7 yr old daughter with major attitude

Heather - posted on 10/17/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have tried time-out, I have tried sending her to her room until she loses her attitude, I have grounded her from playing with her friends after school and nothing seems to help. There are moments that I just want to pull out my hair! Now she's even getting aggressive with her 18 month old little brother. I have to put a stop to it now but don't know how. Any suggestions?!?

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Julia - posted on 10/19/2010

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Hey Just a thought as I've tried all the things u've mentioned with my son over the last 2 years. To the point where i was beginning to doubt my abilities as a mum even tho i have one older one and a younger one lol. After much tearing hair out and shouting it all boiled down to attention. rewarding good behaviour by spending time individually with him, he responded so well, we even went bk to helping him wash his hair and brush his teeth. Might sound like a step too far but he has changed so much, hes more confident, more helpful. and all we did was sit with him more, reading or drawing, making sure he had attention from both of us on a one to one basis.

Samantha - posted on 10/22/2010

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My six yr old daughter when she gets grumpy and nastey she is crying out for some attention regardless if it is positive or negative.
so when she is like this i make a point to try and stop what i am doing to make time for her or she can help me. whether i am making dinner, doing laundry and while we are doing theses things i engage her in conversation. when we are done doing my stuff i will sit and read a quick book with her or colour. then i say moomy has to go do her stuff now are you going to help or finish your colouring or read the book your self all seems better. hope this helps!

Tamsin - posted on 10/20/2010

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I find that consistency is the key. If you decide to use the 'time out step' then you need to stick to that and always use it. Write rules out together of what is good and will get rewarded and what is bad and won't be accepted. Then stick to it, my son has always had the timeout step, and it was really stressful to start with (he wouldn't stay on it, and had tantrums etc etc) but i kept persevering and now I hardly have to use it (2 years ago was the last time). Kids love rules, and routine - as long as you don't move the boundaries - she'll thrive. Also i agree with the rewards thing one-to-one time is the best reward, and he understands that i have the time to spend one to one time with him, when i'm not having to spend my time being the bad guy.

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Jodie - posted on 10/27/2010

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I'm having the same problem with my 8 1/2 yr old son. He's rude, he talks back, he's extremely unhelpful and does nothing but complain when I ask him to do the simplest of tasks. I've taken away things, given time out, etc and nothing seems to have worked. We sat down and had a talk with him the last time my husband was home about not listening and literally 5 min after the conversation was over we had the same problem again. He's driving me crazy! I'll try spending more quality time with him. It's hard because my husband works on the road and is never home so it's me with the 3 kids. Maybe I'll get a sitter so we can have some quality time. If all else fails, there's always military school. LOL! JK!!!!

Karen - posted on 10/26/2010

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I too have recently been going through this with my 8 year old. My advice would be to pray and ask God's advice or ask yourself what would Jesus do? And spanking was never in Jesus' vocabulary. Then maybe have a conversation with her and ask her what her needs and wants are. She could just need time with you because she feels left out because of the little brother, or she could be frustrated about things in school or frustrated that things she does at home aren't good enough. Hope this helps. Remember we are the best teachers for our children and our examples are the lasting impressions on their minds!

[deleted account]

There is a big developmental change that happens around the age of 6/7. It could be that your daughter is going through a "mini-adolescence." There are a few things you can do until she outgrows this phase:

1. She is testing her limits. Be firm and clear about what you expect. And DO NOT give in.

2. Make sure she has plenty of sleep. She should be waking up on her own every day. If you are waking her in the morning, that's a signal that she needs more sleep. Put her to bed earlier.

3. Be patient. Remember that EVERYTHING in childhood is a phase!

Carla - posted on 10/23/2010

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@Rionna--there IS nothing wrong with a spanking, however, we have found the naughty chair is so effective that I haven't had to spank our grandbabies in over a year. We have a 4 y/o boy and 3 y/o girl. Both have times of being aggressive to each other. I always make them hug and kiss, then we sit down and talk about brothrs and sisters, and how much we need our family, etc. We try to be very honest and address the problem before it becomes serious.

All the women have answered well. Try everything!

God bless, honey

Kathryn - posted on 10/23/2010

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counceling may work... i wouldnt let her be anywhere near your son tho if shes aggressive towards him... or at least not with out you right there..not sure what will work... but when you figure it out, let ME know! im going thru it too..

[deleted account]

For her any attention is worth fighting for; ignore the bad and praise the good. When she is naughty don't shout, just calmly (I know its hard) ask her not to behave in that way and remove anyone who may be effected. You MUST make sure she is encouraged and ANY good behaviour acknowledged.... you'll get there :-) I don't think spanking is an option as it will only escalate the situation....

Ashley - posted on 10/21/2010

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I did the whole rewarding with good behavoir thing. My son and I sat down and made a chart Monday through Sunday. Each day is a new day , a new start. If he gets 5 x's in one day that equals a full day x for that day. It doesn't matter if he has 7 hearts that same day as long as he had 5 x's. So each day, like I said, we start over. I noticed this helped bc he saw on a chart when he was being bad or had an attitude and when he was good and earned hearts. Now at the end of the week if he had 3 X's , which would have meant he failed to be good for three days, he would not get a reward. Now if he was good, reward was simple, a couple dollars at the store to spend , or rent a movie or even ice cream. But it did help a lot.

Sylvia - posted on 10/19/2010

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I think I mostly agree with what Julia said (I've found the same, that when we're all getting stressed and cranky some quiet together time can work wonders!), but it would help if I had some idea what you mean by "attitude". Cranky? Using bad words or name-calling? Refusing to help around the house or keep her room tidy or whatever? Being rude? Doing her chores but being grouchy about it?

Being rough with a toddler is definitely a place where I'd draw a line. We Do Not Do That. (My DD, who is 8, is always very gentle with little kids -- but we don't have one of our own around the house all the time, which I bed makes a HUGE difference.) A lot of that other stuff, though ... I find that when DD is cranky, grouchy, unhelpful, stomping around with her lower lip shoved out, etc., there's usually something wrong -- she had a fight with a friend at school, she hasn't had enough sleep, she's hungry ... -- and nothing will fix the behaviour until the underlying problem is resolved. Sometimes all it takes is for me to ask if she needs a hug, and out comes all this 8-year-old angst ... and then we talk about it, and she's back to being cheerful and polite again.

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