14yr old son wont stay in the house at night

Kim - posted on 09/27/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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we have tried everything - even having him sleep on the floor in our room - took his house key away and locked the doors so he was locked out all night (well not the garage door) - what do we do??

14 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2011

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I'd tell him that sneaking out every night is incompatible with living in my home. Sounds like its time to find a good therapist and set some limits/boundaries. As long as you are giving him age appropriate freedoms, then its not unreasonable to expect him to follow the rules...at least most of the time!
Calling the police sounds scary, but its important that they learn that kids learn that following rules is important. I think its important to make sure you really are giving him enough *age appropriate* freedoms too...that way he wont rebel against an inappropriately harsh environment

Bridgette - posted on 10/05/2009

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and make sure his coach knows why. if he respects his coach and team it may help to get them involved.

Bridgette - posted on 10/05/2009

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I would go to walmart and buy a window alarm. Put it on while he is at school. and as soon as he opens it a piercing alarm will go off. or invest in a house alarm so it would go off if the door was opened and don't give him the code. I would also follow him. Wait for him to sneak out and find out what he is doing. I was a wild 14 year old. My mom just was the one constant in my life while going through it. I had to read the bible aaaaloot. ( my moms methods). However she never asked me what I was doing. She just said whatever it is I will help you. You need to change she would tell me. Plus my dad would follow me and embarrass me if I was late. My friends toed the line after meeting my dad at 3 am. not pretty. And if you tell the girls mom and dad sometimes girls get embarrassed easier than boys in that sense of getting caught.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2009

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Kim

I think it is time to go and see a professional about this one. I can absolutely see your point - it is a bit of a catch 22, and without knowing your son, I am not sure there are too many people here who could help. I think someone who specialises in teen behaviour would be ideal - I am just not sure where you would find one :) The school may have contact details for a professional counsellor, and maybe you could go and see the cousellor first to talk about it.

Kim - posted on 10/05/2009

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seeing the bigger picture for me i have decided not to ban the football, my son was diagnosed with a learning disablity in 6th grade and his teachers worked with him, when he moved to the middle school I informed the teachers of the diagnosis and allowed them to handle the amending of my sons cirriculum - they repeatedly failed to adjust it for him and he continued to fail his classes as a result his 7th grade year - the beginning of his second 7th grade at the same school i went marching in with his diagnosis and explained that the previous year i allowed them to do their job and they failed my son - this time i was doing their job for them - they now have a curriculum that will stay with him thru college - he is a 6'4'' 14 yr old who was held back because of the system - the one thing that keeps him motivated at all to go to school is his sports - should i use that motivation against him - i dont know - surely im frustrated and without answers - but i see a bigger picture of keeping him motivated to go to school and keep up his grades or he cant participate in sports - as it is he will turn 18 the beginning of his jr year - if he loses his motivation to keep up his grades he will fail again and i do not see him going to school as a 18 yr old sophmore - so to me the sports is more then a privilage it is a purpose for him - i just need to find a way to keep him in at night - right now he is sleeping on the floor of our bedroom - and i keep track of all of his shoes - but thats not a long term solution either

Kelly - posted on 10/05/2009

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Quoting Jodi:



Quoting Kim:

we have removed all privileges - no comp no tv no phone - only contact he has is school - we have also called the girls parents only to find out she has also snuck out so the kids could meet somewhere in the middle - and we have called the cops - problems with that is that he is 14 and he could end up in Juvy which would cost me money to remove him which doesnt make sence - call to put him there and pay to get him out - and by going to lock up he would be removing all chance of his HS football - i realize he needs to have consequences but a mistake at 14 should not affect your for ever






Hang on, I just caught the HS football.  Does he play football?  Ok, ban it!  He no longer has your permission to play football until he can show that he can also toe the line and follow your household rules.  Football is also a privilege not a right......





 

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He needs to feel the consequences......no following the rules no privileges. He can see his girlfriend during the day providing someone is there to supervise the activities.....

Jodi - posted on 10/03/2009

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Quoting Kim:

we have removed all privileges - no comp no tv no phone - only contact he has is school - we have also called the girls parents only to find out she has also snuck out so the kids could meet somewhere in the middle - and we have called the cops - problems with that is that he is 14 and he could end up in Juvy which would cost me money to remove him which doesnt make sence - call to put him there and pay to get him out - and by going to lock up he would be removing all chance of his HS football - i realize he needs to have consequences but a mistake at 14 should not affect your for ever



Hang on, I just caught the HS football.  Does he play football?  Ok, ban it!  He no longer has your permission to play football until he can show that he can also toe the line and follow your household rules.  Football is also a privilege not a right......

Kim - posted on 10/03/2009

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we have removed all privileges - no comp no tv no phone - only contact he has is school - we have also called the girls parents only to find out she has also snuck out so the kids could meet somewhere in the middle - and we have called the cops - problems with that is that he is 14 and he could end up in Juvy which would cost me money to remove him which doesnt make sence - call to put him there and pay to get him out - and by going to lock up he would be removing all chance of his HS football - i realize he needs to have consequences but a mistake at 14 should not affect your for ever

Jodi - posted on 09/28/2009

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Quoting Heather:

Call the police on him as a runaway. Scare him!!! Let the police do the most they can and don't help him out of the punishment. Also I would call the girls parents I doubt they would appreciate a boy sneaking in. Your son needs to understand their is consequences for his behavior.



I was going to say the same thing.  If you know where he is going and who he is with :)



Also, if you know who this girl is, you need to address this with her parents too.



Other than that, a lock on his bedroom door and prison bars on the windows, LOL. Seriously though, what have the consequences been for him? Have you removed all of his privileges, no computer, TV, and so on? Is there anything else that is important to him that would hurt if you took it away?

Heather - posted on 09/28/2009

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Call the police on him as a runaway. Scare him!!! Let the police do the most they can and don't help him out of the punishment. Also I would call the girls parents I doubt they would appreciate a boy sneaking in. Your son needs to understand their is consequences for his behavior.

Kim - posted on 09/28/2009

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he was walking out the front door and when we stopped that he started using a 2 story window onto the gazebo roof - hes going to see a girl

Jodi - posted on 09/28/2009

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How does he get out? And why is he getting out? Do you know what he is doing while he is out? And who he is with?

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