Anger problems??

Erin - posted on 02/02/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 6 year old is an angry little girl.

She cant quite determine when somebody is joking, or being sarcastic, so she takes things extremely seriously. Shes very sensitive, and gets downright nasty when shes upset. In the mall the other day, I got down to her level and told her why she couldnt do flips on the bars in the middle of the mall in her dress, and she reached out, grabbed my hair, and said "Mommy, I WILL PULL!"

I have no idea, who or what gave her that idea, I guess hair pulling is the norm in our house since my son was born, he loves it.

But seriously, its getting to a point where I think she needs to speak to somebody other than me about her anger problems. Does anybody have advice, is it a phase, do your kids do this, how do we address it without making them lose their mind?!

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Sherri - posted on 02/03/2012

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Sounds like you need some consistence in punishments and some stricter rules in your home.



The problem really seems to be with you lack of consistency not your daughter pushing to break the rules. Every kid will do this.

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[deleted account]

Hi Erin - I can't imagine there is nothing in terms of consequences that would affect your daughter.... how about docking pocket money, taking away nice food/desserts, taking away playtime with her friends, no TV/ipod/DVD time...



If her birthday is approaching - you can take away the offer of a birthday part or any presents. You can remove her favourite toys.



But you have to absolutely committed to following through with your threats.



Frankly I think this is the only way to get compliance.



It's very exhausting to be a tough mother but I believe in the long run it will make your life better and make her a better person...

Chick - posted on 02/12/2012

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Parents who don't put their foot down usually have kids that step on their toes

Susie - posted on 02/09/2012

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My almost 11 yr old is very well behaved and sweet and welcomed every where....BUT totally different story at home! She is rude, disrespectful, mean, and hurtful - but not all of the time (just most). It is exhausting raising a daughter like this. Some of this could be hormones?? but it has been there since 5 yrs old - just getting worse. We have tried EVERYTHING therapy, punishing, positive reward system, talking, (I don't believe in it...but even spanking!) We too are at a loss. We have no idea what triggers her to get so angry and mean. She even tried to hurt me by saying something after I tried to stop her and her younger 7yr old sister from rough housing (younger one always cries b/c of what older one does) and she was mean enough to say, "Sorry your sister is dead but mine isn't, so you can't tell me how to play with my sister" (my sister passed 3 years ago - still raw) I too am at a loss. I would love some advise as well!!

Tyshieha - posted on 02/08/2012

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Now I dont believe in temper tantrums. when it comes to a child get upset I usually would talk to my child and see what is causing the child to get upset and so on but.......... when it come to temper tantrums I get on the floor with them and they dont do that any more. My oldest had 1 temper tantrum and he didnt do that anymore. he got a spankin cause he saw another kid do it and he tried it....... My youngest tried it 1 time and he didnt do that anymore either. there is a difference between a child getting upset and a child having a temper tantrum.

Joanne - posted on 02/08/2012

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I have a 6 year old girl who can get very angry over nothing and she lashes out or drops herself to the floor in temper. After her last major tantrum, we sat down together to see if we could come up with a reason for the outburst. She admitted that she didn't know but she was able to tell me that she could feel herself starting to go!!! We came up with a solution that if she felt that she was losing control of the situation she would signal to be using her hands and I was to come over to give her a tight hug til she calmed down. This has worked and although we still have little outburst but nothing like what we previously experienced and I'm hoping that over time she will start to grow out of them and feel that she can communicate verbally about her emotions. Hope this helps

Tyshieha - posted on 02/05/2012

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What ever you do as far as the "Mommy, I WILL PULL!" You have to stop that now. remember a child that starts that will end up a teenager that continues. I have a 15 year old boy who does the same thing gets very emotional. when you see her starting sit her down and ask her how is she feeling and tell her to explain it. when you talk to her and have her explain the feeling its easier for her to get past the feeling. As far as the pulling of hair. I am from the old school and that is a spankin for those who believe in it. I dont play that from kids. You have to remind her that you are not her friend you are her parent.

Angie - posted on 02/03/2012

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My son is almost 8, and he is the same way. He overreacts to everything, and doesn't know the difference between joking and being serious. I am hoping it's just a phase, but I don't know.

Betty - posted on 02/03/2012

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Wow, sounds completely like my daughter who is now 11. She has been like this for awhile too and I totally agree with Jakki, it WILL get worse, trust me. It's not just a phase, at least not with my daughter anyway. My daughter is down right mean sometimes, but sweet as candy the next. She has alot of good, strong characteristics, but alot of bad too. She has a heart of gold and is probably the most thoughtful child I've ever seen, but she can be so mean and hateful too. The only thing I could think of to make it better (and trust me, I am so guilty of it too) is CONSISTANCY!!! My mom is forever telling me this and as much as I hate to admit it, she is right. At 11, time outs and spankings no longer work (I would get the whole "it doesn't hurt" thing too), but having things taken away and places she is wanting to go to taken away as well seem to help at times. Sad part is, I know these things would work, but sometimes parents get caught up in a word called "Inconvenience" and lots of times a childs punishment can be more inconvenient to you as well, but as parents, we all need to learn to deal with that for the good upbringing of our children. I am guilty and wish I could get a grip as well before teenage years set in...I only see it getting worse. I'd love to go back to when she was 6 to fix this instead of 11! Lol Good luck:)

Erin - posted on 02/02/2012

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She usually gets a pretty lenient punishment. We even tried giving her spanks once, but she instantly caught on that there was a line we dont cross, and would tell us "DO IT, IT DOESNT HURT"

So that doesnt work. Time out works really well, she absolutely despises it. We have a wonderful spot in our dining room where she cant see anything and there are no distractions. Unfortunately we give her 5 minutes, and she forgets she was even in a time out like 2 minutes after she gets out. She talks through it, no matter what we try. She treats it like a small inconvenience, and forgets about any punishment shes received very shortly after.

We told her she needs to keep her room clean, and we helped her clean it from top to bottom. We informed her that if there were toys on the ground, we would tell her to put them away. If we had to ask her more than 3 times, they would get donated. She doesnt even bat an eye if we take a toy and bring her and it to the value village across the way.



Im running out of ideas, although I could probably toughen up a bit on the follow through of my threats.

[deleted account]

Woah that scene in the mall sounds tough to deal with.



It doesn't sound like a phase - it will only get worse if you don't get on top of it.



My thought is - are you carrying through with consequences when she behaves like that? You gotta be really strict with poor behaviour and never let it go without a consequence for her that she'll really understand. And you have to be totally consistent - not be tough one day and lenient the next.



A good book for this stuff is 1-2-3 Magic - you can get it on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effect...). It really helped me with my 3 kids. It's good for explaining how to encourage good behaviours and how to discourage bad behaviours. When I read it I spent the whole time saying "yes! that's it!"...

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