a 10 year old who is angry and argumentative

Christabel - posted on 02/15/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 10 year old daughter who I finding I am loosing my connnection with. She is constantly questioning and demanding why she has to do things, she often shouts at me when I ask her to do something, she often bosses her younger sister and makes her angry or cry, she treats every question with suspicion and I just can't seem to get through to her how her behaviour is affecting those around her. She frustrates me because when things that she doesn't like happen to her she will blame others and then it is often it is me she will blame. She has always been a fairly solitary child. She does like to join in with others but notices that her younger sister often gets invited to parties andshe doesn't. She has had difficulty making good friends although she does have a friend from her previous school. She can speak to this person on Facebook but often doesn't take the opportunity. I did bring upthe issue of a lack of play with when she was four with a psychologist who suggested that my daughter was not concerned with how she got along with others and percieved others as liking her. I have tried reasoning, encouraging her join group activities, suggesting that she will be fine as long as she is kind and nice to others. She says she is not being bullied and she can be quite sensitive to criticism. But she is pretty immune to the needs of others it seems. She hates losing in games asnd wil try to change the rules to win. I frequently get her to apologise but I know it doesn't really make any difference. I have tried taking things away from her,and sending her to her room, and yelling ( i confess) when she is being difficult and rude . I give her three warnings to change her language which is not swearing but argumentative and /or her behaviour. She will argue with me anywhere; supermarket, friend's house, in the street, in the car, 2 minutes after getting home form school. I have tried talking to her about what is wrong and also got her to fill in an anxiety questionairre but I am at my wit's end. I thought I was good at this stuff and I love my daughter dearly. I don't know what I am doing wrong.

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Deepti - posted on 02/25/2011

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@ heidi, i think its a gr8 way that u give exclusive time to ur child and assure him of ur love.. it provides emotional security to the child and make him open up his feelings to u. also u can try narrating ur child hood experiences whether gud or bad.. he will relate to them and may become more expressive.
the link below is a nice way to open up ur hidden feelings and thoughts and to share information as a mother.
http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/

Heidi - posted on 02/24/2011

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I have son how will be turning 10 in April. I has some of the same issues. Getting angry and yells at me when I ask him to do something. I think part of it is that they might be going through changes in their bodies and just feel mad sometimes. Noah will be angry and I will ask him why and he truly doesn't know why. I have found spending time with him one on one helps. I spend about 5-10 minutes at night sitting with him on his bed before he goes to sleep work. I let him know that I am here for him and if he wants to talk I'm here just to listen. Sometimes he will talk to me about what is bothering him and others we just hang in the silence. Try it maybe it will help.

Deepti - posted on 02/22/2011

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hi Christabel it seems ur daughter actually is very angry with u and there is some gap developing between both of u which need to be repaired NOW! first u have to change ur outlook and behavior if YOU REALLY want to change ur daughter... be calm and stop yelling.. spend fun time with her and for some time do not give her work... simply appreciate her for small things.. she needs appreciation and attention... may be she feels ignored and sidelined... there is lot of agony in her bcoz of younger sibling... thats why she does not want to share and reciprocate positively...take her for outings and picnics and do what she enjoys doing.. dont expect.. just try to discover wat she thinks and feels inside u can find more ways to tackle this problem at the site given below which has all the answers in its pages for your problem:
http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/...

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