9 year old girl

Keely - posted on 10/10/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old came home today, in tears crying because she doesnt have friends and she doesnt fit in. This has been a problem since she started school, and its just getting worse. Kids call her names and pick on her, because she is "weird". I asked her what do they say, what do they do, and she cant provide one example. She hates school, and wants to quit. She cries almost weekly about something happening at school, but can never tell me what happened or who did it. Im afraid for her, I feel powerless over the issue, and I struggle with how to help her, because Im not even sure whats happening, the school sees her as a great student, wonderful attitude, willing to help anyone, kind, thoughtful and responsive. What is going on??? any suggestions??

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Ariana - posted on 10/10/2012

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I would listen to the advice Dove gave.



On top of that I would put your daughter into martial arts, which boosts self-confidence as well as usually talks about what to do with bullies, and a social activity, like girl guides (or something like that) where she can socialize outside of school.



See if there are any clubs at school she can join so she is not always outside around people who may bully her.

Dove - posted on 10/10/2012

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First step would be to talk to the teacher about her getting picked on. See if you can find out if the teacher has noticed anything and ask her/him to keep an eye out for any bullying.



Does the school have a guidance counselor? That would probably be my second step.



If you still can't figure out WHAT is going on then I would ask her doctor for a referral to a good counselor for children that can help her talk it out.



Once you figure out if bullying is really going on and WHO the bullies are... then the school should step in to make sure it stops... and be willing to work with her and the counselor's suggestions so that she can empower herself to not let it get to her.



I'm sorry. It sucks when our kids are hurting and we are powerless to stop it. I'm going through my own challenge with my youngest right now and about to try and get a psych referral. His isn't from any outside influence though.

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Amanda - posted on 10/25/2012

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Wow! This sounds so familiar! My 9 year old daughter is going thru the same thing and I am at a loss as to what to do. I feel so helpless. She is an only child and was never around other kids too much until she started school and since pre-school, every year I have had the teachers tell me that she would rather hang out with them at recess than with the other kids. She has came home crying telling me that she hates her life...that's heartbreaking to hear! Like your daughter, mine can't really give me specifics or examples. I've talked to the teachers and they say the same thing...she's helpful, thoughtful, & kind to the other students, gets great grades. They don't really see any bullying or kids being mean (although I wonder how much they are paying attention, especially at lunch and recess) and they try to direct her to play with other kids. I have witnessed a few things. Like, I've went to have lunch with her and she is mostly left to sit by herself and the kids don't talk to her or interact with her. Once, I watched her at recess when she didn't know I was watching and she was swinging by herself with her head down. :-( I know she longs to have a best friend and for kids to treat her the way they do other kids...she really wants to be liked. I think I understand what you mean by "weird". I don't think my daughter is weird. I think she is very lovable and likable. She is my best friend and I love spending time with her. However, I do think that she gets very excited or nervous when she is around other kids and tries to over compensate, if you know what I mean. She's somewhat hyper and kids just look at her like she's crazy. I had a similar post on here a couple of years ago (yes, it's still going on & I'm sorry to say hasn't gotten much better). It was recommended that I involve her in other things outside of school, plan fun things for her and a few friends so that they can see how fun she is and maybe tell other kids how much fun she is. I've tried all of that. She's in extra-curricular activities. There aren't any kids in our neighborhood and sometimes I wonder if that is the problem. A lot of them live next door to each other and can just go out and play in the evenings or spend the summers playing together. We live a little farther out & there aren't any kids around for her to do that. She's in 4th grade this year and things may have improved slightly but not much. I'm sorry I haven't been much help. At least you know you're not alone. :-) I know the helpless, worried feeling you have & it's not easy for us as mothers to feel that way. We hate to see our kids hurting. If you ever want to chat, just message me!

Trenna - posted on 10/11/2012

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If you have the means to homeschool, I highly recommend it. I now homeschool 2 of my kids because of bullying and the lack of resources our schools have. There are homeschooling groups to join to help you along the way if you choose this route. There are so many options and opportunities for homeschooled kids to advance in the interests as well. My kids reading levels have come up, math has improved and their social skills are thriving because of outside activities. I love homeschooling and wouldn't change it for anything. Too bad I waited until the last 2 kids out of 6.



I wish you the best of luck with your school and hopefully one way or another things will resolve. I would also recommend find a counselor for your family to speak with as we did this as well and it has improved family communication and has been a source for the kids to vent to someone who isn't going to judge them or their feelings or get lectured on how to improve things (which is what most kids think is going to happen).



Take Care!

Keely - posted on 10/11/2012

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Thank you ladies, and she will be starting ice skating in two weeks, shes in Kinship, and has no problems in either of those outlets, its specifically school. I am going to call the school this morning and talk to the psychologist and make her aware, her teacher is already aware, and if nothing changes, Im planning on getting her homeschooled. She has a diagnosis of PDD-NOS which is on the autism spectrum, that makes things even more difficult, but thank you.

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