Any suggestions on how to help deal with issues that pop with regarding adopted/foster kids

Kerry - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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our 6yo has been with us since she was 10wks, we have always been open about her 'story' and answered her questions honestly but the questions are becoming more indepth and if we were to answer honestly it would hurt. she doesnt know anybody who has a similar story so I thought perhaps there is a story book or something aimed at that age....anybody know of one, or got any other ideas??

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My daughter is 5 and my ex-husband is an abusive a$$ who really only cares about himself. Savannah knows she has a first daddy and her second daddy. My ex has not seen her since she was 1 so she doesn't remember him at all. she asked me once why her first daddy doesn't love her anymore. I was dumbfounded on how to answer that. I try to tell her the truth, even if it's a bit of a stretch. I have not seen any books dealing with that type of situation. My ex has mental health issues so I blame a lot of it on him being "sick" in his head. Savannah also has a friend who is adopted so we try and compare the situations.

Carla - posted on 07/14/2010

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My ex and I divorced when our children were 6 and 4. The 6-y/o was a girl, and he was not fond of her, only our son. The things he did to her she doesn't remember, and I went to great lengths to keep them from her, including lying, which I hate, but to me it was that important. I would rather lie than hurt her.

An 'I don't know, honey' might be in order. Probably once she gets to be 16-18, maybe you will have to tell her. Children are very sensitive. They want to know they were loved. I know this isn't always true, but if you can white-wash it a little, it would be better for her.

I pray that she will be content with your answers, and she will build good memories with you and not be so curious about the past.

Maybe do a search online about children that were put up for adoption. I know there are stories out there.

Good luck, darling, may God bless your mouth to satisfy her without hurting her.

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