5 year old strips friend & pretends to X-Ray friends private parts.

Sandi - posted on 11/13/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son is 5 years old and upset with a friend of his who is also 5 years old. His friend is a few months older, has an 8 year old sister and no dad on the scene. He insists in playing 'mums & dads' and 'drs & nurses' with my son, and very deviously strips off clothes and takes my sons clothes off. I have spoken to his mother about this behavior, however, she believes this is normal behavior for a 5 year old boy. Not in my experience! My son refuses to play with this boy in his bedroom, so his friend is now banned from the bedroom. the problem being, this mum looks after my 2 children 2 days a week after school. She has decided that it is better the kids go to her house. I think she is a little strange encouraging this behavior and am now worried the behavior will start again at her place - I think I've lost all trust in this adult. I'm going with my gut, thinking it is not normal behavior, what are your thoughts? I'm curious before I over-react and fire this lady from her only job (4 hrs per week).

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Sandi - posted on 11/13/2013

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Thank you for your response. Your comments have reassured me that my gut is right. I will take the appropriate actions, firstly by ceasing her employment with us.

I am lucky enough that my son still talks openly to me about these concerns, but I always try and keep a balanced view given he is 5 and can exaggerate. However, on this occasion when I talked with the mother, she did not deny it. In fact, she went on to explain to me how many incidents had happened including one with her daughter. I was gobsmacked and have absolute certainty that my son is being 100% genuine in his concerns.

I have also taken on board your advice about authorities, and I will definitely talk with someone about this situation.

Thanks again, much appreciated.

Denikka - posted on 11/13/2013

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If this is a situation that you're uncomfortable about, whether others think that it's normal or not, and she refuses to adhere to your wishes in regards to your son, I would say that you need to find somewhere else for your children to go for those 4 hours a week.

That being said, I do not think that this is appropriate behavior. If it had happened once, I could say that it could be played off as innocent curiosity. But on multiple occasions, it is no longer acceptable as *childish curiosity*.

Your son has expressed to you that he is uncomfortable with this behavior. He is being pushed into doing something he doesn't want to do. That alone gives me cause for concern, regardless of the behavior, clothed or not. This boy should not be forcing your child into doing anything, and your son should not be letting him.
Not only do you need to place your children with RESPONSIBLE caregivers, which this lady has shown herself not to be, I would HIGHLY recommend an intensive lesson plan to teach your children that their bodies are THEIRS alone and no one has the right to make them do anything they don't want to do, touch them when they don't want to be touched, etc.

I would honestly be concerned as to where this little boy learned this behavior, and to his moms lack of reaction. To me it speaks of denial of something she suspects or knows is going on. I would think long and hard about calling and involving a party like child protection services in an investigation to see if there is any founding to those fears. Obviously not something to be done lightly, but definitely something to think about.

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Just wanted to add.
Normally, I am very much on the side of *kids will be kids*, etc. Much of what kids do is innocent. I would not normally recommend involving child services. But this situation, just by the little you have described, has given me a lot of cause for concern, enough that I would recommend a call to CPS (or whatever it's called in your area). Even if you don't make a report, you can express your concerns, tell them of the situation (without giving names if you don't want to) and the can recommend a course of action, whether this is something that is worth the investigation or whether they, as professionals, believe there's nothing going on.

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