7yr old Stepson is rude and throws tantrums - what to do to stop them

Sandra - posted on 08/21/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 7yr (nearly 8) stepson throws tantrums if I ask him to do something he doesnt want to do - simple things like eating breakfast, having a shower, getting ready for bed. I take away things, and withhold other activities, send him to his room but it is still happening. I know it is a battle of wills but it is very frustrating when it is the simple day to day things he fights me on, which means that we dont get much done. Part of it is to do with his half sister (2yrs old) as in his eyes she gets away with a lot more than he does. We cant get him to understand the difference in abilities and responsibities between the two ages. He resists speaking just points and grunts - to express what he wants because she doesnt have to. Any ideas on how to get him to act his age - for want of a better way of putting it. He will do it when his Dad is around but not as often. Help

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Lindsey - posted on 08/24/2009

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Since you have tried many different things that hasn't worked, try to ignore him and act like he's not there. When he realizes you aren't going to respond to his bad behavior, he may try using a nicer approach for your attention. Every time he does things the way you prefer then reward him with verbal praising and attention. (Never use material rewards, it just creates a child who will expect something every time he does what you want.) This will be hard, but stick to your guns. Also say things in a positive way. Try to also set some time aside for just you and him so that you can build a bond and the trust you need. Maybe, also, when you are in public and you see a child behaving properly, you can point it out as an example. I hope this helps you.

Amy - posted on 08/23/2009

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My son used to act this way. I would tell him I will not get you anything untill you tell me what you want instead of yelling. He sometimes does it now because he is upstairs and I am down stairs. I tell him come down here and talk to me and not yell that drives me crazy. A few years ago I wnet to counciling for his behavior. The councler told me when he yells and has fits walk away and tell him why you are not going to take that and untill you talk to me I will be in the living room or another room in the house and let him have his fits. He did not like that because he was not getting the attention and not getting his way. He does not have tampertantums anymore if he does he will not talk to you and go in the other room and pout and maybe cry dependin on the situation. Hope this helps. We also send him to his room.

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Hmm. I know how this feels. I have an 8 yr old, 4yr old, and a 14 mo. old. My 8 year old is always pointing out how everything is unfair! She acts up a lot of the time as well. We just do things such as taking cartoons away for a while-days. Or making time out punishments longer. Restricting them from their favorite activities also helps Also her and the 4 year old were having such rude attitudes for a while that we took away their toys for a month. They were miserable and when they got their toys back they acted like they were all new. During the time the toys were gone if they got bored they read books. As far as the nonspeaking part I would just ignore him until he talked and explain that to him as well. That you are not going to respond to him acting like that. You might also threaten naps since he wants to act like a baby lol. That sometimes works with mine. Hope this helps!

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