12 Year Old Daughter Needs Help.......

Delta - posted on 02/10/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

442

41

45

My 12 year old daughter (7th grade) can't get it through her head that she needs to hand school work in on time. She's always failing at least 3 classes a few weeks into the quarter then she has to stay over an hour after school to bust her ass just to get her grades back up. What do I do to help her learn to be a better student? She has a friend that gets to miss school sometimes cause her parents don't care cause she has good grades, but we told her last night because of her grades she will never be allowed to just stay home for a fun day. It upset her but it's true. Her father and I agree cause of her grades she will go to school unless she is too sick which is very seldom. We also can't get her to study for tests and that is a big part of her grade. She can't use the excuse that she doesn't know when she has a test cause the teacher writes on the board the whole week's agenda for the class so she knows when she has a test.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/15/2013

13,264

21

2015

Delta, your hubby's concern is valid. HOWEVER, he's not doing your daughter any favors.

Take her for an evaluation. See what the tests show, first. THEN look into treatment options if necessary. Like Krista said, yes, ADD, ADHD, and other behaviours can be managed without meds, but it depends on the severity of the behaviour, and how dedicated you are to making lifestyle changes if medication is undesirable.

He needs to stop being a barrier to helping your daughter.

Heather - posted on 02/18/2013

21

22

2

Have you spoken with the school counselor and / or her teachers? Have you tried having her get her agenda signed off by someone at school and then signed off by you each day? Is she doing the homework and not turning it in, or is she just not doing the homework? Perhaps you need to sit down with her and go over her homework each night. I'm not saying sit there while she does it (although you may need to in the beginning) but have her give it to you when she's done. Regarding the ADHD/ADD I would still get her checked out. You are her parent as much as her father is. Get the testing done, it may not even be that, it could be depression or a number of issues. You may even just need a tutor or something.

[deleted account]

Hi Delta - when you say your husband doesn't want your daughter to see a specialist because he doesn't like the meds... sorry but he is just putting his head in the sand!

Surely you want to get her assessed by someone suitably qualified and work with them for the best outcome for your child? The first thing you need to work out is - does she really have a problem or is she just a bit distracted? If she really has ADHD, then you must think about all the possible options and take it from there, with or without meds.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

6 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

OK, that's tough. But I still think it's better to make an appointment, get an assessment and hear what they have to say than have a blanket "no doctors" policy.

[deleted account]

It is possible, but it takes A LOT of work. You would have to teach her to notice the signs of when she is getting distracted or bored and learn how to self-correct. They say certain types of foods or food dyes can cause the symptoms of ADD/ADHD to be more pronounced. If you do consider using medication, google or ask her doctor about Concerta. I have heard people who have children with ADD/ADHD say that it is a better choice than some of the other meds for it.

[deleted account]

I am not trying to label your child, but is it possible that she could have ADD? I struggled through school, especially elementary and middle, and somehow I managed through high school with pretty good grades. I was an A/B student but teachers were always saying I had more potential, I could do better, and I knew I could too. I was easily distracted and bored. I forgot things easily, like homework and books. I always dreaded getting started on things and would put them off. But if I actually took the time to start something I never had trouble finishing. I was just thinking that I wasn't interested in school like some people were. One day, I think I was about 18 at the time, I was reading some articles about adult ADD and ADHD and it described me down to a T. I am not saying that your daughter has this, but it is worth a try to check so that if she does have it you guys can address that, and she won't be like I was, just doing what I had to do to get by and get it over with.

Now on the other hand, if she is just being unorganized and lazy, help her get more organized. Get her a notebook where she can write down her assignments and what she needs to study. You can get a calender for her to hang in her room (or wherever) to write down any upcoming test or quizzes so that they aren't "forgotten" about. You could schedule an hour of "study time" each day that she is required to do. Tell her if she doesn't do that study time that she will lose a privilege. Tell her how important it is now to have a good education so that she will have a good future. Make sure she knows things aren't simple like they used to be, where you could come straight out of high school and find a decent paying job. Almost everything now requires at least a 2 yr college degree.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms