for any jokes or actions you find offensive.

The need to for freedom from accusation, interrogation and blame.

The need to have your own view, even if others have a different view.

The need to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

The need for encouragement.

The need for clear, honest and informative answers to questions about what affects you.

The need to live free from criticism and judgment.

The need to have your work and your interests respected.

The need for freedom from emotional and physical threat.

The need for freedom from from angry outburst and rage.

The need to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

The need to have your final decisions accepted.

The need for privacy at times.

Here are some of the basic human emotional needs expressed as feelings. While all humans share these needs, each differs in the strength of the need, just as some of us need more water, more food or more sleep.

One person may need more freedom and independence, another may need more security and social connections. When a person's natural emotional needs are met, healthy behavior naturally follows

In various degrees, each according to his or her own unique nature, we each have a natural emotional need to feel:

accepted
acknowledged
admired
appreciated
approved of
believed in
capable
challenged
clear (not confused)
confident
competent
forgiven
forgiving
free
fulfilled
heard
helped
helpful
important
in control
included
listened to
loved
needed
noticed
powerful
private
productive / useful
reassured
recognized
respected
safe / secure
supported
treated fairly
trusted
understanding
understood
valued
worthy

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User - posted on 01/07/2011

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Sja, an excellent review of what every person needs! I know that even subtle verbal and emotional abuse does and will cause harm and over time you will not be the person God has intended you to be in this life. The emotional hurt may be hidden from others, but it plays on your mind, heart and soul. Yes, words do hurt!!! You may not realize you are changing, but low self esteem and depression slowly will come, eroding your confidence and your joy........you will change, trust me! You will wake up years later and see that the life you could have lived, the things you may have done to benefit others, may have been not done. Regret is a sad thing, and any effect your children suffered is a horrible burden to carry!! Be wise, beware.....denial is only an excuse to let evil prevail! Thank you, Sja, for bringing up such an important issue for Mom's! Just remember, there is no "do over" when raising precious children. There is help available--for him and you!!!

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